STFU (Shut the F*** UP)
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Home now, going over this mornings hurtful day....no sleep tonight.....I keep hearing the words over and over, and think......where did I go wrong....what did I do or not do....God knows I tried.....with 6, it is tough to remember everything, and always do equal.....it will be over when they close the lid for the last time.........peace at last......thank God...peace at last....
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((((((Ducky)))))) When I was having problems with my DD, I talked to the social worker at my senior center (for free). She helped me a lot in just one session. I feel a lot of guilt over how mean I was to my Mom, but it's too late to change that. I think the person to please is you. Let them do the adjusting. Thanks for posting and letting us know how you are.
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((((((((((((Ducky))))))))))))))
I had a run in with DH this morning - I understand>>>>>>> didn't make a good mother's day for me either
- Dear Lord, Hold Ducky in your BIG Rocking Chair and tell her how much You and All of Us care for here.. Amen.
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Oh Miss Duck...breathing again and was so worried for you...sorry your day was so stressful...I can only send prayers and peace of a better understanding for you...family dynamics can be so trying....make yourself happy and do the hooligan hula! Xoxo
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Oh Ducky we were all so worried and Im so sorry u had to go thru all of this. But let's face it sometimes our kids hold their fears in too and then everything spills out except whe it's all at once it's a disaster. U'r kids love u and I'm sure u've always done the right things (well maybe not always who does) but it's the right thing at the time so don't battle with u[rself they'll think about it and feel bad if they hurt u. And sometimes they perceive differently than we do and being all alone doesn't help the matter for u. But I'm sure in u'r heart u know things will be fine and in no time they will be back with u. It's funny people can make us feel badly but our kids can hurt so deep at any age. Whatever this whole thig was about it's like a storm and blows over. Now be kind to u'rself in any way possible. (((HUGS)))
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Oh Ducky, so sorry to hear that this happened to you on Mother's Day. Bad enough our children pull this crap on us the other 364 days of the year but today of all days. We are here for you. I'll keep you in my prayers so that you may find peace and realize it's not you, it's them. ((((HUGS))))
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Thanks for caring.....and that is why I love you all so much......I will be here at this lovely place as long as the good Lord allows me......you have no idea what this friendship means to me.....I think, the good thing about BC is it brought all of you to me...love you all
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Ducky,
I am sure you are wonderful mother and did everything you could for each of your children. I am sure you didn't ignore any of them. I only have 2 but I discovered you have to do for each as they need, at the time. It's not about treating them equally but fairly.
I'll be up "late" by east coast standards, so if you want to talk....PM or here.
Keeping you in my prayers.
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((((hugs)))) ducky. Fortunately we have our virtual friends here on BCO. Like you I have no siblings. My one brother, younger than I, died last summer. My support group consists of my husband and my friends here on these topics. I'm here to support you with love and prayers. In case you should just need someone to talk to I will pm my phone number.
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Oh Ducky, Im sorry this was such a sad day for you...I dont think children know what they do to their parents no matter how old they are.You did the best you could, sometimes the best is never enough...your right though,I feel the same way about all my friends on these boards, you are the only ones I tell things to.Hope tomorrow is a better day.....
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Ducky ((((())))).....being a parent doesn't come with a book of instructions...I'm sure there
isn't a parent alive who doesn't regret something they did, said, didn't say or do....I know for one I'm one of those. My kids have said things to me that have cut me to the bone and Inhave said things to them that I truly regret. I will go to my grave regretting many things I didn't do for my mother. My brother has reminded me on many occasions that dwelling on the past with the "if only" .... is wasted energy and since my BC dx I have come to believe that. We did our best with what we had to work with and now it's time
to take care of ourselves and not dwell or allow our kids the opportunity to put us in a bad place....be good to yourself now Ducky ....you deserve it.....raising six kids...you deserve a medal......❤0 -
I had an older neighbor woman when I was just beginning.....I had a 2 year old, a 1year old,, and a newborn. When the kids were 4,3, and 2 I would be all over the place chasing them.....always had a playpen......she would here me from our row houses when the windows were open, yelling, Vinny stop hitting your sister.....Ginny , no the baby can't have that..and she would laugh.......at nap time when all got quiet, and I would go out front and sit on the steps she would come out with a cool drink and put her arm around me and say..."little girl ( I was just 24 with 3 babies) always remember this........"WHen their little they step on your toes....when their big, they step on your heart"......,.words of wisdom.......back then who would have thought that could happen......they were my babies...nothing could ever make us hurt each other.........what did I know at just 24..,,,,,
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Ducky 24 yrs old with 3 babies---OMG I would have been in an institution==I like what u'r neighbor said. And I've always said guilt is a wasted emotion--it will drain you and nothig u can do about it. We all have things in our lives that we could have, should have maybe have done or not done. But at that time it was all right now we'd thik why? so it's over as the Italians say FORGETABOUTIT....
U know we're all here for each other and it is amazing that who were perfect strangers in our lives we are now telling every and anything to. Because we've formed bonds. I know we're all on a few different threads but for me I'm super comfortable on only a few and this is one. So don't ask me about anything or u'll get a page full. Feel better Ducky U'r a good woman and did a wonderful job (and it's a hard one) so u rlax about it.
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Ducky - So sorry you have to go through this. It must hurt to the core. I hope you can "see" from all these messages that you are in good company---we mothers have all had our hearts broken by our kids. This motherhood stuff isn't easy. Wasn't when they were babies, teenagers, or adults.
May I suggest a long bubble bath with soothing music. And come back here often to get some more hugs.
Hugs and a strong shoulder to cry on, Jan
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I want you to know...if anything ever happened to my computer...or Ipad I would spend my last dime on a new one.......why you say......you ladies....I could not go a day without some love from all of you.....hugs.....I will get through this hurt and go on, ...2 Dr appts this week....BC surgeon, and MO
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Oh Ducky Drs. app'ts ick--I hate that--I have to call anew dr. tomorrow for my back--I don't know why Dr. things get me mad lately, they didn't use to now I just chringe. But u know I wish u good Luck with them so u'll be busy.
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Well Duckaronni - we are not strangers, that's for sure, and you know ALL of us love your dearly as much as we would a blood and flesh sister, so you are not really an only child. Although we can't physically drop over to your house to make you a cup of tea, hug you, or take you to see The Great Gatsby, which any of us would do in a New York second, we can love and care for you with our words and heartfelt empathy through this online family we have made together.
It's not a very good idea for daughters to not be kind to their mother right before or on Mother's Day. No mother is perfect, but most of us do a pretty darn good job despite the many challenges we face. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we are 1000% behind you, believe in you, root for you and want to take a couple of those daughters out to the woodshed for a good spanking. How could we all love you so much if you weren't a wonderful friend?
Today was my first day without a gazillion agendas since I "Passed my Class and Kicked BC's Ass," and I found myself reflecting on all the pain, anger, frustration, fear, and hurt from the past. Every time I had a negative thought I took notice of it. I noticed how often they creeped up on me all day, and let them happen, and then let them go. My goal is to keep noticing them, and letting them go. I wish this for you, and all our other sisters. You will be close in my thoughts tonight Duckie, and I pray that you awaken tomorrow feeling comforted.
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She'll....such comforting words from a dear person........it will be ok, sooner or later.....think they will believe what they will, ..I did and do what I knew..they did not come with an instruction book..I know I am not mother of the year. But I give it my best shot
Having 6 was a challenge, and had 6 by just 34.....now they are 55, 54, 53....49, 47, and 44, at one point at 22, a playpen, was considered a piece of furniture since once it went into the living-room, it stayed there for 7 years, and went back up when the next 3 came along.....
So when they all got old enough to understand the difference in treatment, punishment, and who did I give more attention to, they would ask....Hey Mom. Tell us....."WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE".........I would answer "THE ONE WHO IS SICK TILL THEY GET BETTER! AND THE ONE WHO IS AWAY! TILL THEY COME HOME".
Have a blessed night dear friends.......hope your day was special....you all deserve it. Hugs0 -
Ducky that was really beautiful what u said. I never thought about that. Well I guess cuz my parents just tole us my oldest brother was the favorite cuz he carried the name so when he'd have boys the name would go on and the girls would lose the name--Oh I do have another brother but he was second And I was my Dad favorite for the girls and my sister was my mom;s--they were brutally honest, but no one cared and we were blessed they lived long lives and we always knew and teased them and we'd tease my other brother that he wasn't anyone's favorite and it didn't even bother him. And my aunt had 3 kids--and my cousin asked her once why her Dad never really talked to her and my aunt told her that he didn't really like her and she said Oh I just wondered. When u grew up in an Italian family u just took it for granted about these things.
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Oh one more thing==now I'm LOLing==my grandma died whe I was 11 yrs od, lived right across the street maybe talk to me 3 times--my sister on the other hand would sleep over and she's always talk to her in English--she's talk to me in Italian cuz i had more difficulty with it. But I understood her, and when she said in front of me that I was good for nothing cuz I didn't speak good Italian. I just totally laughed about it. I was like 8 yrs old
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A flowery card? Nope Flowers? NopeAn email. Sigh.0 -
Ducky sorry for the pain HUGS sassy
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Morning hooligans....woke up at 5am starving...first time since surgery HA so ate some breakfast, had some coffee and now contemplating going back to sleep...kinda liking this lazy life compared to my 24/7 life.
Happy Monday...new day, new start, welcome to a new great week!0 -
Well, damnit! We got our Ducky back! Little miss duck.... I know exactly what you are feeling. Same thing happened to me with my DD#1. Only we were in San Francisco! I was with BOTH of them, but DD#1 took it upon herself to change into the wicked witch of the West, in an instant!Over NOTHING, in fact..... I mean it was about which sandwich was hers, and which was mine, and I said mine had the mayo, and that was enough to send rockets into the f***ing STRATosphere!So then as I looked at her thinking "Where the hell did YOU come from?" (with question marks all over my face...") She went into this rant and a half about "DON'T apologize!!! YOU ALWAYS did that, even when we were LITTLE... to EVERYone!"So then I was not so nicely told about EVERY little thing that I had obviously done WRONG raising her.... them.... Oh wait, by this time, DD#2 was asking her to 'Please STFU!" Didn't help! This went on for I'd say 3 hours or more.It just took my breath away! Finally DD#2 and I thought we had better leave the motel, or missiles would be launched! Door was slammed, and I thought Good God the Police are going to come! It was like the nicer and calmer I remained, the WORSE it became!A couple hours later, and she called us from her cell, and acted like "Hey, what's up?" Crisis over... didn't bring it up again, that little bitch!But yes little Duckiness, it hurts! You just can't trust them the next time. Talk about walking on pins and needles. And no, we would never do this, or SAY those things to our Mom's!So it's a flaw.... Nothing more. And don't take it personal.... she/they were just being brainless and bitchy.We/they get over it... And guess what? Her Son #1 is the same to her! And when she tells me this, I just say, "okay honey, just step away.... let him come to you..."Just go on Ducky.... I can't say forget about it.... because you never will.... I know. But just forgive......and just remember the f***ing flaws.Love you gals.... I know! I can't believe how we can tell each other every damn thing, and we know we have friends through it all! xoxoxo0
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Good Morning everyone---I'm having my coffee with my little furbaby now so not quite awake yet, but awake enuff to know it's ChicaD's big day right? First chemo tady--YaY getting started with the the plan and before u know it it will be over--we'll be there in u'r pocket having a good time--so we;ll help u.
Scottie r u there? I'm a little late this morning fell asleep late and slept like a baby up every 2 hrs. to pee.
Hope everyone has a super Monday--like they should.
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So Duck! I got it figured out..... Just MAYbe these kids of ours, AND our husbands have made us into the awesome women we are today, right? Now put that in your little pipe and smoke it..... Oh wait.... don't say that to Princess Kantalope, she will take that ALL wrong.
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Chevy, u r right and Princess k will never read it. So no worry there.
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Cami....its karen's 1st chemo today.....mine maybe later this week after MO appt on Wed...but you were close and thank you!
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