Stupid comments ....
Comments
-
Suladog, I know your good cooking was so appreciated. What a nice thing to be able to do. I hope someone reciprocated for you. And yes, a like button is a GREAT idea
0 -
Sonjat,
I'd have told the guy I just joined the band Pussy Riot.
0 -
You're awesome, Suladog!!! :
0 -
Hahahahaha! Suladog, I wish i could think that quickly
0 -
Beachbum, what?? does he not realize that you know they did one for someone else? again, people think breast cancer is one and done.
0 -
Beachie, Are they off the Christmas card list?
0 -
"after my diagnosis someone anonymously left a mason jar on my desk. it was decorated with a few drawings and the words "cancer dust". inside was purple glitter.. what???? I have no clue what the intent was but it's one of those Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm???????"
Sonjat, that's one of the craziest things I've heard. I thought you were going to say that the jar was full of money from your kind coworkers who wanted to help you pay your bills! Wow, that DEFINITELY makes one go hmmmm...
0 -
I get " you look so good", " you look fantastic"....how did I look before...awful??? Its almost as if they are surprised I look good...how should I look..
0 -
Like death warmed over?
0 -
Here's one for us Stage IVers - a local fundraiser was held here and my onc was the featured speaker, it involved a fashion show that was staffed with models who are "breast cancer graduates"!!!!!! Guess I flunked and am not getting my cap and gown.....geesh!
0 -
I have been lurking on this thread for a couple weeks being highly-entertained, and today I truly laughed out loud at sas-schatzi's STFU (shut the fuck up) comment. Some people you need to smack up-side the head more than once.
I have a very nasty strain of BC running from my dad's side of the family. Both my oldest sister and I are "endurers". She has lost 1 daughter to BC, and her oldest daughter is battling with ovarian cancer. I KNOW the steps to this awful dance. So when I "got the call" 4 years ago, the first thing I said to myself, "Oh fuck me. I do NOT want to do this."
But I did, and I continue to slug my way through it. I never took any prescription medicine regularly and now I have a ziploc bag of bottles. Let's see ... Gabapentin for the peripheral neuropathy that prevents me from walking any distance at all (compliments of Taxotere). Tamoxifen for ... well, you know. It creates its own avalance of SEs. Zoloft. Now blood pressure and cholesterol. And bone density. A bunch of supplements to help offset SE's of the other drugs ... it's just stupid.
I can honestly say I did not have too many stupid comments from people, or I just chose to believe they truly meant well. If you have no direct experience with this disease and choose not to educate yourself about it, you're just flapping your lips. One of the best things somebody said to me was "I am so sorry you have to go through this." Yeah I run into people I don't see often, and they generally say "You look great!" (implied: "You looked like chit there for a while, glad you're not dead.")
No wait, I've got one ... "You have such a nicely shaped head, you look good bald! You can totally rock that!"
And ... GO!
0 -
Hello fellow endurers!
I have told very few people that I have BC...so when they tell me I look great, I take it as a compliment and not a reflection of what I looked like before BC. The compliment that I take is that they know I have a terrible disease and I am taking good care of myself and it shows in my appearance. I never thought that they were commenting on my pre-BC appearance.
What really bothered me were all the comments people who didn't know I had BC made about the significant weight loss I experienced on chemo. Being told you look great when you are just barely able to function, trying to learn how to make eyebrows, and rocking the best wig you can find....just because you have lost weight really pi$$ed me off. Guess what? Sometimes losing weight isn't a good thing, people.
Love, MsP0 -
208Sandy, you didn't flunk--you're working on your master's degree! (From one state iv to another, laughing so we don't cry.
0 -
ShetlandPony - thanks, you made me laugh - I'll take this comment to onc appointment next week. BTW my grandfather was born in the Shetland Islands - there's a picture in a family album somewhere holding a full grown shetland pony on his lap.
0 -
That sounds like a wonderful photo. Shetland ponies are so little and cute, yet they can endure and thrive in harsh conditions.
0 -
gosh I have enjoyed this thread, but this my first contribution.
I am four weeks out from surgery and still have a drain and the tubing from a wound vac hanging out of my side. I have one enormous boob and two tubes. 😜
I know the comment is well intended, But internally I laugh hysterically every time someone says " your face looks good." (I think it must be an Aussie thin) I'd be a bit worried if my face didn't look ok considering where I had my surgery
0 -
When I told a friend at work, she started crying and said, "I don't want you to have breast cancer." It was such an immediate, heart-felt, gut-level response I was moved to cry with her.
0 -
What your friend said, was really from the heart. A hug to you both.
0 -
The most hurtful comment came from a good friend when I explained my mastectomy (left breast) allowed me to see my heart pumping. She said "How creepy!"And here I was thinking it was cool... however a, dare I say, better friend actually wanted to see and thought it was neat lol
0 -
I love your screen name!!!0 -
My experience today has me re-thinking the whole wig thing!!
I've been just wearing scarves because I figure they are cooler and I have a ton of them but they do bring attention to the fact that you don't have hair.
Today, I took half a vacation day and attended the LGFB program at my treatment center and before heading into the office, I decided to treat myself to lunch at Panera Bread. I was wearing one of my new bright floral scarves and not long after I sat down to eat, the girl that was cleaning tables came up behind me and flipped the tail of my scarf and told me that I was "rocking the look". I smiled and thanked her even though I thought it was a tad inappropriate. She walked a few feet in front of my table, took off her cap and showed me her buzz cut then proceeded to loudly tell me that she got it cut for a friend with cancer and how her poor friend's cancer had come back 3 times ... she went on and on very loudly talking about it cancer and hair loss and I grew more and more uncomfortable feeling like everyone in the room was staring at me. She finally walked away and just when I thought it was over, she came up from behind me again and leaned over like she was whispering except she wasn't whispering when she asked "Do you mind telling me what kind of cancer you have" That was it!! I told her that I did not want to discuss that with her at all. She said okay and finally walked away but by that point I was mortified and frankly I'm pretty easygoing about all this cancer junk but that was unbelievable!!
0 -
I was diagnosed at 35 and recently married. As a result of everything I am unable to have children. One day, while I was in the middle of chemo, my husband and myself were sitting with his family talking about what we would do if we won the lottery. At the end my mother in law said "oh well, at least we all have our health and our beautiful children."
My husband and I looked at each other and I said "speak for yourself". She didn't even know what she had said. My husband and I joke about it all the time now. Some people just don't get it. By the way last week was my one year anniversary of my diagnosis and I am now considered cancer free. Knock... On... Wood!
0 -
Terrible of that girl to do that to you!
On the other side of the coin, I finally got brave enough to just wear my do rag (Skull cap) in public. About a week after I did, a young woman came up to me in a store, asking for advice, etc. She had just been diagnosed Stage 4 and I connected her with Bestbird. So if I hadn't worn my do rag that day, maybe that connection wouldn't have been made for this young woman. I guess what I am saying is I think there are really good people out there, people who need us, and then people who are flat out assholes, like that girl.
Sorry you had to go through that.
0 -
I don't wear a wig, only scarves and hats. I have never had anyone comment. On the other hand I do need my oncologist to write an or ever for me to wear a head covering while I am at school. Really?
0 -
MeToo: Oh, my sympathies. People aren't always being mean, more like not realizing they're being hurtful or not thinking things through.
0 -
tjh...a doctor's order to wear a head covering at school? You can't be serious.
I wonder what would happen if you told them to shove it. I'd love to see THAT news article.
0 -
I am not getting one, I will have one for lifting restrictions for 6 weeks following reconstruction, but I refuse to get the other. In the past the other teacher in the district with BC did not need one. The press and the EOC attorneys will have a field day.
0 -
I agree that I don't see it as people being cruel intentionally. Why would they? Are they innately evil? I doubt it. I think they don't know what to say as I know I don't what I'd say if I know someone could be sensitive to my being clueless, ie a stranger. So that's why I say to take it with a grain of salt and not expend your already low energy on thinking about it, imo. Not worth it. Now if it's someone you know and it matters to you, then that's different.
As for the waitress in the restaurant, I would have shut it down quick. If someone flips the tail of my scarf, I'd give a look of wth? I mean, invasion of personal space anyone? If that alone didn't stifle her I'd say something like I'm in middle of something (my phone is always out so I'd pick it up to "text") and ask her nicely for a glass of water or something so she'd have to leave and unless she's a real azz, she wouldn't try talking to me again.
That's just me. I can go from being like a bff to someone I hardly know and will really try to help them down to being rude. I just have to be careful when heading down toward 'rude' that I'm not misinterpreting their intention, which is the hard part.
0 -
Hi ladies,
The stupid comments will never end. I now look forward to them
During the exam the Pa commented how the port scar was healing so well. The scar she was referring to was the biopsy scar on the very top curve of my L breast.
For fu*cks sake, chemo- ports are never implanted IN the breast.
OH and one more thing. I didn't have chemo so the port comment was even stupider.
Next.....
0 -
sbelizabeth
Unfair, you must forewarn if a post requires tissues to be on hand.
0
