February 2012 Chemo
Comments
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Sadly, I can't make it because I just don't have enough leave. Sucks.
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realisticaly (sp?) i can't either-too much time to travel wouldn't really allow quality friending!
i miss the days when i used to travel once a year to visit with a group of gals from all over the place-one from Canada the rest all US--we had the commonality of some type of weight loss surgery...we would take turns "hosting" at a hotel in whatever community we would visit - i took the group to Frankenmuth Michigan cuz i had always wanted to go there! then i planned activities and checked out "stuff" - each paid her own room and we always shared rooms- anyhow it's been a few years and i miss it! am thinking of going on the Breast Cancer Thrivers Cruise next year...one of the gals who helped me so much early on in my C stuff is active with them and has gone a few years....
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I am sorry, and I realize that a lot of you wouldn't be able to make it, but I had to ask, just in case all the stars were aligned! LOL. Maybe NEXT year! I think we'll try to do this every year, the farm is there and we should use it. I know many of you have family in the area, so perhaps that might work out. If not, we should do a live chat, we have internet still up there. Much love to all.
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Moonflwr. It was very nice of you to invite us.
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Very nice indeed, and thank you, Moonflwr!
Been running around--went to Minneapolis for a conference, had never spent time there before. What a lovely city! I wanted to go catch a Twins game, but no luck with that, unfortunately. Now I'm heading out to San Francisco on Monday for another business trip (I never travel for work, this is somewhat unprecedented.) This one is going to be huge fun, too, as it involves writing about technology and sailing. Can't wait!
The new girls are settling in, definitely much better than the TEs, can't say I miss those suckers. Going to PT every week to help stretch muscles and keep scar tissue formation at a minimum. I definitely have the 'iron bra' feeling on waking up, but its deal-with-able.
Cheers to all youse guys!
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Moonflwr
Thanks a million for the invite. A little to far of a drive for me.
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Had a visit with my MO yesterday, which went well. Finally my Hematocrit was back to normal. The first time since chemo. and my manogram came back fine as well. Hope everyone is doing well.
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Yay, FirstCall! Clear manogram is great.
Well. I am sorry none of you can make it, but if you are ever near Milwaukee, let me know, I can travel to meet you for a lunch at least. Well keep trying full we connect when its possible. Who knows, if I am traveling near one of you, expect a call! LOL much love, have a great weekend.0 -
moon...i echo everyone else in saying thx for the invite- i really wish that a fun trip was in my near future!
hildy-how fun the travels sound even if for work purposes!
firstcall;yay!
gang...i am having trouble.my depression is trying to take over . there i've said it out loud.don't tell me to talk to my doc about my meds. i know that. i'm trying to convince self it's the yucko dreary weather we've had lately-haha! no luck!i'm trying NOT to blame any of it on cancer or work stresses or caring for michael (which is a full time job lately)-i'm tring not to blame this hand to mouth existence i feel even with a decent job....not owning a reliable car...etc etc..you get my picture! i truly do think a big part is not having time nor resources to do what i want to do- not that i have specific wants- i just want some me time...i'm overloaded with going to work and coming home to care for him and all it entails then bed then work all over again...i know i am not the only one in the world to feel like this then i feel guilty when i think of those who have it worse...i want to be alone yet my sister in law misses her hubby with every breath....
oh crap- i should hit delete but i'm gonna post---i think i've been masking =hiding all of this too long.....thx for listening!
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firstcall
Happy to hear your manogram results we good a that your H is now normal!
Lumpynme
((HUGS))) Being a caregiver has to be the hardest job every. You're likely exhausted with the big C, working like mad then home to look after hubby. Are there any agencies that can come in and help on a volunteer basis a couple of nights a week so you can have some you time? Could the kids help more? You need a break.
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MLB:his kids are in Texas -we're in Ohio- he's not bad enuff for nursing home and they have their own lives- they figure that i am taking care of him so what the heck.... they don't care/understand.....as for agencies-again-he's not "that " bad.....
i'm just tired-should have never brought him back to my life but i did..so living with it-ready to move on.....
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Lumpy. Now this is my topic. I was very, very depressed and tried to do anything but meds. I got more and more hopeless and finally just had to take meds. Once the meds started working, that alone helped.
I agree with mlb. Check with a social worker about assistance you can tap into. I can't remember your husband's situation, but there's likely an association you can call to ask about help.
Otherwise, my aunt is going through a similar situation, and when she finally got run down too far, she had to have an honest conversation.
I know how you feel with the depression. After cancer treatment, many go through major depression. It is part of the gig. Take care of yourself.0 -
Oh lumpy - {{lumpy}}. I can't believe everything that you do and just keep going and going and going. Something's gotta give.
How about local churches? Even if you do not belong to a particular church does not mean that they won't have a service or members who might be able to meet your need.
I also agree with MLB and grit.
Sending you hugs and praying praying for some relief for you.0 -
Firstcall,
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!
(Yes, I'm yelling so you can hear me way out there). ;0)0 -
gals...thanks...i feel the encouragement and the hug..i am on meds- i just think maybe they are not strong enough!
i have been looking for a church and none "feel right"-we had an awesome lil one in michigan before my dx...so it's tuff to find something that feels good...
if i can just keep pushing along i will be ok but there have been too many days lately where it has been really hard....
i think i need a vacation - however- i cannot justify without taking him and he is no fun to travel with.
grit- he is 14 years older than me and until a few eyars ago was able to get around but mobility is a real issue now and his depression AND anxiety are worse than mine- so -no fun..also i am seeing early alzheimers tho i wonder what is meds related and what is alz...
last nite his daughter called for the obligatory happy father's day - and we talked a long time about stuff- i ended up comforting her for not being a better daughter- wtf? what is wrong with me????
i guess i just had to spill my guts yesterday and you guys were my family of choice -cuz i knew that you would be able to understand and/or relate and would not think poorly of me!
i have a lot of issues culling in my brain that need to be resolved and some will result in confrontation so i procrastinate instead...which adds to teh depressed state...hamster on a wheel-eh?!
ok- at work on lunch so gotta go but know that i loves ya and appreciate each of you for listening and validating what i know!
hugs and prayers....
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Lumpy
That's what we're here for. I've said stuff on these boards I could never say out loud to anyone personally. Always good to get it out.
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I'm working on saying it personally. No joke.
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I hear you grit. For the most part I do but during TX I know I was ultra sensitive and this place was such a good outlet for me. I'm a pretty straight shooter normally. I've finally dusted the people that I needed to.
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i've gotten so sick of hearing people say stupid things to me. i go to AA meetings and that's where i tend to talk about things. problem is there is too many times an idiot in the room. i need to get up and walk out when some folks start talking. most recently, i was celebrating 4 years sober, and some a-hole started talking about working in a place where people were dying of HIV or cancer. he went on to say that some died courageously, others not so courageously. i should have gotten up the minute he said cancer and dying. instead, i sat there and listened to it. i still want to punch him. i am needing to learn how to get up and leave or to say, "please, only tell me positive stories." i feel stuck in that i need to talk about this somewhere, but then it means that idiots start saying stupid things.
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Grit
I know what you mean. A good friend is 4 years out from DX but everytime we're out she gets very dark about the whole cancer thing. We were at a party last Saturday and she starts telling us all how so and so was dead or dying. I took her aside and said we really need to switch the subject, its a BD party. She did. She goes down the rabbit hole ALOT. I don't mind sometimes but I can tell how uncomfortable others get. Good news stories please!
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dltnhm - Thankyou for the Fathers Day wishes. It was a nice day. My father left this earth three years ago, and it was a time of reflection. I heard from all but one of my children, which was nice.
Its nice to see everyones hair coming in so nicely.
Lumpy - I hope you're doing ok. You, and so many here, have a lot on your plate. It takes a toll.
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First Call, Happy Fathers day, I am glad you enjoyed it. Lumps, vent away. We don't want that pressure cookery you live in to blow! We are here to be your safety cable, when you just can't anymore. And, certainly, somtimes you can't! Hello, that happens to all of us. (((((Lumps))))
Grit, people really do say stupid things. I have a friend, the only one who Hung in there with me all tv. And yet, she doesn't get it when I claim chemo brain. Just yesterday. I forgot to get gas, after telling her I would do it on the way home. Went tight past it before I remembered and said, "sh*t, chemobrain!" She says, " Monica, you can't blame chemist, that was over a year ago and you.always were forgetting stuff. ". Well, gee. Thanks for that! You know I don't REMEMBER how bad my memory was, nor am I competent to judge that it is WORSE now! I told her its a real thing. Research shows that it is, AND it does last way BEYOND chemo! And, no, I am not going to get over chemo cause it was last year, I told her there are lasting effects, like my still needing magnesium ! Oops. Sorry, guess it bothered me more than I thought. Sorry. Much love. May all of us fund peace soon!0 -
moon..i blame chemo brain when i can! and there are studies etc- so tell her to go blow!
grit- my one DIL has an expression which i don't like; however, tend to agree more and more with ..."opinions are like assholes-everyone has one!"
those of us who have had children all know that when we were pregnant we heard EVERYONE's story of their labor and delivery!
i'm sorry that you have so many stupid ppl around you- i have quite a few as well- ya know; ppl just don't GET it.....and that's why i feel comfortable with all of you- you may not agree with what i have to say but for the most part you have been there-
i think i told you all about the gal at work here who would say to me "whenever you need to talk i'm here i've been thru it i understand" we both had IDC 2 mm and LX however she did NOT have any chemo and i had it twice.....so i would just look at her and wanna scream...yet she thought she knew.....she never lost hair or nails or or or .....
ok- you all get my drift.
work buddy is doing better ...it's probly me not her but anyhow
tomorrow my daughter turns 35-she's my middle- gosh i feel old.....
btw MLB love love love your new pic....
gang- i loves ya! hugs and prayers.....
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Hugs, Lumps! Just came back from a support meeting, guess what the topic was? CHEMOBRAIN! LOL. And the studies show 85% have chemobrain during chemo, with 35% have problems - UP TO TWO YEARS OUT! So, IT'S NOT JUST US! LOL
Appologies to Grit, didn't mean to take over your rant yesterday. It just came out, didn't know it was going to. Promise you can have the next rant all to yourself!
Much love to all.0 -
Thanks for the kind words all. I hate myself in photo's though LOL! I still throw a hat on running shopping etc but if I take the time and fuss with it a bit I'll go sans hat. At least the mullet look is gone now that its been trimmed up and shaped a bit.
Speaking of chemo brain, I know I have it and I really hope it gets better. At work I sometimes forget some things and it really bothers me. I've been in the same line of work for 10 years so it's not like I'm green or anything. If I don't put things in my Blackberry calender immediatley, I forget.
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alright slackers! we're on page 2 again
i know- we have lives and for that i am grateful however...we need to keep in contact!!!
nothing really new here in my world- doing some gardening -again-trying to get the back yard straightened up after the work crews left it a shambles...
second kitty is still running from me when i come near but she is at least venturing out into the house and sleeping in chairs and under our bed etc....now i need to figure out how to get her to eat in the same room as the other cat so i don't have to bring her food daily or have the second baby gate up--i am afraid the first cat will be too territorial tho...they do play well but there are some times i see Lovey smack Betsy upside the head like to say "I'm Boss!" big progress has been made - they all do get along! and i can tell she WANTS to be part of the family-she just doesn't trust enough yet--after all last time i held i her i took her for declawing! why should she trust me!!!?!!
ok enough ramble.....
hugs and prayers.....
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LOL, lumps! You are a good kitty mom. I started my two with bowls at the opposite side of the kitchen. Now they'll even stick their heads in the same bowl, of At least until the bigger one whaps the smaller one! LOL
Enjoy the weekend.0 -
Margo, for financial planning I like reading David Bach, Dave Ramsey, and Clark Howard. I think all three have a significant online presence. You might want to check them out. I hate to read that you've been feeling so down. Lots of suggestions here so I hate to make one, but I wonder if there are any caregiver support groups in your area, or even online, that you might be interested in. No one really gets it like other people who are in the same boat. Sort of like here. Love hearing about the kitties...I'm dying for a kitten, I bought a covered litter box on clearance last week at WalMart. If only my brother in law would move out! Should not be more than another 3-4 weeks.
Moonflower, sweet of you to invite everyone to your campout! If I were a bit closer, I would seriously consider it...I'm going to be less than two weeks out from recon surgery so camping probably wouldn't be good for me then, either. Please have a toasted marshmallow for me!
firstcall - so glad your hemocrit is finally where it should be! That is great news.
Susan, some people are such morons. I hate it when people tell me about others with cancer that die or are dying. I do not want to hear that... yeah it makes me want to punch someone too, and overall I am a very peaceful person.
So I have been busy busy busy. A little blue because I'm feeling rather broke. I'm trying to get my social work license and with all the fees + the cost of the exam, it's going to run about $400!!! That's a lot of money for me! Fortunately I've been able to pick up extra work through my employer. Now that I am graduated, I can work in the hospital emergency department on-call for psychiatric screenings. It involves being on-call weekends and overnights and it gets exhausting fast - but I am really enjoying it. I hope I can bring some comfort to someone in crisis, and help them get the help they need. And of course it will get this licensure stuff all paid for!
Healthwise, looking forward to seeing my onc the week after next for my check-up. Feels strange to not have seen him in so long! What to expect - I guess they will just do some labs? I have my ob/gyn annual the same day, before I see my onc, so I'm sure to get groped at least once if not twice that day.
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Hi Everyone
Christine
I have my follow up with my MO in early August, I'm not sure but I think its just labs. Saw my GP last week and she wants labs too including Vitamin D. and a colonoscopy! Of course a new mammo on the right and US on the left, bone density. Oh joy, but it will be good to get it over with. I've decided to start looking at reconstuction as well.
Man it's a hot one today 31C and humid, heat alert for the majority of the week ! I was thinking about how lucky we are not to be wearing wigs this summer too. Its a little warm in the apartment but my landlord bought me a 10,000 BTU portable AC unit! I was at a friends for the night last night so its working hard at trying to cool the place down.
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christina thx for suggestions- i hav eonly heard of dave ramsey and there are many who swear by him- will look into the others.
good luck on your licensure! wow-realllly make sme miss school since tat-social work- is where i as headed!
mlb; i have thought often of that wig!
i couldn't make it without the a/c !
succeeded in doing nothing today but 1 load of laundry after i unloaded th 80 bricks!
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