My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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.......here is my favorite puppy just today. Spent some good time with him. Makes me forget my cancer. I laugh smile, pure joy. I took him to pet smart again and of course people flocked to him, I've never seen anything like it. All I know is I adore him. I can't ever imagine treating a beautiful dog/puppy badly. I just can't imagine the kind of cruelty! If everyone could find one thing each day to be happy about and write it down. Maybe after a few weeks of seeing happy things. Maybe attitudes could slowly change. Who the heck knows. Just a thought. Happy Hump Day! ~M~
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i don't know about many states and different rules about getting drivers licenses and testing. PA was relatively easier. In MD you have to wait six months after you turn 16 to even take the computer testing for the permit. After you pass that correctly, then you have to begin a series of things, starting with logging over 65 hours or more on the road with your parent or guardian....then you have to sign up for an actual driving school, that costs anywhere from $325 to $400. Per child. That involves three day time testing driving and then 3 nighttime driving testing, all before you can even take the official test. It totals close to a year for them to even get the license. But what happens to the families that have several children and or just cannot afford to spend a car payment on a driving school, when my driving school was mom INC??.... so many taxes and fees tacked on here and there. Racket! Every young person who plans on driving in MD goes through quite a lot. Not to mention the wait time to even get into a driving school, is months and months because there are so many applicants, some people are waiting over a year, they turn 16 but don't really drive until 18 some of them, if they don't have super organized parents, that are pushing them to get this done.and had made driving school appointments and arranged that months ahead.I was quite interested to see each state Is different. That's includes state inspections as well. Crazy!! Have a nice comphy night, supposed to rain. Love the rain! ☔️
~M~
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ok big time insomniac here!! I don't know what the heck my problem is. I feel so tired, fall asleep for an hour and wham wake up again the very next hour. I even have my turbo charged fan on, to dround out sounds. My son of course forgot his key. Who forgets their keys anymore? Didn't you drive home ?? So that woke me up this hour. Tomorrow is Thursday. One more day until the weekend. We have an appointment Monday with an attorney, going to get my will drawn up and power of attorney and all that stuff taken care of. Even though I got the ok with the seizures. I don't want anything left to chance. Goodnight lovely ladies. Been a slow boards day!
Much love ~M~
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Good Morning~not such a great night sleep, what i call ugly sleep. I realized that I am a little anxious about this Monday attorney thing going on, I thought I would feel like I was taking control, instead i am feeling like I am putting my end of life papers together. It's creeping me out. I know people who are younger than me even have theirs done. It's just that I happen to be one of the people that ended up with the beast cancer. Some days I am ok, others I just can't figure out how all of this happened. I don't want to sit in front of some stranger and talk about my life, when soon I may no longer even be living it. It just seems like something that I can't grasp even thinking about... Rough anxiety day thinking about that!
Mae~ thinking of you darling! 🌹🌷🌼
Hope everyone is well!
~M~
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Micmel, believe it or not, once it is done, it is a big relief. I have been fortunate in that I owned a company years ago so I had all things done then. However, in the last few years, I found i wanted to change some things, so I had a trust drawn up to help clearly define everything. I also completed my DNR. Ok, that was rough, but really , I should have done it years ago as strokes run in my family. It is one less weight on our shoulders.
We have not left yet on our trip. We leave Saturday am. I have been dealing with my Wbc that is acting up, then my terrible reaction to the nuepogen shots. Also, depression is becoming a huge issue for me. Not really sure why. Probably part of it due to progression. Anyway...
Love your puppy pictures! I just want to cuddle that guy, he is so cute! We have started talking about maybe getting another Akita. We need one that is a cross between our first one and our second one. Our one was huge! 128lbs, but the the sweetest girl! Our second, was smaller at 78lbs and sweet also, but extremely energetic. So we need a smaller version of our first one. Taking our time making this decision. Might be more than we can handle.
I have been following along with everyone every few days so don't write me off yet.
Sending hugs and prayers to everyone!
Claudia
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Claudia~I would never write you off. I also struggle with the depression, I can't say the Effexor hasn't helped because it has. Everything about this disease makes you hate it and every single thing seems so much harder to solve or even thinking about. It truly is like having a weight carried around on your shoulders. That you can never un burden. I understand completely. But also, dont forget I am here for you everyday. I think of you all often. Big hugs ~M~
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It's not my birthday! But I thought it was very funny!! Because I hate being sung too. 0 -
Micmel,
Totally understand your feelings about meeting with the Atty and all the necessary paperwork. It's almost as though we are systematically putting our lives away...or packing up to move away from homes we love. Of course we get depressed. We aren't getting ready for a party or humanly moving to new or better houses!
Heaven may be a wonderful place, but I like it here with those I love. So...right this second I'm loving the buttery fall sunlight dancing in the family room and having a window open for the afternoon. Drinking life in while I'm here. (And thankful for meds to reduce anxiety.)
If this is what we get...I'm thankful for these ladies who help us allget through it.
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Iwrite~it is the uncharted territory that we really always end up thinking we won't face for a very long time. I am not ready to sit there and actually imagine that one day sooner then later, they'll be referring to it, and I'll be wherever it is someone goes. I would Iike to know for sure where I am going, I am not one to like going places I've never been, i panic when I make a wrong turn. I like to know what is going to happen. But of course, who doesn't. I'll just walk in there and answer whatever and leave as fast as humanly possible. Another thing I just don't want to do. I remember my last onc Visit, See you in three months. I feel fine. But again in November I have to scan and I am not really into going to the doctors or scanning anymore. Three months went so quickly already. I want to get off this doctor oncologist train.
~M~
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Seems like many of us have had a difficult time lately. Cancer forces us to have to do things that are very difficult even if they are necessary. I began the process of exploring long term disability and not returning to my job. Even though I know its definitely the right decision, I will admit that some tears were shed. The lady on the phone probably thought I was some kind of nut job, I started crying as I was trying to explain why I can't work. All of my life I wanted to be a nurse and this is not how I expected my career to end. Group hug to all of us who are struggling. I'm so glad we have each other.
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Lynnwood~I am sorry that you had to go through that. I honestly don't even know how things will even effect me anymore. Sometimes I am just fine, then others I am crying and still sitting on the total shock and despair side, waiting for someone to hand me a big joke banner. That never happens! I agree about the difficult times for us all here lately. I am thankful you ladies are here. Everyday. It helps. Let's always lean on each other. I am sorry that you have to deal with something just as difficult as my dealing with power of attorney! I am feeling the same confusion, denial, sadness that things didn't work out correctly, like my dreams. Our dreams.So I'm with you. Much love ~M~
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I had recently had a talk with my best friend, and she grew up directly next store to me, I was born there, and she moved into the house next door when I was 13, she was then 12. We were and have always been friends. She came and brought me some documental information about a cancer cluster that has been raised in question to where we grew up because of golf courses surrounding both the front of where our houses were located, and behind where our house was located. It had been discovered that there was an enough off a slope from the golf courses area when they ran their sprinklers, that the water flowed downward into the lower back yards well systems. I lived in that house for 21 years. I could have been ingesting pesticides and chemicals from fertilizers all those years. Apparently on my street alone, which only had 10 house on the one side, the other side was golf course. Every single house on that side has someone in their family with some sort of cancer. Four women have breast cancer, two ovarian, and four men, two with colon and one with lung (never smoked) and the other with prostate cancer. I am going to have to see some of their doctors and be tested to see if some of these chemicals are in my cell make ups for the tumors. The problem is, (a thankful problem to have dont get me wrong) I don't have any measureable tumors for access. They are in my bones and they don't have tools small enough to reach them effectively and get enough for testing. So they are requesting information from the breast and liver biopsies that I had before. Then we go from there. On the other side of the street down the road have also has a burst of same age people with cancer clusters. Most of them with no family history of health reasons. Like excessive drinking or drug use or anything. I was floored when she was showing me the request documents they had sent her. Apparently they are doing it alphabetically and mine should be here within days. I have never heard of such a thing. I thought living near two golf courses gave me peace and quiet away from Everything and everyone. I would ride my horses everyday. Free. If this turned out to the the reason I developed this cancer. I think I would be destroyed. I loved it there. It was my happy place. Over 2 acres. No sidewalks, no traffic. No people. Just woods and open air and freedom for children. I would have never left there or grown up, if that were an option. Just very perplexed with all of this. ☹️😕😟 good night sweet friends ~M~
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I am getting really good at talking to myself lol. I have to do some investigating about this issue when I was younger and this water. If it's a class action suit. I need to really research what's going on there. Rainy and cool and cloudy. Sprinkles here and there. Slept until 10:45 and I already feel like going back to sleep. I have two more pills for month #11. Then on to round #12. Hard to believe. I just pray it keeps working.
Mae~ you're on my mind. I'm still here waiting to see your beautiful smile. On your side always !
Keetmom~ hugs to the girls.and to you!!
To the Lynn's and to Lynne~. Hope everyone is ready for a great weekend.
Nan~ ❤️
Chicago~ you doing ok honey?
Tanya~hope you're doing ok also. A lot going on . We all do.
Would you believe that my daughter went to the doctors this morning and she has an upper respiratory infection, that I cannot get. Nor do I need after everything this past week or so. No thank you!
Much love to all~M~
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Good afternoon ladies,
I get notifications and read them in my email. Micmel I love the grand puppy pictures. He's going to be gigantic and happy in the cold winters of Pa. I hope the seizure soreness is easing up a bit by now.
Praying for all of us to feel better and be better.
I caught the cold that I tried so hard not to catch. My son has been home from the hospital for a week now. I'll be glad when he's well enough to go home.
My DH is offering me tea and such but really I just want the offer not the tea.
I spent all day yesterday cleaning, disinfecting, sanitizing. Then the coughing started.
At some point I have to get an xray of my left hip to see where or how far the cancer is. Has anyone had this measurement/procedure.
Much Love All,
Tanya
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