A place to talk death and dying issues
Comments
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Thank you all for the helpful suggestions. I am trying to be as frugal as possible with this whole funeral thing, but want to be sensitive to my family and their needs. I think it would be more comfortable for my kids if they did not have to stand in a line and greet people, but could just mingle.
It is comforting to have this place to talk about these sensitive issues.
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Unfortunately, a viewing is usually an expensive option as they insist on embalming, etc. But I have been told that close family can view the body informally at the funeral home without the added expense. I would check before finalizing arrangements.
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Announcement for novena to OUR LADY of the MIRACULOUS MEDAL. Start Date: Wed NOV 14th-end date- Thurs. Nov 22nd which is Thanksgiving.
The novena is constructed already on the Catholic Archives page. As in the past all are welcome. All that were in the last novena to St perigrine will be moved forward. If you don't want to included in this novena ,please, PM me and I will remove your name.
The novena will also be added to the world wide Rosary thread.
The novena will only be on the archives thread, as it was too confusing updating both threads as people requested additions. Everyone will be notified by PM. If you know of someone that would like to be included , have them PM their intention Sheila
community.breastcancer.org/top...
Link to archives thread
Link to Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal
www.cammonline.org/index.php?/...
Hope nobody reports me for spamming, I only put this on the threads I'm active on.
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Bon glad you also liked the christmas ornament thing. It started with my DS's rattles, teething rings and mobiles, they are there 27 years later. I leave the tree up all year. TheDH and DS objected to the decorating. MY solution I designed a cover. What it looks like is a Victorian ballroom dress. Room is eclectic victorian. Dress just needs to be opened in back and rotated around--viola dressed tree. But what's lost now is many of the stories.
But when we were decorating it, my Ds said one year "Everything you put on here has a story" I said "Sweetie you finally understand".
Hold on to hope---Competitive pricing. The suburbs or more affluent neighborhoods think people will pay what they charge. Where I live the competition is fierce. $695 to $895 for three and then one out in left field at 2600.00 +. But that will change as one at $695 is putting everyone else's prices on the telly. sheila
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Bon babe this hurts to tell you , the second time I turned on the lights after Greg died, none of the lights came on. My Ds didn't get the significance. I haven't removed the Dress or rotated it since. I know those words will make you sad , I'm so sorry. For me it was as if the tree went into mourning. Likely just a fuse, but i'm not mechanical. What was sweet this year is my Ds said we would try to figure it out. He finally got it, just as a young one stated earlier. He missed the tree last year. It was there, but it was covered.The year before the tree was already uncovered when the lights went out. in 2011 I wouldn't uncover the tree.
It's a 6ft tree--the dress is austrian pull---turly ballroom style---friends suggested patent---but patents are so bloody expensive and you have to chase pretenders. I would love to share a pic , but totally ignorant about doing.
But think of all the old movies-----and this dress would be a hit---every time I look at it I smile---it's beautiful and it hides something beautiful beneath it.
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To make the storey complete as a widow---I was talking with a friend in california---he decided i wasn't right.he called police to check on me. They're at my door. I let them in----well yes, I had too much too drink. but committed no crime, except grieving. Convinced the officers to help rotate the dress. We all did. The tree lite up beautifully. I asked each officer if I could touch them. We shared a prayer. The tree was beautiful that night. I'm guessing those officers still talk of that night that we joined arms and prayed. ------They left--- and the friends card got torn up.
The next time I turned on the switch the whole tree was litghtless.---significance/happenstance/ontowardness who knows, maybe it was there time to burn out.---strange time
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New tangent.
I have nearly finished hand writing recipe books for my 2 teenagers. I love to cook and they love my food, so passing these special family recipes on to them is important to me.
I have been so focussed on the children that i have only just realised that it will be my dear husband who will be most lost. It is likely that both of our children will be leaving home just when I do. He began with a therapist yesterday. He is my new priority. My health is being well managed by a team of experts, and my kids are on their way fine. It's time for me to focus on my partner. We will enjoy what time we have together and I will do whatever I can to prepare him for beyond. This will make me happy.
Aussie Angela0 -
Angela, sorry for all that has happened. The cookbooks sound lovely, But will dear husband have your book? Suggest you make him a book too. He then can choose which one to use. I find it a bit difficult when I read one of my Dh's b/c it's in his handwriting.
Who handles the finances? Back some pages are directions for the survivor to complete when needed. Alist is helpful b/c thinking is clouded at that time. Namaste sheila
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Great thought. Thank you
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Bon & SasSchatzi
I was reading the thread trying to catch up and found myself lost in the "story" of the tree. Just wanted to tell you that I agree with Bon. A wonderful story of life.
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Oh - LoriKnous--'-Lost in the storey of the tree'-Dear Lori wnich part, there are so many parts--the last is to be revealved. I hope the DS does really understands the significance of the tree. I do. It's a lifetime of gathering. It's a life time of sharing. It's a lifetime of memeories.
I had a second cousin come for the holiday, he was blown away by the meomories on the tree. His mom did a whatever tree, but not anything that had sentimental stuff. He was ---------changed-----from the belief that the tree had to be something new each year------to something that had history. He was changed. It was very cool when we had the talk. Must leave him something . so he remembers this.
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I keep going up to my husband, and telling him things like - when the kids grow up, and they are talking about some slight or injustice from their childhood, hear them - apologize and don't get defensive, you are the best father I have ever met and we are doing our best. And... Don't brag about one kid's children to the other (we hated that) brag to your friends.
So.... I decided to keep a journal of my mommy wisdom to leave for him. My boys are 13/17.0 -
You all are TERRIFIC!
And, here's a special HOORAY for the CANADIANS who sure do have their act together re hurricane advice as well as cemtaries and many aspects of health care.
CREMATION - BTW, with regard to cremation, including expenses, I think every USA state has something comparable to the following link. I have arranged to donate my body to science via this route. As far as my ashes, I want them scattered to the wind as a sign of greater in-touchedness with everything that is.
http://www.agaillinois.org/donate.htm
AUTOPSIES - With regards to autopsies, even though I had already arranged for donating my body to science via the above, I found the section in the book, Jane Brody's Guide to the Great Beyond: A Practical Primer to Help You and Your Loved Ones Prepare Medicaly, Legally, and Emotionally for the End of Life, very helpful. In particular, the paragraph on page 251, which begins with the sentence:
Too often, both physicians and families assume incorrectly that, since patients have often been examined by such advanced diagnostic tools as CT scans, MRis and PET scans, nothing more of value can be learned from an autopsy.
PALLIATIVE SEDATION - If you type these words in the BC search area, you will find a dedicated thread. I did so in 2011 and found the thread helpful.
MODERATORS >>> I think the suggestion (jcb51 (10/29/2012) for the moderators to start a separate thread about funeral arrangements/alternatives/issues is probably a good idea. I am not at stage IV and while I deeply appreciate this thread and your sincere and compassionate interaction, I feel a bit intrusive making comments, here.
LOL
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Trickling, please don't feel intrusive. We are discussing matters that all will deal with at some point in their life. Many of us, no matter the stage, have experienced the loss of a close loved one and had to deal with the emotional, physical and financial outcome. I welcome anyone's thoughtful insight.
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Trickling, please this thread is the place to cover all death related material and dying. If the thread you are suggesting, were made. it actually would hurt this thread b/c then it would be incomplete. The other thread would be incomplete b/c it did have the stuff here. MA111's wisdom was in recognizing that one place kept it simpler.
We talk of one thing for a few pages then the subject changes.- idea, let me see if it will work. I was thinking of an index, It could be made now. Might help new folks wandering pages to fine things, but it's only 21 pages. might need it as time goes on.
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Bon I look at the front end and there's no way to do an index., but it could just be started and juggled around. I'm working on the Novena until next week end. But could play with it after that. The trouble unless you could see a another way only one person could do it. But there's time mull it over. sassy L&H&'s sweeties
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Hi Ladies, I havent been in here in awhile. I was in the hospital and came very close to dying. Actually for awhile I was praying to die. It really made me think more serious about the whole matter. I have been dodging the bullet for years and each time I have a set back I wonder if its my last. I'm hoping to be around for some more years but we never know. It really scared me this time. I want to make the holidays special this year somehow for my family. I'm not sure what but I want it to stand out in the minds of my kids and grandkids and hubby. Christmas is my favorite holiday. Not because of gifts...because we get time with family and we are all together at the same time. I luv the decorations, music and food. I want to spend my life making good memories. Hugs and luvs, Mazy
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TheDivineMrsM, Bon, and others.
PARTICIPATION - Thanks for taking time to compassionately clarify participation parameters.
INDEX - What a great idea! More power to anyone willing and able to create and maintain an index. However, I think it might take a lot more work than what meets the eye. It occurred to me that if it were set up so that we could check off labels or have a resource list to be sure to include a couple of specific index words in our comments, it would assist the person indexing. On the other hand, aids toward indexing would probably unintentionally take away the informality of "letting it all hang out" in the sunshine of this site.
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Trickling your probably right. It's not like the same topic is on the same page. May be an idea will pop
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((((Mazy)))) Sending love and I hope you are feeling better. Wishing you happy, joyous holidays with your family. I know your presence alone will make these holidays very special.
Rose.0 -
Reminder Announcement for novena to OUR LADY of the MIRACULOUS MEDAL. Start Date: Wed NOV 14th-end date- Thurs. Nov 22nd which is Thanksgiving.
The novena is constructed already on the Catholic Archives page link below. As in the past all are welcome. All that were in the last novena to St perigrine will be moved forward. If you don't want to included in this novena ,please, PM me and I will remove your name.
The novena will also be added to the world wide Rosary thread.
The novena will only be on the archives thread, as it was too confusing updating both threads as people requested additions. Everyone will be notified by PM. If you know of someone that would like to be included , have them PM their intention
New info:A specific intention has been added for those hurt by Sandy. But if you would like to name someone in particular ,please PM.
New request: If anyone lives near the shrine in Philly,Penn. and would be willing to take the list that would be a blessing. PM
community.breastcancer.org/top...
Link to archives thread
Link to Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal
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Mazy - sorry you had such a scare. I hope your holiday is all you want it to be. I look forward to hearing about it!
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http://www.thefuneralpoem.com/
I found some good poems here.0 -
This is the poem I want on my funeral program.
Death is Only an Horizon
O God, who holdest all souls in life;
and callest them unto thee as seemeth best:
we give them back, dear God, to thee who gavest them to us.
But as thou didst not lose them in the giving,
so we do not lose them by their return.
For not as the world giveth, givest thou,
O Lord of souls: that which thou givest thou takest away:
for life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only the horizon,
and the horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
Rossiter W. Raymond ( 1840 - 1918 )0 -
"... and the horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight..."
Beautiful poem, Ruthbru! And I love that this thread continues... Ma is smiling.0 -
Ruth Love the poem
Steelrose- Ma would certainly be smiling.
Bon your BAG, would also, solve many disiater problems. Grab the bag at evacuation. Wouldn't have to look for anything else.
Mazy hope all is improving---I second the thought for happy blessful holidays. Namaste sheila
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Bon what a nice thing to say, thank you. It's the antithesis of dour.(sic?)Yes we can have humor. All studies show that improves us in so many ways. Even longevity. AND we are all for longevity.Bon tell me a story about ReneePals a synopsis of what you knew of her. Paint a picture in words of what she meant to you, with the anecdotes that made you laugh. It would be such a sweet tribute to her memory.
I did have a "when I go to the hospital" bag for Greg and I. It made bugging out in the middle of the night so much easier and faster. But does bring back a bad memory, the bag wasn't prepared yet and I didn't have the POA and living will out of the lock box. Trying to get greg moving. At some point, I got a spider bite. Great, out comes the spy glass, I could see two droplets of venom. Erghhh. Slapped on some alcohol with a cosmetic sponge & wrapped with some gauze after soap and water wash.. Off we go, he gets an Er room and so do I . Couldn't believe how fast the breakdown occurred. Very ugly within a short time. But got it healed up without sx-unusual for something that caused tissue breakdown that fast. Healed it with Bag Balm. Ortho doc was amazed. Lesson turn the lights on and look at what I was reaching into. Damn little bugger. Diverging.
This has been affectively a no sleep night. Ruins the cleaning plan for tomorrow--good excuse anyway, but getting down too the wire for Thanksgiving. Ahhh another Thanksgiving. Let's enjoy it fully!L&H&P's sassy
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Hi Bonnie. Glad your are back.
Mazy - your story made my mouth hang open like a cod fish.
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For the comments on "viewings" etc, In England, it is quite normal for the deceased to remain at a funeral home for the days before the funeral and so family and friends can just visit there and sit with their loved ones for as long as they need. The staff are usually really understanding and will open up out of hours with prior warning for those who can't make it during opening hours. I'm not sure if you have this in USA? This way, there is no pressure on those who feel a viewing is not for them but who feel others expect them to attend. Everyone who attends/or does not, does so according to their own needs. Sometimes I think this takes a lot of pressure off those members of the family who simply can't face it - also for those who feel more comfortable visiting on their own or with partner etc - not everyone can face sharing their feelings in public.
Sue0 -
That sounds so respectful of the dead and those who grieve them, Sue. That doesn't happen here, at least in my area. You pay for those viewing times, the more you have, the more you pay. You pay more for the weekends because it's overtime for the employees.
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