SEX - Very Raw Post
Comments
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we have had more arguments about this issue in my marriage than anything else. Before BC is was never enough for him, now that I have been thrown in chemopause and have zero interest in sex, well, it's not much better. He's tried to make it out that I have something mentally or physically wrong with me because I don't want sex. He says it's not normal, other women love sex with their husbands multiple times a week, etc. So it's nice to see these responses and know I'm not some kind of freak! So tired of it all... I don't think scream cream's going to help me - what I need is a libido!
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I know what you mean, Minxie. The biggest frustration for me is that I really want to want it! But my libido just evaporated. Things have been pretty much this way for 9 years now, since my initial diagnosis at 31. So many times we've tried and failed with me ending up in tears, either because of the pain or just the sadness at the loss of the sexual being I used to be, and my poor DH concerned and comforting me. So now it's like we'd both rather avoid the trauma of it all altogether. But I'm still only 40! My friends are in their sexual prime, having babies and loving life and I couldn't even get a smear test done after 3 attempts 'cause the doc couldn't get the speculum to open up... No, not even the smallest one! It's just crap, crap and more crap! Feels better to let it out, though. Thanks for starting this thread, Angelfalls xx
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Anko.. Not everyone has the same experience. I am just fine, and was during chemo. I am interested though at just how many women have benefitted from Scream Cream. So will keep that in my hip pocket just in case.
So far, all is more than fine (other than a muscle pull I recently got.....don't ask).
I will admit that when I was getting hammered with chemo, I had a lot less energy for sex. At the same time, I was always able to get things to work. And yes, I did have a smile afterwards.
So not necessarily the end of that part of your life And fortunately, there is help if you need it.
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I have cob webs down there and could care less..,,,no boobs....no hair but a big huge ass.... makes me wanna kick that crazy sexy cancer girl right in the lady bits - i hate each and everytime I hear that movie title!!!!! cancer has made me a female eunich!!! I wish I could offer some sage advise, but maybe picturing me beating up the sexy cancer lady will cheer you up :>
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Okay Lisa..it is Lefty HJ
I'm ready to help kick some cancer arse! Dawn you can have my jewelry too..maybe we could just buy one concubine to save money and have her travel! Lol. We have to laugh or we'd cry. Hugs to all0 -
Ha ah ha... hate to say it but yes I thought about getting the LARGE jar 500 uses and getting it to those who couldnt... but I can see it now NEWS HEADLINES boobless lady busted (aha hee heh) for trafficing unknown pharmaceutical substance across the border for blackmarket resale. Full storey to follow.
Only thing is the stuff costs an arm & a leg here (just what I need more body parts gone)... I paid $150.00 for 30 uses. In the States it seems to cost a LOT less.. $30-$60. Which is odd because everyone in the States normally tries to get their pharmaceuticals in Canada??
I get mine in a 30 gram clicker jar, 4 clicks 1 gram no waste
I have heard some get them in tubes down south, but havent seen it here.Oh and what he doesnt know wont hurt him he wouldnt be able to tell you used SC and its applied 20 - 30 minutes in advance. It feels very natural and stimulates your bodies natural um lubricant.
Now for the guys who need to have hand jobs. Go to an adult Toy Store and pick him up one of those squishy type Vagina toys. Its supposed to feel incredibly good and it works REALLY well. Supposedly the next best thing to the real thing. They have become really common so all the stores have them. Dont go for the new ones that have all sorts of beads & things in them... they become harder to handle and dont feel as nice. They have funky ones shaped like lips on one end as well to make it a little more fun & not so creepy... it could be a Valentines gift to your significant other. Make sure there's lots of KY around as he'll need it. Yes it will be his new best friend (once he gets up the nerve to try it) and there will be a lot less complaining. So we have SC whenever we want it & he will have his toy when we dont.
hugs Suz
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I am on Arimidex and haven't had chemo. I love my implants and am in great shape. I feel beautiful and sexy. My problem? No man in my life! I still have my fantasies an will jump at getting scream cream if I ever have a relationship again. hope you all find satisfaction .
Caryn0 -
misswim, tell him that the cancer treatment causes you to be dry, its not his fault or yours! You definitely should NOT have to suffer through it. And wnen you are dry, it hurts! Insist on using the Scream Cream or some sort of lube. He's lucky you are still willing.
Like this rotten cancer is not bad enough, it also ruins us sexually. I remember complaining to the oncologist about being so dry after the chemo when I first had it ten years ago. He seemed surprised I brought it up! He said no other patients had mentioned that to him before and he's not young either. Most of us poor women suffer in silence, I guess. I feel really bad for you younger women particularly. It is so unfair and it does add one more stresser for couples to deal with.
It is one more awful effect of having cancer and one they never tell you about either. I think oncologists should tell husbands of their female patients that this is unfortunately to be expected for most women who have cancer treatment.
Judie0 -
When I was on chemo at age 39 after initial diagnosis it was all I could do to get through the day, much less have sex. By then my hubby and I had been married 19 years, and he was wonderfully understanding. Once I recovered from chemo, our sex life resumed and all was great for a while.
Then came a hysterectomy which dried and withered the previously lush area. Intercourse became extremely painful, and my husband (thank heavens) is extremely tender and loving and didn't want me to be in any pain. In the absence of intercourse we became creative with fingers, vibrators and showers. I must be the only person on this Forum who flunked Scream Cream 101. I gave it a go in the hope of having intercourse again and couldn't bat 1, much less 100. Nothing expanded whatsoever except my disappointment. Maybe I need to give it a few more tries and if it doesn't work I'll auction off the remaining doses!
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Y'all are not alone. My libido sadly left with my ovaries. Had to laugh when Elizabeth ("konokat") used to lust after all those hunky men... I was more interested in her chocolate cake and kitty-cat posts. UGH. I HATE CANCER!
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Thanks for the raw post. XO
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Bestbird, Thanks for the post that it didnt work for you. Did you use the right amount of it? I know some people have said they had to use much more than the 1 gram that prescibed and they use it interally as well as on the clitoris area. Also did you try the lidocain for the pain? I really hope it works the next time around.
I found I had problems reaching an orgasm last time I used it, but was still very pleasant and no pain. I just started using Gabapentin again a week ago.... SE no cookies foe me. Will lower my dosage & see if that helps. Lol, I overheated my "toy" trying
hope I didnt break it.Hugs Gals, Suz
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The women on this thread just completely Rock! Good reads, good advice, good laughs. I love being in the company of amazing and real women. Cancer? HA! You won't defeat us - SUE
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Maybe it's just me because my husband was a wonderful lover but after 10 years sex wasn't a priority for me nobody how good it used to be. We had 2 small children, lots of financial problems, etc. and I just couldn't muster up the desire. Many men seem to think they just have to tell you they are in the mood and that's all we need to get aroused.
After awhile sex became one more chore on my "to do list" and as we were having sex, I was making mental notes of all I had to do the next day between my job and my boy's schoolwork.
Sex seems to stay great for men no matter how many years they are married. Sometimes I envy them that.
But now I don't have to please anybody when I'm not in the mood. Perhaps it's selfish but worrying about pleasing someone else sexually right now would annoy the hell out of me.
Denise
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I love this thread. What a great group. Kelly
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I read all these posts to my DH. He now has a little different outlook.....I think he had just felt I didn't WANT sex anymore. Though I'm so sorry we are all in this boat now, thank you for sharing so openly and validating what I've been feeling for 3 years.
I WILL somehow get SC. It the meantime have used coconut oil with a great deal of success, but I have alot of pain & just suffer through it. Doesn't matter how lubed up you are if you are in pain, it's hard to enjoy. Lidocaine sounds wonderful!
Joni
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BestBird, I BID $49.99 for your SC! Do you take monopoly money? I am unemployed r/t to my cancer! Haha. Dawn
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i count the thrusts.. anything over 360 and i start getting mad... but don't share it.
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I know someone who has a deal she makes with her DH when he is raring to go and she just does not feel up to it: "twenty or zero." Put another way -- "20 ins and you're out." She says he does not complain.
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Apple, I spilt my tea! Heh eheh.. still chuckling
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OK, Scream Cream gals (and auction participants); I'm gonna give this stuff another try to redeem its reputation. Yes, I used it internally and pretty much all over the area in question. It kinda "buzzed" at first (similar to putting a baking soda and water solution in your mouth) and then I found it sort of numbed the area that gives me joy, so to speak. So what's the purpose? But I will give it another shot and if I'm not a satisfied customer the remainder will be availailable for Monopoly Money.
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Anyone in the UK managed to get Scream Cream? Here's hoping!!! ;0)
Angelfalls xx0 -
I am not having trouble with my sex drive, because my fiance is very understanding and he waits until I ask or am feeling ok. I feel crazy asking this question, but do I get a prescription for scream cream from my doctor? I would love to try it!!!!
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Thank you for this post and all the responses, it made my day. I am SO sorry that we are all going through this but it is great to know I am not alone.
My husband and I always had a great sex life and I wanted it just as much as him. Now, thanks to Tamoxifen and Effexor I am right with all of you ladies with no desire and I would rather play "Words with Friends" most of the time than have sex.
Before I even wrote this response I called and left a message with my onc's nurse (thank goodness I feel like I know her well because it was kind of embarrassing) asking for a script for Scream Cream.
Thanks for the raw honesty and the funny responses.
Lorraine
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Debke, Yes you will need a presciption for it.. a lot of Dr's havent heard of it so printing out the formula & taking it with you is a good idea. You will then have to take the prescription to a "compounding pharmacy" as they will have to make a batch. Sometimes there can be a wait as they dont have all the ingredients in stock (mine didnt) You then should be good to go
Hugs Suz
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OMG ...I thought I was the only one suffering like this! After 4 years of Femara and Effexor and menopause and hysterectomy I feel like a shriveled up old woman.
I was going to ask my onc, but forgot....saw him today...I guess my gyn could give me a rx. see her in April.
Thanks all!
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It appears you can buy it over the internet.
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Is it the chemo that keeps people dry? I was doing fine with my bio identical hormones but had to go cold turkey off that at dx in Dec. Now I get cold and hot flashes. Once i even woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat from the stupid hot flash. Most days I am freezing tho (I live in FL and its 75 degrees outside!) I have been using Replens since menopause but really didnt need it much with the bio id hormones. Fiance is a heart patient so he cant do too much without the little blue pill and his insurance wont pay for that and they are pricey. He's always calling and coming over but does not seem interested much and especially fallen off since the dx,he keeps treating me like I am already sick but I havent even begun cause my surg is not til Monday. Maybe later on when I have a different looking body,he will feel like he's doing a different person..lol..or maybe just low testosterone levels due to all his meds. We are in our 60s so maybe he is old..lol. I am not a little nympho but a couple times a month just to remember what its like wouldnt bother me. However if I were on chemo and nauseous I probably would rather read a book.
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Happytrish..the product you posted the link too is basically peppermint oil..not the same thing.
Layla I think it maybe the combination of things. I've had a hysterectomy with ovary removal..that started my problems the year prior to cancer. Then chemo and arimidex did me in..one year after chemo I had the gyno try to do a pap test and she couldn't even insert speculum without ripping my skin..I bleed with any friction.0 -
You need to be able to have an orgasm by yourself again, that is the starting part of fixing this. You said you could try for over an hour - so you must still have some drive, it's just been beaten down by all the crap in your life, and crazy emotions.
Did you ever watch Sex and the City? Well, there was an episode about a vibrator called The Rabbit....so entertaining that one of the characters just....wouldn't leave her apartment.
There's no real fiction in the world. If you've never tried a rabbit, I recommend it. Highly. It stimulates you in all the right places both inside and out.
About your husband and the fantasies...just make yourself stop thinking like that. Don't overanalyze, it's almost always a mistake with men. (Edited out my own analysis of that...really, we are so often far more complicated than they.)
Best of luck...don't give up on yourself.
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