My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Lynn. I guess false eyelashes would be the only solution. When I was on taxotere I just used a lot of eyeliner. I think the Thrive eyebrow pencil would work for you. My lashes are just the shortest, thinnest things ever. They suffered from so much chemo and AI TX and never went back to normal. I've heard there are places that will put eyelashes on for you that last more than a day.
Your Grands faire so cute.💞
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Great pictures Lynne! You are more Irish than me! Kids are gorgeous, glad you all had a great time
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Lynne(Man)~ I love the kids pics!! They are smiling like they are owning Saint Patrick's Day!!! I love the shots of the three of them hamming up their decorations of their choice! Too damn cute! I never smiled either. One day my DH said me. “What if something happens to you and all they see is your hand?" Then a little while later, the unthinkable happened.... de novo and plunged into shear hell! That's where I've been ever since. Stuck ! For my eye lashes I have some left. But I just use plumper mascara and I have to draw in my eye brows. Myself witha universal color pencil it does come off after a little while. The things we have to live with, piss me off. Much love ~M~
Minnie~ hi honey hope all is well with you.
Grannax ~ Hello darling. My shoes finally came in. They are really gorgeous! Who got the sparkle flip flops for Hawaii? Sparkle away!
I feel crappy today. Yesterday too much activity and not early enough to bed. I am going to bed early tonight. And I'm talking like 930!
Much love to all ~M~
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Robin this was Tag two years ago, he was all muscle and really not heavily Grey yet. Now he has old man eye brows and trips and stumbles over everything. Can't hear a thing, still lovingly loyal and loving and affectionate to his favorite people, DH, myself and my DH's son. I hope you’re doing well and had a nice weekend with Willy!! He made a strong bond with all three, my DH's son is a gentle wonderful young man. When he's here I love it so much. We are very close and we talk about everything and anything. I have cultivated this wonderful relationship and groomed it into what it is today. We both love each other and built our relationship on trusting and love on HIS terms. I was not ever over bearing like my step monster did to me at age four. This person storming into my life, snatching me up into her lap.... even if all I wanted was my fathers re assurance that this crazy bitch wasn't going to walk away with me. I never wanted anyone to feel what I felt. Not being welcomed into my dads room for a parent to calm down his child when there was a thunderstorm, which when I was young was very scared of... To hear over and over “put her back to bed." She was mean, she was a large woman. Not that I'm a stick by any means. But what I mean by that is I was a small little girl aged 4 scared and all I knew is this woman was now the one who took my father. ( I know it takes two and he is lame as hell also) so I am very thankful now my DSS will have none of those terrible memories about me In any way. My DH.s son and my two are very close very!!! I know we did it right and I Am proud of that. My father isn't invited to the wedding, and my ex husband will literally be like a guest showing up to the party. He's not contributing a dime towards the wedding for her. He hasn't seen her in over maybe 6 months. Before the kids could drive. It had been years I mean years! So this wedding is going to be very interesting.
The last time he and I were in the same place it didnt go well. Our family had made a memory board with a history of his life in pics for his graduation party, and of course he would want to invite his father. Well he came, along with his at the time gf of half his age. I could honestly care less. Well he corners me in the garage which is where everything was laid out. He snapped at me that I took his kids and he was in none of these pictures and I stole his time with them. I just walked away and didn't engage but, he was itching to fight with me. My best friend says to him .... make your own memory board, and where is your party for him ?, but I'm assuming since you never make the effort to spend time with them , you don't have any pictures to make one. Well the next time I saw him, later hat night, he was hammered, and so was his gf, they dropped bottles on the side walk and later one of the neighbors said they saw him sloppy kissing In his car with that girl, in my sons neighborhood at his celebration for graduation day! We were witnessing his mid life crisis but damn. Do it on you own time, and not in your children's neighborhood. He embarrassed them so much, it took a while from them to heal from that. Sometimes, divorce can be uuuuggglllieeee!! Good night ladies. Much love ~M~
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Micmel, you've had your trials family-wise for sure and sounds like this wedding may be very interesting, but so hoping it all goes well. It's been a few pages back I think, but forgot to thank you for the update on TarheelMichelle.
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Bliss~ You're welcome! I know she was hit really hard with Kandy dying. I guess she needs time, if even that will help, loosing someone from this beast isn’t ok! She said it's been impossible to fill that void. It breaks my heart honestly. And yes ... I have had some major ups and downs where family is concerned, I don't know why people just can't get along. Everyone's so mean sometimes and their behavior effects long after the calendar has flipped through some years. At best you become estranged and it's just easier to stay that way. That's ok, I really don't mind at all!! Less drama . More happiness! Rest well darling and have a good day! 🌹 ~M~
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........oooooppsss! Lol it's not actually what you think she does for a living. Anyone guess what she really does for a living ? Question of the day??? ~M~0 -
Friday will be one week before my surgery. The hospital called today to talk to me about what to stop the week before and what not! It all of a sudden became extremely real. Like uhhhh! More physical pain. And I am sooo hoping that my lymphedema arm doesn't start biting again. It was terrible after my mastectomy. But I have it down to very mild now. Luckily, the surgeon I chose is a lymphedema specialist. I just don't like going under. But I guess if it's my time to go, there isn't a better way that I can see. My family another story. Do not want that to happen to them. I at least need to get my kids out of the house. I don't want to saddle my precious DH with anything. He will already be grieving terribly. He is the reason I fight. My love for this beautiful person placed in my life, changed me forever. I will never love another. But they should be on their own sooner than later. Like preparing for your place like in May of 2019. That is more than reasonable. I have to admit I am nervous about the surgery. Bock bock chicken! What was I thinking ? Sigh. Hope everyone is doing good.
Chelle~ thinking of you today. I'm in your pocket remember! Love you! Gracie~ Thinking of you too friend. Worrying!
Hope all is well ladies. 💜 ~M~
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Being “put to sleep” as I told the hospital staff, lol was a big concern for me last year and DH recently. There’s just something unsettling about it but you just wake back up, as if you had only blinked. You will do well, I’m sure.
On another note, it seems my plans of medical retirement in June will be delayed. After speaking with the financial folks, I would not only be hit with a penalty for being under 50 (just turned 43), I would only receive about $250/mo., which doesn’t even cover groceries and, the best part is that I wouldn’t have enough to cover my half of the spouse portion of insurance, so DH would be without medical. My supervisors and coworkers are pleased by this delay but I still need to crunch some numbers to make the cabin home.
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Mae~this is for retirement with your employer? What about social security disability, stage four is stage four. I know you enjoy your job very much and the saying goes a good employee is sometimes hard to find. Is very true. I don't know how you even do it really. I have to really stand in awe. I need my time to lay down when I need to, or else. It would get. Ugly really fast. That's why im worried about this wedding as well ! 4 hours of not laying down. 😲🤪 not looking forward to that. But am the wedding. How weird is that? I couldn't work honestly. Between the heat flashes, and honestly the chronically terrible fatigue from ibrance would stop a train! Not To mention all the other medicines we all take. I would really get that ball rolling. It does take a long time to make it through the system. It's not fun. So are you saying you have to work until at least 50, because of the medical insurance for both of you? Now that is so crappy, ugh I hate insurance. Cobra is ridiculous! You're an amazing woman. I hope you can crunch away at those numbers to have that cabin with no stress!! Good to see you! Much love ~M~
Still worry about the anesthesia! Ugh and wahhh!
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Dear ones,
Been MIA, but have somehow been either been very busy, or feeling very "ho-hum". Debating today about whether to pursue the TACE procedure, or Y90 for liver mets. Met with IR today at my hospital where they only do TACE. Will get referral for hospital across town which does Y90. Tired from reading on the computer.
Had a quiet St. Patricks Day with DH, DD, DSD, and grandson. We made corned beef, colcannon, roasted veg, steamed cabbage. I baked Guinness brownies and Irish Soda bread. I love to bake, but have shut it down due to the diabetes; I did have a tiny taste of each. Anyway, the evening was warm and fuzzy! My DH's last name is Gilpatrick, so celebrate we must.
Off to grandson's tennis lesson. More later. Love to each, MJH
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MJH~I am glad to see you have made it though the snow! I was just listening to another storm that may bring us 12 inches of heavy snow tomorrow night! I do not want this crap. It's almost April!! I'm sorry you suffered the Ho hummms. We all have them. Good thing you're going to see your grandson. He's a sure cure for the HO hummmms! I wonder what they are calling for , for you guys further north!? I have no experience with y90 I had the liver resection done! No picnic either way I am sure ! Wrapping you in a big hug! Much love ~M~
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I get to the venue for a “linens check “ to make sure what I have ordered will fit the tables. I realized I only had a Timed window to send anything back, if it wasn’t going to fit very well. Or wouldn’t work at all, so far I’ve sent two things back. But when I got there the woman said oh yes it’s six 8 foot tables..... I was like excuse me what? She had originally told me 6 6 foot tables and four four foot tables in the back for the food. So the four foot table cloths are fine. The six foot table cloths are fine, the chair covers fit perfectly! The round ones should be fine, so then I had to find 8 foot linens that would work. Another $60. I have both shower and wedding covered. Another thing I had forgotten was beverage napkins! Ordered them today. I am done ordering!! I am feeling overwhelmed!
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Dr just called and scans were stable, starting new treatment on Thursday but no biopay required this week.
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stable is good keetmom xx
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Stable is awesome Keetmom so glad you let us know! 🌹🥃❣️ Hugs to you my dear! ~M~
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Micmel, I just love Tag!! He is a handsome fellow and young or old, He still is handsome. I hate that dogs have to age so fast. My Freeway couldn't hear a thing, but then again he was 17. I used to use hand motions for him and he understood. And I still talked baby talk to him because I think he felt it.
I'm glad to hear you have a good relationship with your DH's son. That makes for a happy family!
Robin
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Micmel, in case I forget, hugging you now to take with you on Friday.
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Robin,Hi beautiful. Tag is the loyal of loyal. He is very protective of his pack. He is such an good dog. I wonder why all the best dogs come from the rescue??. Maybe they are just so happy to be out of there. They can't help but to be the best pet ever. Not taking any chances in going back to doggie prison. I am also not a big fan of kennels, I'm always thinking for sure he thinks i have left him alone. Forever. We Went. Away one time for 10 days. I cried the entire time and it was the one thing I couldn't get off my mind was him in that kennel. Deeohgee had lost his voice entirely and had only rasping his barks. It made me miserable. I do know it made me never kennel any dog ever again. He slept for a week straight! Ohhh how we need and love our puppies! Hugs my friend! Much love ~M~
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Runor~ thank you for the hug to take with me, I'll also need an open shirt some slippers and comphy pants . The second I'm able to put my clothing on I intend to. I don't like the tubes. Not one bit, but hopefully they won't last long! Thank you for caring ! Still very nervous ! Hugs friend ~M~
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micmel. It's this Friday? That came up fast. A button up shirt with pockets big enough to hold the drains. Granny panties are good too, sometimes the drains will stay put in them. Any of us who have had drains know that they are a pain in the rear. But necessary, you don't want fluid to build up.
I will certainly know how to pray for you since I've had reconstruction made from my tummy. Even though it was a long time ago, I remember a lot.💞
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Grannax~ It is a one week from Friday! But I still am nervous and getting the butterflies. Worrying about the physical pain that comes with it all. Thanks for the kind words. You had it done... so what am I looking at a recovery time period?? Just wondering since it's my own tissue they are using, if I'll be terribly sore?! Hugs and thanks again ~M~
My shoes came in!! They are perfect!!! 14 inches of snow on tap! Holy Hannah ! Here we go again !
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.....the bills are coming in for the wedding. ~M~. Shit is expensive! Especially nice things. I mean. Companies have junk also. Lots I had to send back that she ordered!! Just be careful of purchasing things from China, the shipping isn’t really that swift, and I am seeing that a lot of things have managed to get lost.. it’s actually really odd! Every single thing that came from there was either lost or wrong, or the more horrible fabric feeling I have ever seen. Hugs to all! Gracie~????? 😞
~M~
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Keetmom, yay for stable. If WBR works like SRS, you may see continued improvement in the coming months as well.
Micmel, yes, the retirement is through my employer, I have someone in HR verifying what I was told and I am considering more options like SSI and disability coverage I bought at 31, thinking I’d never need it but just in case, lol. For now, my employer will reduce my workload and I’ll train one of my replacements.
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Mae~ social security takes a long time to get through and you can't have any gainful employment they call it. I guess that translates into , you have limits to how much you can work. It took One denial and an actual hearing. For me to finally get approved. It's tedious but I used an advocacy group called, Alsup, they did everything, the paper work, and most everything was done on the phone. It sucks that we are really ill and we have to go above and beyond now to prove it. Much love ~M~
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Just got back from my 4 month follow up mammogram. The mamm I had in December, due to a new and egg sized lump in my 'good' boob turned out to be a cyst. But the mamm they took of the 'bad' boob turned up an 'hmmm, that doesn't look right, might be nothing, might be cancer, can't be sure.' So I freaked out and said I would NOT wait 6 months with cancer maybe percolating in my boob. 4 months was the suggested time wait. And today was the squish day.
It went according to plan. They took pics, sent me to wait in the waiting room, still wearing that ghastly puke coloured robe, in case they need more pics. The tech walked my pics into the radiologists room then walked back out and broke with protocol. She told me, right there in the waiting room, everything the radiologist has just said.
"He reviewed the last 3 mammograms you've had and there is no change. Whatever we are seeing it is not growing and not changing. He feels this is not anything to worry about, does NOT think you need a biopsy and will see you again in 6 months. "
WOW! Normally I would have waited 3 weeks to see my doctor for that news! They never tell you anything in the mamm office but today she did. Bless her. Either they knew I was worried or figured I was such a pain in the ass they wanted me out and out for good!
I feel cautiously jubilant.
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Keetmom-great news on your results!
Mae-I first went out on short term disability with my work, for 6 months, then they had me apply for SS disability. I got it within 4 weeks (the person I spoke with from SS, said they push it along quickly, if they know you are terminal), and also get long term disability from work (the two combined can only be 60% of my regular pay). The long term they pay is only a couple of hundred a month. Most of it is SS. I am still on my husband's health insurance, and his pays first before Medicare (Which you automatically get after being on SS for 2 years), so I opted out of paying for Part B and only have Part A (which only pays if your are in the hospital). I hope this helps!
Micmel-I am hoping everything comes out well with your surgery next week. I'm sure you are getting anxious! I know I would be! The wedding will all fall into place.
runor-Glad you got good news!
MJH-Sounds like you had a nice St Pat's Day as well. Good luck on your new treatment.
My 4 kids came back at different times, on St Pat's, even though they all went to the same place. Our youngest, came back with his girlfriend after an hour. Neither of them drink much at all, and she had a Mai Tai. She was falling asleep on the table, so they were home by 9. Next our younger daughter and husband came home at 10 (yup, the boys never slept) and brought the boys home, much to their dismay. I told them we could have a sleepover another time. The 2 eldest didn't come in until 1:30 am. Our granddaughter fell asleep around 11, on the couch. He was going to bring her home, but she wasn't cooperating. He slept on the floor, (I have no rugs) and she slept on the couch. They only one who sang was our oldest. He sang with his cousin (who he lives with) many times.
The storm (number 4) is now suppose to bring us only a couple of inches, late tomorrow into Thurs, YAY! Hopefully, this is it. Our youngest (22) went outside in the backyard, and was rolling parts for a snowman this afternoon. I told him to make an Easter bunny. He did, it looks more like a cat though! It's cute. I guess he was bored, on his day off with me! LOL
I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow!
Lynne
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Hi dear friends, sisters, family! Whatever you call it it is true. I haven't posted for a big while, but was reading very offen. This tread is growing so fast that is impossible to catch up with everyone. We were extremely busy remodeling,cleaning and rearranging the house to make it ready for sale. The plan was to buy another one in Columbus, close to my DD, but things changed fast, because they decided to move. So we are going to wait for now. This is my first week full time babysitting for my dear grandson. He keeps me out of my dark thoughts, jast perfect.
MicMel, I read about your surgery and I fully support your decision. Don't be scared, everything will be ok. Very soon you will have two boobs and you are going to feel normal again like before. I didn't do it , because I was chicken . I sow the pictures and I think Your DD is resembling you,beautiful and happy.
Keetmom stable results are what we want. I wish you to have stable for many, many years.
Runor, I can imagine your relive after you find out that it is nothing to worry about. I am happy for you!
Sending love and peace!
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Runor, happy for you xx
I'm starting another 10 sessions of radiotherapy on hip joint, hopefully to help the pain. My walking is getting worse, even sitting for a while is uncomfortable. Need to sit back with feet raised. Getting me down.
Micmel, wishing you all the very best for next week. It will all be worth it. Do,what you are told! Don't rush to recover. Relax x
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Runor~That is so wonderful to hear. I know you were worried and concerned. But who could blame you. Some scary stuff. I am more than happy to say how awesome it is that you know that everything is ok! Congratulations 🎈🎉🍾🎊 100times over. So happy for you my friend! ❣️❣️~M~
Lynne(Man). I am beginning to fear the color of snow, snowman snowmen snow hats snow gloves and things related to snow. If I feel this way I can't imagine how you're feeling up there. We already have like 5 on the ground. It's supposed to be for us, the worst yet. It's freaking March 21. Isn't it spring today ? Seriously ? Ugh!
Blueshine~ thank you for your well wishes I appreciate that and ty for the kind words about my daughter. She is having a blast and she should! Happy times ahead! Good to see you here, sounds like you have been busy! Hugs to you my friend.
Minnie~My sweet thing. I'm sorry about your hip darling. Those patches and lidocaine ointment really helped me. I am now on the medical marijuana program and it's been wonderful. Expensive which isn't really fair. But works well. I still nap when I need too.. thank you for the well wishes so very much. It means everything to me!
Hi to Mae—- hope you get that disability straightened out! You deserve it!! MJH, Grannax~Robin~both Lynne's,Bigbhome, Tanya. Hope you're safe and enjoying your trip think of you everyday! Chelle my sweetheart, Nan, Gracie❣️❣️Come back. Keetmom, loving that you're feeling so good! Almost there darling! Divine... hello lovely lady! A Shout out to GP, who has become a sweet friend, and boo, who I have found out recently is Quite local to me ! Everyone, if in the path of the storm, please stay safe. Much love~M~
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