STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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ok I will rant.............I already had depression and anxiety in the worst way but it was controlled with my HRT and antidepressants....well....i got the good cancer, no more HRT, instant menopause-permanent, was up to 3 antidepressants and still couldn't stop crying. been at my job for 7 years, i work very hard, worked thru chemo (few days off each time) did chemo, double bmx w/ diep ouch.............boss says when will you stop being so tired....why are you so sensitive.......i try to joke w/ her about an upsetting time and she says which one....you are always crying. my onc said it will stop when i am off the femara and i have two years to go. this year i took a leave in january for 5 weeks due to the crying and severe stress. well on 4-22-15 my hr came and told me i was on fmla because i was an extreme danger to myself or others.
do anything to me. i can take it. i know i have mental health issues but i activily do everything in mypower to stay positive and my job was my sanity. the thing i knew i was very good at. now, i dont know. still have not been back. am tired depressed and dont know what to do. i hate that they did that. .......i was so humiliated. i see my psych monday and i still dont think i can go back there but IT IS NOT FAIR OR RIGHT i have never ever been a danger to anyone. thats all
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It is difficult to read all the terrible things you lovely ladies are having to deal with at the moment. Often it is the people around you that are fanning the flames, whether it is medical staff, family dynamics or employers. At the root of all the anger and distress is often fear, fear of what is happening and fear of what might happen in the future. All of it is normal. Who wouldn't be afraid in the same circumstances.
So how do we deal with it in a way that is not self destructive. I like your visual interpretation BC2015, having an external object to exemplify your internal combustion. It's a bit like placing all your anger in a box that you open sometimes and allow yourself to feel for a bit before closing it again and leaving it in there. Of course depression is a different beast and usually requires medication and counselling.
I don't like to hear that anyone is being told that things could be a lot worse and there are lots of people living miserable lives - we are all well aware of that but it doesn't mitigate or invalidate your own feelings of sorrow at what you have had to go through, or what you still have to face. Those comments are made to make the other person feel better about not responding to your needs adequately.
I am thinking of you and wish you some inner quiet today
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sharing my visual.0 -
and here is my visual of peace and joy...
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Good old Mother Nature giving us the best of both worlds to draw on
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Grey i am so sorry u r caught bt a rock n hard place. Too much focus is on ur bf n not enough of ui am sure u r aware 1 of causes of cancer is stress...dont tell us where he lives causr he surejly doeny want bunch of womem 0n on medicine for chemo, medopause, in pain 1/2 with hair rantuing n raving..he would never get ou alive...
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Greytmph2
I too was told .08cm tumor , stage 1 and woke up with 3.3 cm Stage 2. It not unusually to be told worse and find out your better or visa versa.
Get your affairs in order...really? Forgive me for saying this but your MO is a f8cking idiot.
Never heard of an MO say that to a patient with your stats. . Im not an MD but you are far from the point of preparations. As for the scan, they have alot of false positives. Showing "nodes" that end up being nothing, Thats why no insurance pays for scans unless there are very specific reasons.
You have nothing, and its nothing until its confirmed something.
Cold cap: I've read some about them. Seems they are expensive and the results are somewhat unpredictable. Some saved their hair, others got a cold head. But one thing I am nearly sure of and that is if you want to wear a cold cap during therapy, your MO can not interfere. He can recommend, advise, suggest but ultimately its your choice.
Does your BF even hear himself talk? YOU are not damaged. I hate hearing that.
You BF better stop putting those thoughts out into the universe. There are 550,000 Americans diagnosed with cancer in the USA. He might just become one of the damaged himself ( bu his definition.)
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Grey, you do realize you are at risk for being severely physically hurt or killed. He should be out of your life now. Restraining order. You in a shelter. Contact an abuse hotline. One of the gals gave the number earlier. Choking and hitting your head against the wall. Police report?
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Greytmph2
Your posts break my heart. I feel that your life is more in danger from him than from cancer.
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grey, please PM me here with your location in CT. I am an employment specialist and can point you in the direction of services to help you not only find work but may even be able to pay for skills upgrading in some areas up to 3500.00 through the federal WIOA (Workforce Innovations and Opportunities Act) program. I work at CT Works and if you live in my region I can give you specifics and/or point you in the right direction. Let me know by PM where you are located.
As for your BOYFRIEND ( I would not use that word to describe that abusive a$$ btw) kick him to the curb before he REALLY hurts you! Please, they never change!
Hugs!
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Grey, you have more love and support on this thread than your jackass BF could ever share with you! Please reach out to accept all of the offers of help and grab them tight and run girl run. You have already pulled up the cancer killing butt kicking boots so wear them daily and get your fearless on! While the journey of life may be complicated for you right now, it is not the end or time to give up. You deserve so much more. I hope you take the help. It is a beautiful thing. Hugs, Cheryl
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Now for my rant..........I took a job the first week of June working from 10 pm to 10 am working no more than 3 days at a time. The schedule was working and today they told me that they want to move me to 6 pm to 6 am. WTF? I did not take that job with those hours. They need to hire more people because we are so short of help and they are looking at someone for January?? Another WTH! And they want us to work the 12 hour shifts alone, uh no. I get paid for one job not two jobs, so unless they suck it up, they will pay up or hire more people ASAP when I walk out. I have always been so afraid to lose a job, but since cancer I am more afraid to lose my life. So a job, not so scary to lose. We have a meeting in the morning to hash it out..............I'll keep you posted! Cheryl
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"Grey, you do realize you are at risk for being severely physically hurt or killed. He should be out of your life now. Restraining order. You in a shelter. Contact an abuse hotline. One of the gals gave the number earlier. Choking and hitting your head against the wall. Police report?"
Grey,
I can't say strongly enough how you need to follow this advice. You have been assaulted and I believe you mentioned this was not the first time. There is nothing to salvage here and this man is an abusive criminal. Your life is worth far more that this dangerous man. As I said earlier, I was not physically abused,but verbally and emotionally abused for 23 years. You can get out and make a life for yourself and being happy and alone is much better than being abused in a relationship.
PS: so what if he hasn't been to a doctor since childhood? That has no bearing on your situation.
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Grey,
Removing yourself from the toxicity is not going to be easy. You are loved here and you seem to be on the right path. Please avail yourself to the advice and help offered here and turn a deaf ear to those 'family' members. Make you BCO sisters your new family. I too am afraid for your safety. Please find a safe house, block him, file a police report.
Take care, you a worth it. You are finding your voice.
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Oh grey, those family members sound like relics from another time. I am sure that you love them and they love you but getting married, especially at all costs, is an antiquated notion. Do they know that this man chokes you and slams your head against walls? Do not let anyone convince you that this abuse is ok at any level. A ring? You are more precious than that and worth more alone than in a marriage to a violent criminal. Do what you must, but do it with no thought to anyone but yourself because you are the most important person right now.
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That is right Grey you need to put yourself first. I can barely type tonight my arms are so itchy.
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Grey, this man is not marriage material. He is not your friend. Please listen to the others and remove him from your life. Call a helpline for support. Talk with the social worker at your cancer center. I do not believe you understand the extent of his abuse. Abuse does not begin with the physical, but way, way, earlier, with careful grooming of your emotions. If this man had attacked you on the first date, there would not have been a second date, would there? Google emotional abuse. Call your cancer center and speak with the nurse navigator or social worker about your relationship and about financial help. Schedule your chemo. Search for a roommate to help with finance. PM April, as she suggested in an earlier post.
Here's a short blurb about emotional abuse, taken from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/02/20/s...
"It can be more harmful than physical abuse because it can undermine what we think about ourselves. It can cripple all we are meant to be as we allow something untrue to define us. Emotional abuse can happen between parent and child, husband and wife, among relatives and between friends."
One danger sign is the feeling that you are walking on eggs. If you felt the need to have a "dangerous" discussion in a public place, or to promise you would not see your doctor, or to consider delaying chemo, you are a victim of emotional abuse. As for the physical abuse, there is only one resolution: Never be near this man again. Pack his stuff and arrange for him to pick it up outside. Do not open the door. (Change the lock.) Let him know that you will be blocking his phone calls and emails. Do not be tempted to listen to his pleas. Yes, police report. Yes order of protection. Yes, love yourself.
And yes, do keep posting right here.
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Grey
Nothing trumps LIFE. All actions and decisions has to be based on LIFE. Your treatment, you job, that f8ckin ring your family is so keen on, everything is based on LIFE. Whatever you do , think of your life first. All is inconsequential by comparison.
In my case the difference chemo would have made in a 5-year survival rate was 4%. I consulted with 2 big name oncologist before deciding. Both told me the same thing, IF that 4% was important to me, than chemo would be administered and insurance has to cover it. However, they both said that when considering all the long term effects of chemo to 4% advantage of survival, both said to pass up the chemo. Which is what I did. I hope it was the right decison.
Arm yourself with information. Then decide whats right for you.
A gentle hug
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Cheryl
A friend was hired for a very specialized job. He relocated, changed his life, His hours were 7-3. Off on Sat-Sun.
As soon as the employer knew he had sold the previous home and bought another in the new location, the employer changed his hours to 6pm to 3am . Tuesday and Wednesday off. There is no other game in town so he is stuck.
Screwing with people like that is really bad Karma.
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Can I just say without causing offense to anyone, that I think there is more going on here than we are picking up on. It seems to me, Grey, that you may have issues that need the help of a counsellor, and not necessarily a cancer counsellor. You do not seem in the right head space to deal with boyfriend, family or medical issues. You need help as soon as possible so you can really think clearly about what your best options are. You can't allow your anger and fears, rational or otherwise, to control your decisions. You have had many offers of support here, some of which is very practical as well as heartfelt, it is up to you now what you take onboard. There is no judgement only love
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I think Suzy said it well. I do have one question however... Since you don't know if you have mets, how can a doctor state you would only have 3 years? Mets to where, how many, how big, hormone status the same as your primary tumor??? Too many variables for anyone to even venture a guess about lifespan. Please take good care of yourself and do avail yourself of any and all resources.0
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grey, the person worth fighting for is YOU. BC stinks, cancer treatment stinks, it turns your world upside down but it seems to me you are trapped like a rabbit in headlights and operating on fear only, not the best basis for good decisions.
I did not trust my treatment team and had no option to change, It was so bad I was left with PTSD post treatment.......and although I was stage 3 on diagnosis I refused chemo and know 100% that was the right decision for me......I think all you can do is deal with one thing at a time.
First can you go stay with a friend? Somewhere you feel safe? If not then a refuge? Can tou find a counsellor to talk rhrough your options re treatment and coming to terms with living with cancer? Or rather after cancer? I still have counselling and i need it, but it does help........I am writing this at 01.30am as I want you to know I think you are worth it and reading this thread I dont think I am alone.......please let us support you and let our care in?
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Dear grey, we're very sorry for all you're going through. Maybe this is the time to get professional therapy/help. We suggest you talk to your doctor about your feelings, or another health professional about getting your emotions out. Just the same you do here, but with a professional, you will not regret the effort. Anyway, remember you have many friends and people who care here in the forums, so please stick together to this wonderful support group, it will help you see the other side of things! And please don't hesitate to call a hotline if you find yourself feeling desperate. You are not alone. We are all here for you, giving you hugs!
The Mods
1-800-273-TALK
1-800-273-82551-800-SUICIDE
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Grey we r here for u not to judge or tell u what u should or shouldnt do. U know what u are doing n u r the only one that make the decisions. I will say please dont solarte yourself, have art leaet 1 person that knows where u r at all times, the hss a key, ur cell number an sny other pertinent information. if u feel the need give information to the police just in case.
Robin mgraw hasca app called aspire you would never know it has to do with abuse..
If u can write down phone numbers and hide them not sure if u r looking to grt out, if so let me know n we can devise a plsn, have done it for myself n others. Big hugs, hsng in there
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Grateful then rant this morning. Grateful for you, so many honest, wise and giving women that jump in and offer all that wisdom and caring to everyone here. Godspeed, Grey.
Rant! I broke my RIGHT wrist in July. Suffering badly from neuropathy in LEFT fingers, hand and forearm. To the point of waking up in pain and tears with electric shocks throughout. Working with PT, acupuncture, and Gabapentin from MO. Happy to get cast off last week and started PT on Right hand. Now neuropathy spreading to right hand, too. This all started post-chemo. AARRGGHH Linda
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Hugs Linda! My father had severe neuropathy in his feet from diabetes and he really suffered. Gabapentin did not help much. I hope you get some relief soon!
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Hugs to all of you strong, loving women!
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Thanks, Mods! Back atcha! Linda
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BookLady I love your attitude! And your t-shirt! I too am grateful for all the beautiful women I have met here. Funny, supporting, and loving women who I adore. I hope we can all bond together on BCO for a long time, through the good stuff and the bad. Love you my girlfriends!
Here comes the rant...
I am sooooo angry I think I'm going to blow!! Today was the worst kind of day. I have an appointment with the BS on Tuesday. Been waiting for 3 weeks and we all know what that's like. I was thinking I had it all together, after all I have already been through 2 bouts of DCIS in the past 3 years and like many I am now feeling breast-less and a little breathless as I slowly try to pick up the pieces again. I had an ultrasound a month ago, just 4 months post-op, after I found a lump near the incision of my recent mastectomy. The report indicated a breast cyst and some other oblong lesion with inconclusive result. I guess I will know soon enough. SO that's what's lurking underneath, BC issues. But all that aside... the bigger issue at hand that has me foaming at the bit is that I have been dealing with issues with my husband's side of the family for way too long. It's just not healthy. I have been talking to a counselor about this but not sure that it's really helping that much. I love my husband incredibly, our relationship is not the problem. But his family is starting to affect our relationship and I just now blew up at him, knowing full well it's not his fault. It seems he is at a loss too for how to deal with things. But I can say I am becoming resentful, this situation is becoming toxic. The story is way too complicated to explain here. I have been told by family friends that the dynamics have always been like this, that it has nothing to do with me, however I do not find that helpful as I am the scapegoat who is on the receiving end of this bullsh*t. I cannot imagine leaving my husband over this, we have been strong and together for over 12 years, but I can say that this kind of stress is not good for my health. I recently started taking Ativan and am considering an anti-depressant, those will treat the symptoms for now but honestly it doesn't solve anything!! I can no longer go along pretending that none of this is affecting me. I think that pretending that everything is ok is worse and causing me more harm. How much more of this do I have to take????
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Donna, I too have been dealing with problems with my husband's 2 older sisters. It has been going on about 35 years. I have always gotten along with his younger sister and brother. Both of his parents are gone and have been since the early 80s. Every 5 years there is the dreaded family reunion and it never fails that something happens that causes a riff between me and his older sisters. I hate thinking about the next reunion they always rent a house somewhere for a week and we seem to get roped into doing family outings and activities. Even after 33 years of marriage and 2 sons they never fail to make me feel inferior and not a real member of the family. The last reunion I made a pretty good excuse of why I couldn't attend. My husband was a little sad I didn't go and everyone is saying I had better go to the next one. I am stressed out about going I have been trying to have a "good" reunion and have failed everytime. I am certain BC will come up and they will find a way to fault me.
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