I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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Painterly, mine weighed exactly what I thought they weighed, about one pound each or one kilo total. So when my onc complains that I am too thin, I remind him that I would weigh a kilo more if I still had boobs. I was a 36B/C (depending on brand and cut) and thought they were grossly large (used to be much smaller prior to having a kid). They were also droopy after the pregnancy. If I didn't wear a bra, they touched my ribcage. Shudder!
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Painterly, in big round numbers and averaged, they removed approx 2150 grams each side. When you throw in the 15 lb weight loss due to stress before the surgery, my breasts would have been in the realm of 10 lbs total (5 lbs each) prior to dx. I would have guessed double that.
Barbara
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Melanie & All: I have made my pockets. I am not a seamstress on any level and it being years between minor sewing projects, they leave a whole lot to be desired.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/starak_/8105756438/in/photostream
These pockets represent diametrically opposed things. The fabric is a sort of cotton fleece that was purchased to make beds for my daughters, Her Yorkinesses. I love the colors and design and the beds have given great comfort to the girls for many years. I chose light and dark pieces from the scraps, perhaps to represent where our breasts have served us and betrayed us. As I was looking through my misc. button collection, I found the Farrah buttons and they spoke to me as the perfect accessory for this project. Perhaps again the Ying and Yang. Farrah Fawcett who represented feminine perfection at least in the minds of many men. I often said I would have had a Farrah Fawcett haircut if I had her hair. I did not. She is perhaps one of the more famous of the casualties of this disease and so in a sense, on one hand pockets that on some level represent me and perhaps with those buttons to honor and remember the many who famous or not would ultimately be taken by the betrayal of the seemingly perfect.
This project has touched me in some way that I cannot quite express and perhaps even now do not understand.
Melanie, these will go in the mail this weekend.
Barbara
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Painterly, there are camisoles with "breast pockets" to put a little something in to give you a bit of shape under your golf shirts IF you want to avoid notice or comment. Because those pockets are at breast level I don't think there would be a shifting problem during your swings.
Otherwise, for everyday wear my favorite undergarment is Jockey cotton sleeveless tanks. The armholes are cut high and loose enough for me and come in colors and patterns. Also they can be worn backwards if a contrasting higher neckline is desired at an open necked shirt/blouse.
Momine, it's nice to match your very pleasing face to your name. Thanks.
MT1, speaking of faces, thank you for that video. The idea of a video featuring proud, flat chested cancer survivors appeals to me.
And speaking of surviving, I survived our move south for the winter. I tolerated the lifting and carrying as well as extended time working between rest periods. Areas over my breast area and at my sides under the arms swelled a bit, but that diminished by the next morning each time. As much as I didn't relish all that work at this time, I feel my stamina improved. Just maybe I'm not too far away from getting back to "normal." I really, really need for that to happen to get rid of the belly I've gained during recuperation.
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I have been living with BC for over 3 years now, or shall I say surviving! After my cancer came back a second time and after finishing radiation, I decided to ditch the prothestics! First and foremost I was barely an A cup and hated wearing a bra. I would only wear a bra if I had too. I have been going flat chested now for several months. I find this liberating and could care less what "they" think. I did check into the reconstructive surgery and there was no way I would put myself through all of that for boobs, for me I was never really attached to them, so when I lost them to cancer, it was sort of odd looking at my chest the first time but I got used to it and now I do embrace my flat chest. I tell everyone that I look just like a little girl. No one hassles me about being flat chested and if they did, they must be pretty shallow. If anyone wants to go without surgery or prothestics, I say, GO FOR IT!!!
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My pockets will be in the mail tomorrow. I didn't have time to make them so I cut some off of an old shirt and embellished them a bit.
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RiverRat, your pockets are so pretty!
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Thanks, Tina. I have to admit after the gorgeous pics of some others I almost didn't post my simple ones. Those are little lady bugs in the centers of the roses.
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where do I send my pockets?
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Thanks for all the info.
Granellie: where do I find the camisoles? A specialty store?
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happyraccoon, I sent you a PM.
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painterly - I had large, uncomfortable boobs prior to surgery. Mine were made of very dense, fibrous tissue. Each weighed 5 lbs. I don't miss them.
Maybe that's why the breast forms don't bother me. They weigh so much less than what nature gave me, and I now look balanced and like I always wanted to look.
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Ha ha ha ... total weight loss after bilateral ... 1.6 lbs. Weight gained during chemotherapy... 10 pounds. I must start dieting...with the flat chest the belly sticks out terribly. It is unacceptable to me.
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I have been meaning to go and have a look at spanx underwear as once the boobs go, I may suddenly find my tummy is bigger. I don't mind looking flat all the way down, but I'm not too excited about becoming a pear. I grew up in the Twiggy era and we were all skinny in those days, I didn't have much in the way of boobs so I think I could go flat without any trouble as long as the tummy is flat too. We have a couple of gals at our golf club who are very athletic looking...no boobs to speak of and a very flat tummy. But I imagine their "no boobs to speak of" will look huge compared to my flat chest.
I am on the waiting list for the BMX, as at the moment there is no evidence of disease, so I am not an urgent case. The breast surgeon thinks that the op will be within 6 months as all the other women who have evidence of cancer jump in front of me which is understandable. When I was first diagnosed, the op took place within 2 weeks. It was my pathology report which has prompted me to have the prophylactic BMX. I was DCIS but it had the HER protein which freaked me out. I want to avoid taking drugs so that is why I am planning the BMX. I am sure there are many women who would prefer to take the drugs than have their breasts removed, but in my case, I just cannot handle them...I had a tough time on Arimidex and had to stop due to severe side effects, plus I have permanent side effects from chemo from the first time, so I put 2 and 2 together and feel that I won't do well on chemo and herceptin. The breast surgeon thinks I am worrying too much about the cancer coming back, but I am doing what I feel I should to prevent having to take the drugs which will do me a lot of harm.
We will be going to Florida in about 3 weeks and the hospital will call me when they have an opening and I will pop back up for it. I never thought I would be anxious to have my boobs off. Sheesh, life sucks sometimes n'est ce pas?
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Painterly, a number of sites will come up if you Google "mastectomy camisoles." However, here's a specific one that will handle the INS and getting an RX from your doctor:
http://www.liberatormedical.com/mastectomy-fashions/catalog120502/mastectomycatalog-120502.pdf
I recommend having a couple of the soft stetch cotton ones that have pockets for the drains you'll have post surgery. If I had known about them before surgery I would've ordered them. As it happened, I stopped at a specialty store on the way home from the hospital to buy them. Sure am glad I had them, especially because those drains were in for 8 weeks. One thing I ended up doing was wearing them inside-out to get the seams away from sensitive areas. After the drains were out my favorites were, and still are, the Jockey tanks because they're soft and nothing binds anywhere. The Jockey brand does not have pockets for augmentation. This week a couple that I ordered from should arrive. Sometime soon I'll start building a wardrobe of fabulous camisoles to replace the beautiful and comfortable and expensive bras I gave away.
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RiverRat, your pockets are very appealing ... gives me the idea to attach sculpture pins to breast pockets on my shirts ... something to give me a bit of "form" ;-)
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Does every one suggest getting a wedge pillow for sleeping after surgery and where do I find one? I have a recliner but would rather be in bed if possible. How did you find sleeping after your surgery?
Thanks
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Frapp, I ain't gonna kid you here, sleeping after surgery basically sucks. You have to sleep on your back for a while and it gets to be a drag. It is also kinda tricky getting up and out of bed, which is why many people end up in the recliner.
I just gathered a bunch of regular pillows and stacked and wedged them in various ways, and I tried to sleep often, so I got my rest even if I only slept in short spurts.
The only good thing is that it doesn't actually last that long, although it can seem endless when you are in the middle of it.
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Its those bloody drains!! They were the worst part for me. Lots of pillows carefully wedged in helped me.
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Frapp, I did exactly what Momine did. I didn't own many pillows before surgery, so went to Walmart (I know, I know) and bought 6 or 8 of their cheapest ones. Cruddy, cruddy things which fell apart fairly fast, but lasted long enough to do their job. I made myself kind of a throne in the middle of the bed.
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Thanks for the suggestions. Like I said, I have a recliner so if all else fails, I can go to that. Just wasn't sure if I should look for the wedge, but your suggestions of several cheap pillows works for me.
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Guess I'm a big wimp then. Used the recliner for a full two months.
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I didn't have trouble sleeping after surgery, except that only night in the hospital. I had to lay flat on my back for a couple weeks so a pillow under my knees helped... I must have been very lucky.
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Galsal, you weren't the only wimp then.
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I bought a wedge shaped pillow online. the one I bought is actually advertised to be used to reduce snoring, but I chose it because it was lower and longer than most of the other wedges advertised. I still used a regular pillow under my head on top of it, and one under my knees. A friend whose adult daughter had both breasts removed due to breast cancer now participate with other women to make heart shaped soft pillows with the breast cancer ribbon pattern on them. They give them free to women having surgery. The wedge pillow, and this small pillow (or any very soft small pillow) are the most important ones as far as I am concerned. The wedge shaped one, because it forced me to stay on my back, rather than roll onto my side at night; and the small soft pillow because tucked it under my arm to keep my arm at chest level and to separate my arm from my body so that the pain in my shoulder and arm pit didn't keep me awake all night.
Finding camisoles that were soft enough and low enough under the arm so that they did not rub on the 'dog ear' skin flap under my arm or on my chest scar, was tough. I too find Jockey camisoles and undershirts with no seams to be the most comfortable. The doctor did a good flat scar other than the dog ear, which has gotten smaller with time.
Oh yeah! I went shopping the other day and on a lark I tried on this gorgeous 70's type blouse that has flared sleeves and a slighly flared bottom, but no gathers or pleats at the neck. From the side I look totally flat, but from the front you wouldn't notice. But the great thing is how the fabric felt against my chest. A couple of you have written about finding tops that you feel very sexy in because of the fabrics. I didn't think that would ever be possible for me. I don't know about sexy - but I feel femine and very much like me as a 20 something me in this top! Wow - it is possible!
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Djustme, congrats on finding the top! I think it is wonderful that it is, in fact, possible to feel good again, feel feminine, even sexy again. We are some tough-assed broads
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Dog ears? Does everyone get dog ears?
How is the pain level? I can't tolerate pain medication, it messes with my head too much and sends me into a severe depression.
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Painterly, I did not get dog ears. Right after surgery, there was a little "top" of extra skin on each side right where the incisions ended at my sternum. They have however smoothed out since then.
The pain was really not too bad (and I am a huge sissy). They did give me pain meds for 3-4 days, but it was tylenol with codeine. In other words, nothing very heavy. After that, I took ibuprofen and similar as needed. There is a lot of discomfort and for quite a while. It feels like someone took a brillo pad to your chest or something, but it isn't really pain-pain, if that makes sense, more a creepy-crawly, itchy feeling. It does eventually go away, but it is slow, slow, slow and will be 2 steps forward, 1 back for quite a while.
Also, be prepared to be TIRED! A friend had warned me about this, and I did not take her seriously. But surgery is major trauma and it makes you tired. So do try to rest and don't try to be a hero. I went to bed at around 6 PM with my lap desk and puter, some books and TV. This is a good time to lay in a supply of light movies or favorite TV shows on DVD.
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Painterly, I can't take narcotics, they make me throw up. In the hospital they gave me pain meds and then medicine to stop the vomiting but when I went home I alternated Tylenol and Advil and did fine. There wasn't anywhere near as much pain as I thought there would be. Edited to add that I spent one night in the hospital.
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I had percocet prescribed at the hospital to take at home - CRAZY ITCHING - so I switched to hydro-co's (acetaminophen and codeine?) 500's . . usually took 1/2 . . . pain wasn't too much of an issue - I did take naps a few days . . mostly just took things REALLLLLLYYYYYY slow and lazed around for the three weeks I took off work (at the surgeon's instruction) - I probably could have gone back after two weeks out . . . again, I was VERY lucky . . . no lymph nodes removed except the sentinel . . . minimal problems, drains only in 3 days . . . truly thankful on this end . . . .
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