My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Micmel, I looked long into your eyes in that photo of you and the babe. I looked long and you know what, I see the love still there, and the softness and the caring. It's all still there. You are still you. A sheen of sadness and grief glistens over you like rain. But you reach through and everything about you that was good is still good. I know that nothing is the same. Nothing. Except those good things about you that will never change. No matter what.
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I keep up with this thread even tho I don't always post. The work schedule dh has this year is different than it has been and my home schedule has to make adjustments to it. We also spent the past couple months renovating our bathroom so that added a level of upheaval. It's time consuming and definitely worth the trouble to update it.
And we continue dealing with my mother in law (89) whose health is in decline. I have a complicated relationship with her. Dh has always looked after her while his three siblings do little. So I can relate to some of the family dysfunction we all deal with in our lives.
Micmel, your son really takes after you! And your daughter has your beauty.
50s girl, I can see how much you resemble your mom! And I think you look lovely in that picture as a young girl, feminine and not boyish at all. I remember helping my sister's sister-in-law with her wedding shower and getting a corsage, too, and how it made me feel grown up. The short bangs was a style back then, so you were in fashion.
Grannax, I love the black and white family pic you shared and it takes me back to those days dressing up for Easter too. I am sorry to read about the upheaval over the years that your family went through. It doesn't seem fair. My parents had issues and divorced after 30 some years of marriage. I moved out on my own in my 20s, figuring out how to move forward with my life and realized that the longer I lived by myself, without the heavy influence of parents and six siblings, the better I became emotionally.
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Minnie~ that's absolutely wonderful to see First thing in the morning. I am In awe, how relaxing my first cup of coffee ☕️ would be. I am thinking of you today for another radiotherapy to work! Ask for the ointment or patches. They really helped me when I was ripped up from my mets on my right side spinal area, they have been used chronically as needed. They work wonders. My step father begs me for them. This week I just mailed 30 more to him, he's a 78 year old painter still,up and down his arms go everyday all day since he's been 26. He has wicked pains. I am hopeful they would help you. But if the place that hurts is in a tricky area. Then you go for the ointment. I used to use the ointment on my lymphedema arm and it helped the nerves there also. These doctors need to use all the resources out there where pain is concerned! No patient should have to suffer. I am with you today in spirit, despite the miles! Much Love ~M~
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Runor~ thank you for your thoughtful words. I was so happy one week and Then Blam, excuse me miss you have cancer. That's all I can remember and frankly I don't mind it being a blur, then maybe somehow my mind will stay in tact to see me through this hellacious disease for a good amount of time longer. What isyour fuzzy gorgeous color. Dogs name? Is that a labradoodle? They have Been known as really nice dogs! I love him or her already! How old? Thanks for sharing! Hugs my friend~M~
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Divine~ Hi there darling! I was worried about you, but was relieved to hear you were around and ok!! How is your foot? Those stress fractures can be tricky. Maybe it's time for a new pair of sneakers? That's why I got mine and didn't even realize. It helped tremendously after I got them replaced and I wrapped it slightly. Helped a lot. I know you love your walks. I hope it will heal sooner than the dreaded six weeks spcheal they tell you!
My son is my clone. Lol thank you for noticing. I adore his big teddy bear loving self. He just needs a kick in the pantolonas And I am Happy toassist when I can. So glad you're back and I'm sorry about MIL issues. Many things going on in life anyway huh. Much love to you sweet woman ~M~
Gracie??? You ok. ? Ive got my finger on your PMbutton real soon. Worries about you friend !
Keetmom~ Hope your ok! Am in your corner !
Robin~ you ok darling ? Been a few days!
Maybe I'll go back to bed for an hour. It's quiet and I looooove my quiet time. Yup I sure do! I have to go to the grocery store today which blows bad. I hate it there! Too expensive. Gross! Lol much love ~M~
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Micmel, thank you for letting me know how you healed a stress fracture! I have a couple pair of newer sneakers, so I don’t think they’re the problem. I got an air boot from Amazon and have been wearing it at times. I also pulled out a cane from a small collection we have and looked up how to properly use it, as well as how to go up and down stairs. I’m learning to gingerly walk on the foot rather than clomp down on it, feel the pain, ignore the pain and keep moving. Surely that in itself should help some! I kept thinking, wrongly, that I simply had a sore foot muscle and tried to power through it. Wasn’t really listening to the pain.
I miss my walking but want to heal and not complicate any foot issues. I will be looking in to getting a recumbent bike one of these days as my treadmill ways may need some big adjusting.
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Divine~ Same thing happened to me when I was on the treadmill. It's was to much on my knees and feet. So I switched to an elliptical, which took gravity off everything and I was a new woman. Well then I got cancer. The elliptical is non weight bearing. That helped me tremendously! I hope you'll be ok soon. Hugs ~M~
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Minnie~ I am looking at that pic again. It is truly beautiful! What is that jutting out of the water in the back round? A large boulder or even a small island? How awesome that looks. And wow you just saw it. So cool. I hope your ok. And almost through your therapy! ~M~
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Great pics, everyone! Loved the wedding, prom, Easter, beach, ALL of them!
Lynne-We ended up getting 2 feet of snow! Yet another Nor'easter is suppose to hit on Tuesday! It has already started to melt a little, hopefully more by next week. More snow in March than the entire winter! Crazy! We have an old neighbor in Naples (I used to babysit for them), and my in-laws winter in Bradenton. We went down a couple of years ago, and visited both of them. We will be so ready for FL in 5 weeks! So ready for Spring (we never have Spring here until late April beginning of May, but this is ridiculous!). I hope you are having a wonderful time! We weren't going on a Mini run (usually not before April), we are meeting for dinner on St Patrick's Day at the Bedford Village Inn (hopefully, I'm feeling up to it). We try to get together once a month in the winter. Many people store their minis for the winter (our's is in our driveway while the Harley Trike is in the garage), so we go out to eat until the weather is good.
Minnie-What a soothing picture. So peaceful!
Dizziness, is still there today. Not as bad as yesterday. Each day gets better. It stinks that my "hell weeK" is the same week our youngest's girlfriend is here on spring break, from Rochester NY. I told them, I'll just be hanging at home, and to go out and have fun. He keeps trying to include me though, maybe at the end of the week. He really is the most caring person.
Hope everyone is having a good day! Hugs!
Lynne
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Lynne(Man)~I am very sorry that you're not feeling well. Anything that starts with Hell can never be good. Unless maybe Hell yeah. But who says that anymore? Lol. I hope you feel better on Friday or Saturday so you're able to do something with them. We didn't get the snow this time really... maybe like four inches that melted within a day and is still melting the bigger piles. It really is freezing though. I hate when it goes right through you. ... and the windy. Holy Hannah!
I did the dreaded grocery thing today. I hate that place. You buy this food and its gone in two days . May as well just eat the cash! At least then maybe I would have the chance to see it again! Umm totally kidding!!! LOL. That's as bad as Julie huh? Lol. I just mean that everything is so expensive. Not to mention it's like ten degrees with the wind. I'm freezing, my bones in my back hurt worse in this freezing. Wow! Wind is whipping. Bank account is draining, bones are hurting.... I'm effing tired. But I get a break now from ibrance for almost a month for my surgery. I hope to become a new person! My surgery is two weeks Friday. That's crazy!! So I have to be cleansed of some medicines for a week before surgery, no aleve, no ibrance. I am supposed to keep on taking my arimidex hormonal. But just the thought of coming out of the ibrance induced fog I Iive in everyday, is very appealing to me. Surgery or not. I wish that with remission you were able to not have Anymore treatment. But then the fear is always there going off grid.
When I went from monthly, bloodwork to every three months blood work. I realized that there was power in knowledge. I knew exactly where all my numbers were and I felt better. Then I moved to six month scans. And three month blood work and I didn’t know where I was with Those numbers so I was a little uneasy. That scared me because of worrying that long. But was such a relief not having to go into that place for long periods of time made me feel normal at times. I have a scan in May. I was kinda hoping they would scan me on the operating table. I may suggest it to the doctors, since I'll already be in the hospital. So March 30th.....of course at like 5:00 am. It will be haunting having to use the hipacleanse at night and in the am again. This hospital is new and really nice. But I just want to get it over with ... Minnie~ hope your pain level is ok !
Gracie~😞 I'm threatening a call now! Don't make me do it!
Much love to all ~M~
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Micmel, I know what you mean about BLAM. It's like someone just runs out of the bushes one day and sucker punches you in the gut and you're like...what? People ask me how I am and I know they mean well and I do appreciate it. But to those who know me, really, really know me, when they ask me how I am I am honest. I say, completely fucked up. Because that is my truth. I go through the motions. I do what must be done. I clean, cook and everything else I've always done but I feel like a zombie. Lurching through the day dazed and confused. Shell shocked from this utterly unexpected news. I don't smoke, don't gargle with pesticides or work in a nuclear bomb facility, have no family markers and booyah, cancer boob! Yeah, the SHOCK of it knocks you off your feet. For you (and me) it hasn't been that long. I hope with time things get better. I have my fingers crossed, which is difficult when you're a zombie cause your bits are crispy and don't bend well.
Dog, Tee-Tee is a Golden Doodle. Mom was golden retriever and dad was a black poodle. He weighs about 85 pounds and got much larger than I expected. I hoped he would not shed. Wrong. He is not overly bright but he is very loving and kind. Not a mean bone in his body. He is now 8 years old and starting to slow down a bit. I hug him every day.
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Runor~once against I’m am laying here in my living room howling with laughter from your funny posts... “I don’t gargle with pesticides”. My goodness woman. I almost lost my ice tea! I so enjoy your laughter. You seriously make me crack up. The dog is precious. I love his sweet eyes and he seems calm to posing for Pics... dogs truly are funny! My dog Deeohgee is a hunter. He hunts everything, there was the smallest little crumb in my DD’s trash can and This is what I see next.
.....His head is stuck in the lid of the garbage can! Lol ~M~0 -
That's funny Micmel. Seems like a lot of vacation talk is on this thread, so I think I'll join in. In early May I get to go to Hawaii! You may remember that was my Christmas Surprise from my DS and DIL. We're actually going to the Disney resort there. It's not an amusement park, sure glad of that my rollercoaster days are over. For some reason I cannot remember the name of it right now. Alani? We'll be staying in a two bedroom apartment in the resort. All six of us. My DS DIL both grandchildren and both grandmothers. We are both widows now. Although I dread trying to fit in my bathing suit, I'm looking forward to it. It's very leisure activities of our choice and it's all free for me. We are going to spend one day at Pearl Harbor Memorial. I've always wanted to see that, since my father was in WW11. We will celebrate Mother's Day there, too.
It's getting closer and closer, I can't wait. I've decided I am not going to have any scans till after I get back home after the trip. Nothing is going to spoil my big adventure.💞
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Grannax~Hawaii is amazing and I am thrilled you'll get the chance the see something so amazing the beauty of it all is really something to behold. The crystal Clear water and sunsets. The luaus with the grass skirts....the food is amazing. And it's just simply heaven... enjoy every second with your family!!! Make those memories. Have an absolute blast! ~M~
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Hawaii sounds wonderful. Something to look forward to keeps you going Grannax. Micmel, we are on a 3 day break about 2 hours up the coast, DH, me and 4 other couples. Radiotherapy just has to wait until I've had a few fun days lol. Love the dogs! So lucky to have them to hug. Sending you a close to sundown pic to follow on from my early morning. Weather is not hot. Maybe 18 c whatever that is in F?
Micmel, the big rock in the sea is just that. One building on it I think. I think it is a bird sanctuary
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Minnie~That is seriously really awesome! I hope you're enjoying the company of your other coupled friends. I really want to travel. DH makes settlement on his house March 26 I think and then my surgery the 30 th so ill be recovering again with two draining tubes. Last time I had one and it lasted about a week. I'm hoping this time, It won't even be that long. I am anxiously awaiting to get it done. I'm ready to see some of me back. To take some of me back. I am nervous about Anesthesia etc.... ya know. I will have my DH communicate through Chelle while I am out of it. So she will most likely be the one to update, if for some reason I can't do it. Also my DH has all my log in information also. Hopefully I'll be ok enough to log in here and there. They are lucky I don't ask to have my phone in the operating room. So I can post lol. Jk. Enjoy that beautiful scenery Minnie. 🤗❣️❣️~M~
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Hey all.... 2 days left, meet with both radiation and medical oncologist today. Hopefully have a plan moving forward into new treatment next week. It has gone quickly and fairly easily, hopefully the radiation is zapping Way those nasty buggers...
Fatigue hasn't been to bad but sure it is coming.....
Have a nice day all.... Finally warming up some here.
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Keetmom~ Hi there darling! I am glad that you're doing ok and getting through this quickly. That's exactly what we want to hear. Maybe you're giving yourself a good amount of time to rest up. I believe rest is vital. I think about you guys everyday! I hope you had a great birthday for Delaney this past weekend. Hugs to the girls and to you! Almost there friend! Much love ~M~
Gracie~ get your little fadoddle of a rear end here and lean on me, I adore you friend, even when you get into your funk modes. I am not going to leave you hanging. I am here, I will call if you need me any time or day. You're my sweet friend. Also,one of the first ❣️❣️. Gracie needs support guys!!! She having a rough time! You know that place where we've all been. Sending hugs my girl!
Much love ~M~
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Waving Hello! To Bigbhome..... hope things are ok and you're taking good care of yourself. How has your stomach been?I am hoping since you haven't mentioned it, that maybe it was just added stress unfortunately! You're a strong woman! Hope DH is doing better and MIL is as well. Hugs ~M~
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Grannax, my dad was a Pearl Harbor Survivor. He died in 2009 at age 95. He was on the USS Vestal. If you think of it, toss a flower in for me. I have never had the opportunity to go, and doubt I ever will. My dad came from a dysfunctional home, and the war damaged him even more. My folks also divorce after 30 plus years of marriage, and my father nursed a hatred of my mother til the day he died, some 40 years later. It ate him up. There wasn’t a kind or happy bone in his body. Such a sad story.
Here’s a pic of my folks at the end of the war, after my dad got transferred to Miami. He had a wartime commission so he was I think a lieutenant then. They had been married probably 8 or 9 years.
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Magda. I certainly will honor your father when I'm there. My dad did not serve there. He was is in the Army in France and Germany. He was also an officer in the Korean War, although he was stationed in Colorado to train other engineers to build roads in Korea. I will share a photo of my mom, dad and me taken in 1951.
I'm sorry it had such a horrible effect on your dad. My dad would not talk about it, I think most WWll soldiers did not. I wish I would have listened more carefully during the few times that he did talk to me about it.
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This photo was taken in 1950 in Colorado Springs. My dad was stationed there during the Koean War. Love this epic photo that speaks volumes of that era in history. I’m very proud of my my parents for being willing to serve. That little girl is three year old me.
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omg!! Guys those are really amazing...I'm sorry Magda I do indeed understand disfunction and families. Very well. I am still sorry to hear. I think a lot of men from that era, tended to be that way. The pictures really show how times have changed and it interests me.
Grannax~ Another awesome stop in your tracks photo. You are adorable. Look at your hair!!! I see a stern man in uniform and a supportive wife, who lives for that family and child. The dress is so pretty but Very timely feminine. I really love seeing them. Thank you for sharing so much guys! ❣️❣️ Much love ~M~
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What wonderful photos. My dad's favorite picture was one of him with my mom and my sister who was an infant at the time. He was wearing his Marines uniform. My parents' generation held a deep sense of patriotism and pride that we have not seen in the U.S. since that time. My dad was sent to China. I have many pictures of him there since he sent my mom letters and photos often. My mother and even my grandmother worked at Raytheon during the war since so many men were gone. The women altered their normal Iives to help in the war effort. My mom worked in the factory and my grandmother worked in the cafeteria.
Mags, I am sorry that the war had such a deep negative impact on your father's life. The horrors that he witnessed at Pearl Harbor must have been burned into his mind. How does anyone ever recover from that? I did have the honor of visiting Pearl Harbor a few years ago. The memories still bring tears to my eyes. It is a holy, spiritual place, and I couldn't help but feel it surrounding me. I knew I would be touched, but I was still surprised at the depth and breadth of my feelings. I cannot imagine the fear, the shock, the pain, and the sadness for the people who were there. My dad always wanted to visit, so I had his memory with me. There were two survivors sitting at a table while we were there. They answered questions for anyone who stopped to talk to them. Many just said thank you to them. Grannax, I am glad you will be going there. You will be touched.
Grannax, I think I told you this before, but I will say it again. Aulani is beautiful. The rooms are spotless and are beautifully decorated. My DH and I have stayed in a studio and also in a one bedroom. Let me know if you have any questions about the place.
Gracie, You are on my mind today. We all have times when everything seems to go bad. It is hard to get through those times. I am lifting you up in prayer. I hope we hear from you soon, but you are in my heart no matter what.
Keetmom, I hope you continue to feel well. I have no doubt that you will be glad to get those rads behind you and find out what the next steps will be. We are all eager to hear about it.
Lynne and MJH, What is happening to our Patriots? Amendola, Butler, and Solder - all gone? Whoa! One of my sons took today off and went to Bretton Woods today. They had almost 3 feet of snow from the last storm. He sent me a picture of the driveway. He took it this morning. The driveway had been plowed before he arrived last night, so the snow was just from the overnight "flurries". I will post it. Boring picture, but I am a dull person. Hahaha.
Lynne, BVI, wow, fancy. Have a good time there. You will be down at WDW before you know it. Did I tell you that I love Disney? When I go there I turn into a little kid. I giggle, I ooo and ahhh, I take in all the sights and sounds. It is a happy place.
Micmel, I hope your surgery is a breeze, the recovery, too. I have to confess that I didn't notice ant increased energy when I had my long break from Ibrance last year for my kidney surgery. It is probably because I had a horrible uretal stent for two months before and seven weeks after surgery. Those stents were so uncomfortable that I probably didn't even notice the increased energy. Darn, a lost opportunity. Btw, my long break from Ibrance did not cause any negative effect on treatment. I hope that lessens any concerns you have about that.
Minnie,Those pictures are beautiful. Nature can take my breath away and give me a sense of peace.
Pool day, so saying good-by.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
From Bretton woods.
For Grannax, a picture of Aulani
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Lynne(50's)~I completely agree about Pearl Harbor. I was there at age 13, and even I could feel the magnitude of silence and pain. It lingers in the air over the memorial. It just is there, and you feel it. It's a heavy feeling of honor and sadness all at once. What struck me the most was it looked as if you could look straight down and almost reach out and touch it. Always made me wonder why they couldn't bring it up?. So close to the surface. Such sadness but it is a magnificent place for sure. I have never been to Disney , I am not that kind. I used to love roller coasters. Now the thought of going around and around makes me want to hurl. No less walking around in horrible heat sweating with crying kids all around? Um! Nope! I had to smile at you saying you giggle and ooh and ahhh, that is just plain adorable! ☺️
Keep that snow away from me please. I feel so sorry for Lynne(Man), MJH. Hope you're ok too dear ! And I even thought I had heard of a possible other storm?? Soon?
Minnie~ those pics are beautiful, I could really get used to looking at that.. for sure. The color of the water looks so blue. Geeze I'm starring at mud out back in my yard lol. bigggggg difference huh? Lol
Gracie~ Still here. Waiting.
Magda~I know my grand parents were very strict and stern and always felt cold and angry. I was afraid of them and one of them died before I was born from falling down the stairs. (My dads father) Left behind 13 kids in which my father was the youngest (my mom Mom who was born in Spain Minnie! Raised them alone so I never met him, but I was told he was cold as ice, and I know war was a huge thing. Never was the same, how could you be? Sorry you had to go through that.
Much love all! ~M~
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Alani takes my breath away 50's girl. I can sure see myself sitting on that beach playing with my grandchildren or relaxing in the beauty. I don't think anyone will be looking at me squeezed into my bathing suit when they have that gorgeous view to grab their attention. I'm thinking of a few questions that I can ask you. But ill type those up later. I've been shopping a little already. I found a really Hawaii looking cover up already. A casual summer dress to wear to Mother's Day brunch and adorable sparkly white flip flops. I know some people say that's all you need. I'm pretty sure I'll take some Capri outfits too. Thanks for the pic.
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Micmel-Yes another Nor'easter coming in on Tues/Wed. Hopefully, we don't get 2 feet of snow again. It has melted a lot though. For grocery shopping, I use Hannaford (a chain here) to go. You place your order online, pick your pick-up time, and they get everything ready for you. You go down to the store to pick it up, and don't have to get out of the car! Love it! We usually spend 200, so we only pay 2.00 for the service. The most people pay is 5.00, so worth it! My husband picks up milk in between. I can't believe how fast the food goes too. Of course there are 4 of us here, and my eldest and his daughter come here (for a free meal), when he has her (Mon, Wed, and every other weekend). I will have just bought a gallon a milk, and he'll come in and pour half of it for himself and daughter! Makes me nuts. Enjoy your break from Ibrance! I'm taking a break before FL. Last chemo before vacation will be the 30th, then I won't have another until the beginning of May, when I get back. I'd be due for chemo the day before I leave, and that's not happening!
Keetmom-Glad you are doing well through rads. Hope the new treatment doesn't have lots of side effects! Hugs and prayers!
Lynne-I can't believe the players that are leaving! So bummed! Hopefully, we get players that are just as great to replace them! Amendola really hurt!
Grannax- We went to Pearl Harbor in 1987, with our 4 week old and 16 month old. Very moving. Lots of Japanese throwing flowers in for their soldiers too. We stayed 2 weeks with friends of ours, who were stationed at the Air Force base. We planned the trip before number 2 was in the picture. She was the easy one, our son cried on the plane, all the way there, and all the way home. His ears were bothering him. Nightmare flights. Hawaii was beautiful though. We also got to see my sister and her husband who were stationed in Okinawa Japan. Have a wonderful time. Disney always does it great!
Great pics! My Dad was in between wars (Korea and Vietnam). The draft was out then, so no one would hire him after high school. He volunteered in the Army (shortly after he was dating my Mom) and was stationed in Germany for 2 years.They wrote letters, and sent pictures to each other. He sent her an engagement ring in the mail (she said she hugged the mailman!). He wanted an answer, and she told him she'd tell him when he came home. She wasn't sure if he'd be the same man when he came home. Needless to say, he was, and they married in 1961.
DH went skiing yesterday, at Killington VT. He said that only half of the trails were groomed, and there was 3 feet of snow on the other trails. He's going to Sugarloaf VT for the weekend, to ski with his brothers again.
I'm still feeling icky. Last night I had chills and ran a fever for a few hours. I took a shower and some tylenol, and it went from 100.6 to normal. I'm glad I waited to call the drs office. Saved me a trip to the ER. Today, I've had no fever. I hope it stays that way! I've decided not to go to the Mini dinner on Sat, and my cousin's 60th party tomorrow. They had to know if we were coming or not, so they could make reservations. I figured I'd watch the grandkids Sat night, and my kids could go out for St Pat's. We can watch movies in my bed!
Hope everyone is having a good day!
Lynne
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Keetmom, positive vibes across the world to you. Sending love to Gracie too. Bigbhome also. I've only been on here for a short time and reading all your stories show that we all have had similar experiences through life. Grannax, I have been on many beaches, seen all shapes and sizes, that's how God made us. My Mother in law used to say, if we were all,the same, we would be like shop window mannequins.
We went to the memorials for The Forces who died building the railway in Thailand that inspired the movie Bridge over the River Kwai. The cemetery just made me so emotional even though I did not know anyone who died there. I'm sure Pearl Harbour would be one of those places too.
The old photos are amazing. My Dad was only 10 when war broke out, so never served. A couple of my uncles served and thankfully came home.
Micmel, your Mums Spanish ancestry practically makes us related lol!!
I have left DH and friends enjoying a last drink, just had to give up and come to bed. My party animal days are over, I used to be the last to leave.
Best wishes to any of our sisters feeling low tonight. My thoughts are with you x
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Grannax~Lol at you and your beachview commentary. Youre beautiful! Right now, you could offer me beach front property (like my George Strait sings) and I wouldn't dare put on anything that closely resembles a bathing suit. I do not want to be arrested for scaring people!!! Maybe this surgery will give me something back ! I sure hope so. Make some fighting worth it. I hope you enjoy Hawaii and your sparkling flip flops!! 🌹💓!! ~M~
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