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Radiation recovery

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Comments

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited August 2014

    Sailingwind - sorry about the D word. It's so hard on the kids. Sounds like an uphill battle with the DIL. Went through similar thing with my DH's X. We went to counseling and I even went to step parenting classes. Did help. She was determined to drain us financially. Both DH and I worked 2 jobs to help pay the increases in child support. Really tests a marriage. The kids were young and then we had a little one. Daughter had moved out of town. As long as she doesn't bad mouth him to the kids it won't be a constant battle between them. Hope not. 

    Josie - just saw the police report on the Internet. Didn't know there was a video of the robbery and assault that took place beforehand. What a surprise the media didn't report that. 

    Heard about RW and Parkinson's. How horrific for him. 

    Exercise sure is important for anxiety- I try to ride my bike, walk, yard work and jazzercise. Takes your mind off things. 

    On a lighter note the town where I live, Collierville, just got voted the no. 1 Main Street in America! Pretty cool. Will be a feature in the Parade section of the Sunday paper. It is a wonderful part of the town - so pretty and relaxing. 

    Celebrated son's 25th birthday last night. Went to dinner - just the 2 of us. Enjoyed spending time with just him - no GFF - yea!

    Our new puppy is cute and exhausting but have to say there is nothing like the greeting you get when you come home. He is so loving. He has mastered the doggie door and working on the rest. So worth it. 

    Off to date night but not before we buy a new mattress. Ours is beyond old and lumpy. 

    Have a good weekend everyone!

    Diane 

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited August 2014

    Happy Sat evening everyone.Hope everybody is well.Had a personal struggle today because I signed up to go to the company BBQ and then decided not to go today.We woke up to nonstop rain, my hubby couldn't go because he had to work and when I signed up to bring something It was just salad dressing and I asked for the address the MA of the DR hosting the part was like"your bring a salad and dressing right?"

    I said "well no, I just signed up for the dressing" She was like" well you can't just bring dressing.I told her when I signed up it didn't indicate we had to bring more than 1 item.Plus we had no groceries and I had to forgo paying mortgage today so we could get some food in this house.I really didn't have extra money to bring a salad.Sorry about the play by play.I felt bad because I told them I was going but didn't.But I never wanted to go in the first place.

    I'm sorry I'm just kind of down tonight I guess.Can't shake it.Too many things going on.I haven't had a very positive attitude about anything lately.My youngest DD and I have not been getting along.She is kind of acting out towards me because she misses her dad.He works way too much and the past 2 nights he has come home in a terrible mood.I miss him too.He's having a hard time with his manager at work.He went way over the line yesterday when he told anouther towing company when they asked for my hubby that he was out ©%<£}¢^°* off. Then he tore into him in front of all the other employees saying he was just sitting on his rear end.His sister had to hire this guy because the investors in the company wanted an office manager.Very poor excuse for on.My hubby works90 hours a week and only gets paid for 60 .He has every right to sit down once in a while.

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited August 2014

    Sorry I didn't mean to ramble on like that.Thanks for letting me vent.

    On a happy note.My birthday is August 24thSmile

    We are going to celebrate on Sat @Aug 23. Hopefully We will have the money to go out for dinner or something.

    Anouther positive.My DH, his brother and his nephew surprised his dad and took

    Him to the museum of transportation.It will be his last big outing since he starts the process of his stem cell transplant on Aug 23. They had a great time even in the rain.They even went to lunch.I'm so happy they were able to do that with him.He has his port placed and They start the injections soon after to make him over produce the stem cells.He will go into the hospital for 3 weeks the first of Sept.

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited August 2014

    Josie you have permission to ramble. We all do. You have a lot of stress right now. I'm sure your DH is worn out. That's a lot of hours. Mine has cut back a little. He works 70 hour plus hours every week. He doesn't get OT either. Salaried. Good grief begrudging him taking a break? Seriously?

    No sweat punting the b'cue. I wouldn't want to go either considering. Get it about priorities with money. We can't stay on a budget for all these emergencies lately. Your family always comes first. If they don't like it TS. 

    What a sweet thing to do for his dad. We will pray for a successful transplant surgery. 

    I'm sure you all miss him being at home. He's such a hard worker. 

    Hope you can go out for your birthday. You deserve a night out. 

    Diane 

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited August 2014

    Thanks for understanding Diane.Sorry I didn't respond to your post last night.I just didn't have the energy emotionally.Sometimes I just read but not always respond.I've just kind of been in a funk these past few days.

    Thanks for the kind wishes on my Father in law.His transplant involves putting him on a dialysis type machine which puts his stem cells back into the blood this happens only after weeks of very intense chemo to kill off the remaining cancerous bone marrow cells.If successful it should really help him.But after all this you feel like your going to die.Slowly your body starts replacing in bone marrow and within a few months you become stronger as you build up the bone marrow.

    I plan on having a mass said for him and in 2 weeks when they have a small family gathering before he enters the hospital I plan on getting some religious items like metals, books thing to help him take his mind off it a while so he know his faith plays a big part in his healing.

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited August 2014

    No need to apologize at all. Sometimes I just ramble on. 

    Good idea taking medals, books and having a Mass said for him. I will say a prayer and light a candle. 

    Diane 

  • SailingWind
    SailingWind Member Posts: 59
    edited August 2014

    Josie outing always have too much food. Have you ever seen one that didn't?

    Thank you Ed for the support 

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited August 2014

    Diane, thanks.That means a lot to me that you will light a candle for him.He will need all the prayers he can get.

    Sailing wind, sorry your son is going through all that.Divorces be so messy.He is lucky to have your support.Your right they probably had plenty of food.Not a bit sorry I didn't go.My manager will probably try to lay a guilt trip on me next week.Let her try.I just had this feeling of dread about it.You have to trust your instincts.

  • anneb1149
    anneb1149 Member Posts: 821
    edited August 2014

    Josie

    Just wanted to let you know my son has a friend who went thru the whole chemo/ stem cell transplant a while ago. It wasn't easy, but he came thru it all and is doing very well. Best wishes to your FIL. 

    Re BBQ- work isn't a very nice place for you right now, anyway, so why would you want to socialize with them? I think you made a good choice. 

    Anne

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited August 2014

    Thanks Anne.That's encouraging that your sons friend is doing well.

  • Redheaded1
    Redheaded1 Member Posts: 1,455
    edited August 2014


    Josie, Did it Rain?.  I've been sitting her laughing about those crazy people you work with trying to have a BBQ in the downpour.  And worried about a salad and the dressing nnot being on the table.   Really--I'd have taken them a EX LAX Brownie cake------  just the thought of them all getting a good soaking is pretty funny.

    I got a St. Peregrine Medal that I have worn since my DX.  I made a small donation to some mission and they sent it to me and I put it on the same chain that I have a little crucifix on.  I guess it is my "Princess Warrior Necklace".......I feel safe with it, somehow.  Hard to explain.  That and the picture of the Sacred Heart that I put inside my clock case in the living room.  You don't know how many times when I have been inconsolable I have walked over and stared into the eyes and been instantly calmed.  It is miraculous.  I took one to the Nursing home and put it where my mom could see it from her bed too. 

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited August 2014

    Redhead, yes that would have been funny but,there is a handful I work with that are actually my friends.So I wouldn't have wanted to hurt them.

    M sister gave me a medal of St Pegrine when I was first diagnosed.I wanted to wear it to read but wasn't sure if they would let me.That is so neat that you brought that picture to the nursing home for your mom.

  • RunFree16
    RunFree16 Member Posts: 649
    edited August 2014

    Wow SailingWind, that's a lot to handle, your son's divorce and
    custody problems all while you're in BC treatment. I'm glad you can
    look at it positively at least partly, and glad you get to see them
    often. Good luck with rads--we have pocket parties on this thread where
    we all go with you in your pockets to rads or whatever challenge you
    have to go to, and we'll be in your pockets for sure!

    GiGiL, how heartbreaking to lose your brother that way.  Depression and anxiety are such awful struggles.  I think I just got lucky.  Other people in my family also exercise, which seems to help them a little but it isn't enough.  I think all my sibs are on medication at this point, and thank goodness, because one of my sisters had trouble leaving her house for a while.  They are doing OK.  My ex BIL does not get treated and he is pretty much a mess.

    Josie, once again you've gotten ambiguous direction from your workplace!  They can't even get BBQ sign-ups right!  I bet there were five other bowls of salad filling up with rain--they didn't need your money or your time (shopping, chopping, standing around getting wet).  You can apologize to your friends on Monday and the rest of them can go whistle.  Good call.  We will all be rooting for your FIL in his chemo and stem cell process.  I am sure it won't be his funnest few weeks or months, but it's an amazing option and with any luck it will bring him much extended quality and quantity of time with his loved ones.  So sorry about your daughter and your husband.  Those are hard problems!  I'm glad you get to look forward to celebrating your birthday next weekend.

    Bunkie, I am always just shaking my head at what you've got bearing down on you.  It's way too much. I'm glad you are having a good visit with your BT and his dog.  I am looking forward to seeing you leave that house and get back to the arid West as much as I'm looking forward to Josie getting out of her awful job.  Both situations toxic in the extreme.  Meanwhile I hope you feel OK and meet the world's smartest doctors who can figure out what will make you feel even better.

    BigD, thinking of you--no need to check in but you are on my mind.  

    My husband and I got away for a couple of days, and it was great.  Sooo relaxing.  We went to Ogunquit, Maine, which is a charming town, lots of restaurants, shopping, little art galleries, and beautiful beaches.  We didn't shop that much but we just chilled out together, did a lot of walking and took a lot of pictures and talked.  We needed that and he needed that after this chaotic summer.  I have traveled a lot this summer of course, but this is the only trip that was just hanging out.  My mom stayed with the kids and I'm so grateful.  My son goes to his orientation for high school a little later today, and right now he's at his first cross-country practice.  He's nervous about the social side of high school, which is amazing because he's very outgoing and has wonderful social skills--we can't figure out where he came from! 

  • BUNKIE10
    BUNKIE10 Member Posts: 670
    edited August 2014

    Josie - You were just venting and that is fine. I have done my share on here. Sorry about your daughter and husband. Jeeze you just can not get a break. If it is not that darned job it is other stuff.What do they mean you can not just bring dressing? They need it don't they....ugh. Glad you did  not go it would have just pissed you off more. I did get a chuckle about the EX Lax Brownie. That is a great idea Redheaded1. By the way my birthday is Aug 26. Close huh?

    RunFree - You know it is funny because before I got sick I never had a lot of dr visits out in Cali. Then I got a team together at UCLA out there with a few local drs thrown in and I was good to go. The midwest seems so unorganized to me. I spend a lot of time and gas going from 1 dr to another and none of them seem to want to work together. Sounds like you and your husband had a great trip. I love Maine.....in the summer. I love those little beachy towns. We have one in Cali called Laguna. Used to go there once a month and just chill. Look at the water and have lunch. Miss that. I really have to rediscover the shores of Lake Mi before I kiss this place goodby. My aunt lives in Grand Haven and I am going to go see her next month. Always loved that little place too. Hopefully it will be a good escape for us one weekend with the dog.

     I guess I have been out of the loop with dogs. We always had a dog when I was growing up and when we would go places the dog would stay in the kitchen closed in with  toys, food and water for the day....or several hours. Adrian takes this little doggie everyplace we go and she stays in the car if it is not real warm out. I know in Ca people take those little tiny dogs everywhere too.  I keep thinking she should stay in the house but I guess not. She has taken to me and this house like she always lived here.

    Well I am off to the Univ of Mi tomorrow for breathing tests and a meeting with my pulmonist. That test always makes me dizzy. Should be fun.

  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 1,983
    edited August 2014

    At work and busy but wanted to give you a quick update on hubby. Weight loss has stabilized and hematology onc said no cancer anywhere in the blood. HE was/is baffled by why my husband suddenly developed anemia to the extent that he did. He said to come back in 3 months. Husband says he has never felt better than he does right now so EVERY doctor is baffled/confused. His PCP said he should feel like shit and he doesn't. He is not tired or anything. VERY strange...am still a bit worried and still no answers but relieved it is not leukemia! Talk soon! Back to work...

  • SailingWind
    SailingWind Member Posts: 59
    edited August 2014

    When we lived in Maine my husband and I use to camp on the water in Bar harbor. Miss that camp ground.

    Suggest to go to Pemiquid, Maine too especially when kids were younger. Lists of good memories

  • RunFree16
    RunFree16 Member Posts: 649
    edited August 2014

    Pemiquid--I'll look it up, thanks Sailing!  And Laguna CA sounds lovely too Bunkie.  I have California envy, at least the ocean parts.  I've never seen those Lake MI towns but I've heard they can be very pretty.

    April, that's great news!!!  It's some mystery, huh???  But so far so good, and it's great that he's also feeling well.  What a huge relief after so long of twisting on a pin.  I wonder if you will ever figure it out.  

    Bunkie, good luck at the doctor tomorrow.  Hope you don't get too dizzy. That is really tough about your doctors not coordinating things. 

  • brooksidevt
    brooksidevt Member Posts: 1,432
    edited August 2014

    Great news, April.  Hubby remains a medical mystery, I guess, but everyone can relax for the next three months, at least. 

    Sounds like you and BT are having a wonderful, wonderful time, Bunkie.   So nice to hear!

    Josie if that MA was in charge of the signup, how come she was not able to read the signup sheet?  Those guys are all nutso!  I so wish I had work contacts in your area to haul you right out of that cesspool.  Failing personal contact, aren't there some hospitals around?  I fyou call the HR folks, they just might have something available.

  • Rosiesride
    Rosiesride Member Posts: 197
    edited August 2014

    redhead...I also have ST . Peregrine medal...from my cousin who had DCIS ....when my mom was in her nursing home I put the sacred heart picture there as well...healing thoughts! Rosie

  • gigil
    gigil Member Posts: 916
    edited August 2014

    April has your husband been to see the GI docs?  Maybe he has an irritation somewhere.

    Run,that is how it is for me.  Exercise helps a little,  but not enough.  Mine comes in the form of panic attacks. No warning, just sudden overwhelming anxiety.  Quick and overwhelming.

    Josie you made the best decision possible for that rainy BBQ.  Hope all goes smooth for your FIL.

    Bunkie, I miss having a dog, but I don't miss the clean ups. Your trip to the lake sounds so nice.

    Hi to everyone.  DH is on his annual fishing teip.  I am cleaning and re-doing files.  I also have a hair appointment.  I have been growing out my gray, which is mostly in the front.  I can't hang with it.  It just seems so washed out.  Some people look great in gray.  I just look tired!

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited August 2014

    BUNKIE, happy early birthday.Thanks for letting me vent.Yes I'm happy also I didn't go.My friend said it was very awkward.Everyone was very clique .They had so many hamburgers left and left over pototoe salad.A lot of people didn't show.BTW I saw some of your pictures on Facebook you are so pretty.I hope you don't mind .

    RUNFREE, glad to hear you and your DH got away this weekend.Thanks for your support.

    April, I'm so happy your husband doesn't have Cancer.What a relief.

    Gigil, thanks for the good wishes for my FIL.Enjoy your free day.Hair appointment.I'm jealous.Mine is getting long.

  • joan811
    joan811 Member Posts: 1,980
    edited August 2014

     Hi all RR sisters,
    Wow, so much going on...so glad to hear from BD/Joan.  So difficult to hear of all your challenges, Joan.  We won't stop fighting this with you and you can vent here all you need to...sending positive thoughts and prayers.

    I was away for a week...an impromptu trip away with DH before I return to full time work in a few days.  I had little or no internet and no phone.  That was a good thing.  My kids were using my house and the beach and were still here when we got back Saturday night.  So the past 2 days I had 6 extra people here and it was so wonderful to see them all at once.  We had a great time...Jacob (10), Riley (8), Charlotte (6) and Caroline (3).  It is so quiet here today - but I had better unpack and start thinking of what I have to do for going back to work. 
    First thing - get rid of the 10 lbs. I gained this summer so I can fit into my work clothes. 
    I will read back and hope to be back on later.
    Hugs & love to my BCO sisters who mean everything to me.
    Joan

    PS - Brookside, any progress on the meet-up plans for the northeast?  Should we pick a September week end date? 

  • rmlulu
    rmlulu Member Posts: 1,501
    edited August 2014

    Hi Y'all

    Yippee! Enjoyed my aunt/hubby...but off to new penthouse ocean home.  Hard push for us to move to FL...pup did real well with the extra attention and legs to mouth...he's been to check their room several times...guess we are too quite for him ha!

    Wow, so busy!

    BigD - thinking of you and sending prayers!  Hope you are feeling better and your game plan feels doable and employer is working with you.  Confident healing thoughts and gentle hugs :)

    Joan - how nice a get a way and a house full of grandkids when you return...happy sounds! Ha ha back to school time...so soon try lo carbs for a few weeks and the #s will drop fruit vegs and walking.  Post pics of your NE gals meet:)

    GiGil - go for the deluxe spa treatment...hair, color, mani/pedi, facial, wax, threading, and personal dresser! Think spoil me!  Your gd would approve:).  Ah, the quite :)

    Lemon - thinking of you on your business adventure...hope all is going well and you are able to stay focus.

    Sew - drive those cats! Whew, cross country with felines...meow

    Diane - here puppy! Puppy kisses xoxo slurp

    Redhead - congrats on the weight loss! Yeah, to PT helps so much:)

    April - glad Drs ruled out c:) hope the mystery gets resolved for hubby!

    Bunkie - ha ha BT and doggy! Hope your appointments go well!  Is that house ready for market?  Looking for you in CA soon...before the first snow! Happy Bday!

    Josie - MO is in the news :((( hope it's not near you.  Happy Bday...well it's never too early to celebrate!  Prayers for FIL.  And glad you did not go to that crazy office BBQ!

    SAB - yoga :))) relaxing and clears the mind!  That and your coastal ca walks with hubby...enjoy the remnants if summer before back to college is in full swing!

    RunFree - sounds like a nice get away with hubby!  Hee hee the outgoing cross country running social son!  Mine did not flinch when asked to speak at UCR group impromptu...not sure where he gets it but all confidence...guess we did good as parents...no social butterflies 

    Anne - hope your rad team was able to address your concerns and your laser tag countdown is going well:)

    My hubby is worried...tomorrow I'm off tubing and he's got puppy duty...assured him that my 8 hour absence will not be notice...can't wait until pup can try kayaking with me....

    Shouts out to all!

    (((Hugs)))

    Cindy

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited August 2014

    Cindy, sounds like the puppy is all better now and enjoyed the company.Enjoy your kayaking or is it tubing? I'm sure DH will do fine with the puppy.Bonding time.Thanks for your prayers fil.

    Joan glad you got away for a while.Good luck going back to work.

  • BUNKIE10
    BUNKIE10 Member Posts: 670
    edited August 2014

    Josie - Thanks for the compliment. No I do not mind about FB. I am on there for any ladies here who also use it. Thatn is my BT on there too. Adrian. He takes bad photos so we will have to try again this year. Maybe from the lake when we go. I can not figure oout how to post here.

    Joan - Welcome home and send me that 10 pounds. I am still eating like crazy to try and gain a few. I think it is my thyroid.

    Soooo I went to U of Mi today for the dreaded lung test. Turned out not bad at all AND my Sarcoid is still in remission. YEAH!!! So back to the endo tomorrow to see why I still feel so crappy and am in remission. Bet it is my thyroid or my adrenals. Either I am hyperthyroid or my adrenals are all crazy. He said I can try to take that other drug for 2mos and then test the adrenals. If they test dead there is no reason to try and come off steroids. I am on them for life. If they show some life I can get off steroids but it will be hell.

    Cindy - The house is getting there. I did get another opinion from a contractor about the roof. Seems it might be the door that goes to the flatroof. It is missing a screen door. My dad ripped the old one off when he was 92 and threw it on the ground. When I had the main door replaced we forgot about the screen door. I hate houses. Anyway if that is the problem it will be a easy fix and not so expensive. I am looking for places in Cali right now to stay during the winter. They predict this one to be as bad as last one. Say it aint so.

    Gigil - I got some of that anxiety today. Waitin around for my test results at the Dr. It is an everyday fight. I could feel it creeping up in my chest. Someone mentioned the Midwest Center for Anxiety to me. Wonder if they are any good. Will have to ask my shrink.

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited August 2014

    BUNKIE, glad to hear the test wasn't so bad.I know what you mean about anxiety.I get that from time to time.Especially when I'm stressed or when I haven't slept well.

    Oh please don't say our winter will be bad again.Last winter was bad enough.

    Had back to school night for my son.Everything went well until the last class .His SSD class.Andy says he was having trouble opening his locker.His special Ed teacher was standing there trying to cut him off as he is describing how he's having trouble with his locker.She said Oh but your  doing fine with the locker now right?

    No he hadn't been able to open it since Friday.Isn't that her job? She is so lame.I never have liked her.She doesn't follow through.And when I asked her if she got my email about his bookbag being left in his locker at the end of the school year she said yes but it got forwarded back to the office.We had to buy him a new one this year.That was their job to make sure he cleaned out his locker.Fail.....She said they ran out of time to do that.Really? WOW.

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited August 2014

    Dang Cindy you write the most organized posts and always address all of us in 20 words or less but say so much. 

    Okay now we have temporarily inherited another pup and pup's daddy. Son is back home because a/c at GFF's went out. Landlord is supposed to repair it. Anyway I'm exhausted trying to keep up with them. Not stressing over the carpet because we are replacing it anyway with hardwood floors but not b4 our pup is housebroken. They are all precious and sweet! A penthouse with an ocean view- you sap!

    Sorry about the anxiety Bunkie. I could use that place too sometimes. Houses can be a pain - ours is the money pit lately. 

    Hope you are doing well Big D. We are all pulling for you. 

    Josie - teacher is a moron. I hope the violence there  ends soon. I can only imagine what it will be like when the investigation is over. Oh and big surprise with the turnout at the b'que. FedEx used to have great employee parties until the company got too big and the employees ate like flipping Marines. You had to get there early or you were out of luck but the potluck Christmas dinner was great. 

    ONC appt Thursday. Ugh. 

    Our new mattress will be delivered tomorrow. Had no clue they were so expensive but we are past needing to replace it. Story of our lives. 

    Diane 

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited August 2014

    Diane, 2 puppies now?Wow, what a sweet lady.Your son should be thankful.I haven't gotten to see my DD puppy in a while.She is getting ready to move into a rental house with her friend and BF.Her friend and BF don't get along to great but she will be living in their basement.And DD has taken on a third job.She has no time to see her Dr now.Grrr....I made her an appointment for today but she had to cancel because she was working.

    I agree.His teacher is a moron.She only has a handful of as students to keep track of unlike the rest of the teachers who average 26 students per class. Luckily he is independent and needs very little help.

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited August 2014

    Thanks Josie. It's temporary until DS moves but the good thing is he is away from the GFF. Last night when he got home from work he doctored my pasta, thankfully, and it was delicious. He's become quite the chef. Takes after his dad - certainly not me. I hate to cook and constantly surf the Internet for recipes that begin with easy. At home he is relaxed and getting lots of quality sleep. Not sure how long it will last but I'm glad he is here. Loves his job, the company home office is in London. How cool would that be to get to go to England. They also have retreats. Last year it was Las Vegas. Also cool. 

    University of Memphis is building a satellite facility where I live in Collierville so I'm going to take classes right along side of those 20 year olds. Don't care. Went to night school before and liked it. I can almost walk to the campus. 

    Hope you can get your daughter in soon. My son just quit his second job. He said now he actually looks forward to holidays. 3 jobs bless her heart! 

    Diane 

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited August 2014

    Diane, glad to hear your son is resting up and enjoying his job.That would be cool if he could travel to Europe.I'm like you.I really am not a great cook.I just am not to adventurous.I get kind of stuck in a rut.It's either something made with hamburger or chicken.Sometimes pork if we buy it.But we rarely have a meal w/o meat.I know bad,bad,bad.But I guess at least it's lean meat.And rarely fried foods.I even bake my French fries.

    Good for you going back to college.

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