STFU (Shut the F*** UP)
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ShaneOak, Thank you and AMEN!
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This thread made me laugh.. being new to this journey I wasnt sure if it was just me and I was reacting to the stress of it all. My personal favourite from someone I know well was " no body dies from prostate cancer anymore, they live a long time "... he didnt even stop and think and I didnt know if I wanted to laugh or cry.
I replied.. thats great for all the guys that have prostate cancer !!! gosh he meant well I know.
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Thank you for venting this for me...I cannot tell you how many times I've been told I have the best breast cancer so it's no big deal. No matter how you slice or dice this....it is still cancer in MY body! For those who think it's a cake walk, I think they would feel quite differently if they were in "our" shoes!
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Rdrunner - I think I would have said something along the lines of "Well then, I'll just have to swap out these ol' breasts for one o' them prostates! Know where I can get one?"
DUHHHH!!!!
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Maybe we can start suggesting that we swop out the breasts and use prostates for implants.
GAH!
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Just adding to that prostate one. Yes, they do, as many men die of prostate cancer as women from breast cancer. At lest that is the figures for new zealand.
It is very similar to bc, caught early it can be cured, out in the body and it's game on.
Funny how ignorance people can be, to think no-one dies of either bc or prostate cancer. Maybe we just don't want to know what really happens. All the news is on early stage cure but there is a reality behind the hype.
Just thought I add that but many we could market the T shirts to men too. Everyone will want one.
Moira
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Maybe the t-shirt could be like Letterman's Top 10.
The Top 10 statements/comments to a BC patient that will get you a STFU.
1. "Wow, a free boob job....I'm jealous"
2. "Well, at least you get a flat tummy out of all of this"
3. ???????
Feel free to add to the list ladies.
I'll report back with the Top 10 soon. (I'm getting a FREE boob job on Monday so if you don't hear from me for a few days don't panic).
I can't wait to see what we come up with!!
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Very cute! I recall last year when I was in a Cracker Barrel (and please don't ask me about the types of people who frequent Cracker Barrel), some twit saw me buying a stone that said "Remember." I bought it to obviously remember what I was going through at that moment. A lady nearby asked me who I was buying it for and when I said myself and explained that I was just diagnosed with cancer (hoping for a bit of compassion), the twit then proceeded to tell me about how we give ourselves cancer!!
I was floored. I'm not sure what my reply was, but I do recall thinking that was 10 mintues of my life I will never get back! Maybe she had a piece of instant karma later... I sure hope so! Should have told her STFU!
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Rockym -- I couldn't resist telling you that the first thing that popped into my head after reading your story was, "I have heard Cracker Barrel gives you cancer" ("probably" not true, but it may give you high cholesterol or heart disease, hehehe). BTW, I love CB, especially the big rocking chairs.
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A friend asked me if I thought that the cancer in my left breast was caused by someone breaking my heart in the past and suggested that I should work through the issues of that pain. She's very "woo-woo" when it comes to health issues. I said that I did not think that at all & that I thought it could have been caused by humans essentially sh!tting in our own nests and polluting our air, water, and soil. Or maybe the binge drinking in my early 20's. Or maybe my family history. (Or maybe just STFU.) Incidentally, this friend was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma at about the same time as my diagnosis and has recently developed a new appreciation for Western medicine and good plastic surgeons.
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Love this thread, BTW! Always good to have a safe outlet for the anger phase! Thanks, ShaneOak!
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There's a lady in my church that has become very close to me in the past few years. She's kind, generous, and encouraging, but she floored me when I got the dx.
She asked, if I had ever let my husband or any man before him play with my breasts.
I said, yes.
She said she had never let her husband or any other man touch her breasts, because she was afraid of breast cancer. I was in SHOCK! That God put them there for feeding babies.
I told her that if that were the only reason, why did he make them so sensitive to touch, and why would it cause such arousal for both man and woman?
She started to cry, and said, " then, I was a horrible wife."
Her husband died 2 years ago. Btw, she's 70.
I reminded her what the Bible says about sex. That he marriage bed is undefiled. I'm still amazed by that question, as if I gave myself BC by letting my husband touch me.0 -
I truly think people are just afraid of this disease. They will try to find anyway to assure themselves that it won't happen to them. It's superstition.
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Amazing how much misery superstition can cause....
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...and you can get pregnant from kissing ;-).
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If I drink a diet soda with this piece of pie...it will cancel the calories out!
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I am so glad we can vent here. It is amazing some of the things said to us from either well-meaning strangers, family or others "friends" we know. Only those who have gone through this journey get it.
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One for the top10 list.
"If you only think positive you will beat this cancer."
So, it I have a bad day for any reason will that make the cancer grow?
Moira
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@soteria, I'm sorry your church friend said what she did to you, but I feel sorry for her, too. It seems pretty clear to me that she was told an "old wives' tale", and took it to be true. Now it sounds like she feels guilty and as if she was a "horrible wife" as a result of the false belief that was foisted on her, maybe when she was a very young girl and had no way of knowing any better. It's a pity that she and her husband missed out on what might have added a lot to their intimacy because of it, as well as that it caused her to say something that (unintentionally I'm sure) was so hurtful to you.
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I love you for this post!! It's exactly how I felt. I have one More to add that was said to me...." We can't wait to see your new boobs"..
What I wanted to say.......First, stupid a--' ......you aren't invited to see them and second, how about having a little sensitivity? Want to trade places?0 -
Can you believe the things people say?!?! I can laugh at alot of the ignorance ... though my sense of humor is starting to slip now. Here's one - I work in a lab - I'm a scientist. A woman I work with came to me in TEARS the other day... she had heard the news. "I always feared something like this would happen to you - you don't wear your lab coat and gloves enough." WTF?!?!?!$%&* I was shocked and appalled. The next day she brought me an herbal cure for cancer from China. I am amazed this woman is a scientist.
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Someone told me the other day that asparagus cures cancer! I don't know, maybe you rub it on your boobs and it dissolves the tumor.
I guess people want to offer some kind of wisdom, and they just don't have a clue!
Blessings
Paula0 -
for the list;
"it's only hair, it will grow back"
anne
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My favorite one that was said to me was "which one is it?"
Really? Sometimes you wonder what makes people say what they say??😄0 -
After yestereday I have one more for the list:
"Well, at least you'll lose a bunch of weight with Chemo".
STFU! Seriously! Now you're going to call me fat on top of having BC.
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shaneoak - i laughed when i read this post. So true, except i have been saying it in my head but i think now i will have to start saying it to people! Seriously tired of it! my all time favorites
"don't worry about reccurance, i could get hit by a bus tomorrow" funny, i never thought about getting hit by a bus before BC but i think about reccurance every. single. day
"just think you won't have to color your hair anymore" (when i was wearing my wig)
"so they cured you right?"
"what stage are you" from acquaintances i haven't seen in years
"so you have a family history right?" nope, fucker came out of the blue and yes it could happen to you (everyone wants reassurances that they are safe)
"try latisse, or avacodo whatever to grow your brows/lashes" i am in debilatating chemo, I could give a royal f**k what my lashes look like
"my____________ fill in the blank, had BC and ___________ fill in the outcome" i have heard the good, the bad and the ugly
thanks for a place to rant!!!!!!
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Rozem~Hey I have an idea! Try rubbing that asparagus I was told about on your lashes. Lol! What's scary, is, they're out there, and they walk among us.
Blessings
Paula0 -
My top three
1.) you're lucky it's only breast cancer
2.) it's all over and done with, no more worrying, according to one of the school mum's after finishing my treatment
3.) having a mastectomy is a small price to pay for getting cured... Apparently....
Brrrrrr!0 -
A church member came up to me and asked how I was doing. He also asked if I was having chemo. I replied that the Drs and I felt that the risk was not worth the benefit w/ my diagnosis. He said....."You just don't want to lose your hair." I then excused myself from the conversation. People do not think.
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I agree - people don't know what to say--even a nurse told me " Well, at least breast cancer is curable; at least you don't have emphysema.
I took that the way it was intended. To make me feel grateful. I didn't resent it at all - she was trying to help me and she did.
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