STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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My sister said something similar to that, that she has a heart problem and more likely to die. Like cancer is no big deal.
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Of course cancer is a big deal, but i think we need to recognize that other conditions are a big deal, too. Its not a contest. There are no gold stars at the end.
My mother had thyroid cancer when she was 48. Had her thyroid removed. Lots of people live with low thyroid, right? Well, try keeping all those hormones regulated when you have NO functioning thyroid, not even a little bit! She suffered with a LOT of side effects. You know what people told her? That she should be glad she had thyroid cancer. That she was lucky to have "the good kind of cancer." I kid you not.
Mother also had atrial fibrillation, a condition which causes disturbing heart rhythms and palpitations. It caused her to have mini strokes. Those mini strokes could lead to major strokes. Mother lived in mortal fear of "the big one." She likened it to the sword of Damocles hanging over her head. Cancer didn't scare her at all, but A-fib did.
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i agree. I'd rather be in my boat of uncertainty than folks with dementia or als that know life is shorter for sure and very debilitating. All terminal illnesses suck.
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I am not saying AFIB is not serious the comparison and the lack of compassion to a breast cancer patient is. That coworker balked at her for needing emotional time off that is what I was saying.
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I'll wade in just a little...my frustration with those types of comments comes when someone talks about a totally treatable condition being the same or worse than cancer (ie diabetes, many MH conditions, hypertension, high cholesterol, etc). The difference between the treatable condition and cancer is that the treatable condition has predictable outcomes...you take your pills/insulin, follow the advice from the nutritionist/counselor/therapist and the condition/disease is treatable and manageable with low mortality risk. If you choose to be non-compliant, there are no guarantees. With cancer, it does not matter how well you stick to the treatment and follow the advice from your medical team, it can still rear its ugly head and take you out. The treatment for cancer is also on a whole different level compared to almost any other condition's treatment. It's not as easy as just taking a pill or shot. And isn't that part of what we complain about when someone says to us, “oh you have BC...that's easily cured nowadays" and blows us off? I'd rather take insulin injections everyday for the rest of my life vs deal with cancer for even 1 minute. Yes, conditions like A-fib are just as serious and can take you out. However, if it does take you out, odds are it will be quick. Cancer, not so much. Many times, too, the person making these comments has never dealt with a cancer diagnosis themselves. If they had, those words more than likely would never be uttered. Just my thoughts at this moment.... In the next moment I may have different thoughts or I may forget them altogether - thank you letrozole!🤨
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Lula that was a great analysis. If only all medical personel would have your understanding of this disease and it’s emotional and physical toll. Thanks.
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not trying to start something. But if you had to choose, bc or als or altzheimers. The latter 2 you don't stand a chance for even remission. Just curious if you had to have one of these, no choice, which. And yes, cancer all of them suck. But the small chance my dad has pls has sure opened my eyes. We dont compare, but yeah we do inside with the id rather have this over this. It has crossed minds at least once.
Of course we dont want to hear others downplaying it to us.....but to me it helps me cope when i feel down. We dont say to others there are worse things to deal with, which if we're honest to ourselves, is true.
Here's the thing. I have clinical major depression and anxiety dxd in 1994. Runs on dads side, including dad though he manages without meds. I've attempted suicide before and was locked up in a psych ward. Aside from figuring out the best med combo, you are kept busy all day. We had a schedule of different types of groups, visit with our psychiatrist and therapist, but also exercise, yoga, meditation and art therapy. You couldnt say know. I cant do yoga. Tough, you come sit in the room and listen. Same with exercise. Too bad. You dont want to do it fine but you'r coming outside to watch. It was like boot camp much of the day and in between you are having labs done and trying different meds. Worst experience mentally and physically in there. Then it was 6 weeks of partial hospitalization where 8 am till 4 pm you are busy there.
Point is i cant believe how many people think its a good place to get yourself collected. Hell no. But i did learn a lot about cognitive behavioural therapy where at some point if you keep your way of thinking which isnt doing anything but making you miserable, you will crash before you know it. I am amazed at many stage 4 people way of thinking when it comes down to it. And of my dad too who is charged not to complain so much but to keep going with what he has. Inspiration from others is huge. People who know of my history call me an inspiration. Young guys in the gym approach my dad amazed with his determination and work ethic. That feeds back to you and helps keep the spirits up esp when you are not having a good day.
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I would rather just be the healthy person I thought I was. I will say that I feel more empathy when people tell me their current crisis or diagnosis, whatever it is. I try to give them the feedback they need because whatever it is, it's the worst thing at that moment for them. No comparisons, no stories of other people I know who've dealt with it or had it worse. One thing I know, I want to listen more, speak less.
As Mustlovepoodles said above - there are no gold stars at the end, we all have difficult histories or stories. Listen more, speak less, love one another.
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Rosabella- the difference is you are making the comparison for yourself. It’s not someone else telling you their situation is worse or downplaying your situation. Comparing the situation we find ourselves in to what others are going through or in our own minds what it could’ve been besides cancer does help keep us sane. But we are doing that for ourselves. An extreme example would be being pretty helpless and in pain after mx or being violently sick during/after chemo and the nurse/dr/nurse nav/social worker telling you to figure out how to get to the bathroom yourself, or you’re a big girl not a baby-you can handle the pain from surgery without any medication for pain-not even a Tylenol, or you’ll just have to clean yourself up and everything you threw up on because you know, it could be worse...you could have ALS. But all your limbs work perfectly so the surgery/treatment that put you in this situation through no fault of your own is of no consequence.
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Agreed with Lula, it is all dependent on who is making the comparisons. I'm thankful every day for what I know could be worse and isn't.
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i agree lulu and did say that it isnt right for someone else to say it.
With depression for years i heard snap out of it, its all in your mind, things could be worse, i have depression too (mind you the kind everyone has from time to time), you'll get over it, you don't need meds, and on it goes. It's sad how misunderstood clinical depression is. With the recent high profile suicides i hope people catch on. You never know if someone is an inch from going over the cliff, and a stupid remark can send that person over.
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Rosabella, i hear you. I also have a personal and family history of depression and anxiety. Twice hospitalized. Some people think that going to rehab is a little vacation away from family and job demands. They have obviously never been there! Your description is spot on. The hardest work I've ever done was to crawl out of that suicidal pit and reclaim my life.
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Reading this had to laugh. Getting dementia might be a blessing sometimes since you would not have any idea how stinky things are really at times.
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bcincolorado- that can definitely be true. My DH's grandmother had Alzheimer's but had no clue she had it. She lived in her own little world where she thought she was a little girl again. Boy did we get an education on how she grew up, not having much, and what that looked like. What a blessing compared to Father in law's friend who had Alzheimer's and knew it. His facial expressions when he would come back to reality were absolutely heartbreaking.
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Actually, pts know. They just can't communicate any more and just stare. Its at the end stage they dont know, but along the way, they certainly do if not the name but the loss of function happening.
Bffs mom is almost stage 7 of 7. Even though years with it, shes aware she cant find her words and tells us with frustration and anger. She cant always feed herself, and knows. She gets mad. Sits by herself at the dining table out of embarrassment. 10 years of agonizing so decline physically, mentally, emotionally with 0 chance of remission. Hardly find anything about it funny. Try being at someone's side watching their cognition decline and feeling their depression, anger, fear and frusrations. For 10 years and counting I've been hearing i want to die. Hardly a chuckle bcincolorado..
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It really pisses me off how people treat depression like it's no big deal.
We just lost Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain to suicide because they were depressed.
We had to stage an intervention for my DD 18 mos ago b'cuz she was planning her own suicide, and one of her friends alerted the university counselors. She's on meds and doing much better, but it could have gone the other way very easily.
Illness is illness, and I don't weight one more than the other. When you're in the stew experiencing it, it colors your present reality. No one else lives inside your head, and no one else feels what you feel. We can't cure people. We can't solve their problems. All we can do is lift each other up and lend an ear of support rather than judge and give them a "score card."
L
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if you're referring to me lita, im not comparing per se but certainly do to myself to keep things in perspective for ME. I think its a great tool. Helped me climb out of suicide..
Giving support for one another and not saying stage 0 is better than 4 publicly goes without saying cuz everyone is different. However just as important is trying to provide tools to not get ti where you are found half dead from attempted suicide. There wasnt a clear warning for those who knew me. I kept symptoms hidden. So take whats said as trying to help people cope privately and not a slam on anyones situation.
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every reason we all die sucks. No matter how you talk about it.... shape it, form it...they are rough physically and mentally. If they weren't people wouldn't die from the diseases. Everything has its own pain and terrors associated with aging and dieing. We came into this world helpless. Oddly.... thinking so crappy to go out that way also. Diseases are just that. Awful. No matter what they are. Sometimes it's just too much for us all to bare when we are alone with our what if's and the why me's... I know I'm still asking all those questions 2.5 years later. Still no answers. We need to love and support each other. That's all that matters. Really. Loving those around you. ~M~
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you are right. Just offering a perspective on how some people cope, like me, in private not in front of anyone. In my head. By thinking that was im not uncompassionate if someone is struggling. My mom is stage 0 and has more anxiety from it than me. I dont say think about people who are worse off. I do offer her support and say focus on what she can do. Dad took longer but weve got him focused on the haves and not the have nots. Thats not negating any emotions he has. I cant imagine the possibility of pls if it were me. His spirits are good after a terrible start 4 mo ago.
Whatever sucky cards you are dealt with and how you feel, being in good spirits is a good thing. Thats what im saying and just used my own thoughts to myself as an example that works for me.
Gl to all. May peace be upon you with an abundance of love.
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This is the way it should be...
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LOL, God bless George Carlin.
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Funniest thing I’ve seen in forever. Living backwards is for me
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Lula73, thanks for that laught🤣🤣🤣!
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I was waiting for my luggage to unload at JFK when I saw on one of the tv screens that Mr. Carlin had passed. Very sad moment for me. His comedy genius Is irreplaceable. Thanks for posting that Lula, and for triggering the memory of 'The 7 words you can’t say on tv’ and ‘betcha’ can’t just eat one’ LOL may he rest peacefully in his spa!
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Lula! thanks for the laugh. And for the other George Carlin memories I'm having right now about my "stuff"!
I wanna live backwards too.
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Diseases suck! But, to me, suicide ranks - as the one of the saddest. I can't imagine the torture a person must feel - that makes them want to take their own life. And, the pain that leaves their family and loved ones.
I read a fascinating article about a man who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge - and - survived. He said he went running off the bridge, however, the "mili-second" that his hands left the railing - he felt REGRET and didn't want to die. He was of the 1% who survive. And, met others (of this 1% who jumped and survived). He said - they all felt REGRET the mili-second they jumped - as well. That's a powerful story.
I knew a boy in high-school - who went around telling everyone - who would listen - that he planned to kill himself "this weekend". NO-one believed him - including me. I honestly thought - he was just trying to get attention. Well - he wasn't.
We found out the following Monday...
I didn't know him that well - but - I think about him - to this day.
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very similar story from my High school years. I sat with him at study hall. We talked everyday. One Christmas Eve he took his Dads gun and shot himself christmas morning. He was 16. I never saw him again.... when the vacation break was over. He just never came back to study hall again. I sat alone at that table for the rest of the year. I liked him just fine. Never knew such things lurked for him. He was a smart kid also. Just one day gone. It was tragic. That also crosses my Mind from time to time. Especially since more and more I am hearing about people I went to school with passing away. Mostly drug issues I believe... but not all. But most.... here I sit 48 and stage four remission. How long will this last? Constant torture. So many things plague our minds and we just don't know where to go with it. No outlet. No understanding, no one who gets it. Like us here. We get it. So sad. Life is difficult for sure, once you start living it on your own it becomes rough! ~M~
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M...I'm very sorry to hear your story as well... It is torture...and very few people have any idea how this feels...
Life is weird. There was a friend of mine - recently - who I used to chat with everyday at work. Lovely woman. The nicest person. Then one day - she didn't come to work. They said she was on medical leave. Well - she never came back and passed away. She didn't even know she was sick.
My heart hurts for her and her family. She had a DD - about the same age as mine.
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I have two warring voices in my head. I'm sure the neighbours can hear them shouting at each other between my ears.
Voice One says, "oh my god! We have cancer! Had cancer. Have, had, who the hell knows what to say? Either way, there was cancer and tests say hmmm, there might still be but we're not sure so we're just going to wait and watch and EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED!!! I am going to die from this! This disease seems to just keep coming back! AAGGHH!
Voice Two says: Shut up, you idiot. You were always going to die. Cancer didn't change a damn thing. Did you think you were going to live forever and then it got derailed by cancer? No! No! You were NEVER going to live forever, your best before date was established the day you were born, so having cancer CHANGES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
And the part that freaks me out is that both of these voices are 100% correct. Knowing I have/had cancer has indeed changed everything about my perception and feelings and experience. But it has changed nothing about the fact that I was scheduled to die at some point anyway so.... nothing new there.
Knowledge is the problem. Knowing. Seeing. Contemplating. Medically fighting the disease is a battle and then the ravages of battling the disease become their own battle. You go from trying to cure cancer to trying to live with the effects of trying to cure it. Ignorance truly is bliss. Take cows for example. We used to raise and butcher our own beef. On death day Dad would go out with his bucket of grain like he did everyday, set the grain down. Steer would stick his head in the bucket, like he did every day, and begin munching and then boom, shot to the head. He never saw it coming. Oh that we could all die without warning while eating out of a bucket!
How is it that we can know we are going to die and NOT know it? How is it that we act like cancer is a death sentence when LIFE is the death sentence, BIRTH is the death sentence. How can I feel like the ONLY thing that is going to kill me is cancer, as if I am suddenly no longer vulnerable to car crash, pianos falling on me, lion attacks, deadly sting from a puffer fish and, most likely, choking to death on a hot dog because I eat like a pig and don't chew properly. Suddenly nothing else is going to kill me, just cancer? Bullshit. So, cancer changed nothing at all. But it changed everything. This is making me insane.
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Runor, love that the neighbors can hear the voices screaming in your head! ROTFL 😆 And yes the moment we are conceived we are doomed to die. My problem is I’ve never heard of anyone here dying from choking on a hot dog, car crashes, getting hit by THE BUS, or a lion’s attack although these things do happen. I only hear of our members succumbing to cancer and that is frightening.
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