Husbands/Partners of Stage IV Breast Cancer
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Dear M,
We're all awaiting your update. Here's to the best news for your wife.
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Status update.
I don't know what the numbers were, but clinical diagnosis was hypercalcaemia. My wife is on IV saline and was given Zometta to try to stabalise her bones. Today she is having full body CT & bone scans, so by this afternoon we will have a much clearer picture of what's what.
The oncologist has suggested a course of abraxane, which she has not said yes to, but also hasn't said no, so I'm quietly hopeful.
A google search of hypercalcaemia doesn't exactly fill me with joy, but I need to trust that the specialists will do everything possible.
I will let you know what the scans show when I get a chance.
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No wonder she was in so much pain - bone pain is the worst. Hope she says yes to the abraxane - keeping everything crossed for her (and you).
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It feels like it's all happening so fast.
She has now developed a fever that they can't seem to bring down. On top of that they said that the contrast for her scans wasn't much use because she is near renal failure.
3 months ago she seemed so well, and now it's like everything is slipping away.
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Oh M - I am so sorry - this damned disease works like this - it's like a roller coaster - let's hope they can get the fever down and then maybe things will be a little better - hate that you're going through this - are you alone at the hospital - I hope not - don't forget you have to take care of you - that means eating even if you don't feel like it and keeping hydrated - a little rest is in order as well. S.
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Just got the best possible news. Kidneys are struggling because of the calcium not cancer. There is no cancer in any organ, but bones are not good.
Compression fractures of the spine and some fractured ribs. My wife will stay in hospital over the weekend and have radiotherapy next week. She has said yes to chemo as well.
The fever they believe is a reaction to the zometa.
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MfromAus,I've been following your posts and sending you prayers. Zometa brings flu-like symptoms. I've had 13 monthly treatments. My nurse told me the first 2-3 treatments are the hardest but side effects wear off afterwards. Indeed, I now only have a bit of fatigue for 24-48 hours following treatment. Zometa reduces the amount of calcium in the blood and strengthens bones. Over time it reduces the pain from bone mets. Clear organs is good news. I had radiation on bone mets and it brought me great relief. Adequate pain medication is a must for me on a regular basis resulting in a good quality of life. Thought I would share my experience with you. When I was diagnosed, I was so overwhelmed with pain I was ready to thrown in the towel. My calcium levels tend to go up but is controlled with Zometa. Wishing you and your wife the best - keep us posted.
Linda
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M - such good news - no wonder she was in such agonizing pain - all those fractures!!! Hope you'll be able to keep her on the straight and narrow vis-a-vis treatments and keeping in touch with the drs. - there are so many treatments these days to keep us going for long periods of time but like I explained last night it is a roller coaster for everyone involved. Also vital that she gets good meds to control pain - sometimes that takes a little experimenting too. So happy things are better today. S.
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Dear M,
Great news. Abraxane brought me to NED, let's hope the same for your wife.
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M. i'm glad you got some decently good news.
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Despite the gravity of the situation, my wife is now questioning having chemo.
I don't know what to say anymore and the last thing I want to do is have an argument.
Her prognosis with treatment isn't great and the prognosis without treatment is grim to say the least.
On top of all of that her ongoing fever is also very worrying. Last night it got to 40 degrees Celsius that's 104 Fahrenheit. Given that it happened 30 hours after zometa I'm not sure it's related and worried it could be another side effect of the cancer
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M - any chance you can get a metal health professional to talk to your wife while she's hospitalized? She may be depressed (who wouldn't be) and that can make people make bad decisions - I know you don't want to be the one arguing.
The 40C fever sounds scary - are they checking her blood counts to see if there's an infection brewing? I cannot imagine how frustrated and worried you must be. Sending hugs to you both. S.
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S, they have done multiple blood tests looking also at calcium levels (which aren't falling the way they had hoped) and also done urine analysis looking for infection. They have no clear reason from these tests explaining the fever.
I raised the possibility of antidepressants yesterday and got a straight out "NO" so that is something she is already decided on.
Thank you so much to everyone who is sending support and praying for our family, I am truly humbled
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MfomAus, thinking of you -- it's hard to manage hospital stays. There's so much information coming at you it can be hard to keep up. And you certainly don't want to argue with your wife. Let the doctors do the arguing & explaining.
But with luck they can at least ensure your wife isn't in pain.
Hang in there!
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A quick update. My wife has said yes to chemo and started abraxane yesterday, basically no side effects so that is great. They are assessing if they need to pin her left femur as the cancer has caused significant degradation and they are concerned about a fracture.
I have never before been on such a roller coaster of emotion, and I'm never sure what tomorrow will bring, but I am truly grateful for forums like this where at least I can share my situation.
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She is so lucky 2 have u. She sounds depressed and is probably so scared as u r as well. One baby step at a time. She is driving the bus. Come here vent, updste whatrvrr u need
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Keeping you two in my prayers.
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Whew! Glad she said yes to chemo and hopefully few se's. We're here whenever you need to vent. S.
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MfromAus,So glad to hear from you and your wife. It certainly is a roller coaster. Has the fever gone down and how are the calcium levels? I had a rod inserted in my femur in April this year to prevent fracture. Surgery went very well and had radiation 1 month later to consolidate the bone. Thoughts and prayers with you both.
Linda
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Hi Linda, Sandy, Eric & Blondie,
The fever has subsided and is now quite stable. Calcium levels are within normal range which is a blessing. Even though my wife's mobility is restricted, it will be wonderful if the pain can be controlled to a level where normal day to day things are comfortable.
Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers.
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It's great to hear better than expected news!
Eric
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Good to hear from you and to hear such good news - the pain relief comes next - sometimes you have to try different drugs and doses before you find the perfect combo.
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Dear M,
Really good news that her fever is down, her calcium is now normal and that's she's doing Abraxane. Now there's hope! As I've written, Abraxane brought me to NED within 3 cycles so let's hope the same for Mrs. M.
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So glad you/your wife/doctors are finding reasons and making sense of things...
About "arguing" -- I so truly commend you for understanding that what your wife most needs is your support, not a lot of "opinions". As a loving partner (and as a man) I think it is easier to want to take control and "try to fix this" -- but the truth is that as much as you are on a roller coaster ride -- your wife is on her own, too... and she most needs to feel that her decisions are being respected -- that SHE is as much "in control" of this as she can be.
Your mind-set seems to be in the very most supportive of places -- and I am glad you have found these boards as a place to voice your concerns/frustrations so you can let them go and return to your wife with a little less bottled up inside.
As others have said -- remember to take care of yourself... take a "vacation" for a few hours in a movie or a book if you can... take a walk outside... look up at the stars and deeply breathe in the night air... try to remember what a beautiful thing this Life is -- and will continue to be.
Your biggest job now is to help your wife seek those beautiful moments available even through her pain or fear... there is beauty all around if we look for it. Show her your love. Hold her hand, tell her how happy you are to be living all of this wonderful Life together, and how thankful you are to be here with her now... give her kisses, smailes, small gifts... a pretty leaf, a bowl of fresh snow... whatever is outside now, bring a bit of it inside to her... connect to her in whatever tender ways you can think of... remind her that she is so much more than hospitals and medical decisions to you... you are her dedicated Lover, and always will be.
All my best,
Linda
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Linda, I cried reading your post. Last night was so hard, for the first time my wife told our children that she has given up. She will continue to have chemo, but something in her eyes has changed. Thank you for your beautiful words, I will continue to post as things progress
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M - how are the children coping, this must be devastating for them - any chance they can get in to see the counselor? Keeping you all in my thoughts. S.
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MfromAus,You, your wife and family continue to be in my prayers and thoughts.
LindaE54
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Your wife has not given up. She has come to the realization that the drugs available have failed her. Remember this.... just getting this far means that she has been strong. She has struggled. And now she knows that the cost/benefit balance has shifted. I will come to this moment someday. I certainly hope that my family remembers how much I did to get there.
All the best,
*susan*
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M-
We're thinking of you and your wife and your children constantly, Sending hugs,
The Mods
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Hi all, I have been overwhelmed by the messages of support on this forum. Last night was terrible, my wife and I had a real heart to heart. Lots of tears and some revelations that maybe I didn't want to hear.
It would appear that the fight has truly now gone from my wife. Although she will continue with chemo she told me that she wants to die and is convinced that the chemo and zometa is just speeding up the process. I can't describe the emotion when not only do you hear the words, but see the truth of it in your wife's eyes. To make it worse, I was told that she has lost respect for me because I questioned the idea of following alternative treatment rather than follow mainstream medical advice. I am convinced that just as a strong mind and positive attitude will help, a mind that has already lost will only speed up the progression of this damn disease.
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