STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Tang, hang in there. If you were fired in Feb, and now it's only mid April, that really isn't enuf time to get a decent job. It takes 6 mos to a year for a lot of people. That's why there's unemployment insurance which lasts 6 mos or more if you get an extension.
Use any resource you can, even those vulture employment agencies.
Looking back at my own history, it usually took me more than 3 months.
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I'm hanging on by a thread! Lol
Dh keeps saying that, but what worries me is the positions I applied for in my industry have turned me down. So I've been branching out but with little success. I think the combination of taking a skills assessment on computer skills....which I really bombed, and then getting a call back on a position that pays half of what I was earning has kicked my ass.
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tang, hang in there something will come along and probably make you wonder why you didn't QUIT the first job before the asses fired you. In the meantime, try and get out into the world even if it's just to the local museum. I was so down in the dumps last week. I took an art class for cancer patients at the local Art Museum, short and simple paining class with some great pointers for getting your mind off of cancer for awhile. It was immensely helpful.
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tang
I lost my job in October because I needed more time for leave than allowed by fmla. I am working for temp services - not perfect and less money but after a few months - I realize I am better off out of the former job - they treated me like crap during my leave
The other advice you have received is spot on.
Temping can be a good way to prove to employers that you are a good egg - and you are a good egg.
I also had to take a test for a job when I first started looking again and did not do as well as I would have done today after a few more months off; I was stunned at how powerful chemo brain is - and chemo was the one treatment I did not have.
I am a former HR manager - there are laws that are supposed to protect all of us in these circumstances (I know, I know, that is laughable). A consult with a good HR attorney might be worth it. Please note the word might - I want to stress that I am not sure it is a good idea to spend your hard earned money that is needed elsewhere on a legal consult.
Also, there is website called cancerandcareers.org that may be helpful.
Thoughts and prayers with you and your family, this is grossly unfair and not right. It is also why I am a former HR manager - I am working in the accounting field now.
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thx tgirl.....I am reading the website, I appreciate it.
I'm not sure I'd have much of an actual case. I think the firing was legal, but certainly not ethical. I had only bern with them a few months when I was diagnosed, they stuck with me during treatment and surgeries. I pushed myself to take on more responsibilities to prove to them I was capable and it just went downhill.
Im feeling better today, it helps having things to do like someone mentioned. I am gonna look into temporary work soon. It's not a terrible idea 😃
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health insurance sucks let's face it. Ok any insurance sucks. You pay out your As* for something you may never use, and when you do use it ,you again have to put out more money! Then after years of paying into something , you have limits ! Oh wonderful ! I have heard so much crap about insurance this month alone i am ready to lose my last marble. Basically everything since my diagnosis has gone to sh*t. No one is happy anymore, everything is tense and a ball of stress and all I can think of is. How long do I have ? Will this medicine work so I can see my kids marry and have babies, so I can be a grand mama !? I no matter how hard I try just cannot accept that this is my life now. I am a runner, I lifted free weights, a lot of them and I was fit. Beyond fit. Toned and strong. Then BAM! What the hell just happened. ? Now what? ...... I just don't know how to accept what I didn't ask for. I don't know how to accept that I may not grow old with the man of my dreams , my precious best friend with the Bluest sweetest eyes I've ever seen. I don't know how to accept that I had to loose my beautiful hair that I loved. I don't know how find the breast I lost or where it even Is? But I sure do know it's gone. I don't know how to accept the person I am now. Because to me. That person is a stranger. One I didn't choose to allow into my personal space but was invaded. I don't know how to accept or think of a time I can't hear my children's musical laughter or see their gorgeous faces every day. I don't know how to accept that for the rest of my life I have to be on some type of treatment that causes me to feel horrible things and suffer mountain size side effects one by one. I just want to be left alone cancer. Leave my life alone. I don't want you. I don't like you. I very much hate you. ~M~
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Health insurance sucks. I have strong opinions about it but that is best left for another time.
Micmel, damn. I do not know what to say. I hate this disease and what it does to lives. I had no symptoms whatsoever and it was a total fluke they caught it when they did. I am scared out of my mind - but I am not in your shoes.
I am the mother of a son with a serious mental health issue (he is doing ok for now) and I belonged to a support group for parents in a similar situation. Lots of people in that group always wanted to look at the bright side of the experience. They would insist that laying awake at night worried sick about your kid's ability to function or even live was a marvelous growth opportunity. Bull.
I understand the importance of growth opportunities but certain scenarios defy that concept. Cancer is one of them. The Universe could have found a better way for me or anybody else with cancer to experience growth. That doesn't mean I won't grow, I am sure I will, but come on.
Well, just my opinion and I am a newbie.
I am spiritual but not religious but I will pray for you, your soulmate and babies and for everyone that this disease torments.
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That is one of the things that irritate me the most, and usually whenever I see it posted I tend to reply very virulently. "This made me be a better person". Are you effing kidding me? I bet you a million bucks (that I wish I had) that if you go and ask any of these people if, given the opportunity to experience a miracle, they would be able to choose between having experienced this horror and becoming "a better person", and NOT having to experience this journey to hell at the expense of not becoming"a better person" - how many do you think will choose the "better person" alternative? So much hypocrisy.
I know for me it was the opposite. It made me more bitter, more untrusting (especially witnessing the true faces of people I used to love and cherish), way less capable to experience happiness, bearing a permanent sadness in my heart and soul and mourning for the person I used to be.
A better person my behind.
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I'm thinking the better person thing is that you are more compassionate to others. Until I went through this thing for myself, I never imagined all the details and how harrowing it all is. So in that sense, I'm a better person and would never downplay anyone's battle not having been in their shoes.
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Artist~ I can understand that part, but i find myself constantly annoyed with stupid things people say. If you have never approached a cancer patient before,then just don't say anything about it. Treat them like they are regular people and let the person guide you to what he or she wants to talk about. Don't say things like "you got this" or "ohhhhh you look so good, oh you have hair back! Yeah I have a mirror I have hair and I thank god everyday for it. Do you !???? And how do YOU know that I have got this, because I don't even know this. I know it's because they care and they don't know what really to say, but I'd rather just have a silent smile or a hand hold (washed hands of course) then to really have the need to talk all the time about my cancer. What about other things? Like how is the weather? How about the pollen? Little small talk that just seems to disappear once you tell someone about the mean cancer. Then all of a sudden you don't care what the weather is like ? Or how bad the pollen is? Yeah we do care about the small things still , even more than you know. ~M~
Oh and Seachain~ I completely agree with your thoughts. i have that same sadness and loss and mourning. You're not alone by any means. It's always there. Always in the front of anything you do, planning future? What's that? Oh another thing I used to do. I'll be sending prayers your way.
Tgirl~ thank you for the prayers and taking the time to read my rant, the sad thing is, it wasn't a rant but a cry out to release some of this pent up tornado of sadness that I am caught in it's never ending swirl. Prayers are coming right back your way. ~M~
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And retail clerks, checkers-just shut the F up. I want to shop invisibly, or at least as invisibly as possible. I don't need or want your sympathy, your story or encouragement. Total stranger, I don't need to know that you're praying for me. This, after I went to great trouble to put on makeup, choose a nice outfit, put on earrings, try to look nice. I must look like shit to get unsolicited comments.
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bare~ Honey, you don't look like shit! I see the looks all the time and I still can't pick out any outfits. I have gained weight from the treatments and am not able to go to the gym anymore that I loved and lived at all week. I have one boob, and that boob isn't small. So it's like this pendulum that swings whenever I move. Like one big eye always watching the clothing I cant wear. I have a bad liver surgery scar that hurts with any kind of button up or zipper pants because it squeezes my mid section whenever I move the wrong way and i am brought to tears in pain yet again. I see those cashiers look at me when I am drenched with sweat from an apocalypse heat flash, that just might melt those who are near me. I see them re coil. As if it's the best time Ive ever had, and want to look like a clown with fuzzy hair and a red face because I'm self combusting. Everyday challenges me to be able to even walk to the bathroom. But I have to force myself, last week I jogged 21 miles. So I'm fighting like hell. People really piss me off. I don't know what has happened to my world I live in. Because basically since diagnosis everything sucks royally. Oh and throw in my mom has been In The hospital for four weeks now. And I have to admit she's not getting better. Now what? Ugh!
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Micmel, you're dealing with elderly mother, too?! Mine is 95 and she will outlive me, out of spite. She has dementia but lives in her own home. I haven't said anything to her about my health, even though I show up in a headscarf. She lives in her own world and really wouldn't understand. Fortunately I have a wonderful daughter-in-law who has stepped in to take up the slack (my slack).
Yay for your jogging!! I am back out there on the trail, too, trying to fight the weight gain, the fluid retention and the mental demons and fog. It helps.
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Bare~it's something that I am just stepping into now. Until she fell, she was pretty good or so I thought! She hides her issues from her husband and rest of what little family we have and I am the only one she confides in. It's difficult. I was never a selfish person. Cancer has made me want to be, because I can try anything and everything I can to feel better, but at the end of the day I still have cancer! It has been a pleasure to meet you as a sister in this horrible way, we are forced to make in this new world. ~M~
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micmel
please rant and rave and vent
My problem is I want to fix everything and I can't
My elderly mother has cancer (of course) and I can't fix it, i can't fix my kid and I am tired of growth experiences
I am at the point in my recovery? - where I am struggling with the lack of control - and yeah I know that is not going to get better.
So rant and rave - you are more than entitled because this sucks
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And the fatigue....I HATE the fatigue.
And the pain....ALL the time now. You guys are lucky you can run. I can barely walk. Gonna trade in the regular walker for one with a seat so I can sit when I have to. Had to buy a used wheelchair too.
I'm only in my 50s, but I feel and look like I'm in my late 80s. The TX have dried and shriveled my skin so much. I don't look or feel like the same person because I am NOT the same person.
And NO, this has NOT made me a better person....it's made me an exhausted person who will die decades b4 she should.
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All I'm trying to say is it's up to you how you take it. People who never had cancer simply don't know. And some people do like to hear they look good, positive thoughts, etc. Not everyone thinks the same. I always say you can choose glass half full or half empty type of thing. Don't get me wrong, I hated it when I got the you look good when my eyelashes and brows were missing and hair non existent. But I let it go thinking they mean well and just don't know. You're expecting people not in your shoes to get it. I don't really get situations I've never been in and I know sometimes I give advice or comments fully out of the kindness of my heart. And also I know my fam and that's why they don't know. I know them and they are know it alls on everything so not the same as someone who probably is trying to be kind. I try to see good in people unless I know otherwise of them. So all the comments I got I just mumbled thanks and left it at that for strangers. For my bff and bro who are not like my fam, I explained and they get it now. It's cool to rant here. I've had some rants here before but to let it eat you up is plain old not mentally healthy and we are trying to keep are marbles together a lot of the time.
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Lita~I usually have a lot to say, you are correct it really isn't fair. You have so much joy radiating from all the pictures I have seen and it breaks my heart that you are suffering,as I can hear it in your words. I wish I could take away your pain. If I could I would come there and pick you up on my back and run you anywhere you wanted to go. You have a special place in my prayers and although I don't know you, I really honestly do care a lot and I think of you everyday. Just take the pain pills and rest my dear. Whatever relieves the pain please take it! I am sending all the strength I can muster to your special heart. God bless you honey. 💔💜
Artist~ I can feel your good vibes And I do have days where I feel my glass is half full, and these are the reasons. My wonderful husband, my three children, my best friends, my lovely home,my dogs, some family. I am still fighting with all i have. My husband is a very positive person also, And he says to me. I am choosing to be happy and smile when I am with you, because it's all I need. I have happy days, I have angry days, I have days that I sleep all day because am so fatigued and worn out emotionally and physically that I can barely think straight. I am not saying that I act mean to people who approach me by any means, but I can tell you when I walk away it hurts. There is nothing I can do about it but suck it up. Every now and again I get sick of sucking it up. I do not and cannot see anything good at all in my life, that has gotten better since I've been sucked into this tunnel of hell. Or maybe .... I wish I could be more like you in that arena. So things just wouldnt bother me. At the end of the day, I and i believe that everyone here just try's to do their best day in and day out with a monkey on our back if not knowing how our own health will go. It's a feeling of loss and loss of control. Sometimes that is just a pill that cannot be swallowed, no matter how hard you try.
Prayers all around. ~M~
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What about the "well meaning" person who gives you an "inspirational cancer book" and the person DIES at the end of the book!!! Really???? Did you read what this is about before you gave it to me or pick up the first cancer thing you could find?????
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Colorado~that is very upsetting, and a perfect example of what I'm talking about with people in general. I realize unless a person actually has it, or has seen it first hand they can't fully understand what we go through. But at least think before you speak, as I did, before I was diagnosed, if I don't know about something first hand I don't offer up anything or give my opinion because I respect that persons boundaries. If they want to bring it up I would always listen, now that I am on the other side of things this time,. I notice everything on a different level,some people are just clueless and really have no business asking anything. One time my x-mother in law said to me. "Are you going to make it?" Oh wait please hold , I have to consult my crystal ball be right back. I just wanted to scream. I felt like I had already gone. At that moment! It still bothers me to this day, right along with my oncologist flat out saying. "Someday cancer will take your life" BAM! " i of course can't say when, and our stats are years old,but you need to know the possible statistics,but remember you are young and strong and everyone is different". Well I realized now , I never got past , the someday cancer will end up taking your life. The rest was accompanied by an inner buzzing in my ears that blocked out the understanding of the words being said, but could hear someone talking to me. A very difficult out of body moment. I am sorry that someone gave you a book like that, I am sorry at the fear or pain that book caused you. I try one day at a time. Today I only saw six people stare at me, maybe next week it will be five. Holding everyone close in prayer. ~M~
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I hope this rant doesn't upset anyone, but I have to let it out:
I get a little peeved when people say, "Don't go by the statistics." For bone mets, they say avg is 5-7 years, but if you have organ mets on top of bone, chop that avg back to 3-4 years.
I attend another cancer support group, and it's a good thing "D" (to respect their privacy, no full names) didn't go by the above statistics. She died FOUR months after Dx. It's a good thing "G" didn't go by the statistics. He died SIX months after Dx. And it's a good thing "L" didn't go by the statistics: Dx'd Jan. 2016 and dead by Sept. 2016 - a little less than NINE months. These 3 people from group all went in 2016....less than 1 year.
"V" upheld the stats by passing on at about 3.5 years after Dx, and I think "S" was right around 4 years. And people say the stats are "outdated"? PUHHLEEEEZE!!!
Yes, there are women out there who do indeed go beyond the 5-7 year mark for bone mets, but what about D, G, AND L? I guess they didn't get the memo. (Oops, forgot my former co-worker's wife "T," a little less than 4 yrs for her, and DH's co-worker's son "K Jr." died from cancer at about 2.5 - 3 yrs.) I could list more, but you can see the number pattern here.
So the people who buy the farm at say 7 or 8 years after Dx are balanced out by the people who go in less than a year. It's simple math, a straight MEAN avg, not a Mode or Median avg. And for the people I've kept track of, that mean avg has proven to be pretty much true. (No, I am not the DEATH CENSUS TAKER, but you better believe I'm keeping an eye on this as a gauge for my own possible trajectory.) My RO tells me that averages are taken from numbers on a spectrum. He says not to give up hope. I could be one of the outlying 5-7 yrs people. Then again, maybe I won't be.
I've made it past the one year mark. Big whoopdedoo! It's been a year of sheer hell. I try to be positive, but sometimes I have to be realistic about my situation. I can't walk distances any more. I can't bend over any more, I can't - - no, I'll stop now. Yes, I try to be a beacon of joy for those around me cuz i don't want to totally bring them down, but inside, I'm bitter and dejected. All the trips I won't be able to take and stuff I can't do any more. Europe? Nope, not in my condition. I don't have the stamina. I'll be lucky if I can make it to Hawaii in six months. My MO doesn't even want to discuss how to prep for the trip. She says to wait until we're closer to the date. (Remember D and G? Good thing they didn't plan any trips!)
But people try to console me, "You're not D,G, or L." But that's no comfort.
My life is now dictated by trying to keep Mr. Cancer at bay....rads, infusions, bi-weekly blood draws, MO appts., scans, and pills, endless pills....Pills to fight the cancer, pills to fight the se's from the pills that fight the cancer, pills to deal with the intractable nerve and bone pain, pills to take a shit, pills to stop taking shits...
And canes, walkers, wheelchairs, and special bed bars to grab hold of so I wont give myself another compression fracture when I try to roll over in bed. This will continue to BE my life for as long as I have left.
Metastatic BC avg. life expectancy: 3-4 years.
I'm really not sure I want to live like this for another 2-3 years.
I have to sign off now cuz my eyes get REALLY, REALLY blurry after looking at a screen or even reading a damn book for more than 15-20 minutes. So I can't even do that anymore. (Yes, I use Rx eye drops to boot. It still doesn't help.)
And so I merely try to live hour by hour now because the days are starting to feel like weeks. I keep a smile on my face. It's all I can do to keep from falling into an abyss of total despair and hopelessness.
One hour closer to you, Jesus. One day closer to going home to You.
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lita~ that is why I always hated visiting my onc. It brings me such anxiety and sometimes I think it's just a prepared speech I'm hearing. Yes I am not everyone else, but overall like you said, statistics are what they are. I hate your pain, I hate your nerve pain, I hate your cancer, I hate the thought of you suffering hour by hour. I know you ended your post with one day close to going home to Jesus, I would never want you to suffer one minute and it 💔 My heart. I have also been out a year and three months from diagnosis, and I felt the same way oh big deal a year of hell and being forced into something I didn't agree too. I know in the back of my mind, that I can't take what he tells me to the bank. I can understand how living like that for a year would take the fight right out of someone. I have cried so much I think my tear ducts are on strike. You are so much in my prayers, I wish that I could take away your pain and fears and anything to make you feel better. Basically, these days I hate everyone and everything! I don't enjoy feeling that way, but I share the bitterness and you are in my heart and in my prayers more than words can ever express.
~M~
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NOW I'M REALLY GOING TO GO ON A TEAR!!!
How dare Scott Baio just "assume" that Erin Moran died of a drug overdose? Why do people assume the worst based on a person's past struggles? Now it's as if he's saying, "Well, Erin...since you drank and did drugs, that's why you got cancer and died."
Baloney!
Erin came down with Stage IV cancer on one of her tonsils which metastasized to other organs. She didn't even get six months. She didn't want anyone else to know about it. She was on a feeding tube and died holding her husband's hand in her sleep. She couldn't eat or speak anymore, but she still texted her friends up until the day she passed.
Oh, that we could all go that peacefully.
L
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Scott Bao is an ass. He likes Trump. That should give a clue on his sensitivity. I was pissed too. I see he tried to backpedal a bit but too late.
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I am going to focus on praying for Erin and her dear husband, what a traumatic thing to have to go through not to mention, the attention that surrounds this poor woman's passing. It's really no one else's business , I just pray she rests in peace, like I pray for all of us to continue to fight forward and try our best each day to find something to smile about. Keeping everyone close in prayer ~M~
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Lita,
Is there no way you can go to Hawaii sooner? It sounds like you need Hawaii NOW!
It hurts so much to read what a terrible time you are having. I'm just a newbie, but you reached out to me early on when I was flipping out, and had many wise and kind things to say. I've read many of your posts since, and I have always seen a voice with intelligence, humor, grace, and kindness, even when scared and in pain.
Mine was caught at an early stage, but I am acutely aware that it might boomerang back one day, even more virulent, like it has for so many others. I'm never going to feel like I have been "cured"; I know it may have just been held, temporarily, at bay. I know what my personal odds of a recurrence are.
Please rant all you need to. We are here to listen and witness and validate how you feel.
(((hugs)))
Carrie
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So I had a lousy day.
I haven't gotten a single disability payment from Aetna this month; they were sending me letters on their website that I wasn't aware of concerning documentation they wanted. Now I'm chasing three providers to get documents into them so I can pay my bills next month. Of course, they are going to need time to "review" once they have all of them, and try to deny my claim.
On the way to a 4:30 physical therapy appointment a couple of towns over, my car died in the middle of a major intersection as I attempted to make a left hand turn. I could get my car to travel at about 1 mph to make it through through the intersection, as cars honked at me and people angrily flipped the bird at me. Did I mention it was pouring down raining, and cold? I had on lightweight gym clothing on, as we were going to attempt to start some sort of exercise program for me today.
I finally got my creeping car to the side of the road before it died altogether (the car is 13 years old). I called AAA, and they said it would take an hour to get someone out to tow me back to a local shop. A nice man DID stop to make sure I was OK, and it was the first time I didn't panic when I saw the blue lights of a police car pull up behind me, also checking to make sure I was OK. My heart was pounding with anxiety, and I was getting colder by the minute. Hoping my cell phone had enough charge so I could talk myself down with a friend. I'm flipping out over what I'm going to do if my junker really IS dead, and I don't have employment income, and can't get a car loan, or even a home equity loan to buy a new one. Go begging to my brother for a co-sign- at MY age? Wow, how I have fallen on the socioeconomic scale of Life.
After the expected hour at the side of the road, I got out of the car so the tow guy (again, very nice) could do his thing. I got soaked. I felt like a Looney Tunes character who gets the tar beat out of him, and then the little storm cloud appears, and dumps buckets of water on him.
I'm hoping it's not something outrageously expensive, because it makes no sense to dump a lot of money into a rusty car already held together with chewing gum and rubber bands, which I've already dumped too much money into over the past few months. I had intended to buy a new car before I got my dx. Of course. (I was planning a graduation trip to Scotland with my DD this summer, too, but you can imagine what happened to those plans.) I do have an emergency fund, but if I liquidate THAT, i really have no liquid assets, period. And things COULD get worse. So that stays.
Keeping my fingers crossed it's nothing lethal for the car... .I need a drink, except I don't drink any more.
Carrie
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Fother, I wrote a rant 4 u, but lost the whole frigging thing because that's the internet. Just know Im praying for u. (Couldn't retrieve it)
Worst day ever 4 u, but it will get Better!
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fother~ contact the social worker that is in your hospital that you received treatment at. Tell her or him, what's going on. Most hospitals have a compassion fund that is available to patients,she always directed me to help and sometimes they allow you to acces the fund every six months to the amount of around $1000.00. They have helped me many times because of increased costs. Reach out to churches and lions club type associations. They all have programs that have funds allocated to cancer patients in need. Your hospial has many avenues to refer you to get help. I just had mine arrange for a full eye exam and free bifocal glasses! There is help out there and that is the best way to start ! I pray your car is just a hose or something that simple! Sending prayers! ~M~
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Update:
I could have been worse. It was the alternator that the same guy installed two weeks ago at $500+, bad. But of course he said the battery was toast, and needed to be replaced at $180+. I said that sounded WAY too high, and felt he was taking advantage of the situation. I said I'd get back to him about the battery issue.
I called the last guy I bought a battery from, and his started at $143, installed. I called autoshop guy and said, at the price you quoted me, I'll buy one elsewhere for you drop in. I heard him yell, "Jim, just push the car out on the road so she can tow it to the shop for her guy to put a battery in." I hit the roof again, and I, not one to argue, had a minor flipout on the guy. He said that it wasn't his fault the alternator went bad, he just put in the part that he bought, not his fault a two-week old repair cost me towing, a missed PT appointment, and getting soaked in cold rain on a busy road at rush hour. So next time I get food poisoning at a restaurant, it's not their fault, because they bought food from X vendor, and they just prepared it and served it? You sell it to me with your name on the receipt, and it IS your product, it IS your problem. How about a little compassion for someone screwed over by an expensive, defective product???
IF HE HAD JUST SAID when I objected to the battery price that he could find a cheaper one to put in, instead of pushing his upsell-top-of-the-line one that i DON'T need for a junker with maybe a year left, I would have been content. But shops here are so used to rich people (which I'm not) just nodding at anything he proposes, he thought I'd just sucker right into it. To this Southern gal's perception, he was shockingly rude.
He did the right thing and put the expensive one in and charged me a cheaper rate. But I ain't going back there.
I didn't need this right now....Ugh. I think I'm going to have a thimbleful of good scotch.
Carrie
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