February 2012 Chemo
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I took alan to hospital two days ago. He died this morning.
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Ali - That went kinda fast....I hope everyone is ok...These things are hard, for sure....
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Firstcall - your son is very talented - you must be very proud :-)
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Ali
So sorry to hear about your FIL. My condolences.
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Ali,
I'm sorry to hear about your FIL--hope you and your family are holding up okay.
And Firstcall, thank you for sharing that link--I really enjoyed listening to that piece. You just never know what the day is going to bring sometimes, and that was a lovely gift.
And Christina! WHOO HOO! That's excellent news!
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Ali, so sorry to hear about your FIL. That did go fast. Are your inlaws in shock? I think I would be. Your husband and you and your family are in my prayers.
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adding my prayers ali...
to all; you are all in my heart and prayers i just haven't had a free minute to sneak in here and when i do i feel kinda guilty that i am not struggling as you are.
tho i really miss my energy which was never ever really high! and i am done with winter- ready for spring/summer!
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Hi everyone, after taking FIL to A&E we were told after 2hrs they could do nothing for him and go home. Over night he lost mobility and breathing got worse. Had to wait for ambulance from 11.45pm till 12. 30pm the next day so 12 hrs. Alan had a bed but it wasn't a ward with nurses so we were on our own. I stayed with Alan all night and MIL slept in a chair. I gave him water and helped with his oxygen, he was so upset because he wanted to go home. So he spent his last day asking not to die in hospital. I called everyone I could and so did the care worker but it was too late.
His breathing got bad and it broke our hearts because we had no doctor to see to him. A doctor happened to pass us and heard me talking and came to our aid. He said Alan had hours and he needed help with drugs. We didn't want this as it would bring on death quicker. SIL stayed at home and came the next day but Alan was in a sleep.
It took 24 hrs for Alan to die and it makes me scream that he couldn't die at home. I never felt so shit having to keep telling Alan we are going home soon.0 -
Ali I am so sorry. Boy your family has been through the wringer over the past year. I hope things slow down.Margo, good to see you! I'm ready for spring too!
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Ali, that must have been so hard. You did your best. Alan died knowing you were trying to get him home. That should help some, no? Much love to you and yours.
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ali; you did what you could....don't beat yourself for this..he is at peace now....
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Ali - I am so sorry for your loss. You were amazingly strong for your family during this time. Prayers for peace for you and your family right now.
Christina - Hurrah! So thankful for 'unremarkable'!!
Firstcall - such a talent!
Gritgirl - missing this by a few days ... But wanted to thank you again for starting this thread in the midst of a scary time for you. Despite your fears and then major complications, you persevered and brought together such an extraordinarily wonderful conglomeration of personalities!!
I'm not always able to post, but am always reading and you and everyone here are ever in my thoughts and prayers!
Hugs!!!!
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Ali, that must have been so very hard. I'm sorry. Love to you and your family.
dltnhm--your anniversary post caused me to read back through the first thirty pages or so of this thread. what a long way we have all come! I have been keeping an eye out for a Feb 13 thread, so as to pay it forward a bit, so to speak.
Weather has finally been cold (BOY has it been cold) and hoping the pond will finally get skatable this weekend. We need 5-6 inches of ice to be safe. Fingers crossed.
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Thank you all for kind words it really helps.
The hospital told me they would tell FIL doctor but they didn't . The doctor phoned us yesterday very upset and said he was so sorry he didn't know. MIL and I talked to him and he was lovely. He said we should all sit down in a few weeks and talk about what happened and he thinks cause to complain.
It wasn't explained to us clearly about the drugs, he was a sedative and something else to calm him down. Then he was given a box which would give him drugs every so often. The first injection was not to send him into deep sleep but it did and he never woke up. So he was given this with people walking passed him and none of his loved ones near him. We were still talking to the doctor and I happened to go back after five mins and I saw him.
Neil and Jill didn't get to say goodbye and my children had to see him like it.
MIL and I thought this may happen when he was given the box.
MIL has taken to her bed after all the running around with funeral arrangements.
SIL won't stop crying and hitting the bottle but DH is doing well.0 -
hi all ..
my turn to complain about something; my left bicep hurts- it has been bothering me off and on since my LX in april but i figured i had maybe carried something too heavy- now there are days when i don't carry anything and it really really hurts- i am praying i haven't torn it...does anyone else have this issue on their LX side?
it just plain hurts- last nite i almost cried from it- a dull achy pain....
otherwise nothing going on - we're sposed to get more snow this weekend and i am thinking that now that Christmas is a month gone i really should take down my tree...but ..well- we'll see!
monday will be my birthday- wow- i feel old today! will be 59....59 isn't bad til you think that it's almost 60!haha!at work we celebrate bdays in our dept with food and in dec we had two bdays as well as a dept potluck and company lunch so we decided to just do one per month--this past monday was another gals' bday so we are eating (taco bar) today to celebrate both- which i am ok with! my son is taking me to lunch monday -did i tell you that my daughter now has a desk in the room where my dept is? well- so she wanted to take me on monday but i told her to leave it for him alone cuz he gets jealous of the time she and i get together- i swear-the older they get (they are all in their 30's!) the worse they are! but i love 'em! and i love having her in the same room! we start and end the workday together now so it's cool!
gotta get to work- took a quicky break to check in and say hi! hope all have a great weekend.
ps.last weekend was the anniversary of us moving back to ohio! and yesterday or today was the first i met with my MO a year ago-what a difference a year makes!
hugs and prayers to you all !
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Margo I don't think that is normal at all. I wonder if you should go see your surgeon and see what he thinks.
Happy Friday everyone. I can't believe it's been almost a year since we started chemo. Seems like a million years ago, almost another lifetime. What a year it has been.
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Lumps, do you feel a lump in the spot that hurts? I had that and my PT would massage it and it helped. She called it referred pain, and the lumps were muscle tissue that tightened up. She rubbed it lightly and gently, every session till it felt better and the lump dissappeared. it really hurt, woke me up, and ached a lot before it wad treated. Perhaps something like that is what you have? Try lifting your ARM straight out to the side. If you can't go halfway up without hitting the pain, that might be it. Good luck.
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gals; thx-no i am hoping i didn't tear the muscle...it hurts more after i carry things or the repetitive motion of one of my work jobs.had some shoulder pain in may and june too-when we were getting ready to move so i am just praying nothing big! today there is NO pain so ...fingers crossed!
having a very blue reflective day tho today and need to snap out of it!i think it'sthe birthday looming over my shoulder...so much in my head and heart that i need to sort out..
did we discuss how our attitudes about how everything we are and say and do changed with our cancer? i'm sure we have all touched on this-i am finding that i really need to take more care of me and work harder at keeping me happy-God, that sounds so selfish from someone who has always had (needing) approval issues and has always wanted to "fix" everything for everyone else....i findmy wanderlust and my need for being alone getting stronger and it's so hard cuz i cannot( because of Michael not because i would hurt myself or anything!) be alone...and i'm too poor to pay attention still !!! (tho i am grateful for my job ,etc!)
just having a blue day-think i'll go back to bed...easier to procrastinate from bed!!!!!
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I hope your birthday is this great!!!
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I'm with you Christina, Have a great Birthday!
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Happy birthday Lumpnme, be kind to yourself.
MIL is ill in bed and guess what I've got it too. Very bad head cold and ache all over, I'm staying in bed. We have done everything we need too so I'm pleased to be under the covers. We have had lots of snow but now we have the rain.0 -
Aw, Ali, hugs! You absolutly are plain worn out, and the flu took advantage of that. Rest. Get better, but take your time to really recover. Much love.
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Happy Birthday Margo/Lumpynme !
Hope your day is filled with love and joy!
Absolutely this past year has been cause for self-reflection and a reminder to take care of myself.
It is not selfish to care for yourself - rather just the opposite. In neglecting oneself. A person finds him or herself empty when it comes to giving to others. If you take care of yourself, spend time recharging and filling yourself up - you have more to lavish on others as well.
Feel a big hug!!!0 -
Lumps, Oops, almost forgot to wish you a Happy Birthday! So Have a Happy Birthday! I hope you do something fun.
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Ali, I am so sorry to hear about your FIL.
Lumpy, happy birthday and get thee to your breast surgeon, NOW. Pain should never be ignored, especially after surgeries like what we've had. Could lead to something worse. Take care of yourself.
For some reason this switched to no email for a while, goldang it. I'm still in pain. Meet with plastic surgeon this week to talk about more effective drugs, plus my PT sessions with breast care center have run out, so lining up a new PT (I need it). Just a combo of stretching of pectorals along with scar tissue under right breast. Very hard to sleep. I have a bmx with nipple and skin sparing, and one-step implant with alloderm. So I am stretching all at once and it's just taking a good long while. Remember. I'm "special". Stage IV right out the door with no lymph node involvement, and now just taking a long, damn time to stretch those muscles. I feel sooooo special. The only way I want to be special besides this is to be one of the few who lives on and on and on in spite of all this.
Here's my latest complaint. Woman in my social circle who did nothing to help me, except give me a candle (a candle), now diagnosed with invasive lobular cancer. She is someone who has very, very bad social skills and I finally distanced myself from her because I didn't need any more bad crap in my life than I already had. She called last night to get info from me and I'm giving her all this information. Then I say, "I'm so sorry you are going through this."
She replies, "I'm so sorry your cancer is so advanced." WTF. And then she says, "I'm sorry I didn't really help you."
During the whole conversation I was giving her info and leads to resources to get help with everyday tasks, because frankly I didn't plan to help her. I feel a bit guilty about that, and at same time, the b*tch had time and did nothing for me except that f'ing candle. So like a good person I gave her info, but I'm done. I'm still struggling to get my strength back and am in pain as it is. If it was a good friend, someone who had been there for me, no question I'd be helping. But this b*tch? No way. Good luck to her and leave me alone is what I say. Arrrrrrrrrghhh. Just needed to vent that out.
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Gritgirl, I would have to agree with you about this person I too know people like that. It did make me laugh about the candle because I have just bought an expensive candle for my cancer friend. We are good friends and I missed her 50 party as I was ill in bed.
Just read something in the paper today about breast cancer and it sounded great. I then get to the end and it says only if your early stage 1 or 2 so not so good for me.0 -
Ali, ignore the press. The statistics change all the time and treatsment for cancer advance everyday. The statistics we see are out of date, several years behind, and no one is a statistic. Each cancer is individual.
Your candle is different. That's a birthday present. This candle was a piece of crap, sorry you have cancer candle. When I get home, I'm throwing it out. It was always an ugly piece of shite anyway.
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Happy birthday to Lumpy! Nothing wrong with taking some time for yourself--like dltnhm said, if you don't recharge, the well will be empty. That was a fearfully mixed metaphor, but never mind.
Ali, hope you feel better soon! I really think we hold up through the tough stuff like what you've been dealing with with your FIL, and then the body says, "okay, had enough." And the cold/flu/annoying thing strikes.
Grit, no need for guilt. You did help that lady--giving her resources and information should save her a ton of time. You are under no obligation to do more stuff, like pick her up and haul her around and bring meals. Nothing wrong with setting boundaries. And you are a much nicer person than I am--I think I may have found an ugly shite candle and given it to her...
I had an experience with an acquaintance who used me and another person as her cancer experts, with lots of phone calls and emails. She had DCIS and there was always a subtext of, "Oh, well I don't have what you guys had, I'm not really in the same boat as you poor sods."
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Grit, you gave her info. its enough. Of course one day, if you feel like cooking, you could always take her a meal. Then you get points! LOL. And I am sorry you are still in pain. That's not fun.
Ali get better. Hildy, yeah, people can just he plain weird. Lumps hope your Bday was fun. Much love.0 -
Margo
Happy belated Birthday! I like Susan somehow knocked this thread off of my favourites and just got caught up from the last couple of days.
Well after bragging about never having the flu shot I now have the flu. Nasty bug this is. Same as you Ali, really achy, congested tired. Oh and my house is having showings like crazy so trying to keep the place immaculate. What fun! Not!0
