STFU (Shut the F*** UP)
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Rehearsal dinner......Bride, Groom, Groomsmen, Bridesmaids, Readers, Flower girl/Ringbearer (if used)..immediate families........that is it.......the purpose of this event is so people in the wedding party get to know each other......
My daughter paid $3,500 or my grandson's rehearsal dinner in April in Chicago.......other side were huge drinkers....bar bill was insane...hostess said she never saw a bar bill that high..................everyone who had a part in the wedding got a guest which doubled everything.......also there were "ushers"........yes there is a difference.......they just walk people to their seats.......Groomsmen no longer do that........if you "read a verse"...,,,,,you got a guest too........it was ridiculous........some bad to bring their kids, cause there was no one to watch them.........I think the final count was 48....................
It is out of control........shit like.....save the date notices.....engagement pictures......destination weddings.......what happened to tradition.....GONE.....0 -
Rehearsal dinner......Bride, Groom, Groomsmen, Bridesmaids, Readers, Flower girl/Ringbearer (if used)..immediate families........that is it.......the purpose of this event is so people in the wedding party get to know each other......
My daughter paid $3,500 or my grandson's rehearsal dinner in April in Chicago.....as you all may recall we had to fly there since that is where the bride and groom live...other side were huge drinkers....bar bill was insane...hostess said she never saw a bar bill that high..................everyone who had a part in the wedding got a guest which doubled everything.......also there were "ushers"........yes there is a difference.......they just walk people to their seats.......Groomsmen no longer do that........if you "read a verse"...,,,,,you got a guest too........it was ridiculous........some had to bring their kids, cause there was no one to watch them.........I think the final count was 48....................we had 25 people........1/2 my family did not go......because of the expense for them all to go......
It is out of control........shit like.....save the date notices.....engagement pictures......destination weddings.......what happened to tradition.....GONE.....0 -
Traditions are all over the place. The biggest problem is the kids are making assumptions. They should have asked you. They didn't. You could limit it in many ways. The problem for you are you ready to speak up? If you don't speak up they will do as they please. You could make a list of what you will cover. You could say to the kids have x dollars to use how you want and that's it. What are the ages of the kids? What's their incomes? Obviously, don't put them here. My DS is 28, a lawyer. I've told him to start saving because it on his nickel. My rationale is we got him through 7 years of school without debt. Started him on a life insurance policy that isn't cheap. Relocation/settling money. He get's it and is okay about it. I must admit he has the house bug and I was prepared to help with that. Then the Thyroid thing came up. He understands, that it won't happen now. Even if I'm negative. It was a wake up call, literally. I don't have the luxury of reducing my liquid resources. Another gift of BC.
His friends that have paid for their own weddings are much more conservative in what they spend. If you are concerned re the fight that could ensue, that's a tough one.
What Shells wrote, used to be the common. In todays economy it shouldn't be. Some parents may have a blank check ability. Unless you set a limit, your kids will continue to spend. I agree with Shells on the intimate dinner 2days before, but all wedding party members may not have flown/traveled in yet.
The big cost of liquor/beer/wine can be reduced by Not having an open bar. Limiting to beer and wine. No spirits. Since it's on a farm, you could tell them your choice is to use plantation receipts (old spelling) punch. The cookbook Charleston's Receipts have spiked punches made with tea. Tea was used b/c current mixes weren't available. The book has receipts for 250,350,650. and less. It's a hoot to read these recipes.
The new trend of expecting the groom's parents to pay for the honeymoon. Just say NO.
These kids are adults, adults pay there own bills. OH mary weddings are supposed to be fun. To often thry turn into battlegrounds. Hope your side wins L&H's SASSY
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My grandson paid for his whole wedding, other then the rehearsal dinner......my daughter said she wanted to help pay for it.....since the bride's family offered nothing, he told my daughter "no"..........however the monetary gift she gave him was huge...........weddings today even on a conservative basis are still expensive........
I have 2 granddaughters who when they got married got money gifts from guests that totaled in the end......$20,000, and $25,000........and their parents paid for the wedding receptions......the kids did everything else..........some people are very generous.......my grandson however had people give "0", while one gave a repaired xmas plate from 1983......swear....that is a fact.....understand it isn't that you judge by a gift.......but "0", and a repaired dish.......and he paid $150.00 a person for those people, and it was 4 people..............I would have stayed home.0 -
Chevy u were brought up by goofy and crazy people---Just like me--Chevy when u think back weren't they the funnest people ever. No rules how to bring up kids just did it. And basically adults did what they wanted not what we wanted. Whiskey, brandy, wine, leeches. and a witchlike person did all the cleansing of illness. My grandma was the witchlike person in the neighborhood--people would come to her. Oh what a crazy family of yrs and yrs ago.
Oh mary45people---that's a lot of people for a rehearsal dinner. Well u already offered so... but my question is where will it be? Areg. nice restaurant or an Italian pizza place- hahaha and depending on the family the bar bilk alone can be huge overpowering the bill for the food. That's a big problem. I wasn't able to pay for to much, so my kids did it themselves, but my sister and I paid for our own too. So our kids knew that and did it on their own. Boy did they count the people then. Otherwise they are given free reign on whoever to invite. All u can hope for is nondrinkers thst'll make the big difference. or put time limit on this and after that that everyone has to pay themselves--oh I like that idea. hahaha
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Oh,Marywh: many times the out of town guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner f they are relatives. Otherwise, the bride needs to furnish a nicely printed list of restaurants close to the chosen bridal hotel. Many brides make a Goode sack for out of towners with that included and other cute little things like bridal Kleenex, a snack, a map to the church, Tylenol,etc....but not invite them to the dinner. They are given the sack when they check in or delivered to the room. I think they are nice and much cheaper than paying for rehearsal dinner. The maps are appreciated. You need to meet with the restaurant and can negotiate prices for the meal...and don't have unlimited liquor....it is more than the meal. My best friend recently paid for 2 drinks each at her sons rehearsal dinner.....you don't want to be liable for drinking and driving accidents! Beatmon
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When dd got married, the rehearsal was in the early afternoon. The "dinner" was a picnic at a local park. No booze. A family friend did the barbecue-that was their gift. There were salads, bread, fruit and cookies. Some made by the groom's family. Some store bought. We had a god time and the children could play at the playground. Dd's wedding was outdoors, too, at a local farm. They celebrated their 5th anniversary this year.
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Oh I love those ideas Julia so sweet to relax with a luncheon and no liquor and Be that is a good idea to limit what u pay for in drinks. I didn't even think about the responsibility of getting drunk, I of all people should have thought of that one. But u are so right. I started the stay where u are with my girls a long time ago just let me know. No driving and they still to this day do that with their husbands now---so heads up Marydon't let themdrinkanddrive.
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Since dh and I dont drink, the cost of alcohol is on them...My suggestion at having the rehearsal dinner at the church fellowship hall was pooh-poohed.Room was big enough for 80 and suggested we have it catered. It wouldnt have cost a dime, could hold twice as many people and had a full kitchen. For the amount of money that this place is costing, she could have had double for the amount. As a wedding gift we are giving them a certain amount of money which they'll use for their honeymoon. I think what really bugs me, is that they've been living together for awhile now, so whats the point of the big wedding with all the bells and whistles? Its not like it was when we were that age.They expect so much more.
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Mary........OMG......my feeling exactly.......I roar when I hear of girls going back to their parent's house, and the groom to his, or one stays in their house/ apt, and the other goes home...the night before the wedding...what a joke........living together..."we're trying to save money"...........or one owns a home, or has an Apt, and the other is there all the time.........do we really think they are holding hands, watching TV, and eating popcorn.....pllleeeease......I say " do you think I was born this old"..........or "just fell off the back of the turnip truck"....,..,,..
Times.....they have changed......my feeling is ........"why pay and support someone, when you can have the best of both worlds"..........share bills, free sex, cook (if they know how)....cleaning lady, and wash getting done..........for what maybe a wedding ring sometime.........
I still think we did it the right way.......well at least we didn't advertise what we were doing.....lol.....lol.....0 -
Marywiththeweddingbellblues, I hear you on the expectations. I don't understand why everything has to be so over-the-top. The important part is your commitment to each other, not who can put on the bigger show. Dd and sil lived together but they saved and paid for the wedding. We paid for the flowers but they didn't ask.
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Mary, maybe you need to be blunt and say that 45 people at that restaurant will break the bank. Then they can choose fewer people or a more reasonable restaurant. I've only heard of out of town people at the rehearsal dinner if the couple is loaded (like our friends who both worked for Microsoft).
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MaryWTH! All these gals have good points. It is just not nice to expect you to pay for all at the rehearsal dinner. You should have been in on the plans, and asked first. Your Son probably feels the same way... He could speak up, with you.
You COULD have done it at the Church.... or a club-house, that someone has access to!
I cooked all the food for oldest Daughter's reception! Which means a whole sit-down dinner.... AND the liquor, much of which DH consumed himself! I don't like to talk about what I thought of HIM that night. An open bar just causes problems. For everyone! They paid for their Cake, Flowers, and their Honeymoon.... We just couldn't do it, but they knew this. Oh, and their photographer... I think HIS Parents paid for the rehearsal brunch before the wedding! But it was at a nice restaurant, and champagne came with the brunch.
For youngest Daughter's wedding.... Same thing.... only I worked with her, to save them money.... We bought her beautiful dress, and I made her hat and veil, and did all her flowers! Wedding and Reception was at HIS Grandmother's clubhouse.... I brought a little boom-box, played the disks for "my bride".... "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face..." and it was a GREAT wedding and reception! Even did all the cooking.... But it was for our families, and all their friends, and just enough that we could afford.Then we paid for a night at a nice hotel here in town. And then they went "home" together.
Are her folks paying for the wedding and reception? I think I would want to talk about "things" before the wedding.
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Maryour'resosmarttoaskus,
I like the idea of no booze, having no host cocktails. You could have a few bottles of wine on the table, make sure the wedding couple lets everyone know in advance that it's no host cocktails, or better yet, have an alcohol free event.
DH and I went out to dinner last night, no alcoholic drinks, we had a GREAT time! I actually like it better.💛0 -
Or you could insist on a cash bar.
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Hello Hoolies!
Well, I am 3 days post-op and doing better than expected. Still taking the BIG GIRL pain meds though as my tummy is still aching. Have not been posting much because I have to take all of these dumb pain meds with Benedryl as they all make me itch. THAT makes for a lot of sleeping. I hope YOU are all safe and well with little to no pain or SE's. Thanks for continuing to think of me and for all of the great advice. Need more ice on my tummy now so I will STFU! HUGS to all.
Flowers
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Hello all - just wanted you to know, I made it safe and sound with my granddaughter to see her cousins. I didn't use any pain meds today just the pain creams doc made for me. I am taking a med now though. It was worth the extra pain to get her home safely (yes, I know daddy would have come and got her if I asked), but I REALLY wanted to enjoy my vacation this week with all of them.. Daughter will be driving us now so you all don't have to worry about me being stupid while taking pain meds...
I will try to catch up and see what you all said about me while I was gone
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Chevy u cooked for all of that--OMG How could u do that? I can't even imaginedoing that. It seems u would be cooking for days upon days. Or u could have had cambells soup and salad and that's it. That's what I would have done. Since we all lived in the toen forever everyone knew us so it helped the owner of the banguet hall knew Leslie since she was born--In fact he sponsored our volleyball team for 25 yrs so he gave us a great deal, and they knew the disc jockey, camera guy flower people and the cake was so different and much cheaper than usual. So my youngest DD got a good deal for everything and my brother married them like right there--so it was as cheap as can be and the night before we just had pizza and wine just for a few hrs. My mom and Dad were there and of course my Mom paid a big share-Les had been taking care of her for months and she said to her I had to stay alive for u wedding so she gave her a paycheck LOL for all the time she stay with her plus a money gift so it was special--and she died the folowing month. But everything went so well on a good budget-Sorry I got into this whole thing--but I was caught up in cooking food for all those people
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Flowers glad you feel like your doing well.
Mary, talk with your son and get the scoop. it's getting close. I wrote a bunch of questions and then deleted them. He still can call it off. She sounds like a taker. Does he want that for the rest of his life? I'm not the best to offer advice in this regard, I'm cheap. My wedding dress in 1972 was 12.99$. Cheap then cheap now, Hat was 2.99$. But Dad had a bar/restaurant total cost was <1300 $. with 160 for dinner. So, maybe a more middle of the road person can offer advise.
Foley, so happy all is well
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Yay for all our surgery girls who are healing!
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I hope everyone is really healing well.
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New best friends...Cooper and Samantha!
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Awwwww!
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Samantha, meet your new boss.
Both sweeties0 -
Whoever had surgery hope you are ok, me I am lurking....I am ok!!!!
BB tomorrow
take care!!!
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Miss Spookie......OMG peeing my pants...funny!
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Had to post one more...just too cute!
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Flowers. it sounds like we are both healing. I had my painful implants moved on the 16th. two days before yours. I hope you are recovering well. Pain meds are nice, aren't they? oh, BTW I live in the Lewisville school district too. Hope Femara is working for you. I am on Tami Take care and now I will STFU
Oops.....Best wishes to all of you ladies and I love the pix! Both of them....
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He is going to boss her around. Spookie let everybody know, at a whopping 2 pounds, that she was in charge of the yard!! One grand dog was 60#, the other 45#. My poodle was 18#. And they all let her, for fear of her temper. They are all at the Bridge now, but she is still alpha with my current poodle.
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