February 2012 Chemo
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Mlb and Ali. Get well soon. I am desperately trying to avoid all the sicknesses around. Already got the upper respiratory that went into bronchitis. Remember, kids, wash, wash, wash those hands. We all been through enough already. I proclaim that those of us who had one illness are done. For those not hit, you're spared. I decree.
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From your lips to Gods ear, Grit!
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I'm stressed! Found a small knot( swollen lymph node) in my groin. MO not worried. Said give it 6 weeks, if it is still there we will investigate further. I did just have a hysterectomy 6 weeks ago. Could be related?? Anyone had this problem???
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ok. i'm little miss cancer-scare girl. the other day found a large, reddened mass in the middle of my chest. freaked and went to my oncologist who then took me to breast surgeon, who figured out it was an infected sebaceous cyst. thank god.
don't quote me here, but msbelle, you just had a hysterectomy. good chance there's some bugs being fought in your nether regions and swollen lymph node is an indication of that. one thought is to have the doc at least check your white blood cell count to see if there might be evidence of an infection. or for comfort sake, maybe go see another doc. from what you're saying, it does sound like it might just be a normal occurence based on the fact that the nether regions are healing. there is a web site for women who have been through hysterectomies called Hystersisters. You might want to pop over there and ask this question.
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I agree with grit, it seems to make sense that it is hysterectomy related, but having said that, I'd be a little stressed, too! It's hard not to 'go there' sometimes.
So one year ago today was my first chemo--yes, it's true, I'm not a real Feb. chemo girl, I've been masquerading all this time. Happy to be fixing myself a ham sammie for lunch rather than watching my (very nice!) onc nurse push adriamycin into my vein. (Even if the chair did have a massage setting!)
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Thanks Grit and Hildy. I see my Gyno surgeon tomorrow so will see what she has to say. All feedback so far says not to worry but as we all know, easier said than done!
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LOL @ Hildy you are one of us, you just went first.
msbelle - how did your appointment go today?
Susan, don't feel guilty. You only need to do what feels right to you. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not realize how much help and support we need unless they or someone they love has gone through this. But that does not mean it is your responsibility to be this woman's support through her journey. Frankly, I don't feel like I could support anyone right now, I am still trying to sort this out for myself.
Good day today. I had my next to last herceptin. I get my final herceptin on 2/21. My onc recommended leaving the port in for 2-3 years! I wanted to say HELL NO but I made my feelings known in a nicer way. LOL So he scheduled me to get it out on 2/22! So happy!
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My God - I cannot beleive that we are at the one year mark....it just seems like yesterday. Sorry for not chiming in with comments but life has been hectic for me since October. My SIL lost her home during Hurricane Sandy and her family of 5 has been living with me since then. Little crowded but we are managing.
My son (23) was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lympheoma last week and I am still reeling from it. While I know that chemo is certainly doable and survivable, no one wants there child to have to do this. We are meeting with an oncologist from the center I used for my treatments tomorrow and wil move forward from there. '
I am still so tired from my own cancer diagnosis and all the resulting treatments....jsut want to crawl in the corner and cry but I refuse to do that. I figure his journey might be a little easier as he has me to help him get thru.
Prayers appreciated!!
(((Hugs)))
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Mthrdee, us girls really know how have a crap time.
FIL funeral is today and my kids will do readings, I'm filling up just thinking about it.
I will say a prey for your son and everyone on these boards who are my friends.
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mthrdee...big big hugs and prayers....
ali....you just do what you can and take care of you!
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Mthrdee, that stinks. I am so sorry. I agree, its one thing to do it yourself, another altogether if its your child.
Ali, thinking of your and your family. Hope you get through the day okay.
and Christina! a port for two or three more years? WTF? What is your plan for last Herceptin Celebration? That's very exciting....
Does anybody remember the routine for what one does to reduce fingernail problems during Taxol? Icing, Vitamin B, I thought something else like l-incarnidine or glutamine, but my sieve brain isn't helping me out all here...
Hope you all get some fun this weekend! I'm going up to visit one of my oldest friends for the night. Can't wait...
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mthrdee, i am so, so sorry. the crap keeps coming, eh?
hildy, i didn't do any of the cold cap or finger nail stuff. i wanted to make sure the chemo could get any stray cancer cell out there so i let it all flow everywhere.
saw my plastic surgeon. these new electrical records systems means i can read her notes. she doesn't believe my pain is from muscle. f her. she did give me flexeril and had the first decent sleep last night that i've had in months. not muscles, my ass. in fact, my ass does hurt. this tightness is affecting all the muscles on front, side and back. so pissed. plus, she documented capsular contraction for me. didn't tell me that, but wrote it in the record. i hate doctors. hate them. so tired of this constant pain and bullshit. i'm in a mood.
mthrdee, praying that all will go ok with your son. that sucks.
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Mtherdee
Good lord your family has to be reeling. What a shock. Big prayers out your way.
Ali
I imagine by this time the funeral is done and really now gets hard when everyone tries to go back to normal.
Grit
Is flexeril something you can take before bed everynight? Is it a muscle relaxant?
I know what you mean about docs sometimes. I had a sinus infection hast month, was presribes amoxillan and Nasonex. Last week I thought I had the flu. Shiver, super achry, all congested, coughing like mad. So I can't take and go back figuring I might a respitory infection. Nope sinusitis. No antibiotics this time. Two different sprays. I never get sinus, I wonder if the herceptin as anything to do with it? Oh well last one next Wednesday then out comes the port!0 -
My two daughters did a lovely reading at the church and the sun came out.
My 17 year old daughter had a breakdown and world war three brakes out in my house.
A long lost father turns up after 40 yrs to see DH cousin and makes a scene.
The vicar forgets what to say about FIL and has a fit of giggles. Everyone gets lost on the way to the crem and turns up to the wrong funeral.
The hotel served the wrong food we had ordered and then we go back to MIL and DH has a breakdown. I get him home and he cries till midnight, my cold comes back and I feel like crap.
Apart from that it went well!!!
Just send the flowers to " the insane hospital" care of me.0 -
Ali
Good lord is all I can say. It almost sounds like a movie. What's the address of the asylum?
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Christina- appt went well. 2 doctors now that don't seem to be concerned about my swollen lymph node. Both think it is a response to recent Surgey. I see prim md in 2weeks so I will get a 3 rd opinion. It just freaks me out as every ache and pain does.
Looks like we all have lots going on but we also should all be celebrating 1 year Survivors!! Hope we are all here in another year from now. Appreciate all of you and being able to vent and/or panic this year!0 -
Susan, that is so frustrating. I hope the flexeril helps. You need relief!
For Ali:
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I am sitting in A&E because DH's face has swollen three times the norm. He looks like homer smimmson.
I would love a few days away from hospitals!!!0 -
gosh ali...you just cannot get a break...ok- it's been hours and hours since you posted- hoiping he is home safely!
had my check up with my MO yesterday- everything good- when do we get to go less often? he has me back in 3 mos again....tho we did have a good talk about teh arimidex and bone issues...
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DH has a tooth and gum infection so he will need surgery at hospital in a few weeks. Go with youngest daughter tomorrow for first of counselling. I think we all need help with whats happened over the last 12 months.
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Ali, so sorry about your husband. And you said it, we all need help just to get through what just happened. I got Flexeril from my plastic surgeon and that is helping a lot. And now I'm just depressed. I don't know what to do with myself now. I can't really date since I'm metastatic (who wants to date somebody who could die any minute?). And I'm at a loss what's next in my life. I was listening to that comedian, Tig Notaro, who did a performance two days after being diagnosed with breast cancer in both breasts. Before that she had nearly died from an intestinal disorder, and then when she got out of the hospital her mom fell, went into a coma, then died. Then after all that, her girlfriend dumped. Finally she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
She was talking during her performance about grocery shopping. She said, why am I bothering to buy food and nourish myself? So I can stay around and hear more horrible news? I'm kind of feeling that way right now.
Luckily I am talking to a counselor from Sharsheret (God bless them), and am meeting with a counselor from a free survivorship program at George Washington University Hospital next week. I am at a loss.
I had dreams of adopting a child, maybe getting married or at least finding a steady partner, and other things. Now I can't even adopt a damn dog because what if I have to go into the hospital and/or die? Who will take care of the dog. This sucks.
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Btw, here's a sample of the Tig Notaro set on getting breast cancer. What Doesn't Kill You
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Gritgirl, why can't you meet a stage 4 guy? have you tried looking for one. Why don't you set up a web site for stage 4 people. You may live for another 20 years or not but you should live for the day! My DH thinks i will die before his 80 year old mother but i just laugh. You can get a dog and if you die someone will give it a home. The best thing i did was get a dog please get one.
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Ali, I wouldn't want to date a Stage iv guy anymore than someone else would want to date me as a stage iv person. :-)
i'll have to think about the dog. if my life settles down ever, then maybe. just keeps going on.
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I haven't touched base with this discussion group for a long while. Apparently, I was under the mistaken impression that once all of my treatment was done (chemo - AC/T, dose dense every two weeks for four month; surgery - lumpectomey; radiation - six and a half weeks, daily) I would start to feel good again, like within a month or two. Now it's four months since radiation ended and I am a mess. I have a pretty intense depression going on, mixed with anxiety, still noticeable fatigue, and a general draggy disposition. I am exercising, trying to prod my body into gear, but still I spend a lot of time reading and staying quiet in my home. People who are experts tell me this is to be expected, but still this feel looooong. What about all of you out there? What has your post treatment progress been in terms of feeling well?
Anne
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Annie
I think at some point we all experience some form of PTSD. I think for me anyway, I kind of expected some kind of elation after TX but we still deall with the lack of hair, skin/nail changes, realizing those you thought would be there for you weren't and so on. You seem completely normal to me. Hang in there.
I am supposed to be getting my last Herceptin TX today. I've been sick for 2 weeks and was hoping it would be cleared up by now but no. I called the nursing station at the oncology unit just now and they said not to come. Not a good idea to be sick around people who's immune systems are compromised I know. I guess missing the very last one can't be too detrimental. Next stop is getting my port out on the 14th.0 -
Grit
I know its hard having life dreams dashed. People expect you to just be happy to be alive. We expect that of ourselves too. I'm a really positive person but its hard not to look around sometimes at those with seemingly charmed lives and think WTF happened? Nothings turned out the way I thought! And its just not the whole cancer thing either. I've managed to be in 2 relationships in the last 30 years that have ended or are about to end badly, inability to have children etc. I'm more looking forward to just concentrating on me for a change and can't even think about dating in the near future.0 -
Ali, so sorry things did not go well. Mrthdee,I can't even begin to imagine, but you and your son and the rest of the family are in my prayers. Grit. We live you. Just stay open, and it will be whatever it will be. Just don't say no, who knows, maybe there is a masochistic person out there who is just dying for a chance to commit! LOL. they do say there is someone for everyone. Of course just who the heck is everyone? LOL
It has been some year. It is only since December that I have felt relatively good. I still cant walk without a cane, but then I couldn't before tx either! LOL. I've Been fired, for too much time off, but just got approved for permanent disability. I still have tummy issues, but cm eat salads every noe and then. I have "Hobbit" hair, but at least its not grey and its mine. The only thing I can do is just keep going on. Most days I even have some fun. I kept my port, cause the time they tried to draw me they failed anyway. And that turned out to be good, cause since they took me off Herceptin, I have had to get blood draws on the average of every three weeks, just as if I were getting thevdsng Herceptin! LOL. And just s week ago, i had go have a magnesium iv, cause I was so low. Oh what fun. After reading all the crap i just wrote, maybe I should get more meds..... LOL much love to all of us.0 -
Ali, it sometimes feels like the sh*t just never stops--hope your DH comes through the surgery okay!
And Grit, I'm sorry you are feeling depressed--its hard to realize that things aren't going to turn out like you wanted, let alone make peace with it. And I think the making peace part comes and goes in waves, it's not a one-time deal, at least it is for me. But I think you could still adopt a dog. Get an older mellow guy, and find a friend who will commit to taking him or her in the event that you can no longer care for it.
I've been out skating and clearing our rink, which feels wonderful. My right TE is just about caught up with leftie, just one more fill to go. Husband still job hunting. Bleh.
Blizzard is coming, though, which is very exciting! I'm a hopeless snow aficionado....
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Hi All
Hope everyone on the East Coast survived snow storm yesterday. Quite the dumping in Toronto. Im sure there's at least 2 feet on my back deck. The good news is that its the weekend and the road crews should have the roads cleared by tomororow. Its actually quite beautiful today with the sun shining and no wind. Have some showings over the weekend and took the opportunity last night for housework so less to do today. Say a prayer we get an offer!!
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