STFU (Shut the F*** UP)
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Oh here is another good one.... As if it wasn't bad enough that I had breast cancer..."people who don't breast feed have a higher rate of bc" ....so not only am I left with sadness AGAIN about infertility in my earlier years but that this is part of that curse!! Really?!?!? You can't make this stuff up!! Do they really think that will make you feel better??? What a great thread to see what others heard
Enjoy your weekend!0 -
A nurse told you BC was curable? I would have had to tell her to ST*U. No, it isn't and for medical personal to keep adding to the ignorance pisses me off.
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I breastfeed for 8 Years with my two children, still got f***ing cancer at 44. What did I do wrong? I'm thinking I didn't eat enough asparagus, or was that brocolli? Why couldn't it have been chocolate?
I actually got over that and sort of laugh about it now. You have to get over it and just shrug your shoulders and go "Oh well, wantta know, sneaky bas***d cancer doesn't play by the rules we set it"
People are very scared of cancer and it seems to come out of nowhere and we hate the lose of control over our own bodies. It makes people grasp at straws to explain it and deny it could happen to them.
Not my problem to fix their fears and STFU is one way to not have to even listen to them. It is in my head all the time now and it makes me smile and relax about other people.
Gotta laugh.
Moira
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I wish I could say STFU instead I go home and cry at peoples insensitivity.
Not sure about elsewhere but in Australia BC is apparently the most common cause of death of 25 - 64 year olds. Not too many buses on that list.
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Well said, I think there needs to be a guide book on what not to say to patients!
Just got diagnosed and still getting opinions. It is exhausing.
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One of the reasons I am so against the "Pink Ribbon Tyranny" is that it fosters the "breast-cancer-as-the-ultimate-beauty (spiritual)-makeover" by implication. I give you the following myths:
1) Your hair will grow back more beautiful and more luxurious than before.
2) Your skin will never be more clear- or flawless than it will be during chemotherapy.
3) You will grow closer to your family and friends in ways you never thought possible.
4) Your spirituality will deepen and become more fulfillling.
5) Remaining positive is KEY to your recovery.
[And don't get me started on the "Look Good Feel Good" nonsense. Sure, makeup is going to make me feel better when I am so danged tired I can barely lift my arm to draw in eyebrows]
I mean, seriously? Who makes this stuff up? And, yet, the public gobbles it up and believes it wholeheartedly. When I was going through the "anger phase" following diagnosis, I encountered a few people who admitted that they were "worried" that I wasn't going about this right. That I wasn't positive enough; that I wasn't being optimistic; that I'd feel better about everything if I'd just put lipstick on and SMILE.
GAH!!! I'm glad I was angry. I embraced it. I welcomed it. It helped me fight. It helped me come out of this a WARRIOR!!! It worked. And better than lipstick, I might add.
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SelenaWolf --- applauding your response. You nailed it right on. Made me laugh when you mentioned that "Look Good Feel Good" nonsense. I was talked into attending a session and we all got packages of odd colored left over makeup that probably could not be sold in the local chain stores. I mean mixed brands and colors that were difficult to match many skin tones. The volunteer insisted on doing my naked eye brows to make me look less like an alien. She painted them on thicker than Joan Crawford ---- seriously very scary looking with a bald head and magic marker looking eyebrows. whatever......
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Well said. The "good attitude" crap just bugs me. I'm 37 and stage IV..my attitude sucks right now. Just what am I supposed to be so positive about anyway?
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Wishing you, ShaneOak, a smooth surgery and recovery!!! And thank you, this continues to be a FABULOUS thread!
Marcie47 - That is soooo awful to even think that someone's blaming you! I breastfed our TWINS and still got bc @ 43 years, oh and no family history at all and other family members who didn't breast feed and no problemos, not even an irregular mammo ever! So STFU to that person!
kyliet - I am sorry for those tears and those are just crappy statistics -- but not your destiny.
SelenaWolf - Amen to everything you wrote!
*edited because Stormynyte's post crossed with mine and I didn't want her to think I was dismissing her very well said and caring post, too!
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I still advocate RED for breast cancer's colour. Big, bold, courageous, ballsy, gutsy RED. RED is the colour of beauty in many cultures around the world. RED is a real woman's colour: full of passion, life, and creativity. It is the colour of FIRE which both gives life and destroys what is no longer needed. I stand up for RED. I embrace RED.
Pink is for little girls.
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selenawolf and cp418 EXACT same thoughts on the "look good feel good" programs. I was pushed into going. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME sorry but i've been putting on makeup since i was in my teens, i think i have figured it out. They give you a box of outdated, crappy cosmetics and lotions and potions that i would never use because they are filled with chemicals. The teacher was impressed on how i "drew" on my eyebrows and wanted me to show the class. I proceeded to show them the brand (more expensive) that i use and she even told the class "don't use whats in the box"! A friend works for a cosmetic company that donates to this program and she asked for my feedback. I told her please do not insult us by giving us old, outdated inventory and think we are going to appreciate it just because its free.
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Yup - junk crappy cosmetics filled with the chemicals we are now trying to avoid. Into the GARBAGE.
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I actually had a very good experience with our local Look Good Feel Good. We got boxes according to our skin type: fair, medium, etc. Mine was filled with high end brands for my skin type and I used them all up and wished I could afford more. We got Lancome, Estee Lauder, Clinique, etc. Brands I've never been able to afford and 99 percent were appropriate colors for me and didn't seem to be 'old'. They were still selling most of the same in the stores.
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My experience with LGFB was much like Alwayshope's. The cosmetologist who leads it has been doing it since 1989. She gave us tips on taking care of our hair before, during, & after hair loss . Demonstrated care of wigs, showed us different ways to wear or dress up hats & scarves. She gave great tips on skin care, and showed us how to properly apply our make-up.
The products we received were great brands and were exactly right for my coloring. They came in a very nice bag that would be great for traveling.
We were given a hat of our choice, and a large Vase of lovely fresh flowers donated from a local florist.
There were 4 of us in the class. It was friendly, relaxing, informative, & fun.
I do believe our attitude matters. My doctors aren't sure if I'm stage IIIc or IV. I couldn't lie on the MRI table long enough for contrast to rule out mets on my shoulder. I could weep and say " why me?" But in the long run, I'd be the one who's miserable, so I choose to be as upbeat as possible. Not to say, that during chemo, I don't have dark days, but if I can smile, or laugh, or sing, I'm going to do it.
SelenaWolf~I agree with you. " Pink is for little girls." Girls pull hair and scratch. That's why my motto is FIGHT LIKE A WARRIOR!!!0 -
#highfive
I am a bit superstitious about calling myself a survivor - it's early days yet - but I have no problem thinking of myself as a WARRIOR. When I was first diagnosed and feeling stunned, shocked and overwhelmed by all the choices that needed to be made, my husband said to me, "... you are one of the strongest women I know, but remember that you are not going into this war alone. I'll sharpen your sword, I'll carry your shield, now get out there and FIGHT!!! And know that I am right behind you..."
From that moment on, I've embraced my inner warrior and clothed her in RED.
"... good girls never made history ..."
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SelenaWolf~What an awesome man to have to have as your armor bearer!!!
I love what he said to you.
Blessings
Paula0 -
Oh wow! This is my first time reading this thread-Selenawolf- your husbands comments made me cry. What an awesome thing for him to say! God bless him and you!
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I like the idea of red. To me I don't care one bit what colour it is but pink is not for women. It is a soft pastel shade and not a strong primary colour. All to little girly for me. Plus, I feel no need to draw attention to myself by wearing something that proclaims me a BC "Victim". I like to keep all that to myself. But I would wear a red t Shirt with STFU on it.
Just saying Grannydukes, if your friend has all material like that to make a run of shirts. I'm still wanting one.
I've never done LGFG. I can do my own makeup and lucky for me I have only done Xeloda so far so no hair loss. I'm too private to go to a group thing but I'm guessing like everything it depends where you are and who is running them.
" Survivor" has always been a funny word for me. When does it apply? I've survived 5 years stage4, am I a survivor? Do you have to be "cured" before it applies?
None of us ultimately survive life. We all die one way or another but we don't call them "Life survivors" when people are very old. To me it is a meaningless term that is over used and redundant. That's me and I know it is different for others.
Same with the positive thoughts. I'm human, I have a complete range of emotions and I feel them all. Each of them has value and is important for it's time. I'm not going to stunt my ability to feel by only giving one or two "positive" emotions expression. I didn't before BC and I'm no different now. I have a disease not a personality transplant.
My rant for the day. Love this thread and it's ability to still laugh at the absurdity of life.
Moira
P.S. I know this isn't about this thread but the terrible events of the last fews days makes my heart bleed for those families. Even puts this crap in it's place.
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SelenaWolf.....I absolutely agree. Pink is not the colour of Breast Cancer. Breast cancer surgery is raw and black and purple bruises. It is the redness of the wound and the color of your eyes thru tears and pain. It is fluid filled drains and stinging at the drainage site. It is not being able to look in the mirror for the first few days. Not being able to raise your arm to wash your hair properly. Not being able to sleep. Yes, its the colour of red for strength and certainity. The colour of red for courage.
Thanks for your post Moiralf too, I enjoyed reading it and understand.
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This is my first time on this thread and I have to say I agree with all the comments. Pink is a gentle colour BC IS NOT GENTLE! No - not by any stretch of the imagination.
I received a pink bag full of pink goodies from the Breast Cancer Council including various books and a journal, who wants to remember this crappy journey. I want to put it all behind me and go back to a normal life although I know that will never be I just have to look at my chest to be reminded of this crappy disease.
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I have been following this thread for a while and it makes me smile. I have just had my second lumpectomy (re-excision) surgery and I am feeling a little 'grumpy' that this BC thing is taking up so much of my time and energy. I have better things to do! Before my first surgery, a very well meaning lady asked me if I was sure I should go ahead with such 'drastic measures'. Her friend was 'curing' her BC by boiling maple syrup and drinking it 3-4 times a day and it was shrinking her tumour. She said it had something to do with all the sugar.... I had no idea how to respond to her. As soon as I saw this thread I thought of her 'advice' and that awkward conversation. Just wanted to add to the list.
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If sugar cured cancer I wouldn't be here. Just plain silliness.
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I too would love a red STFU t-shirt!
I'd proudly wear it as a warrior and not a little girl colour.
I was flabberghasted at the amount of ridiculous comments people made especially after my initial diagnosis when I was my most vulnerable and overwhelmed with info.
People really just wanted me to be positive and think positive all the time. Fuck that! I'm scared shitless and feel horrible and if I'm sad/angry/depressed/scared I have every right to be.
They meant well but that's a pretty self centred attitude as in it would make them feel better if I smiled. STFU!
ON WARRIORS!!
Kim
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I've had a few people just this week tell me to be positive. I agree that it's helpful in terms of good mental health and we don't want to be moping about sad all the time but a) it's easier said than done and b) it won't make a difference to the outcome. Plus, I think I have the right to feel shit scared and sorry for myself now and again. Ugh.
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Comment of the week . . . "I'm just glad it is you and not me." Kudos at least for having the balls to be straight up.
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OMG! That is just unbelievably rude and tacky. Must be a frenemy.
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OMG skimommi -- I cannot believe that someone had the balls to say it .... think it is one thing.
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Skimmomi: Wow! I think I would have been speechless! Did ya tell her to STFU!
I too am tired of , you have to be positive Erin! Yeah, we'll, I try to be but when your fingers are numb, you can't walk a straight line and you have pain streaking through your body, as you wonder is that the taxol or more cancer? Excuse me, but if you have not walked in my shoes whether I have cancer or not, do not tell me how I should be!
STFU! And be positive about it!
Have a great day Ladies!!0 -
I love u shaneoak! My new hero!
I wish i we could just say thanks for your support to make folks understand what we need, but stfu is so much more fun - and maybe worth a try out loud. Use chemo brain as an excuse! It is real!
Xo0 -
SOMEONE posted an article on my facebook wall about how if only my breasts were squeezed more frequently I could have prevented my breast cancer.
to them I said.... STFUP!!!!
I have a whole list of stupid things people have said. Looking back on it, it makes me laugh. My favorites:
"I know a women who THRIVED on chemo"
"well, at least you don't have cancer in both breasts" (a second opinion proved otherwise and I enjoyed relaying that info to the callous commenter)
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