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STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

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  • PoppyK
    PoppyK Member Posts: 1,275
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    How about all of those friends who are "there for you" and "want to help"? Where the hell are they?

    How about the, "Well if I had cancer, I would just cut them off!" comments. Or the "Did they have to cut them off?" questions? Seriously? Everyone of us would cut them off if it was a 100% cure. And it's no one's business if I had a mx.

    How about my mom who just looks sad, cries and makes it all about her? For goodness sake, I'm fighting cancer. I shouldn't have to put energy in making sure everyone else is okay with my having cancer. I know I'm not the only one here on the boards having to manage others people's reactions to our cancer.

  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 2,020
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    Today's steamfest for me: pre-existing medical conditions that complicate the cancer treatment.....which our oncologists do not consider! Plopping this one firmly in the court of how compartmentalized Western medicine. We stand before you, a whole human being. You cannot treat our breasts in isolation. Body image. Fear of needles. Allergy to medications or equipment. Already weakened immune systems. Cognitive dysfunctions that interfere with your ability to tolerate treatment, or even understand what is being done to you. And social issues is a whole nother kettle of worms.

    Poppy: gah. Already run into the 'how to divert energy from coping with treatment and decisions' to 'handling how others handle my diagnosis'. My sympathy!

  • YJ2012
    YJ2012 Member Posts: 12
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    I rant about my so called BFF of 25 yrs who washed het hands of my diagnosis , calling me brave that I can handle anything , not giving me chance to express my fear. Each time I reached to get her support, all I got was condescending messages I need to move on and tidbits about how she got promoted and how she is working out each day 45 min's all this less than one week after my complex 14 hrs reconstructive surgery . It bothers me I invested my time and emotions in a person who never cared about me I meant nothing to this person , how can someone not care for me esp since I was always there for and her kids to support and made them feel loved. I have such deep anger and disappointment towards this person and please trust me ladies , I am not a bad person. But this F up diagnosis had taken so much away from me, my innocence and taking old age for granted and support of loved ones. I feel so lonely and angry at times, I know I need to move past but I am plain mad that my feelings and emotions didn't count to this person. If you can't depend on a friendship of 25 yrs who else can you trust, I keep going in circles. I really need to move on concentrate on myself but I am unable to .

  • meow13
    meow13 Member Posts: 1,363
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    Why do we have to go through this bullsh#t? I want to feel good again.

  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 934
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    I'm pissed....I'm sick of worrying, sick of doctors, sick of questioning myself....sick of being depressed...sick of hating the way I look. I'm pissed that BC took my breasts, took my sex life, took my sanity.

    I'm pissed that I can't seem to get myself out of this mental slump. I HATE taking Tamoxifen...HATE it. I have skipped 2 months at a time and now I'm back on it and I feel like crap. My joints hurt, my emotions feel unstable, and I can't sleep.

    I'm pissed that I have to go see MO today, she's not going to know what to tell me IF I tell her about any of this. We've been round and round and her bottom line is that I MUST take Tamoxifen. Well, maybe I won't!! I mean how much of a difference is it really making?

    I'm pissed at all the uncertainties about cancer tx and "survivorship". It's all a waiting game, that is what this feels like.

    I'm pissed that one of the ways I've had to learn to cope is that I just mentally have prepared myself for it coming back. I'm just waiting for the inevitable to happen. Yeah I know it's crazy and unhealthy, but it's what I do.


  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,879
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    tang......me too

  • eellek
    eellek Member Posts: 11
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    Sitting here in tears... I am very lucky I don't have to have chemo and I am so Thankful but I have a million things going on in my head. Im scared of radiation, have no one to talk to... just scared, frustrated and more... The lady that takes the insurance info called today, said my insurance ended May 12, 2015. I explained the lady in pre testing for surgery said my insurance was good until june 30. Hubby put in his 4 weeks notice before I was diagnosed. I didn't ask for this.!!!!!!! He went to the new job about a week after I was diagnosed. so insurance has started yet with the new job. The surgery was not covered...I guess. She gave me the Finiancial aid paperwork... Im so upset.! I don't have a clue how to fill it out... I cant find hubbys pay stubs from previous job, I have from current job... I have 2 part time jobs... I cant find my paystubs from the one job, and the other job only does online pay stubs because my check is directly deposited. Im worried about feeding my sons, paying the bills on the house... I was released to go back to work but because they were slow going I cant go back till next week sometime... I am just so scared, frustrated, and all alone. I have no one to talk to about BC. Still cry about it. It has really scared me.!

  • MeToo14
    MeToo14 Member Posts: 162
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    eellek I know just how you feel. I know how everyone feels. I remember waiting for the biopsy results and telling my husband that I can't have cancer we can't afford it. I knew it would financially devastate us. It has. We live paycheck to paycheck. I didn't have insurance and put off getting it until the last minute when the law forced me to. I knew months before that that something was wrong but I just couldn't afford insurance. I almost killed myself because medical care is too expensive. My husband has a new job with great benefits but the hole is already dug. I am grateful though that I am still going, still working ( two jobs), still have a house and still able to make payments.

    Cancer sucks, I hate that I will never be the same. I hate that I will never have children. I hate that people suck. I hate that I look like shit. I hate that I am going to spend the rest of my life always having in the back of my head that this will come back. Tomorrow I start hormone therapy, I hope it goes well!

    Thank you for listening!


  • MeToo14
    MeToo14 Member Posts: 162
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    I want to clarify the "almost killed myself" statement. I meant that because I put off getting medical treatment that I put myself in the position to possibly have the the cancer spread. I want to live and continue to fight everyday!

  • ShetlandPony
    ShetlandPony Member Posts: 3,063
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    Sisters,please find out if there is an oncology social worker at your hospital. He/she will be someone to talk to and someone to help with practical things like financial and insurance problems.

  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 2,020
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    MeToo/Eelek: Just the thought of getting the insurance runaround makes a calliope's worth of steam come out of my ears. But the only thing worse than jumping through hoops is not having insurance at all! My husband and I are right on the border between "govt-subsidized" and "Medicaid"...and we're terrified of getting stuck with a "health insurance" that no one will accept! Our PCP made it clear that if we got stuck with Medicaid, she'd only continue to treat us because we're patients of long standing, but it'd be a short term solution.

    Checking with the local health care system/hospital/wherever it is you're getting treatment about a social worker or other help with financial aid is a grand idea....though I'll admit that sometimes we need to come here and rant, rave, shriek, pound the walls, throw things. and THEN go off to deal with asking for financial aid once we've calmed down. Catching more flies with honey than vinegar much.

  • YJ2012
    YJ2012 Member Posts: 12
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    I deleted my earlier post, as my rant sounds petty compared to what some of these ladies are going through.

    MeToo/Eel - I wish I could do or say something to help you both but since I can't , I can only wish and pray you both will be able to find some solution to your insurance situation .I am really sorry you both are facing stress with finances ,along with other emotional stress. I hope things will get better soon...

  • eellek
    eellek Member Posts: 11
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    Shetland Pony, I have a nurse navigator I think that is what they called her.... Ive talked to her maybe 3 times for a few minutes. I was supposed to call her with questions for Dr. I just called the office instead.. I don't really know what she is for or what she does, I have never met her. I also feel there are more urgent cases than me, so I hate to bother them... there could be someone that needs them more than I do. I am scared and don't know what to expect. I was so upset when the lady told me about the insurance, I don't really care about it.! I am worried about my boys eating, hubby having gas to get to and from work. I work 2 part time jobs, and don't make full time pay between them, but they help with food and gas. I have too much going in my head right now to make sense of anything. Everytime I write the word I start crying, everytime I look in the mirror I start crying. I have never had any surgeries before this, never been in the hospital other than to have my boys... and I did them natural. I walk in the radiation office, and I am shaking and almost in tears before I get out of the car...and I have not started radiation yet.! I am just a basket case

    I filled out the finiancial aid form... and will drop it off with the paystubs I have.My 1 part time job does not do paper paystubs, and I cannot get in the system from home, have a tough time getting in from work. Hubbys stopped paper paystubs end of april, and he no longer works there so they cant get in his info. current employer I have pay stubs for. I just feel they are going to give me the run around, and I just cant take much more.!

  • ShetlandPony
    ShetlandPony Member Posts: 3,063
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    I share the pain, fear, and frustration at the unfairness of this all. This topic was started to be a place to cry and rant, and we have good reason to do that. So my suggestion to enlist a social worker's help was in no way meant to deny our valid need to talk with each other or to derail this topic. There is a time to cry and rant, and a time to problem-solve. We need to do both, and we shouldn't have to do either alone. I just wanted to put the idea out there for whenever it might be helpful. For now, just Hugs.

  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 2,020
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    Shetland: I'll now apologize to you! I never did think you meant "Shoo! Run along to your local resources." but rather wanted to make sure that the previous ranters didn't think that. Because we need both local professional help and a place to rant, to ask the the questions we're too embarrassed to ask the doctors.

  • ShetlandPony
    ShetlandPony Member Posts: 3,063
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    I knew that. Thanks, queenmomcat.

  • BarredOwl
    BarredOwl Member Posts: 261
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    Dear Eellek:

    I am not sure if it would be available to you or not, but sometimes you can elect to continue health insurance coverage from a former employer under "COBRA". If available, COBRA applies to coverage for the spouse too. Some information suggests the spouse can elect it individually. There are some limitations, and it only lasts for a certain period of time. There are notification requirements, and a time period for election. Also, you have to pay the premium yourself. Depending on the cost of the premiums, copays etc., and the amount of your medical expenses, it may or may not be the best choice.

    When I quit a job in 2005, I received a COBRA notification that I could pay for the insurance to continue for 18 months. (I declined, since I got on my husband's insurance then). So even if he quit, it may be available.

    Ask your husband if he received any information about continuing insurance coverage from his former employer. The COBRA info may be in there. If not or if lost, immediately contact the human resources department of his former employer to inquire about the possibility of continuing coverage under COBRA for you, the monthly cost, and steps necessary to elect it, including any deadlines to apply. Also, ask if you can do it for less than 18 months (since you may get on your husband's new insurance at some point).

    For more information, I found this Sept 2014 pamphlet on-line:

    http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/pdf/cobraemployee.pdf

    Even if you are not sure whether it is available or not, it is worth the call to the former employer to get definitive information as you consider your options.

    By the way, just say you are interested in coverage, don't explain your recent diagnosis or medical history.

    BarredOwl

  • eellek
    eellek Member Posts: 11
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    Shetland Pony, Thank you so much, I will check into who that nurse navigator is in the morning... maybe she's the same as the oncology social worker you spoke of. I looked up what the navigator is supposed to do and was very surprised.! I had no clue. I will contact her in the morning and ask her if she can give me some ideas. I was so upset, talked to hubby and you all and I feel much better. ! Thank you for understanding.! I got what I have for financial aid, and will turn it in tomorrow, if more is needed then they can call me and I will do what I can to get it for them. I am glad I found this thread.! You girls are great.! You made me feel less alone in this... and I appreciate that.! Your Right I had my Rant... now its time to problem solve.!

  • BarredOwl
    BarredOwl Member Posts: 261
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    P.S. I should add, I am not sure whether if your insurance requires pre-approval for certain procedures, how that would affect things if you now sought COBRA coverage for a month ago.

    Best,

    BarredOwl

  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 2,020
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    eelek: and an apology to you, for not seeing your post RIGHT above Shetland's. Yes, start with the nurse navigator, as that's what they're for: a gateway to sorting out all the people you'll need to ask for help, are entitled to ask for help and so on. But you know that now!

    If you can, come up with specific questions ahead of time, but for pete's squeaks, DO NOT feel bad about saying "i'm worried about money. I'm worried about insurance. But I don't know where to start. Can you help me?" You won't be the first to approach her with questions phrased thus! I mean, mine was "I can't stop crying. What do I do?" And hey presto, she'd hooked me up with the psychologist associated with the local cancer center, and a volunteer from the American Cancer Center.

  • eellek
    eellek Member Posts: 11
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    BarredOwl, Thank you, I did get the COBRA info and it was way out of our price range..... and I have no idea how that would affect things but I am sure it would. :) I am going to drop off what I have to financial aid tomorrow, and if they need anything else Ill do my best to get it. Ill take it one day at a time and figure it out eventually. I think things just hit me real hard today, and she just caught me at the wrong time.

  • octogirl
    octogirl Member Posts: 2,434
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    So, all these insurance issues I am about to discuss apply to our US sisters, obviously, not to those in Canada and elsewhere, but that said: re the COBRA...if it is accepted within the period it is available, it is retroactive to date insurance ended (which is the last day of the month after leaving employment, for most employers, since remember, they paid the premium for the full month that last month, usually). So, worst case scenario if COBRA kicks in would be a postponement if needed to get authorization, or take risk of not having it authorized. I suspect it would not be a problem, however (not sure, just what I suspect).

    And, don't forget the ACA (aka ObamaCare): the Open Enrollment period has passed for this year, but if your insurance status changes due to life changes (as when you or a spouse change jobs) you can enroll mid year.See:

    https://www.healthcare.gov/coverage-outside-open-enrollment/

    Don't assume you can't get/aren't covered until you look at the options. Also, since you husband has a new job: be absolutely sure his insurance doesn't cover you from day he started (most do, especially now that larger employers are required to provide insurance or pay into exchanges)...DO NOT assume that insurance won't cover you. you should ask and ask again and BE SURE you are given the information that LEGALLY you must be given (COBRA notification is a federal law, for example). Another question for a nurse navigator.

    which leads me to something that really steams me: why the HELL should any of us have to worry about whether we can afford treatment in times like this? Shouldn't we all have comparable treatment regardless of our personal means? This isn't something we are doing for fun and games. This is life and death.

  • BarredOwl
    BarredOwl Member Posts: 261
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    Octogirl: Nice segue from some advice to an excellent rant!

    BarredOwl

  • eellek
    eellek Member Posts: 11
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    queenmomcat, No apology needed. I appreciate your response.!

    I am glad I posted here because I found out what the nurse navigator is supposed to do.... lol.... I had no clue.... I was handed a card and told she would call me a few days after surgery, I just thought she checked in on you after surgery ! She did... 3 times... asked how I was doing, I told her fine... explained how the underarm felt and she told me to do the excercises in the warm shower.... I will sit down this evening write up a list of questions and ask if she has any ideas.!

    Thank You all so very much !!!

  • eellek
    eellek Member Posts: 11
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    Octogirl, Exactly !!!!! Why should any of us have to worry about whether we can afford treatment, This isn't something I something I am doing for fun and I sure as Heck did not sign up for it.!

    I think that is what upset me. I told them numerous times the insurance would end, receptionist at pre testing said I had insurance until June 30. Cool. ! I had that much covered... But I kept explaining the insurance was going to end...and they kept saying when you get the bill, fill out the back and send it back in. Ok..... I haven't gotten a bill yet ! and today for her to say well how are you going to pay the bill.... I told her it would wait, I am trying to figure out how I am feeding my family and paying the household bills while I am off work.

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,879
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    Bump

  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 364
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    Ah insurance, another good rant. I have run the fire dance of COBRA, insurance, no insurance, charity case, and now some do-goodie is trying to get me covered by someone for insurance. I have a pile of bills that total more than $62,000, and I really don't care. I have cancer, Stage IV freaking breast cancer, and they can all bite me. Right now I am worth more dead than alive, so they can all wait to collect it when I'm dead. They can have a dog fight over what's left so good luck! I'll wrap the cash in bacon and watch them fight for it.


    Bad attitude about our insurance system, check that!

    Bad attitude about the cost of breast cancer treatment, check that!

    Bad attitude about my employer that told me we qualified for COBRA, and we did NOT qualify, check that!

    Bad attitude about anything pink, check that!


    It's hard enough to try to work full time during treatment, make it through DD AC/T, surgery, and rads and be dead broke and exhausted. Then the collectors start calling for money. Really? I throw down my "C" card and listen to their promises to pray for me. Really? How about chipping in $10 bucks on my account balance? That would help me. Or listen to the stories about all of the people they know that have died from cancer. Really? That helps me? I hate those stories, and usually the people that tell them to me.


    So no point in worrying about bills, I have scans coming the week after Labor Day. That I will worry about. That is life and death. So they can keep charging late fees, I have yet to see that cause of death on a tombstone! I guess Capital One now knows what's in my wallet!

  • BookLady1
    BookLady1 Member Posts: 196
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    Beach bum - Bravo on your rant! I feel better just reading it and think I can go to bed, now. I love this site - I didn't realize that others rants could be so cathartic! Sweet dreams, Linda


  • Beatmon
    Beatmon Member Posts: 617
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    Eek, you can cancel Cobra at anytime. One month payment, though large, maybe all you will need. Keep us posted. Maybe Our president could pay it instead of spending the weekend with his girls in NYC...your surgery bill will be much cheaper.

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,879
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    Beachie I agree with BookieL, That was the best rant. Should be copied and sent to millions. Beatmoms right. The millions and millions of $$$$$ the Obama's have spent on vacationing. What is that?  Where and WHY do presidents feel entitled to spend taxpayer money for their vacations? The queen of England doesn't. Please, nobody confuse me with facts if I'm wrong.