Stupid comments ....
Comments
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sbelizabeth, that is such a sweet story!
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IS it okay if I post? Sorry! I just need to say this. It really upsets me when everyone says to me well you look great or I love your hair. I had hair down to my waste that took me most my life to grow that I loved to death and as vain as it is it kills me cause I feel as if they all now this so every time my response is thanks but I had no choice cancer gave me this hair style. I know I should be happy to be alive but man it hurts some times. And if one more idiot tells me how there friend of a friend got cancer and ate or drank something and is cured they will be eating whatever I can find until they get the message that its very insensitive. Thanks for letting me vent..
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Of course you can post, there is no judgement here on what you want/need to say in order to get it off your chest. I can only imagine how distressful it must be to lose a part of your identity, something that made you feel like you. I want to believe that people are trying to be kind and reassuring with their comments, they just haven't thought it through from the other persons perspective. As for the stories about others' misfortunes which rarely seem to end well, that is pure thoughtlessness! I think it's pretty normal to have shitty days where you feel like it's all too much and everyone and everything annoys you - or is that just me
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I agree the shi//y days, anxiety and annoyances still occur but have decreased in frequency over time.
But yeah, the small normal things can set you off. After I had BMX then hyst 1 month later I nearly lost it. We went out to eat, I was having a really good day. Then an infant nearby started to cry, the young mom picked up the baby and covered herself to nurse. I had to go to the restroom. It was too much. I knew before the surgeries at 39yo I was done having babies and nursing them, but having that choice stolen (by cancer rearing it's head for a second time) suddenly hit me. I'm teary just thinking about it 4 years later.
People don't get it until they get it. Not that I'd wish that on them at all but a bit of sensitivity goes a long way. The hair thing- mine was long and temperamental, but it was mine. It'll never be the same but people still comment on it. "It's so long now!" I'd love to reply- Yeah, don't jinx me huh? I guess they just don't know what to say.
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DSW1976, the food and drink cures people talk about irk me to no end. I was told on a low carb group that I follow, that had I only stopped eating sugar and bad carbs soon enough, the cancer wouldn't have grown.Huh?! I had to lay into her, because I started eating better before anything showed up on the ultrasound, and bam, 6 months later....there it was.
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If there was a magic food, we would all be cured by now.0 -
Keyla,
You have the right to cry, bitch and complain. You do not have to stay positive. Its known that masking ones feelings with positive thinking causes more problems than being real.
When someone says anything stupid to you like youll get a new set. Look them straight in the eye and say until you learn the facts its best you shut the fuc up.
A gentle hug to you.
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An elderly relative, who'd gone through breast cancer treatment herself, said my sister and I were given breast cancer because we had not been nice enough to her. I kid you not.
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whoa,, sbelizabeth,,,,, that is just so cruel!0 -
sbelizabeth - Guessing you and your sister aren't in the will!! Yikes!!!
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sbelizabeth, this is one of those I wish i would have thought of that .........ask her who she wasn't nice enough too.
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sas-schatzi, I didn't have to ask! She volunteered her knowledge, with complete confidence, that HER breast cancer had been a result of the cruel neglect and disregard of her family members. You gotta love a narcissist.
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Elizabeth, toxic person. Is she easy to keep out of your life?
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Sas, regretfully, no. At least she is not that toxic 100% of the time.
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been lurking these boards a lot, these 'dumb comments' threads have me cracking up. so time to jump in.
It's oddly reassuring to know that it's not just ME, that everyone seems to be hit w/ stupid questions, insensitive comments (like my sister joking I'd make a good Uncle Fester for Halloween); or selfish family members who make it all about them, scheme to make this work to their benefit, or those that seem indifferent and put out; or otherwise well-meaning friends can be the worst. I'm more accepting of it now, that they 'try' to understand but will never really get how much this has taken over, how hard work and life are (and I'm doing well BTW).
Still my favorite from just about everyone is the presumption that there's help and support out there – and no I don't mean groups, newsletters, fundraisers but actual hospital-bill paying HELP – and it's just an email and phone call away. I'm like, uh NO and my head is about to split open from slamming it down on the desk so many times.. but if they want to call and make themselves crazy, power to 'em.
anyway, that's my why of saying THANKS. reading these posts have restored some of my sanity. :-)
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Uncle Fester -- for real?!?!!? Stupid comments from family means payback + interest...
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I'm recently diagnosed and haven't shared with a lot of people yet but know dumb comments will appear soon enough but so far the best was are you sure you have bc. I wanted to respond "no just joking so you would feel sorry for me", somehow I managed to keep my tongue in check and simply responded with yes.
Ironically today's daily devotional was about watching your words as they have the power to bless or wound...seems like a lot of our friends, family and coworkers could use this reminder.
Tomorrow I see my BS for my first visit and can't say I'm looking forward to it...I'd rather take a vacation, but want answers and a treatment plan so I know what is ahead of me.
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Xjerseyfrl......just wanted to say hi and welcome. (Sigh!) Just can't imagine what a person would be thinking when they ask if you are sure you have cancer??? I hope your visit goes well and that the people around you are comforting and not stupid!
MsP
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Thanks MsPharoah for the welcome and yes big sigh I'd rather not be here but glad I found the site is so much information to be shared and knowing we aren't alone. My family and friends comforting. Tough part is no family in Florida so lots of phone calls with my sisters and loving from my close friends.
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Xjerseygrl- kudos to you for holding back that comment (I couldn't have), it was a great comeback
I know just how you feel wanting to go on vacation instead, I'd been planning a ten year anniversary trip to Disney World with my husband for six months, it was the honeymoon we never had, the vacation we never took, it meant so much to me... then I was diagnosed. I was rolled into surgery the day I was supposed to be strolling down Main Street at Magic Kingdom. But I can't complain my surgery and recovery couldn't have been better and six months after surgery I got to take that vacation and I had so much more to celebrate. So I wish you peace and comfort during this difficult time and the best vacation possible when the time is right. ((Hugs))P.S. there were tropical rains in central FL when my trip was first scheduled lol
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Leftywasmyfavorite,
Glad you got to take yourhoneymoon/vacation you never had to Disney World. Coming to Florida in the summer or fall can be tricky as definitely is our rainy season. We are in that rainy everyday pattern right now and I would love to be able to sit outside for an evening but not today. When we get to take that next vacation it will be special and just a chance to enjoy without going here there and everywhere. A cabin in the mountains with a hot tub on deck will do quite nicely.
Hugs,
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Hi all nothing stupid to report today although who knows what tomorrow will bring. Xjerseygrl, I love your name. Im originally from Jersey and even though I'm on the other side of the country now, once a Jersey girl, always a Jersey girl! I hope you find comfort here, this is a wonderful place to vent and be heard.
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I am often struck by how similar comments affect us differently. I'm sorry the Uncle Fester for Halloween comment made imisswine feel bad. I think a lot depends on the relationship, context, tone of voice, etc. In my case, having my kid, who loves cosplay, plan all sorts of bald Halloween costumes for me was actually funny and the humor helped us both deal with things. I was actually going to do one of the costumes, but it turned out I was not quite bald enough on Halloween.
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Guy I know: "When you lose your hair, we'll all shave our heads in support!"
Me: "That's not necessary, but I appreciate the thought."
Guy today (now that I've lost my hair): "I don't have to shave my head do I? I look really bad bald."
Me: "Nope, still not necessary."
Ha!!
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My husband and my brother shaved their heads in solidarity. I didn't ask either one of them to do it, but I was deeply touched that they did.
The three of us visited a botanical garden together and I went commando. I treasure the photos of us from that day! I put one on facebook and a friend commented, "You look like an exotic model." My heart sang for a long, long time.
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My son shaved his....but he's in the Army so shaves it real close out of habit. He sent a picture...it was cute. I haven't taken one commando...I should before it grows back.
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Co-worker some years ago told me that her MD told her she had BC 3 years earlier.
I did usual Im sorry you went through that etc. There was no evidence (exterior) that this happened. I think I would remember if a co-worker had cancer.
So I asked her if she wanted to share her treatment and how she was now. She was there was no treatment and she is fine.
I said, wow how can a person have BC and get away with no treatment of any kind?
Her angry reply " Well, he SAID I have breast cancer and the subject ended there"
mmmm...ladies is it possible that could happen or is this woman delusional in some way, or am I?
I want to add that this person wasn't the sharpest tack in the box.
I dont work there anymore and often wonder about her.
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When I was telling people I worked with about having cancer another NURSE said her mother had stage 4 cancer. I asked how she was doing and where it had spread to. She replied she never had it anywhere but the breast and was fine now! I thought a nurse would know what stage 4 meant!
And if one more person tells me to get a free boob job out of this..! 😡
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Early after my diagnosis, a friend told me she'd "had a lumpectomy and was fine." I said, tell me about what kind of breast cancer you had. She said no cancer, they had removed the lump and it was benign.
This is called a "biopsy." Not a lumpectomy.
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A free boob job. Yeah, ok. You want to see my "free" new boobs? They're uneven, permanently blotchy from radiation, road-mapped with scars, a result of eight separate surgeries, and cost me a boatload of money. Given the choice, I would have paid a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon-to-the-stars a top-dollar fee for some "free" boobs. It would have been cheaper. And probably a lot more fun.
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