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Open Letter

I am a husband/ caregiver...



I didn't know where this should be posted---and since my wife is going through treatment now, I just picked here.



I have lurked since my wife's diagnosis and have been posting only for a few days. I can recognize a sisterhood when I see one. An army of kind souls.



I am humbled by your humanity. Your grace. Your power.



My wife says she's just doing what she has to when I tell her I'm proud of her. But she's doing more than enduring treatment for self serving means. She's doing it with a grace that doesn't frighten our 2 small, sensitive girls. THAT is strength. I see my wife comforting our 4 year old over something trivial (the kind of thing only 4 year olds think is apocalyptic) and I see a women of strength and beauty the likes of which I cannot imagine life without.



I read your posts and I see my wife or sister or mom. I see a beautiful woman who is power and grace and humanity.



I read accounts of people letting you down or failing to support you.



It breaks my heart to think that you aren't being held or hugged or listened to to the degree that you deserve or more importantly NEED.



You are beautiful. Worthy of love and support and someone is missing out on YOU. It's not your fault. People with a heart and a soul and a brain are inspired by you. Touched by you... whether you think you deserve it or not.



People in pain don't reach out like you do to comfort others. You ask very little. You deliver day after day for others. And you think you aren't worthy of praise or wonderment or fanfare. You are wrong.



You are to be cherished and held and loved. And even on days when someone in your physical environment doesn't seem to be doing quite enough of this, you are being cherished and held and loved from afar by someone you have touched----even if quite by accident.



Know this to be true.

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Comments

  • liefie
    liefie Member Posts: 761
    edited February 2013

    Colt45, what a touching post., and what a lucky woman your wife is to have someone like you by her side who appreciates her, and who gets what she is enduring, and going through with bc. You are right in that we are a community here who support each other, advise each other, and just listen when it is necessary without judgment. Thank you!

  • Mardibra
    Mardibra Member Posts: 194
    edited February 2013

    Wow...that almost made me cry!

  • kjiberty
    kjiberty Member Posts: 687
    edited February 2013

    Colt, how beautiful. Thank you for caring so much. I sound like a wonderful, caring soul. I, too, am married to one. You both are so lucky to have each other. Hugs to both of you !

  • mdg
    mdg Member Posts: 1,468
    edited February 2013

    I am speechless......that was the best thing I have ever read on here!  Thank you for taking the time to write that.  I am so happy your wife has you and you have come here and gained so much insight into what she is going through.  Few men can do that.  She is lucky to have you.  Hugs and prayers to your wife as she continues to move foward with treatment. 

  • stride
    stride Member Posts: 151
    edited February 2013

    Brought a tear to my eye. I am lucky to have a husband who loves and values me, like the relationship you have with your wife. He helps me so much more than he thinks. He sometimes tells me he feels helpless and I have the hard part of going through treatment. But we have a partnership, and I am so glad he is there. I am glad you are able to be there for your wife, too.

  • maureen1
    maureen1 Member Posts: 87
    edited February 2013

    Yes...this needed a "kleenex alert"...God bless the people who love us, care about and comfort us when we are facing this scary disease...our family, loved ones, friends and the wonderful "sisters" we have in these forums. I hope your wife is doing well, she sounds like a wonderful mother and wife...and a very special person. Thank you for posting your thoughts:)

  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 2,701
    edited February 2013

    What a beautiful post!  Your wife and daughters are very fortunate to have such a sensitive and communicative man in their lives!     Deanna

  • Jaytee
    Jaytee Member Posts: 738
    edited February 2013

    Very nice post........you are not only a comfort to your wife and family but you have no doubt touched many on here today.  It is a gift to be able to see past the outside things and see into a person's soul.  Someone who was feeling lonely today feels a little less so because of your kind words. 

    Prayers for your wife as she goes through treatment and for your girls and you too......jaytee

  • SelenaWolf
    SelenaWolf Member Posts: 231
    edited February 2013

    How heartbreakingly lovely.  *sniff*

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 1,748
    edited February 2013

    Colt - what a wonderful post, thank you for offering support to us as well and I am sure you make it easier for your wife to be as she is - if ever you lose your job you could make a fortune training men to be empathic and pro-active!!!

  • heavenschild
    heavenschild Member Posts: 42
    edited February 2013

    Thank you.

  • colt45
    colt45 Member Posts: 378
    edited February 2013

    Not at all, heavenschild... Thank YOU.



    Thank ALL of you.









  • Kelloggs
    Kelloggs Member Posts: 303
    edited February 2013

    What a wonderful thing to write to a bunch of virtual strangers.  You are right, we are a sisterhood.  I am blessed to have found my wonderful husband and marry him just 5 months before my diagnosis.  He has gotten me through it all and has called me strong.  I think he (and you) are equally strong.  I imagine it's just as hard to watch someone you love so deeply suffer in any way knowing that there is little you can do to help.  Just know that we who are fighting the battle appreciate your hugs, kisses, words and comfort more than you know.  Your wife is a lucky woman.

  • colt45
    colt45 Member Posts: 378
    edited March 2013

    @Kelloggs:



    Thank you for your kindness.



    I am glad for you that you have support.



    Watching my wife suffer is hard. Protecting my 2 little girls emotionally from what they don't need to know right now is hard.



    I don't know how strong I am. I just know I have promises to keep. To 3 very special ladies in my home.



    Your husband and you are blessed to have found each other.

  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 4,027
    edited March 2013

    Thank you Colt!

    The women in your life are so blessed to have you.

    Thank you for taking the time to write that for us to see. I have a husband who has been a rock for me too.

    You really have no idea how much it means to have that unconditional love. Your wife is a lucky woman to have you on her side!

    Wishing you and your family all the very best for the future!

  • lemon68
    lemon68 Member Posts: 301
    edited March 2013

    Colt,

    Thank you for your kindness. You and your family are truly blessed. I have one of you at home here and I am thankful everyday.

  • Jennt28
    Jennt28 Member Posts: 1,095
    edited March 2013

    WOW!



    I have loved this support forum since the moment I joined. There are many women and men here that will never know my name that have given me such inspiration over the past year and a bit. Your open letter is wonderful and puts into words the feelings I have for breastcancer.org posters.



    Thank you :-)



    Jenn

  • colt45
    colt45 Member Posts: 378
    edited March 2013

    @Ariom:



    Thank you for your kind words and blessing. It means a lot. I am glad that you have support.



    I am glad that Lemon68 has support at home and that Jennt28 feels the love here.



    So many of you beautiful ladies have responded to this open letter---and I haven't responded to you all by name... but I have read you all... and your responses have brought tears to MY eyes. I appreciate the grace and well wishes and encouragement. Mondays are tough for me.

  • Alicethecat
    Alicethecat Member Posts: 77
    edited March 2013

    Hi Colt

    Are you a professional writer? If not, I think you should be one!

    Your words brought tears to my eyes.

    I hope you wife prevails.

    Best wishes

    Alice

  • Alicethecat
    Alicethecat Member Posts: 77
    edited March 2013

    Jennt28

    You are one of the people who have inspired me!

    Thank you for all your informative and well-researched posts.

    Alice

  • colt45
    colt45 Member Posts: 378
    edited March 2013

    @Alicethecat:



    My professional career has been in the field of care providing for developmentally disabled and/ or psychiatrically involved individuals.



    I write a lot at work, but it's only part of the job----no books written.



    I always thought I might try to write something when I retire. Never knew what, though.



    I've added you to my wife's cheering section... and us to your's.



    Thank you.

  • FilterLady
    FilterLady Member Posts: 74
    edited March 2013

    Colt45,

    What a special man you are!  I do have a DH that has been there for me throughtout this journey.  He thinks I'm the strongest person he knows.....it is easy to be strong when you have God on your side and a good DH as well.

    Your daughters and wife are lucky to have you! 

    I found that the sisterhood here is amazing and there are a lot of strong women that continue to fight this damn breast cancer.  We can all use more cheerleaders, lol.

    God bless you and your family,

    LaDonna

  • colt45
    colt45 Member Posts: 378
    edited March 2013

    @LaDonna: You ARE the strongest person your husband knows.



    I am grateful for your blessing. Bless you, too.

  • colt45
    colt45 Member Posts: 378
    edited March 2013

    Bump

  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 1,983
    edited March 2013

    Colt45, thank you SO very much for writing this. I am blessed with a wonderful and caring husband too and so I thank you for reminding me that he too is going through this ordeal. His support is the ONLY reason I can feel good most days. This is a scary disease, no matter at what stage you are diagnosed.

    You are a gem and I am happy for your wife and family that you are there for them. This post made me go to my husband and give him a huge hug and a kiss this morning to let him know just how much he means to me and how amazing he has been throughout this entire process. He has gone to every single appt (when he could) and he has researched articles when I was at work and sent them to me by email. I know he is afraid for me and yet he puts on his game face with each step. I am terrified of rads which I will start soon as it is my left breast and my heart could be involved. He sent me so many articles on left breast rads and how well they can avoid the heart nowadays!  He is my rock!

    Your wife and all of us are blessed by your presence. Thank you for this open letter.

  • colt45
    colt45 Member Posts: 378
    edited March 2013

    Bump for all those who need to know...

  • colt45
    colt45 Member Posts: 378
    edited April 2013

    Bump for my2boys and anyone else who needs to know...

  • veggy
    veggy Member Posts: 4,150
    edited April 2013

    This touched me and brought tears to my eyes. Thanks

  • colt45
    colt45 Member Posts: 378
    edited April 2013

    @veggy: I'm glad you got to read it. It is my wish that everyone gets to read it, though I wish that nobody HAD to.



    I will shamelessly bump this occasionally... And more often than that at times.



    I just keep coming across more people who have forgotten how much they matter... Forgot how undeniably vital they are to so many---including those they have never met.



    You have fans and friends and well-wishers. You really have no idea how special and important you are. Even the ladies WITH the appropriate support-----they should know that their support team isn't alone. There's an army out there recognizing them. Acknowledging them. Saluting.



    Bless you all.

  • my2boys
    my2boys Member Posts: 124
    edited April 2013

    Thank You....