STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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I guess I'm lucky that it's just me, my husband, and our adult son for holidays. I have a sister in the same city, but we haven't seen each other in about a year and a half, and I finally blocked her number in August after I got tired of her telling me all my life that I don't know what I'm talking about, no matter what topic. I'll bet my blood pressure has improved without those texts coming in several times a day! I'm doing a chicken and dressing casserole, instant mashed potatoes, and a no-bake pumpkin pie. Easy peasy and I'm thankful I'm lazy! ☺️
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My neice used to live in in another State and she cut off all ties with her sister (my other neice from same sis in law who died) since even though grown can't get off drugs and lives her life ignoring her child and her step father is raising her daughter since she unfit. My neice feels closer to us anyway and is about 2 months older than my son so our kids were kind close anyway and live up here not far from now. She wanted her daughter raised in a "healthy environment" anyway from the familiy drama. Life is too short to spend time with people who drive you crazy.
Just going to try to take it easy and not stress too much here if I can and delegate some stuff.
Finished one doc appointment yesterday and off for a few months with doc. Another tomorrow morning and will be cold and thinnk snow won't start until later in the day after are home from that one.
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A while back I posted about a cancer event that I had enrolled in and later found out it was "no masks required but encouraged". I decided to FINALLY push myself out of my comfort zone (way out) and went. This was an event that had people attending who were still in active treatment. Myself, and someone else who went, were very much in the minority wearing a mask.
Unsurprisingly, several days later, have been notified that some people have tested positive for covid. Not allowed to know who.
I have to steam in here so I don't write a strongly worded response.
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That is terribble. My Uncle who has Stage IV cancer right now was notified that after attending a birthday party for a 1 year old grand-daughter (his only one) with just family around who is vaccinated someone there tested positive. Now he is going to be checked out as well at this point since he gets treatments regularly and has ived past when they thought he would die already. Makes you feel like not seeing anyone and live in your own household again sometimes.
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Hi Everyone! I haven’t posted in awhile, but I keep coming back to these threads, especially when I feel alone with all the sh** cancer throws at us. NO ONE truly understands this unless they’ve walked in our shoes. I’ve been trying my best to get excited about the holidays (because I used to love Thanksgiving!) but it was this time last year when I was diagnosed. My annual mammo was right around Thanksgiving and I got “the call” two days before Christmas. So with my cancerversary looming I feel a mixture of grief and anger and just a deep sadness at how my body and life have changed and how I’ll always be a cancer patient, even if I’m NED. Right now I’m fighting off tears just thinking about Thanksgiving, but I know that I have to put on a brave face for my family. Ugh this is so hard. This year has been SO hard! I’ve been living in either a state of anxiety or on autopilot, and I just want to get to that place where I can take stock of the moment and feel joy again. And it ain’t happening this holiday. Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories and experiences. Reading these posts have helped me keep my head above water.
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Oh, Odyssey305 - So sorry that you are feeling so down. Trust me, you will have those times of feeling joy again. They will be interspersed with the "forever being a cancer patient, whether NED or not", but they will come, and they will appear more often as time goes on.
I was diagnosed in late November of 2018. My appointment wasn't until after Thanksgiving, but during Thanksgiving that year, I was anticipating the appointment and dreading having to go to it, the Monday after Thanksgiving. In my case, the surgeon had to confirm his suspicions with a biopsy that gave results later of course, but he told me on the spot that he was certain it was cancer. I spent that whole holiday season as a complete mess, so I know something of what you're talking about. I also finished my "active treatment" in the middle of November in 2019. Radiation was that last thing I had and it left me pretty fatigued, so that Thanksgiving, I was happy in the sense that I was done with a big part of my treatment, but also sad that I was extra tired, and then looking at starting Letrozole soon. The oncologist wanted me to start the Letrozole that mid December and I declined, saying I wanted to have a nice holiday season that year, especially because the radiation fatigue was getting better, and sure enough by Christmas I was much better, so had a good Christmas and New Year's. By the time New Year's came around I pretty much felt like my old self again, and still had 2 more weeks until I started (my choosing of the date) the Letrozole. It was real hard to start, because I had finally, after over a year, begun to feel pretty good again.
Sure enough, the Letrozole did a number on me, and continues to do so these years later. The fact that I had that good Christmas and New Year's in 2019, though and 2 good weeks before starting the Letrozole, is one of the things that told me "the old me" is still there somewhere and capable of experiencing the good times, and indeed joy that I could feel before cancer. Also, just plain old time, will give you help in getting back to feeling those good times, in spite of having to be a cancer patient forever. I now find random moments in my life where I'm not thinking about cancer and have nice old "before cancer" type interactions with other people, and I have come to make mental note of, and treasure them. They have gotten more frequent over the years, and I imagine the same will happen to you. I also find that taking walks around my neighborhood and admiring all the flora and fauna throughout the season changes, also gives me opportunities to not be a "cancer patient" and to not think about it and really enjoy what's "out there" instead of focusing on the lifetime cancer issues.
I really think things will get better for you. It's only been a year, and it is all still very fresh at the end of that first year. With time and space, I think you will see a big difference. Again, the good and joyful times will be mixed with the "cancer patient for life" worries, but they will get bigger and more frequent . "It gets better!" Please dry your tears and have a real nice Thanksgiving!
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I'm tearful again, but this time because of your kindness and wisdom, Threetree. Thank you for sharing your story, you've given me hope that the holidays won't always be colored by my diagnosis. I love the idea of making a mental note of "before cancer" moments, I'm sure I have more of them than I'm aware. I hold onto the idea that there will be more and more of those moments as time goes on, and this black cloud that hangs over me 24/7 will turn into occasional scattered showers:)
Happy Thanksgiving to you as well!
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You are very welcome for my story, Odyssey305! I'm just glad that my long rambling was able to provide some support and hope.
I think we are both going to have nice Thanksgivings!
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harley07, i believe that was the topic i was talking about. thank you for the link.
bcincolorado, i complain every time i see the cancer people about SE's but am brushed off. idk if it's because they see worse things or what.
well we got our big snow here in Buffalo. thankfully prior to Thanksgiving.
Odyssey305,i recently read about prayer boxes. altho i'm not a religious person i thought it was a nice idea to write down thoughts and then just let them go. Depression is hard, having cancer is hard. Sometimes we have to take joy wherever we can find a nugget.
It's been 3 years this month since i had my surgery and I'm thankful I'm still here. everyone: Have a nice turkey day.
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PS. I think the data breach was around the same time as this site was "upgraded"
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three tree, you didn't ramble at all! I'm sure you've been through so much after enduring almost a year of active treatment. I really appreciate your support and reading about how you've coped with it all. There's strength in numbers! No matter how much time has passed, I feel like many, if not all of us carry a sort of cellular memory of the trauma of our treatments. I'm so happy to hear that you're doing well and having fewer moments when cancer is in the forefront.
kidi919, I've heard of versions of prayer boxes before, thank you so much for reminding me about them! I would love to write down my worries and burn them in the fireplace 😊. I also feel like I'm brushed off when I bring up SE from Letrozole. I get them all - stiff and aching joints, insomnia, thinning hair, decreased appetite/nausea, tinnitus, brain fog…. When I complain about a new or lingering symptom I usually get scanned, as I should, and thankfully each time I've gotten the all clear. My problem is that my symptoms are STILL THERE, but my MO writes them off once cancer has been ruled out. The messaging is that if it isn't cancer, suck it up. Of course cancer recurrence is the biggest concern, but living pain-free and sleeping is kind of important to me too and I dislike having to search for answers on my own. I mean, aren’t SE the mainreason why so many women stop taking AI's? Shouldn't managing side effects (and related mental health issues) be more of a priority? After reading my own post I think I need to find a new MO.
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After the one I had left and another one took over in the same practice who has a very different bedside manner and questioned the treatments I had already and would have been more agressive at the start made me wonder about the one that made me feel better about seeing to start with. I stuck with her though and hav egotten used to her now after a few years.
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odyessey: that's the message I get from my cancer visits. Suck it up. Well, that's not much help. Apparently from their point of view if u aren't on deaths door you just need to carry on. The prayer box.. I used to kinda keep a journal (and this was before CA) just wrote down thoughts, passages that I read in books etc. I have good intentions but don't follow thru
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If my MO determines whatever I'm feeling isn't directly cancer-related, she refers me back to my primary care physician. I had a (clear) nuclear bone scan earlier this year because the MO said I shouldn't be hurting as much as I do (I'm not on a hormone blocker), and in the notes, which were also sent to the PCP, she emphasized the PCP needed to follow up with that. That's what the PCPs are for - to treat the non-cancer stuff, or to make a referral to another kind of specialist, if necessary.
What I found helpful in the Year of Shit 2018 (Mom died, I lost all my top teeth, breast cancer with lumpectomy and re-excision, kidney cancer with nephrectomy, 33 sessions of radiology, up from the planned 22 due to a positive sentinel node, whew!) was to deliberately schedule as much fun stuff as possible. It wasn't anything elaborate - lots of day trips and picnics, a few weekend road trips, and slightly longer ones before surgeries. What's strange - and cool - is that I remember those outings much more clearly than all the other crap. We still try to do similar fun things throughout the year, and it does help to keep my mental or emotional state from going to the scary places, at least for any extended amount of time. Sometimes feeling better takes a bit of work and planning.
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What I don't understand is if you are experiencing side effects from Letrozole is that your MO has not switched you to another AI. There are 3 available to them (4 if you consider going to Tamoxifen) and although many prefer to start with Letrozole, if you are experiencing side effects, there are 2 others that could be suggested (Arimidex and Exemestane) as an alternative. I was on Letrozole, was in pain all the time so switched to Arimidex and that too became an issue with painful side effects. I was initially resistant to switching to Exemestane and delayed switching for over a year. I am now kicking myself for not making the switch sooner. I did ask my MO that if this one didn't work, could I switch back to one where I knew what the SE's would be? She was in agreement but I never made the switch. So I urge you to be assertive in discussing the side effects with the MO since this is your body, not theirs. If they are unwilling to assist you in seeking relief, time for a new MO. Why should you continue to pay for a service that is a disservice since your experiences are dismissed. IMHO, time for a change or a serious discussion.
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Oh Alice, Year of Shit indeed! I’m truly sorry to hear about all that you’ve been through. I’m sorry about losing your mom. Your conscious efforts to “keep on keeping on” in spite of two cancers(!) and all the treatments and heartbreaks from that year speak to your amazing resilience. And I know you and the other wise BC sisters are right, it takes effort not to spiral. In times like this I would usually go for a walk to clear my hea, but the recent snow has made the ground a muddy slushy mess. Oh well if cancer hasn’t taken me down yet, a little mud won’t either lol.
A few months ago I started having persistent hip pain. Thankfully the x-ray and bone scan were negative, but then instead of referring me out, my MO basically said to exercise more and stretch better! I go crazy with all the TM checks, bloodwork and aggressive scanning, but i do it, and would just like for the other parts of me to be cared for with the same diligence. I’m sure now that it’s sciatica, but I’ll contact my PCP for suggestions on relief. I’ve been relying on my MO maybe a little too much, hence my disappointment, and I need to remember that I have other providers.
Off to walk the pup and brave the cold and mud! Take care!
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Betrayal - Yes! Great suggestion! I do need to ask about the other AI's at my next appointment. I was particularly interested in Exemestane a while back, but my MO said they're all the same and blew me off. But I know from these boards that they most certainly are NOT the same when it comes to SE, so I'll be more insistent thi time. Thank you!
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Odyssey, back in 2008 when I had endometrial cancer (yes, I need a new hobby!) and a very thorough hysterectomy, the surgical oncologist told me at my follow-up appointments that I needed to get out and take brisk walks because of the heavy swelling in my ankles. My left hip was in such a bad state that all I could do was a slow, painful crab walk holding onto walls! He thought it was all in my head. Rather than punch his smug face or tell him to eff off, I just stopped going. And I did have a hip replacement two years later, plus treatments at a wound clinic for my ankles, which had gotten really disgusting by then. I really hated that oncologist, though. I thought it was just me, until a friend with ovarian cancer also saw him and had the same reaction I did. He actually told his patients "Go home, I have cured you!" and wouldn't answer questions. Egotistical shit.
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Alice, you are my hero. Happy T-G, girl.
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Aw, gee. I'm blushing. Nothing heroic going on here, I'm just pre-decomposing one little chunk at a time.
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Yes, Alice, you're awesome! I still giggle when I think about your post on consulting with garden gnomes, helps me pre-decompose a little more slowly too
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MULCH! Ooh, when whatever gets me finally does it, I'll have my ashes put in a nice garden gnome. I think it's an idea that could catch on!
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That is a funny idea. Bet there would be a way to do that as well.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone and have a restful day and stressful free day.
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Right back atcha Wrenn and bcincolorado - Have a really nice Thanksgiving.
You too Alice - and your family and gnomes as well.
I hope everyone on this board has a wonderful Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving to all!
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My sister in law passed away on 12/8/21. Her ashes have been residing alongside my mothers in my mother's bedroom (at my brothers). Her kids bring her to parties and camping in her box. Well, my Neice went to a physic and got a message from her Mom....she's not happy with the plain box and wanted one with yellow roses. (her favorite flower) Her kids have ordered one and she will be present at xmas in her new box. On the box are the words "settle down sparky" which she would say when anyone got too crazy acting. Her other favorite saying was "what the fuck". Her kids figures the other was more polite. Loved that girl. This really doesn't go under anger...other than I'm pissed she's gone. But it sure has affected my mental health. Happy Turkey Day folks
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kidi919, I love that your late sister-in-law continues to be such an awesome person even though she's gone. My step-cousin kept her mother's ashes in her car trunk for a few years until her brothers would cooperate in deciding an appropriate final place. My cousin talked to her mother every day as they carpooled to work and back, but she drew the line at using the carpool lane.
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alicebastable, what a great story!
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Carpool lane, love it! If I took my Mom's ashes camping she would haunt me forever. Luckily she's buried next to my dad in a little town cemetery where she grew up.
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Survived Thanksgiving with a few meltdowns and left the room and sat in my bedroom in the quiet for about 15 minutes. Too many people and too much noise and my mom who I love and is old kept nit picking things and we had worked hard to figure out how to fit people in and how things should go and it was not "good enough" to suit her. She would say she was doing something and then sit and talk to people and not do it so I ended up doing it. Tried to remind myself she is super old and to humor her but it was hard. Now us but now our son just asked us to watch the 2 little grands in the morning starting at 6:30 in the morning until early afternoon. Planned to work on putting away Thanksgiving and setting up Christmas but that won't happen now. They at least love grandma and grandpa and do not think we are boring yet like the older grands do. DH has a doc appointment out of town and has to travel 70 miles to get to it on Tuesday so who knows when it get set up? Not to mention we have to find time to finish Christmas shopping ordering and baking and everything and fit it all inbetween all the doctor appoitnments. Holidays are hard.
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