Husbands/Partners of Stage IV Breast Cancer
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This afternoon the oncologist came to see us. They now know that the issue with my wife's lungs is cancer and it's getting worse. We have been told to prepare for the end of her life. I've spoken to our children and all her family. We are hoping to be able to get her home for most of the day on Saturday so she can have that time.
M
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Dear M and family - so, so sorry to hear this news - sending wishes for peace to your wife and all who love her.
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MfromAus - How sad - I'm so sorry. Also sending you wishes of peace to you all. And adding pain free and comfort wishes to your beloved wife.Linda
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MfromAus...It is very scary...and you have a right to be scared. All I can say from here...is try to breathe when things are calm...and look around...and notice where you are...who you're with...those kinds of things. It's so cliche...but be in the moment. I say this to keep your mind from racing too far ahead of you. Our minds can be tricky and sometimes take us to places we haven't arrived at yet...and may never get to.
It helped me a ton...to just try to get myself into the moment...even though we think we desperately don't want to be there. The payoff is that, for me at least...I had an afternoon I will never forget...because everything was just so calm. I guess it was peaceful...and I had a chance to breathe...and recollect...and I swear to you...I felt lucky at that moment. When is the last time we felt like that?
I suppose I'm giving advice you didn't ask for...and I hope I'm not out of line giving it to you...but I hope you can see I want to offer some sort of help to YOU. (And if I AM out of line...someone please tell me. I don't want to be that guy...)
Take care,
AK
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My wife, Julie is now an angel
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so sorry for your loss - I don't have the words to comfort you but am thinking of you and your family. Peace and love x
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Oh MfromAus my heart is breaking for you and your family. So sorry for your loss
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MfromAus - I just can't believe it, it went so fast. My deepest condolences to you and family. Julie was so fortunate to have you by her side through all this. May she rest in peace. No more suffering. How are you and how are the children? I am so sorry. My heart is breaking for you all.Linda
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My deepest sympathy to you and all who loved Julie - thankfully she is now at peace. Sandy
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MfromAus, I am so so sorry. Peace be with you and with Julie. Heartfelt condolences to all your family.
I know it will be a long time before you are doing OK, but I hope that day comes sooner than later.
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mfromaus I am so sorry for your loss. Sending peace and comfort to you and your children. I hate cancer
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mfromaus - my thoughts are with you and your children during this difficult time . Rest in peace Julie. I am so sorry. Eff this disease.
Hugs
Nancy
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Maybe it's a blessing that the end came quickly. But I would give anything for one more hug, one more kiss. Both the boys and I held her hand and told her how much we loved her right to the end.
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MfromAus- My condolances, may she now RIP. It will take time to mourn. Talk about all those good memories w/your kids . Best not to bottle up the sadness and tears. Big hugs from afar.
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Wonderful you were all with her. So sorry for your loss.
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M - I didn't post much, but I had been following your story. Your deep love and devotion to your wife is evident in your posts, and she was lucky to have you by her side. My deepest condolences to you and your children.
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I am so sorry too. I don't know what else to say except that we have been praying for your family so you all can find peace.
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MfromAus, I am terribly sorry to learn of your wife's passing. She was too young to go. Yet I want to say that she was blessed to have you with her during these last couple of years, the last couple of months and weeks, so that she knew she was loved. You were obviously completely devoted to her. I am sorry for your children, and for Julie's other family members over her loss. Deepest condolences and prayers for all of,you.0
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jakoehn, you were a young man and your wife a young woman when she passed away. That has to be so rough My husband and I have the advantage of having weathered many storms before mbc as we are in our 50s and married over 20 years. Try not to be hard on how you dealt with your wife's illness. You'd did the best you could at the time. You have moved forward with your life and the time spent with her has made you more compassionate and more insightful. We can't go back, we can only try to do better in the here and now.
I sometimes try to put myself in my husband's shoes and think about what he's dealing with emotionally. I try to cut him slack when he gets mad about things, knowing there are underlying reasons for it. Yes, I think husbands often take a backseat to mbc. It is unfortunately one of those double standards where women are allowed to be emotional but the men are supposed to be stoic and strong. I have read some of your blog and hope that writing is one way of helping you sort things out. Reaching out to others on this forum is also a good thing. Wishing you all the best.
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Please know that I have never felt anything but support from everyone here. To each and every one of you who has posted, for those of you who have just read but sent prayers, I can't thank you enough. I was writing a story of Julie's journey which now has a conclusion. I will finish writing it when I am ready and will share it once it's done. Thank you all again.
M
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MfromAus, Sorry about your Dear Julie. My Dear Greg and I were diagnosed three months apart. Me BC, him Lymphoma. I'm here, he's gone. The pain takes along time to leave.The memories and love never leave. I did learn to understand the old concept of the Victorian year of mourning. It's real. Give yourself time. Have faith that you can heal. In that time, no one said those words to me. It would have been maybe better, if I had heard that from someone that had been through it the way we have. Take time to sleep long, over the next couple/ three weeks. My Greg is always with me. Your Julie is too.0 -
M from Aus, Please feel at peace that your beloved wife is now resting in peace. Please find comfort in that she is in now in comfort. Please feel loved that she is now in your eternal light. Please find warmth in the beautiful memories you and your boys shared together as one. Your dear wife was and is so very blessed to have your devotion and love. And last, thank you for sharing you and your beloved wife's journey. (We hope to keep hearing from you.) Blessings to your heart, xxoo
ps Please believe that you and your boys, in time, will overcome. You hold the power, and there's power in prayer. By faith, you and your boys can move mountains.
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because of BC we become well read in treatments and possibilities experts in what is and what can happen
I am sorry for your loss , people ask me how are you doing? I dont want to talk about me I want to talk about
how my wife lights up the room , how she not only makes me a better person , but has made me want to be a better person
she is not perfect, but she is mine. To those that still fight the fight god bless you and your husbands
and to those who have lost I am profoundly Sorry
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Dear Mike,
I feel like we shared your angst and grief from the first moment you posted to the last final news of Julie's passing. My heartfelt condolences.
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Today we said our farewells to Julie. The weather was beautiful and the church was full. It was so hard to read the eulogy, but she was there with me and gave me the strength to make it through.
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m, she is definitely with you. God bless you and your boys. Ki
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I too followed her/your journey. I am so sorry. She was way too young. Having gone through several grieving periods I can tell you time helps. Of course she will always be with you and the boys need you more than ever now. They will be leaning on you for strength. God will give you that strength to keep going.
Diane
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MfromAus - I'm sure Julie was there and gave you strength. She will continue to be with you.
Linda
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Hi all, today I'm really struggling.Over the weekend I had to remove all the flowers that were in our house that had died, I re-read some of the sympathy cards still mixed with the get well cards, listened to some of our favorite music and cleaned the house 3 times.
Today is the first day where I'm not sure if I will cope, I'm on the edge of tears all the time and I'm terrified that I could fall apart at any moment.
Although the intimacy was taken from our relationship quite a while ago, we still hugged & held hands and I miss that closeness more than I can admit. Our children give me hugs but it's not the same, I feel so lonely.
M
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I'm so sorry you are going thru this. It is really not fair and no easy way to deal
Thinking of you and sending virtual support and hugs.
Hoping your children and you can get one another thru this with time & help from family and friends. Julie is always in your hearts. It's wonderful you were there for her. Know she is there for you in your heart.
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