Radiation recovery
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Merilee- b9b9b9
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Merilee think only positive thought. I have every feeling that this will be benign. Hugs!
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Oh Merilee. I hope that your results will be B9. I will be thinking of you.
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I just can't believe that I have been dealing with this crap for 3 years now. Who would have thought that a tiny 1cm lump could have lead to the nonstop stress that I have experienced. Unreal.
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Praying for you Merilee - just hate cancer so much! B9! B9! B9!
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This is off topic, but I wanted to mention this book again (it has already been mentioned in several threads). I thought that it was terrific. Here is the full title for anyone who'd like to check it out...After Breast Cancer: A Common-Sense Guide to Life After Treatment. Author is Hester Hill Schnipper. She is an experienced oncology social worker and a breast cancer survivor. Excellent and comprehensive book. I got mine on Amazon.com for my Kindle and it is also available in paperback and hardcover.
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Hi All. Thanks again for so much deeply felt support and kindness here on this forum.
They gave me a diploma at the hospital when I finished last week. It made me feel like the Cowardly Lion getting his diploma for courage by the Wizard of Oz! I was so darn proud of that. it meant the world to me - really!- and I didn't expect that sweet gesture from them. What a nice nice thing to be handed after all that intense hard treatment.
StephN,
My skin is really burned. I was told it will get worse before it begins to get better. I revolve around a rotation of treating with Alra for moisture, Aquaphore for burn healing, extra strength benedril ointment for itching, prescription lidocain for intense pain, and, believe it or not, letting it be dry for air time a few hours a day too. I love the shower on it. I also have needed to up my pain meds (which make me a bit nausiated) but am still under the max dose so far and need anxiety pills to counter the jittery feelings the pain meds cause and that are left in my body from the fallout of the whole experience, but I am just out of treatment a few days now, a newby, and expect it to get better. Actually, some parts of the day it looks and acts better than other times. I still have swellling and really red spots and irritated surrounding areas, but, Thank God, I have not broken skin yet. They say the spots, redness, and brown mole like spots will get more intense this next week or two and then gradually begin to heal until it all goes back to normal.
As far as the faitigue, it really, really got worse after the boost. I've been sleeping 14-20 hours a day. This radiation is exhausting emotionally and physically. I can do little things, but then am really worn out. In a way, it's kind of like after giving birth, you have to be careful not to do too much or your head can get overwhelmed too, right along with your body. Luckily, I am in a position, aside from a modest Christmas I hope to participate in, to mostly sleep and sleep and sleep and take it as slow as I need to.
The anxiety of the treatments and how it overwhelmed my body was the hardest thing of all so far and they don't prep you for that as I believe they don't want to set you up for that in case it doesn't affect you that way. (A lot of ladies here seem to describe that as "meltdown days." ) But when it got so bad that I didn't think I could go on -my body started to incontrolably shudder on the table when the beam hit me about 2/3s of the way through- they stepped right up and gave me intense anxiety meds to help. I also used no coffee, extra water, guided radiation meditations, and music (Jim Brickman By Heart) during treatments. And I let my body just cry it out when it needed to and it needed to do that -like raining- on some days as during the week the intensity builds on itself.
The jittery feeling is still with me. My body just went through so much. I think it was in shock in part and also had a "flight or fight" response and could not do either, so it freaked a bit. The body is very smart and it's hard to tell it something like radiation is for its good, so it's important to be very good and kind to your body during such a time especially. I had to coach mine into working with me and I also had the nicest radiation technitions in the world.
Merille,
That is so frightening. Please tell us more about what your skin patches look like and how it progresses. Will say prayers for you. I hope it gets better soon. Please let us know!
This is hard, ladies. You are all so brave and courageous! I am so proud of every one of you.
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Thanks for the support ladies. I know you all understand how hard it is. Others in my life keep saying, come to this or come to that , it will do you good to get out, but I don't feel like doing anything. I was just starting to feel ok again and now I am depressed all over again. I hate cancer. I want to crawl in a hole and just hide from it.
Ceeztheday- thanks for the book tip, I am always looking for new reads.
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I went to see my breast surgeon yesterday, and she said that if I want smaller implants I will have to get 2 more surgeries. If I decide to do this I would get the first surgery in January to remove the implants and get extensive lifts. The second surgery would be April to insert smaller implants. The extensive lifts would produce more scars. I am not sure what to do. I am still very swollen, and it will take a couple more weeks for the swelling to go down. The implants she placed are not gigantic, but they are a little bigger than I wanted. I wanted to go from a B cup to a small c and instead right now I look like a large c. Has anyone had implants, or have a friend that does. I would like to compare sizes. I am 110 pounds and the implant size I have now is silicone gel 275 cc. If I decide to do the surgery I would get 200cc or 225 cc.
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Hi Merilee, I understand that you are depressed, but staying home will make you more depressed. Please adhere to your own advice, chin up march forward. It is great advice, and when I am feeling down, and want to hide in bed your words come to mind, and I drag myself out of bed chin up and marching forward. I know how very very very scary this can be. Just about nothing is worse than the waiting. You are a very strong lady, and you will get through this. Why God wanted to give you another challenge is beyond me. HUGS and I am praying for B9 which I know it will be.
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Thinking of you Merilee. Hugs.
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Ceeztheday, I just finished reading After Breast Cancer and I thought it was great. Strangely, I felt safe while undergoing treatments. Now that they are over, I am scared of the great unknown. It was good to know that I was alone in those feelings.
truebff, I liked your description of how you felt getting your diploma. I wish my rads center had done something like giving a diploma or having us ring a bell at our last treatment. True to form, my center did absolutely nothing. I think most RO's fail in preparing patients for the emotional aspects of rads. Warnings do not cause feelings to happen. They just prepare us for what may come.
Merilee, Sending hugs to you and keeping you in my prayers. Please be very good to yourself this weekend.
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Merilee thinking of you. Here if you need me. Hugs and Prayers
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Thanks Ladies
I was very upset but feel less so now. What ever comes at me I will beat it down with my bare hands if I need to. So between now and when I get my lab results I Just need to walk the talk. Chin up, chest out, march forward.
Sent my book out to a second publisher today, had an offer from my previous boss to do some part time consulting & worked on my blog for my next adventure. How's that for forward?
FU#% Cancer!
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Merilee....Good News! I had one like that too a couple of years ago....freaked me out because it appeared so suddenly. It was a fat necrosis...nothing to worry about....easy for them to say!
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Kaara, I hope mine is the same but my doctor sounded pretty sure of herself. Fingers crossed in the right hand, finger flipped on the left.
I am going to try to see a hypnotist to help me deal with fear.
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Merilee, there are all kinds of skin cancer, three that I am thinking about. Two of the most likely kinds are not deadly and can be removed effectively. The third kind, melanoma, is not the kind that usually shows up like yours did. In the worst case scenario, if you told your doctor to take it off, it is gone already. In the best case scenario, it was nothing, and it is still gone. You don't deserve to have to worry about any more of this stuff. Three years is way too long. I remember getting the first call from my clinic asking me to come back for a repeat mammo and ultrasound. I said, "My life is never going to be the same". Our lives are changed forever. Because breast cancer is more of a chronic situation, we never get to be free from it. It sucks!! Holiday season is a double edged sword. On one hand there is comfort and joy and then we are brutally reminded that our comfort and joy will always be tempered with fear and exhaustion. The one thing we do deserve though are good times and good moments. Let's work together all of us to try to take as many good times as we can get, and hold each other's hands through the tough times. Thank God we have each other, because our friends and family just can't understand what we are going through. Only we can be there for each other. Hugs to all of you.
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Kate, my ex daughter in law had a double MX this past summer and has had 275cc implants put in for her reconstruction. She is also very slender and I think they look spectacular. Her swelling is down and she really looks like more of a large B cup. She was an A previous to her surgery. I do think there has to be an adjustment between where you started and where you are now, and there is probably still swelling. Give it some time and see how it seems to you in a month or so. It might go down more, and you might also get used to the larger size. Ask for lots of opinions. My daughter in law and I used to laugh that she was showing her breasts to anyone who wanted to see them. She felt she was putting other women at ease in case they ever had to go through what she did. Her breasts are beautiful. It made me wish I would have gone that route. I am sure I would have, had I been 15 years younger.
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Hi Gigil, Thanks so much for the advice. I will give it a little time to wait for the swelling to go down. But thereis only a 1% chance that I will want to be this big. I started with a b cup, so maybe my 275's look bigger than your daughter-in law's breasts. I wanted to look like Jennifer Aniston, Michelle Pfeiffer, or Kate hudson with her new implants, but I feel more like Pam Anderson, yuk.
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Gigil- I love the post you made to Merilee. So much truth there.
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Hi ladies. I have my 3 month checkup with the MO on Monday. Just "routine", but still nerve racking (as you all know). I will appreciate any good vibes you could send my way. Plenty of pocket room if you're available.
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GiGil, I know what you mean about the fear and exhaustion. Every morning when I awaken, I say to myself that at least I have today and then I try to make the best day possible. Is is not always easy, but I try.
Ceeztheday, sending prayers, hugs, and good vibes your way.
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GiGiL, what a great post. You are right. I am feeling so tired and exhausted from the last six months. This last surgery about did me in. I can't imagine three years of it like you have been dealing with, Merilee. I am sending more prayers and hugs.
Ceeztheday, definitely understand the check-up worries. Will be with you for sure!
Kate, I'm sorry you aren't feeling happy with things the way they are. I do believe that any time we have surgery there is swelling that takes time to go down. I know you don't want to do more surgery...hopefully in a few weeks to a month or two you will be surprised at how much you have grown to like the new you!
So the hot flashes showed up yesterday and today. I'm still having lots of pain and taking pain pills which make me feel crummy. I am not a happy camper. Ready to turn a corner and find a new normal once again. I know rationally I made the right decision to have this surgery, but right now I'm not feeling so good about things. Anyway.
Onward and upward, as we say.
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Ceeztheday, I went through the recheck fear a couple of weeks ago. I know how that feels too. Sending you positive energy and peace. I am sending you peace of mind, before and after. I think there is so much of a post traumatic stress for all of us when we go in for those rechecks.
Kate, I understand what you are saying. Let's be hoping for lots of swelling to go down for you. If not, you are brave enough to get it fixed the way you want it. You have proven that.
stephN hot flashss are not fun. Do you live somewhere where it is cool enough to go outside and catch some fresh air when that happens? Elizabeth, that is a great attitude. I will remember it when I wake feeling overwhelmed and worried.
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Hi Stephn, I am sorry that you are not feeling well. It takes time to heal from surgery, so rest, rest and get more rest. I have pretty much definitely decided to get two more surgeries. My breasts looking larger is not me at all, and I hate them. So, I will have to get a surgery to remove the impants in January with extensive lifts. Then I will get another surgery in April to insert smaller implants. That will make 5 surgeries in a 9 month period. Thank God these are not scary surgeries like the two lumpectomies, so I will be ok.
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Gigil, I so much appreciate your support. Hugs! Merilee I hope you are having a wonderful evening, and keeping that wonderful positive attitude of yours. Hugs!
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Hi Ladies
I am working on that positive thought. I was just thinking that I have had 6 surgeries in 3 years, 2 chemos, radiation, 8 months of physical therapy, and now this. I am just needing some time to go by where I don't find a problem. Seems like every check up I find something awful. Talk about being paranoid for check ups, I certainly am. This paired with how hard I am trying to do everything in my knowledge and power to stay healthy and I am still experiencing crap is very frightening to me. Cancer is evil! . When I have one appointment where the doc is not looking concerned I will be able to start to heal my head.
I will say this: I will not let this crap get the best of me. I appreciate you ladies being in my corner and cheering me on. I am aware that my truamas may fuel some of your fears and I am very sorry for that. I want you to know that your support has been a big factor in my coping. As soon as I h.ear from the doc about this last biopsy, I will let you all know.
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Merilee you have indeed been through too much and you need some normal. I am putting that in my prayers for you.
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Merilee, I am adding my prayers along with GiGiL.
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Merilee, we are neighbors. I live in Dewitt. I've only had 4 rads so far, so I've been reading this forum to see what might possibly be ahead. You, and so many others, have been through so much. I certainly hope your spot turns out to be nothing.
Breast cancer treatment is daunting. I'm trying to learn as much as possible and pick up tips from others. But none of us knows how our body will react until we go through it. One of the many unknowns we have to face.
Thanks to all of you for sharing your experiences and words of wisdom. I hope each of you find some joy during holidays.
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