STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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I am so freaking frustrated with my brain!!!!! Working in the IT field, I need to be sharp, think fast, respond fast, and lately, actually even before chemo, my brain just doesn't freaking work right! Argh!!!!
ChicagoRead - Wish I had advice for you, but I appear to be all out these days. You really find out a lot about people and yourself during this. Sometimes good, sometimes not. Hang in there.
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While people want us to remain positive- cancer is a grieving process. Denial, anger, acceptance, bargaining, avoidance. We've all done it in some fashion if you think back. What's normal for one person may not be for another. You don't always go through it or get over it in a linear fashion, you can't box it up or tuck it away. It's very similar to a death, you've lost part of yourself- maybe your innocence, your faith and trust in your body. Until they've experienced it or something quite similar- they don't get it nor will they.
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Well said mebmarj! After three years you would think I would be over everything, but having just had recent surgery where as part of it a scar was reopened and resewn, and it looks awful, I feel horrible all over again. I thought I had come to terms with how I look, only to realise it can still hurt
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Selena Wolf - thank you so much for your post. I'm printing it off to remind me that it's okay to be angry.
Chicago Read - I was given great advice by a friend many years ago so I'm passing it on. Tell your friend that as your friend, you need her to stop giving you advice on positivity because it is unhelpful to you. Tell her that is the best way she can support you - by letting you be yourself. This is short and sweet advice and it opens the door for the possibility that she might just not understand what she is doing is hurting you. And if she starts it again you can bring it up again more easily.
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I hate the "what did you do to get cancer" message I seem to get from some people. I didn't do anything wrong, the cancer just showed up. Do you eat right do you exercise blah blah blah blah blah.
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Chicago...it's people like your friend who put me into "social withdrawal"...(I didn't even know there was a term for it) it was the only way I could cope. Too many stupid hurtful comments ...I have now emerged but it was a comforting place to be at the time
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Chicago, this friend, when she says these things is she within ear shot of other people?
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Thanks for the great advice, everyone. Lots of good ideas here.
Simplicity, wish I had some solutions for you. It can drain energy and brain cells just by managing to get back and forth from all the doctors' appointments and treatments. I can only imagine what happens when you add chemo to all of that. I've been getting a little taste of it by experiencing the fatigue that comes with rads, but I know that's nothing in comparison. If you can get some extra sleep, maybe that will help.
Mebmarj, the grieving analogy feels so accurate. Now that I've gotten the initial uncertainty and fear under control, my primary emotion is one big sense of loss.
SuzyBlue, sorry to hear you're experiencing another loss and hope you're healing well from the recent surgery.
Lifelover, good advice, but I tried something similar with this friend with no success. I told her that being encouraged to keep a positive attitude was not helpful because it placed an added source of pressure on me. It didn't stop her, so over time, I stopped bringing up my illness.
Meow13: I am so with you on being tired of those questions. Does it run in your family? Did you take HRT? And on and on . . .
JJ: I find that I'm withdrawing from some social circles, too. I don't have the energy for going out at night during rads and I don't have the patience for thoughtless comments, so that narrows it down. I'm sticking to a smaller group of closer friends that has rallied to provide support.
Sas: Yes, sometimes her "think positive" lectures happen when we're with a small group. I've noticed some uncomfortable looks on other faces, but as far as they know, she and I are close friends and I don't think anyone would feel right stepping in between us to say something. Because I don't want to start some kind of soap opera drama thing, I haven't told our mutual friends how much this bothers me, though one of our more observant pals has noticed that I've been avoiding the "think positive" friend and encouraged me to have a heart-to-heart with her. I told that pal that I just couldn't deal with it right now, but would leave the door open for reconciliation later, once the active phase of my treatment was done and I had more energy.
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Chicago, nothing about her positivity talks is about you, it's about her. What's cool is others get that. You are so kind not to want to take her off at the knees.
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Thanks, Sas. I'll keep that in mind that next time I'm tempted to snap at her! Although that would be soooo satisfying in the moment, I know it would make me feel worse later.
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Chicago, from the topic box. 5. After writing a rant, do nothing more, re-read at a future time. Decide if it's important enough for you to cut and paste the rant to whomever caused you the anger. It's a choice. Sometimes it needs to be done, but remember they're can be fall out.
Extrapolating, that you say something....
Sometimes it has to be done. The dense wouldn't be acting dense, if they weren't dense.
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Before all this happened I had very long blonde hair. Well, I paid for the "blonde". It has been hard having short hair but I'm happy it has really started to grow. Last month I started hormonal therapy and not its really thinning in the front. I am so angry and sad. You can see my scalp. I have tried so hard to be positive and not say " why me", because I now it doesn't help and will not charge anything. BUT, I think here today, for just this once I'm going to say it. Why me!!!!!
That is all. Thanks for listening.
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I wanted to chime in on that article about endocrine therapy.....I'm sooo glad that it mentions patients not feeling comfortable speaking with their doctors about the SE's. I've dumped my MO because of this and will be seeing a new on in November. I'm SO SICK of my current MO an her attitude with me about SE's and stuff. I have allowed her to intimidate me and make me second guess my own self when I talk to her about it. I am hoping to get a better experience with this new MO. I have not been taking my tamoxifen and yes I know I'm stage 3 and all that jazz, but I just can't handle how it makes me feel. I've yet to be told what the actual numbers are, if I do or don't take it how does it affect my reccurance rate...why is this so hard to get from my MO??? It pisses me off!!
Also Chicago, on this friend that demands that you are positive, don't let her "shame" you on this matter any longer. You are allowed to feel how you need to feel while you go thru this. I agree with sas that this is about her and not you...why does she need you to be positive??
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MeToo, you're certainly entitled to mourn for losing your hair and question why this happened to you. As you'll see from my recent posts, I'm the last person who will tell you that you have to be positive. As others have said so much better, you feel how you feel.
Tangandchris, if you were in Chicago, I would swear we had the same MO. They must have taken a course in med school on how to be insensitive when patients tell them about SEs. I haven't started hormonal therapy yet (will start after rads), but I got a lot of attitude for even asking about the possibility of SEs. I pushed and pushed to get recurrence rate info and luckily, my RO was responsive.
Sas and Tangandchris: Yes, the "must be positive" lectures are about her, aren't they? Thanks for pointing that out. I should have known it already because it's not like I've been complaining to her, but sometimes it's nice to get confirmation from somewhere else.
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tangandchris, Just thought I would share this link.
http://www.lifemath.net/cancer/breastcancer/therapy/
I also wanted a little more concrete number as far as what hormone therapy was buying me. I am still taking mine and trying to address the side effects one by one. I will only commit to one month at a time how long I will be continuing hormone therapy. Just remember each individual is either a 0 or 100%. I'm one of those people that need to know the numbers.
Jo
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just need to vent so here it is... I have the easy cancer...stage 1 low grade. Had lumpectomy with breast reductuction and 30 rounds of rads. All going great then 6 weeks into tamoxifen all started to fail. The fatigue from radiation got much worse. Breast pain has become increasingly worse. Mood swings - no, that's not it - RAGE! And suicidal thoughts are more descriptive. I have lost 30 lbs...not a big deal the docs say since I weighed 170 to start. Still...nautious all the time, chronic and severe pain in what is left of my breast. Have contacted both my MO and breast surgeon to try and get help with pain. They tell me it's normal. wTF? Sorry but normal this is not! Who the F settles for this? My zest for life is gone...no energy, no appetite, no sex life. Hate my body...feeling like I could rip my breast off my body with my own hands. I will kill the next person who utters "new normal" or speaks of my "journey" or "battle". I'm just F'ing sick and I just want to feel better and not die any time soon.
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JJ, you got more than a rant . PM'ng
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JJ, bullshit that is not normal go see another doctor. No excuse for pain and I haven't tolerated my AI's. I hate experimenting to try to find one without nagging SE's. Treatment should make us feel better not worse.
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Hi meow, Pm'd JJ. I'm worried. She may be too new here to recognize a PM.
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JJ123, I'm so sorry you are having such a terrible time, and no it doesn't sound the least bit normal to me either. It could be several things going on at once that need attention asap. Do you think you would benefit from speaking to a counsellor about how you are feeling and perhaps get something for your anxiety? We are here for you too and always willing to listen. Big hugs
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tangandchris- I get you in the tamoxifen non-compliance. Today I went to get a refill. I haven't finished the first months box I picked up 3 months ago. The lady at the dispensary gave me a big lecture. I wanted to scream at her. Who is she to judge me for hating how tired, sore, fat and miserable I am on this pill that is supposed to be so important? Doesn't she know how many times I have turned around because I can't make myself walk in the cancer centre door? Picking up the prescription was a big step for me and now I feel like I'm in the corner for a time out.
I know the numbers and I still miss doses on purpose. I will try to start again tomorrow.
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Dear JJ123, we're so sorry you're going through all of this... but glad that you reached out. Do please listen to what the lovely ladies have said to you here. Their experience and support will help you get through those difficult moments. We are all here for you anytime!
Here is a link to a helpful article in case you want to push for a second opinion. It is never too late for that if you do not feel your doctor has explored all options. Anyway... we think that talking to a therapist who has had experience with people with cancer would be especially helpful to you (try asking your oncologist for a referral). Also, please don't hesitate to call a hotline if needed! In the USA, you can call 1-800-SUICIDE; 1-800-273-TALK; 1-800-784-2433; 1-800-273-8255
We are giving you hugs! Waiting to hear from you.
The Moderators
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JJ, I can relate to the rage. I'm typically a very calm, unemotional person - maybe too unemotional for some. When taking Tamoxifen I became FURIOUS all the time for minor annoyances. At one point I ended up yelling at my VP about something that had very little to do with her, thank God she was understanding and knows me well enough to know that was NOT like me! Definitely get a second opinion!
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Angry today. The closer I get to surgery, the angrier I get.
When I first talked to my surgeon, she said I could opt for the double mastectomy. After chemo, that changed to a recommendation of single.
I'm pissed that I was settled, emotionally, with my decision only to have that changed.
Fighting her & insurance is not something I thought I was going to have to do nor do I have time before surgery.
A double should be coded as such insurance wise, so that option is open for us without having to argue about it.
I'm angry that I don't have the energy or time to fight it. Shit. I barely have the energy to maintain day to day.
Bleh.
I'm angry I didn't know more sooner. That I didn't make the time to confirm during chemo, my wishes with MY BODY would be granted.
Just generally pissy these days.
This sucks.
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Sorry Simplicity. That just sucks! I was fortunate my surgeon agreed to do a prophylactic MX on my left breast. And reconstruction. Sadly though, that is the breast that has sagged and looks a bit crappy now. I could have it fixed but I can't bear any more surgery.
No matter, it sucks to have one or both done and the decisions are so difficult to make at the time.
I hope you will be okay with whatever happens.
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stay strong simplicity!
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Thank Ladies. Just so tired of all of this & there is no right or safe answer for us.
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Aw Simplicity-------------but when you need to blow up this is the place to be. Like I said in the topic box
IMPORTANT: When done ranting don't necessarily stick around. Toxic. Drop the rant and find a better thread.
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It's like shampoo, rinse, repeat. Get the heck out of the shower! Thanks for this safe place, sas! Linda
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Here is my rant! Just started Rads on 08/13/15. Machine down Friday and today for my energy level! I don't want any treatments added on! I just want to be done!!! F**K!!!
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