STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Lita~ very nice photo to share! You look happy and very nice! It's always nice to put a face to a name. I can't wait till your pain is relieved. I keep you close in prayer. All of you! 70 is the new 60 apparently huh? Rest well ladies ~M~
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Dang, he does look good for 70! Nice pic of you Lita, I am saying "Cheers" to 80% reduction in your pain or more! Things get VERY weird Meow. Thank God for my DH and kids.....Yes micmil, I think it's the up and down see saw that makes the marbles roll.
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So I am grateful to continue to be NED (knock on wood), but I had to make a lot of considerable sacrifices to be here. I was married for only 10 months when I was diagnosed and we had planned on having children. Now that is not an option and while I console myself with knowing that I am doing everything I can to keep from having a recurrence, It saddens me. I wish I could have children. It is so hard for me when I hear someone else say they are pregnant. I am not happy for them, it only reminds me that that will never be me. I hate myself for feeling this way but I can't help it. I know I am so selfish for it but that's where I am. They have done nothing wrong and resent them. I hope with more time these shameful feelings of mine go away.
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Meetoo, don't feel guilty for normal thoughts. Anger is a big side-effect of what we go through. You lost something big. You aren't selfish; you are mourning and angry. I imagine your resentment toward other people with subside over time. I hope you find some peace over time. There will always be children out there who need homes. That doesn't help you now, I know. I hope you find your path and find peace.
Carrie
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Yes what Carrie says! That is such a huge loss in life for someone who always wanted children. I'm so sorry...Don't feel guilty or selfish. I too think that over time you will find a way to nurture some children whether they are adopted, foster or otherwise.
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metoo~ I am sending hugs and prayer that you will find your path and somewhere a child will cross your path and you will find the answers you're seeking. I am 46 soon to be 47 and I do have two children. But I think the scariest thought for me is the thought of leaving them behind. Their father Is useless and I am the only parent that stuck around to raise them from the day they were born. He was here in person for many years but just was a boy trapped in a mans body. I needed a man. What I am trying to say is. When I was diagnosed the first thing that paralyzed me with fear was the thought of having to miss them getting married And having kids. Or leaving my DH. I don't want to miss any of that. That is my worst fear, You are allowed to feel however you feel when it comes to something that personal. Don't feel guilty for being human and having the god given desire to be maternal. You are a strong beautiful woman and I believe somewhere along the way you will get the answers you desperately need. I will keep you close in prayer. ~M~
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metoo. Please do not give up hope. My daughter was in same situations, not from BC but other issues They made it well known to everyone they wanted to adopt. Signed up with several adoption agency. ONE Day out of the blueA friend that worked for a dr office had a lady that wanted to give her child up. Several email , meetings and very nervious weeks, We welcomed a beautiful little boy into our lives. I can not tell you the love this child has brought into our lives and I only pray that he knows how much he is loved .
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Thank you all for the kind words and support. I have many children in my life that I love very much, I just wish I had one of my own. Adoption is always an option however, it's a long process and some places will disqualify you if you had cancer in the past. I quess I am just mad at myself for letting it get to me.
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metoo~ I get mad at myself everyday wondering what I did to have this happen. What did I eat? ,. Did I do something to deserve This karma? You are precious, and precious people get what they want. I believe that there will be a child in your future. Cancer just has a way of messing things up for our plans. Tell everyone you know,contact churches in your local area, sometimes congregations have young teenagers that unfortunately have gotten pregnant and they are always looking for a good home. Look up all information on surrogates. Don't ever give up! You have that love to give a child, and I am going to keep praying you will. Because I strongly believe you will ~M~
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So yesterday, between church services, the ladies put out a lovely breakfast spread. All I had was a hot cross bun, a spoonful of egg casserole and a little piece of spice cake with most of the frosting scraped off. I had to get up early, and I didn't have time to eat even a snack b4 leaving because I had to get up and give my testimony during the service.
One old man, who was sitting at the table eating with DH and me sarcastically said, "You sure have a big appetite given what you're going thru."
WHAT?
I'll say it again: WHAT?
Who made YOU the food police, you old f..k?!
All I had fit on a small appetizer plate with plenty of room for more. Gees, old geezer acted like I ate the whole damn casserole. I politely said, "I'm in between chemo cycles, but I have abdominal radiation tomorrow, so I need to eat when I can."
Maybe I should have called the old f..k up and invited him over to my house to watch me dry heave after I came back from Rx this morning. And that's AFTER I took Zofran to help minimize the nausea. It was brutal this morning. After the worst of it, I'm now nibbling soda crackers and slowly sipping ginger ale so they will stay down.
I was furious at that old man yesterday, but even more so today. PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE GO THRU WITH THIS MISERABLE DISEASE. Rather than criticize me for the 3 things on my little plate, he should have been more encouraging.
That's my rant for the day.
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Man, what an ass the old shit is. I would have added more to my plate and said actually in my condition I need to eat more or something.
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Lita~ Next time pull out his chair before he sits down! Idiots!!!!! Big hug!! ~M~
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I'd rather him understand that what he said was stupid and insensitive and pulling the chair out from under him next time won't do it. He should learn and not say such a thing again.
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I am blessed to have a very caring family. My sister and SIL both have BC. My SIL is 8 years out, my sister 4 years. I think it brought us closer together. We have never been super close for a myriad of reasons. Our parents are deceased. One brother though has distanced himself from all of us which is really sad. Long history of anger and bitterness.
I also have a few close friends who have been with me for the long haul. Speaks volumes about them. I am so over the people who treat you like you have something contagious like leprosy.
SS - my DH just applied for it and found out his X has been cashing in on his SS. I know she is entitled because they were married 10 years and it won't affect me butit still ticks me off. She tried to ruin us financially when we were paying CS and she gets a portion of his SS. Something wrong with that.
At least we all have each other. This website is a godsend and has been my lifeline since I was DX almost 6 years ago.
I have BC/BS but have never gotten a call like you guys but I did get a card in the mail with numbers for nurse advocates, etc. I had one assigned to me from the Women's Health Center where I had my mammograms. She was awesome.
Good luck ladies!
Diane
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Micmel, one of my friends who got cancer is slender, very active and eats a plant-based diet with healthy oils. I don't know the eating habits of another friend diagnosed last year, but do know that she is slim, exceptionally athletic and a yoga enthusiast. I hope you'll be kind to yourself and realize that you're not to blame for this odious disease or, more accurately, diseases since the more that is learned about breast cancer, the more we must recognize its complexities.
Lyn
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Yep, Jumpship, I agree. It chose us.
My dad smoked and drank like a fish. He NEVER got cancer. He lived to be 85.
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Diane.
Your DH's ex won't get any of his SS; her payment may be increased to half of what his SS is/would be (if it's more than hers is calculated to be), if she meets certain criteria (married ten years, not remarried by a certain age- I'm not 100% of all the rules). It does not reduce what his payment is. That's my understanding of it.
Carrie
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Lita,
I just wish you hadn't scraped all the icing off of your spice cake, so you could have jammed your middle finger in it and wagged it at him, saying, "Ain't that the truth!"
Carrie
He's either a clueless innocent or a total boor. He's not worth your mental energy being angry at.
Eat what you can, when you can! I'd have eaten ALL the icing. First.
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sometimes the obvious never sets in. A nice bruise on his rear end would be a temporary reminder. I have had people say the darndest things. Just remember you're a warrior and clearly the ignorance of many we will face daily. I tend to try to bring humor into it, so I don't freak out on people. It's my way of dealing with stupid comments or people! Even If you explain things to some people, it goes in one ear and out the other, because they don't have cancer and just don't get it. So no Matter how much we exhaust ourselves hoping someone will get a clue and not hurt our feelings with insensitivity and bad comments. It will always happen. I would rather laugh then cry was my main point. Bless you all! ~M~
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I am new to this whole thing but I need to vent and rant about my in-laws
Right after my bilateral mastectomy they were semi-supportive - but they have decided I am ok now and should shut up about my cancer. I only talk about my cancer when asked otherwise - I clam up because I don't want to really want to talk about this with them anyway, They constantly question where I am getting my medical information because they never heard of hormone receptive cancer. The holidays suck with these people even when I am not on hormonal therapy that keeps me up all night but this past Easter took the cake - all puns intended. My husband and I weren't invited until the night before Easter. I explained to the hostess - my sister-in-law, that I would eat before I came because of my multiple dietary restrictions. Due to several health issues - I have multiple dietary restrictions. I try to be discreet about it and do not impose my situation on others. I was hoping just to quietly have an iced tea and slip out. When my husband and I arrived on Easter - my sister-in-law insisted loudly that I get some food. When I demurred quietly - she went and told my brother-in-law that I wasn't eating because of my silly ideas regarding food. My brother in law left the room angry and avoided me the rest of the day. All of my in-laws are mad at me including my mother-in-law. I found myself apologizing and what the heck for? - if I treated a guest in my home this way, especially one of them - all hell would break loose.
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t girl57, I was furious when I read your post.
I'm assuming you do NOT live in California. Out here, every other person is either lactose intolerant, has celiac disease, is vegan, can't eat nuts, won't eat pork, etc. So we ACCOMMODATE them accordingly. When it comes to multiple food issues and family gatherings, we simply ask the person to bring something (rice crackers, lactose free cheese, tempeh, etc.) and a beverage that THEY CAN ENJOY WITHOUT JEOPARDIZING THEIR HEALTH. This is just a given out here, and even the older generation "gets it."
CUT THESE @#$HOLES OUT OF YOUR LIFE. They will continue to bring you down, and you don't need this in your life right now. Surround yourself with people who understand your situation and will support you and lift you up.
Keep us posted, and keep your chin up.
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Lita~ Obviously they are the ones who can't deal with it. Just let it roll. There is nothing you can do but know yourself and what you can and cannot tolerate! They think you're ok? Well that doesn't even deserve a comment in my mind. All of this is not ok, the way they behaved is not ok. Next time honey you might want to opt to have your own Easter dinner and not worry about what everyone else wants you to do. I have had it with some people in my family for the same reason. They are AS*ES they just don't get it. Like I said even if you spell it out for them!! They just won't get it no matter what or how bad we feel. They just think they should tell you exactly what they think and you should listen. I do not agree. Listen to your body and your onc!! If they can't be happy you're at least there. Then the hell with the next visit. And let them feel the void of their crappie behavior. I'm sorry lita that people are Dic*s. I just don't know how else to say it. Big hug.
You're eggs were better than theirs anyway lol
Prayers all around! ~M~
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tgirl57 - - Micmel's kind words apply to you, too.
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Lita
Thanks for the support - I live in Ohio - in a metropolitan area - which is part of the problem. But I also think there is some passive aggressive stuff going on here. My brother-in-law is a prostate cancer survivor and he thinks he knows how every cancer works.
I used to host dinners at my house but it was determined my in-laws' house was more centrally located. What made me most angry was that 1 - I alerted my hostess/sister-in-law in advance 2- she made sure my husband was out of the room before she pulled this and most importantly - I didn't call her out on it right then and there - a year ago I would have. But my diagnosis and treatment have taken the wind out of my sails and I feel very vulnerable right now. My adult children would just as soon have dinners at our house which this may be the reason to start doing so. I appreciate the reality check - I am not the problem in this situation.
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Thanks to micmel - too - my eggs were better.
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tgirl~ I am sorry that people feel the need to impose their thoughts about what you should do while you're going through this horrible thing. I keep a close knit group of people that I have allowed in because they are not morons! No one really knows much about what's going on because I have cut them off. They bring me drama and unwanted stress. We have enough to deal with then to allow someone else to make us more upset then we already are. No thanks! Always keeping you all close in prayer
~M~
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tgirl, Lita is so right; before I have anyone new over, I ASK if they have any food allergies/issues, because it's REAL.Even if half the state I live in now claims to have gluten sensitivities, I am not the one to question what they want to eat or not to eat.
So your in-laws are now the reigning authorities on breast cancer? Crikey. I can't even go there.
Sounds like you need a BIG break from them. As has already been stated, THEY are the problem, not you. Give yourself permission to avoid them if you don't feel up for a confrontation- you need to take care of YOU.
Carrie
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Lita, I would have gone "you mean you KNEW I have all these dietary restrictions and all y ou prepared is food I cannot eat?!? I cannot believe this of you!!!"
Yes. Next time turn it on them and make a humongous guilt trip out of it. See how THAT feels for them. And keep it going on that tone no matter what they try to say, everything is on them. See how that will work in the future.
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I'm ready to give up!!! I was fired in Feb and it us beginning to be very clear I am not going to be able to find employment that pays close to what I was making. I'm very discouraged at this point. I am angry that I am in this position and now have little hope for decent salary or insurance. My husband has always made less and I always carried the family insurance. I feel screwed. Emotionally I'm done, I'm not as strong as I used to be after cancer. Im hurt they fired me, reason given was performance. Maybe I did make a few mistakes but I don't think it was worth firing over. I do blame chemo brain, but what good does that do?
I'm terribly depressed, I hate saying it but its true. After dh goes to work and my baby goes to school it's all I can do to wash dishes. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even able to hold down a job anymore.
I'm lost right now.
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tang~ sigh! I know how cancer can chip away at who we are, I hate it! But it sounds like to me you need to apply for disability immediately! Chemo brain is real. Get support from a doctor and your medical history will speak volumes ! Apply now because it takes a long time to go through the process. Also contact your hospital cancer social worker to see what grants and or programs you could qualify for. They helped me many months when I didn't know what to do. Churches , state ins for the kids. Get all the help you can. Apply for unemployment for starters as well. Emphasize cognitive issues that prevent you from carrying a job or ability to function as you had before! Don't wait. You're a strong woman. I'll be sending you prayers. ~M~
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