Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)
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Nancy, you are doing such great job of getting in more country, cities and adventures! How lovely to be able to do that with your parents~
Thanks micmil and yes the reason we keep on going....
Stephajoy, I hope I get to that wedding and two others! So far no date set so am feeling a bit antsy about it.
Deanna, the guy with my middle daughter is my son, two years older than her. The tallest one is my baby....Thank you for the hair compliments! It was always my best feature so think it will be pretty hard when the time comes to lose it someday. I've have a deep desire to get a lot of pictures taken lately before I start to look too old! LOL!
Lita, You are too kind. For those pictures I went through some trouble to get the hair and make-up done well. And being surrounded by beauty helps! That is the beach in Santa Barbara.
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Nbnotes. Great picture and great trip. Enjoy every minute
Stefajoy. Your dd is a beauty and she looks like she's full of personality. I hope you share many more birthdays and special times with her
Artist. Great looking family. Enjoy all the wedding planning and hupla. It's both a great joyful and stressful time but sooooo worth it!
Babs
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Thanks babs, I just want to get started! Both my daughters are coming for 3 weeks in July so will get a lot done then. I'm excited! Scans AND a root canal tomorrow, woohoo!
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artist ~ please know that you will be on my mind today as you scan and here is hoping but nothing but good luck on everyone's scans this month or heck this year even!! I will be praying for you and imagine us all standing there waiting for you and holding your hand. Gentle hugs. Root canal. Yuk! ~M~
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Caryn, great knitting skills. That hat is adorable.
Artist, congratulations on your daughter's engagement! Enjoy all the preparations for the big day! What a beautiful family you all make, thanks for sharing the photo.
Nbnotes, so glad you continue to work on that living list! Also a great picture of you and your mom at the Anne Franke house!
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thanks micmil, It really does help me to think about all of you when I do these scans. I think "look at all these wonderful women who are hanging tough and dealing with this crummy crap" and I really do feel the vibes come through. It's calming in a stressful situation.
Thanks Divine! I enjoy seeing everyone else's families so much I bought it was time to share mine. I hope she has the wedding by next Spring at the latest and that I feel well and still have hair for the pictures! Oh the little vanity things!
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today sucks. It is raining and I don't know if it's in my mind , but I seem to feel more pains when itsraining outside. Yuck. I also have a headache. I haven't slept good in two nights. Sleep is vital. Sigh. This cancer shit sucks. Hugs and prayers to everyone. ~M~
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(((((micmel))))) Hope tomorrow is better
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I had hoped it was going to be better until I heard of the passing of KD, my heart is shattered for Louis and his boys. This is an awful disease and I'm about sick of dealing with it, and seeing good peoplesuffer and loose precious family because of something all the money in the world can't find a damn cure for. You ladies are always in thought and are in my prayers eternally! ~M~
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Micmel, I hope you are able to get out and take a walk and get out into nature. I find it relaxing and restorative. It is tough learning of another's passing and the sadness their families are dealing with. Yes, it is unfair.
I allow myself to grapple with those feelings and give thought to them. It is a way to honor the passing of someone special to us. And then I resolve to not allow cancer to determine my daily emotional status. I won't let it be the bigger of it and me. I put those issues in an imaginary box, picturing something small like a photo box, put it on the floor and stand above it in my mind. When necessary, such as when I have dr. appts. and dealing with loss, I open the box and deal with these matters. Then I put it all back in the box and put it away.
Yes, bc is part of my life and I am reminded of it daily, but I had to find something deep down inside me to help me cope, and if I didn't find what I needed, I had to create it myself. A little at a time. Sometimes setbacks. But always moving forward.
I am currently reading "Option B" by Sheryl Sandberg, FB ceo. I highly recommend it. It is about learning to deal with adversity, tragedy and trauma.
My best wishes for you.
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Divine~ thank you for the kind words and taking the time to share with me how you have chosen to deal with things associated to this cancer world we are forced to live in. I will look into that book, because I am always reading and find it very helpful. I like the box analogy and find it makes sense to think that way. Thank you for being apart of this awesome place of support and kindness. ~M~
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This is what I would like to be doing and feeling carefree and feeling the breeze in my fur. How adorable is he? Shaggie is feeling fine on the family boat, wish I was a dog sometimes. Not really understand things. Always wagging and sleeping with no responsibilities other than making your owner head over heels for you, which we are! Hugs ladies ~M~0 -
Micmel, I have been feeling down today, and that picture is just what I needed. I can just feel what Shaggie is feeling. Just kind of AHHHHHHHH. Thank you so much.
Lynne
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What an adorable dog! Yes, most of our fur babies do have a great life. I know that life with stage IV has it's trials, but I love that this thread celebrates the good things we experience as life goes on.
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I could use one of those right now......what a great shot. Looks like he is getting some great fresh air!
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I'm happy to report my daughter graduated from high school last weekend. We had a lovely time with friends and family who traveled from California and Arizona. It snowed, as it always does here on Memorial weekend, but I am so proud of my DD, and look forward to many, many more milestones in her life and mine. This weekend, we celebrate my sister's 60th birthday. So many good things still to embrace in life. Joy, peace and love.
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Bjsmiller~I am so happy for your family. What a special moment in your lives. Enjoy every second of your beautiful daughters growth. Congratulations on a huge Milestone !!!. May god bless you both and your entire family. Hugs ~M~
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Thank you, M. I plan to squeeze every second out of life that I can! My best to you.
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Bjsmiller - Congrats on the graduation!
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Barbara
Congrats on your daughter's graduation. Celebrate and enjoy every milestone possible
Babs
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Your daughter is beautiful, bjs, love the black and white photo!
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I am desperate for someone to lift me up. I have a wonderful support system but nobody quite knows how this feels. I have stage 4 and it has just sunk in. I met with drs at md Anderson. This cancer is very aggressive. I have had several forms of chemo that has not touched it. They say a clinical trial is my best option. I had foundation 1 testing and seems I might benefit from a FGFR inhibitor. The oncologist that is filling I need for my normal mo, told me to take advantage of every day. I agree this is true but I'm not ready to put one foot in the grave. I am 44 and have 2 precious kids 13 and 10. I need some serious help coping. I really need something to stop the growth of this horrible disease. I just keep praying!
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bjsmiller,
Congrats to your daughter! I love the photo and am always thrilled when posts celebrate living well with stage IV (as was my intention when I started this thread). Yes, I know that for so many, stage IV is misery heaped upon struggle after struggle. I hurt for them everyday. But, for some of us, at least for a time, our lives are pretty normal. I hope that this helps the newly dx'ed and continues to inspire those around us.
Twirp26,
I am so sorry that you've joined the MBC bunch. It can be scary and overwhelming and as a parent of young children, I know how worried you must be for them. This thread is here to give hope and inspiration for those living with stage IV. Lots of happy new, pics of children, grandchildren, travels, pets etc., but probably not very good when it comes to treatment advice. However, I concur that you need to keep that foot out of the grave!
Have you checked out any of the HER 2 threads, especially in the stage IV forum? You might also search under the name of the trial drug to see if others have had any experiences with it. Clinical trials can be worth pursuing, but you might also consider second opinions, outside of your current oncology group.
Thinking of you,
Caryn
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well, that's part of my problem. I'm not her2 anymore. It seems to keep changing. Idk, I just need some kind of peace to come over me about this. I know it's life and life isn't always fair. I want to get to the point that most of you seem to be. Still enjoying your lives despite your diagnosis. I'm having a hard time getting there. Does anyone see a therapist? Tips on getting my head right
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Twirp, yes, even with a support system, I find that it is the other women with stage iv on this forum that truly umderstand what it is like to have this disease. Even a doctor who treats the disease cannot really understand a certain perspective about it known only to those who have it.
Please get antianxiety or antidepressent meds if you dont take them already.
Try not to project yourself into some far off unknown future. Bring your focus to what is in front of you. Try to do something new every week that you havent ever done before. It helps to distract you from the heavier subject of mbc and gets your mind in a different place. Find a few things that help clear your mind like taking a drive in the car, seeing a really good movie, getting your nails done, listening to some good tunes. Focus on just the experience.
Many of us frame this as living with bc, not dying from it. It sucks to have it, but you can find meaningful ways to cope. We are here for you.
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Dear Twirp26,
It is scary to be in Stage 4, especially when treatments don't seem to be working but I hope you will find a trial that will work for you so that you can have many more years with your children. As for the doctor's comment, "take advantage of every day"-maybe you could look at that as a guide for healing, rather than seeing it as "a foot in the grave." A book I have found very helpful is "Cancer As a Turning Point" by Lawrence LeShan. He is a psychotherapist who has worked with many cancer patients. He found that those who embraced life and started doing what they really wanted to do not only had a better quality of life but also somehow sparked their immune systems. There are exercises at the back of the book you can work through on your own or with a therapist. For me, cancer has been a blessing in that it helps me choose each day what I really want, not what I "should" want for small and larger decisions. I pray that you will feel God's peace and love at this moment, and throughout this journey of life.
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Chicagoan, I hadn't heard of that book before, so I plan to read it. I looked it up on Amazon, and the description says it is about reclaiming the loss of personal power or energy and how that helps to bolster the immune system. I feel that is very much what I have experienced. I am not going to say cancer is a blessing, since I have lost some things because of it that I'll never gain back. And I didn't need bc as a wake up calll because I had been deeply appreciative of my life prior to the diagnosis. Yet I was out of touch with the true me in many ways. Over these past six years, I have gradually put my needs in the forefront as I continue to figure out what my needs actually are, and not what I am doing out of obligation, the need for others' approval, always making what others want more of a priority.
I don't believe stress causes cancer, but I do feel that eliminating it helps us heal. I was shouldering so much stress that I wasn't even aware of, and I've gotten rid of many stressful things. For me, it is always a process and doesn't happen overnight, but the progress is definitely there.
I agree that our mindsets are better when we choose what we really want, and not what we "should" want. Some of this is rejecting what society says are the roles that we as women should play. It is okay to challenge those assumptions and decide for ourselves what our place in the world, in our communities, in our families, is.
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Twirp26~I wish I had a magic wand, I know how you feel. I honestly understand how you feel. It's not a safe feeling. It's not what we are used to. It's not who we are used to. It's been a year and four months since diagnosis and everyday I still wake up with that horror of realizing everyday that this is who I am now. It's like being gutted. I am not who I used to be, I have lost some things and gained others. I have many days where I don't even want to look out my window, I have no self esteem and the treatments make me fat. I was always so strong and physically healthy. Now I'm trapped and hear the constant ticking of my life clock. My family is what keeps me going If I am honest. I feel if it wasn't for them I most likely wouldn't even go to the doctor. I hate procedures, I don't like the blood tests, I get intense scanxiety. My hair fell out, then came back, then fell out again. Now it's back and I don't want to have it fall out a third time. I have good days and bad days. I still jog as much as I can, I cleaned my house this week. Including the bathrooms. You just have to pace yourself, I am really just trying to live in the day and be thankful for every moment with my family and my sweet DH. One day at a time. But you're not alone. No you're not alone. Hang in there ~M~
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I am starting to at least peel myself off the floor. I met with my pastors parents who were very helpful. I guess knowing that only God knows when he is going to take us home helps. Dr.s can have their opinion but only God has final say. As far as my kids go, they told me to just instill in them that Christ will watch over them no matter what. He is watching over all of us and works for our greater good. It's so hard as you all already know. I just want to get to the point where I don't cry so easily. I guess my faith is what I need to rely on for this. Thank you for responding! It does help never to know I i am not alone
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Twirp26~. I still cry very easily. It's an emotional Terror. No doubt. I have my strong moments also where I am convinced if I just keep it in my bones I'll Iivea good deal longer. I still jog and I am not bed ridden. So I have to take that as a blessing of some sort. Just take one day at a time. You are in my prayers. And you're not alone. Not by far. Hugs ~M~
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