Moving On......After the Flap
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For you, FierceBlueBird and anyone else who needs it. (((Hugs)))
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hugs FBB......I love the "bond" that shows up on this thread.
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Jeannie - love that one....came across it the other day.
Good one,Tammy.
Gnite ladies!
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Happy Mothers Day!
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I wish you all a wonderful Mothers Day!
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Moms.....everybody has one, knows one or is one
Happy Mother's Day!Here is mine and me
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Bailey, wonderful photo!
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Happy Mother's day to all......I hope it is a day of peace and love for each of us.
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My mom.....who now has the key to a senior apartment in San Diego!!!!! Yay! I will be going to California to help pack them up in ten days or so. Happy Mother's Day to you, your moms, moms you know!
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Jeannie - so glad your folks have made a commitment. a great big relief for you and your family!
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I am cross posting here, but this is a wonderful thing to remember when everything seems to be going in the wrong direction: 8 Things to Remember When Everything is Going Wrong.
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I see a therapist, and we discussed "hypnotherapy" with regard to some of the emotional issues I am having. (Diagnosed with DCIS left breast 2008, followed by lumpectomy and 6 weeks radiation; Then 2nd diagnosis recurrence same side DCIS Jan 2013, where I chose double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction...lattissimus dorsi flap left side, and now permanent implants on both sides). We discussed how hypnotherapy works as opposed to standard hypnosis that most people are familiar with. I haven't done hypnotherapy yet, but the way this therapist approaches it is, he would assist me with comforting music, and gently talk with me so that I can get into a very relaxed and more open state of mind where there are no distractions. There aren't "suggestions" that "fix" an issue I might be having, or a combination of issues...just conversation which will take me back through the entire cancer experience from the very beginning diagnosis up until current time. It is more that we will verbally walk through the experience together, and then once things resurface for me (which happens easier when not distracted like in a typical session), we will discuss what the issues are. I will not be answering a question that I don't want to answer, just like in day to day everyday life. What it will allow is for the troublesome things buried in my subconscious to re-surface so that I can discuss them, and then move forward. He said something interesting, that we all know, but probably don't really think about...that our bodies PHYSICALLY went through a horrendous surgery(s), even though we were anesthetized. Not that we need to re-live a surgery we wouldn't be able to describe or comprehend. But that it was so traumatic that the body needs to catch up with the mind, which is still trying to catch up with the changes that our bodies now have...be it an issue we might have with the physical drawbacks of the surgery in general, or possibly the mental anxiety all this has given us. Hypnotherapy can address ANY issue...weight, cancer, etc. You might want to ask where your therapist got his/her training, what type of hypnotherapy he/she studied, certification, and how long practiced (approximate hours).
I realized that after it had been over a year and I was still having emotional difficulties getting back into life in general, I wanted to talk to someone who was completely outside the experience. Especially since this also revolves around several other things that play into my life in general as well. I enjoy our time together, as it is completely free of judgment, always compassionate, and I can discuss feelings instead of all the STUFF about things, incidents, or situations. For me, it is about how I feel. And how I know how I want to feel. As I have felt this, and want to embrace it more often. If a person can find the right therapist, there isn't another person in the world who can fill that void...not a spouse, or very close friend, or family member. It is unconditional. And that is what we all need. However, if anyone out there has this already in a spouse, a close friend, or family member, hold it close to your heart. And if you don't, find a good therapist.
It is a safe place to go, to put your feelings, and to work through these things that breast cancer has dealt us. There are so many things that don't have anything to do with the cancer itself. And sometimes those are the things we need to talk about the most. My best to all of you...0 -
I knew I wanted DIEP reconstruction from the beginning and have no regrets. My nipples are three months old. I like them. While my boobs aren't perfect they are just fine with me. I used silicone gel, recommended by my PS, and saw some scar improvement. I used ScarFade.
We biked sixteen miles today. Crazy sore but I only fell once on the grass while stopping and only got one scratch!
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Snowshoe -thanks for sharing your experience. Sounds like you had a terrific therapist. Similar to the way the hypnotherapist I saw explained the way she does things to me. I am seeing her again on Wednesday. She has not done any sessions yet, we are going to go through my history and goals and "get to know me" this week. I've researched her and she's legit.
Jeannie - that's a lovely photo of you and your mum! Sounds like a great bike ride!
Cindy - I thought I was only going to have 3-4 days to make a recon decision so I went into INTENSE research mode! (As it turned out, I ended up having chemo first, then mx, then rads, then delayed DIEP). I knew I wanted a flap recon from the minute I read about it. My decision never faltered, but because I had time to consider everything, I did consider everything, including no recon. I was also a unilateral, so I had no recon on my mx side for 18 months. Flap recon was the right thing for me, without a doubt.
You k n ow, I just read your post again....did you mean no nipple recon?
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Cindybthenp - I'm messing with the nipple thing to. I'm almost a year out, and small breasted. Some days I really want them - other days I think 'nipples -shnipples '. However my PS said that by creating nipples he'll slightly decrease the crop circles. To be honest, I don't like my circles so that might help decide. Also I've been following this thread and most gals feel really pleased once they go for nipples and get the cherry on the cake.
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marty.....thanks for the link....such positive, powerful messages there!
jeannie....that is great news re: Mom and Dad. Sounds like the roadtrip with your brother went well, and the "transition" has begun. I'm sure the packing and purging will be hard work, both emotionally and physically, but, I'm glad to hear you are going down to be part of it. I have everything crossed that this week, hubby gets the call you've both been hoping for.
Cindyb....I think it is an especially challenging decision (nipple recon) for the bilateral gals. I am a uni, and was nipple free on the recon side for over 20 years. Personally, I knew going into the flap recon, that having a nipple again (regardless of how it turned out), would emotionally be the final touch to give me back a breast, as opposed to a mound. I am about a month post nip recon now, and I couldn't be happier. But, it needs to be your own decision, based on your wants and needs. The good thing is.....it's a part of the recon that can be done at any time in the future, so you can take the time you need to decide.
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Driving by.....there is someplace that does rub on nipples....temporary tattoo kind of thing....that could help you to decide without making a surgical commitment!0
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Janet, I almost sprayed a mouthful of red wine over my monitor at nips being the "cherry on the cake"! I'm excited about getting my "cherries". Having electrolysis to my nether regions at the moment so I don't have any pubes in my grafts. Ouch!
Saw my MO today (my lovely new one) and apparently I have a 4mm nodule in each lung, so PET scans every four months to monitor them (edited to add - I'm refusing to worry - that's the MO's job now). Apart from that, she wants me to have a colonoscopy and I recall some of you ladies talking about that... is it as icky as I imagine?!
Jeannie, glad to hear about your folks. My fingers are still crossed for hubby, too!
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I have the rub-on nipples (like tattoos for kids). Gave me a good idea of what a nip would look like and helped me decide if I wanted 3d only or a bump and 3d. Finally decided a bump and 3d. Hopefully they will match each other since my PW will be creating them out of whole cloth, err skin. I will go to Vinnie for the tats.
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Have not been on here for a while. Seems as if everybody had a lovely Mother's day. Love the photos of mothers and daughters - so precious! For me Mother's day is just not the same without the children, and although DH and I made the best of it, I missed them.
About nipples - after DIEP I was just so tired of surgery, and DH had to convince me to have the nipple done. Almost 6 weeks after surgery, and I'm really happy. It looks good, and I feel feminine and whole again. Saw PS last week for checkup. She was apologetic about the scars, which are fading fast, and I told her that although my career at Hooters had come to a screeching halt, I was just happy that everything is over. She had a good laugh. It is what it is - will never be a natural breast, but it is darn close and I am amazed and grateful that she could do that. For me that is good enough.
Bosum, that mailman is worrying me, and I hope he will leave you alone. Hope things work out wth the divorce - must be so unpleasant. Will pray for Goldie - maybe time will make the iron bra feeling better for her.
Jeannie, hope you hear good news about the job this week. All the best for the parents' move too.
Lahela. I love that you refuse to worry. Way to go!
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Emily was not putting on enough weight, would cry after feeds, and was vomiting a lot. Diagnosis: GERD (acid reflux disease) She's taking medication for it, and seems to be doing better now. Here she is this morning after her bath.
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Bosum - I call it a bump because it is the projection of the nipple. A 3d tat without the nipple recon looks really wonderful and natural, but i want to see the little bump, to have to worry about it in a t-shirt. Just what is in my head.
In answer to your question/concern about having high expectations, a few things. A lot of things have been happening in your life - between the divorce, your diagnosis and treatment - you have had very little time to really process things and put anything in perspective. I think we all want to have our original equipment back, we want our reconstructed breasts to look just like what we had with a few scars. I have seen some wonderful recons, especially for gals who had skin sparing. For them, it is sort of a scrape out and refill (yes that is simplistic and not saying the surgery wasn't tough). For someone like me who had implants for many years, I know that my PS is doing her darnedest to get my breasts to look as natural as possible. She has to fight against tremendous scar tissue, but we are getting there. I had really great boobs and these are really terrific too, but different. I think that has to do with the time I have had to process things and distance. It is not that your expectations are too high, but perhaps you are looking for things to happen too quickly. Time and space might just be what helps you.
Re Goldie - I hope that she adjusts gently. I had iron bra for 20 years and it took my more than 8 weeks before I realized it was gone. Part of it is in the chest, but part is in the head and it takes time for your brain to relearn the pathways.
This is tough surgery. Lots of us say to ourselves "that's okay for so-and-so, but it is not happening for me. I will be able to stand up quickly. I won't have a lot of pain." I still have some problems with feeling tight in my abdomen. My DIEP was in November 12 and this morning I was having some issues that made me lay backwards on the stability ball and stretch.
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BB - they must have both been men. Not to be sexist, but a woman usually understands that you want to look good nikkid.
I use the word "bump" to differentiate between getting 3d tats without nipple recon. I know lots of gals who are not able to have nipple recon for a variety of medical reasons and they have happily had 3d tats. Since I can have it, I want my little bump.
I assume Goldie knows I have had iron bra. As has Nihahi and others. It is particularly common among implant recon gals. I have spoken of it here often.
I have seen wonderful pix of skin sparing. You have only had stage 1 so with time and stage 2 things will be very different.
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Okay, stage 1 just gets the flaps in place and the goal is successful healing. Stage 2 and beyond are aesthetics - getting them in the right position, refining size, etc. My doc has done 3 Stage 2 tweaks - the first time she rotated one of the flaps into a better position and lowered the ab incision. Next she removed necrosis and added fat to a variety of areas where there were dents and dings. Last time she continued fat grafting (usually only 50% stays) and worked on my breast incisions. Because the initial surgery was done many years ago, one of the scars was very high on the chest wall so she lowered it a bit and raised the other side. They are much better and show less with a bra although I will always have scars show in the cleavage area.
Next time she will probably work on the incisions, graft a bit more fat and create the nipple bumps. I will have Vinnie do the "color" work once the nipple bumps heal and he will use 3d shading techniques for glands, etc. I will go to Maryland. He is booked way, way out in NOLA. They also require a lot of extra paperwork and charge a bit more than he does in MD. Since I doubt my insurance will pay, I will be saving up. I understand that the charge currently is $400 for 1 and $800 for 2 breasts.
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Liefie, what a doll! I'm sure glad she is feeling better. I think my middle baby had GERD as an infant bug it wasn't often diagnosed way back then.
Lahela, I am having a colonoscopy a week from today. I have had them twice before. This time I have the foot or neck pokes to worry about and the eye issue which could happen with drop in bp. I feel like I don't get a chance to worry about actual procedures because I have these side issues to think about! I try not to think about any of it.
Goldie, thinking of you!
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I've had about 10 colonoscopies.....the prep isn't fun, but it's doable. The day of is just a nice nap, usually. The great part is that colon cancer is usually so treatable. I had a cancerous polyp 15 years ago (at age 33!) And they just took it out during the colonoscopy and that was that. Definitely easier than my FBC.
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Thanks so much for the reassurance, ladies! Bosum, my MO said there's no link, it's just that it's the 3rd most common cancer in women and she takes a whole body approach to her patients.
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lahela....I'm so happy to read about your new onc....she sounds so much better than the one you "fired"! Hoping the lung nodules turn out to be another version of incidentalomas!
Bosum.....With most things in life..... things balance out. Yes, the healthcare in Canada covers many things, however, I don't think you would find the wait times easy to handle. At this point, you would most likely be looking at a year, in my area, just for an initial consult with a PS, and then possibly another year or more, for another surgery (if you were a delayed recon like me). There are fewer docs, for ANY medical issue, so there is also less '"choice" of doc.....No system is perfect. Routine colonoscopies....in my area.....minimum 3 year wait.......
As a fellow "uni", I very much understand your emotional pain of feeling like your recon is not "like the real thing". It isn't, and no matter how wonderful a recon you end up with, it will never be "just like". I am very happy with my recon, but the reality is, an original is sitting right next to my new breast, and they are different. However, I'm also aware that my original, is not the same as it was, either, years ago. Time and life take a toll physically, it is simply a fact of life, not just related to breasts, but to every part of our bodies and our lives. Accepting that reality does NOT mean you should "settle" for a subpar result, but maybe "releasing" your emotions from what was, might help you move forward??? I'm not sure I'm finding the right words to convey what I mean.
You've gone through a lot of "stuff".....It is so very understandable that you "mourn" for what you had in the past, we're women....breasts have a lot of significance to our emotions and our "self image", as do children, life partners, etc ....you need to have a recon you can find peace with....I hope you find the answer to that, but more importantly.....I hope you find that happiness in life actually has more to do with our mindset than with our bodies. It took me a long time to learn the difference, I hope you get there sooner.
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BB - Nihahi is right about perspective and time. Let go a little. Be less obsessive and the answers will come. I promise! I was a single 33 year old when I had my DX. This was 29 years ago. Things were different. There were fewer young women diagnosed. I went through an MX followed by an MX followed by 2 years of recon. All single. I did date some - with and without recon. And I blamed my boobs for every man leaving. Sure was easier. As I look back I was convinced that they were leaving for girls with perfect bodies thus assigning them a certain shallowness. I am pretty sure that it was my obsessiveness over loss and the end result that pushed them out. Over the next 10 years I had some interesting relationships, but when I was ready to really accept myself and understand that "all men don't leave" that I ran into a really amazingly wonderful man who accepted me for me - good and bad. You will find someone, but for now you need to deal with the loss and allow the good stuff to come to you. Remove the fantasies and the obsessions and move toward accepting yourself for the wonderful person you are.
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