My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Bigbhome, The casserole looks amazing!!! Sounds very healthy, something I need more of.
Micmel, I am not shy anymore, I broke out of that in college. I am a bit of a talker these days, never meeting a stranger. That wedding pic was a long time ago....2000. I am no longer married, but miss the man I once loved so deeply. I hate to hear that you don't have the loving family. But you do have your amazing husband, so you are blessed. I feel very lucky to have been blessed with a loving close family. When I was diagnosed stage 4, I was living in Knoxville Tn and had a great career. Upon hearing that devastating news......there wasn't even a question on what I would do. I moved back home to live with my parents in Decatur, Alabama. Other than this disease, life is good!
50'sgirl, beautiful pics! I will be in Panama City FL visiting my cousin March 20 -27. They have a house on the water, so I will be soaking it all up!!!
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I am absolutely positive that I made a post saying that I decided to not get the puppy and also posted a pic of my current dog. I am SURE of it. But can I find it? No. I cannot.
As much as I wanted the pup and you all lovingly told me to go ahead and get it, in the end it just felt wrong. If I have to struggle that hard to talk myself into something then I ought not to do it.
BigB, that chair! You are my kind of decorator!
I think I am having a serious tamoxifen brain poop because I can't believe how hard it is for me to keep more than 2 things in my head at one time. Today I had to run around and do 15 things and I am exhausted! Seems life has really settled into a very simple routine for me and when I have to step out and function in the Real World, I fall apart. Well, it's nothing a good night's sleep won't cure. I hope. Better day tomorrow for all you grand ladies (and men if we have any!)
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Bigbhome. Recipe please. It sound like something I would like, looks yummy.
I think I will share some siblings pics, since I have not found prom pics yet.💞
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This is my sons prom day. My DD and my DS and I on the end. It was the last summer I wasn't diagnosed yet. It was my last freedom summer from the beast. My son was so very handsome!! My precious babies! I keep looking! For my prom pics, My daughter was also magnificent ather prom. That's what happens when you put things away too good! ~M~0 -
This was taken Easter of 1963, I think My mother made all of our matching clothes This was the first year I was allowed to make my own I'm the oldest, then Jacki, Gary and Randy There are only 3 of us now. Randy died last year at 58. Blast from the past. Did anyone else dress up like this at Easter
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Runor~ Nope you didn't post it! I wanna see your doggie now also. I can understand you're not wanting to have the puppy blues. Even just yesterday my grand puppy Chief's mama was bawling with regret because he is a huge huge massive dog. His latest pic places him above regular table and he is growing even everyday.
You have to go with your heart it certainly is a lot of work and commitment. If you know in you're heart you don't want to. Then you answered you're own question!
Grannax ~ I would love to see your family. At least you have a functional family. That means a lot to me. I need to see normal families and the way that they normally behave. Much love ~M~
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Minnie~ I use Lidocaine patches for my pain they are 5% Lidocaine and you put them on your pain spots. There is also ointment. That you physically rub into your skin. Into those hard to reach places. I have fentanyl patches in 50 milligram forms. For me. That makes me way too drugged and non functional. They have lesser doesages of it. It's very very strong and very powerful. Which is why I opted to go the lidocaine patches and ointment! If I put on one of those 50mg patches I am baked for the entire day! We have something here called salon pas. They are patches also! Just 4% and sold in stores. I would consult a palliative care doctor about that. Make sure you talk about the side effects and drugging factors!!They are very addictive and make you feel very high. Depending on the doseage. I'm sorry your hip is bothering you. That is never any fun!! Much love ~M~0 -
Grannax~ I used to see pictures of my mother dressed up like that with her family. I was raised catholic so there was a push to honor the Easter Sunday church functions and the entire lent issue of not eating meat on Friday. Good Friday. You are so lovely. It's amazing when you look back on something like this. Your brothers little suits are perfect!!!!! I love them!!! I honestly would have dressed my Lil guy in something like that for easter for sure !! Much love and keep them coming!~M~
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this pic has always always been one of my Favorites ever!!!! My kids won several prizes that year for these costumes. It was one of my most favorite years I can remember, so precious. I was so young and healthy then. Never would have dreamed I would get cancer. But then again who does
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Bigbhome, Yum, that dish looks delicious. I was already craving spaghetti and meatballs from Mae's mere mention of it, now you add to the list with that picture. Yes, please give us that recipe.
Micmel, lovely picture of your son's prom. I have very few photos at my disposal down here, so no prom pictures of anyone. I do have a picture of my aunt's wedding. It includes my parents, my sister, and me as well as some aunts, uncles and my paternal grandparents. Maybe I can crop that and post just the 4 of us (mom, dad, sister, me). I think I was 11 at the time.
Grannax, You did a great job sewing your dress. I love the picture. It must bring back some warm memories for you. My family also dressed up for Easter, hats and all. I do have some pictures at home, but I don't have them here. I have some in which my sister and I were wearing matching dresses that were made my my grandmother. She sewed all the time. My mom, on the other hand, did not sew at all, nor did her sister. My mother claimed that my grandmother was too much of a perfectionist when teaching her to sew. She remembers making tiny mistakes and my grandmother would make her rip it out and start all over. Who knows what the reality was. I laugh to think of it. My mom was an exceptionally bright but stubborn, independent-minded person, especially for a female of her generation. She must have made things interesting for my grandmother. My mother did knit. She could make a sweater in a week or two. I don't think I bought myself a sweater until my mom's arthritis got so bad that she could no longer knit.
Gotta go.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Micmel. Pictures can be deceiving. Growing up all our pics looked like Norman Rockwall paintings. But, all was not normal. The boys got into drugs at a young age. Gary suffered the most from criticism from our dad but he did stop drugs. Randy deceived all of us, he had a double life. We didn't find he was a drug addict until 2003. That's what killed him in 2015, Methamphetamines damaged his heart so much and he knew it but wouldn't stop. Jacki and I had some trauma by our grandfather when we're very young. But, we got the best of our parents we think. Somehow, brains are amazing, our brains didn't allow us to remember it until an age when we could rationally deal with it. Also, our dad was so totally dysfunctional after my mother died. He married the meanest woman ever, We called her the wicked witch of the North. Gave her and her son our inheritance so that his kids would not be allowed to take care of him.
The three of us, now, are functional. Both have helped me so much during my DX. They both live in Oklahoma so I only see them two or three times a year. But we talk all the time. I love and appreciate both of them.
Dysfunction is more common than we think, unfortunately.💞
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Grannax~Well I am realizing you're very correct, and I am almost sure most families have these problems or at least somewhere something isn't all roses. I am very sorry for the loss of your brother and the double life issue. That is sure hard to swallow. I really have no words for something as harsh as addiction issues. That in my belief can be worse Than having cancer, depending on the severity of the addiction. If you can imagine that. Also, the shock of finding out about the double life alone is so difficult! My sister was the same way. But we knew, it was obvious, she was not a happy person ever. Like I said. When my father left, (I was 4) all hell broke loose. It's a wonder I survived through. Although I did almost die one evening while being watched by my siblings. But that's another daysstory! We all have such issues here or there. Those dresses were lovely. I really wish I could have learned that. Especially having kids. It helps a lot. I can hand stitch seems but that's about it! More pics! Please ! Hugs to you sweet lady ~M~
Lynne(50's)~Our correspondent from Florida. Checking in huh? How is your weather ? We did get four inches of snow, but I hear up your way (well usually your way) the other Lynne and MJH's way got more. I do wish I was next to you drinking an umbrella drink. Yum! Are you on vacation? Or visiting family. I hope you and DH are feeling good!! Please post the pic! I really enjoy seeing the pictures. It makes me feel like I am walking through your house and you're all giving me the tour and telling me about your life and family. That is special stuff! Enjoy your trip. Travel safely hugs to you beautiful! ~M~.
Awwww Runor said No to the Puppy!
Hello to all you lovely ladies:::
Keetmom~ Hope you're ok. Hope sweethearts birthday was special! 🎂🌸
Chelle~ ♥️ You
Nan~Miss you
Tanya~ Hope your trip is safe and memory making
Runor~ Hello my friend
Lynne (Man)~ Hope the snow wasn't too bad
Robin~ lovely lady. Hope all is well!
Divine~ miss your shining smile
Mae~ Hello sweetheart! You working today? Do you work everyday!?
MJH~ Hope not too much snow again! ugh!
Leapfrog~ know you're around! Just saying hello!
Minnie ~ Get that ointment for your hip!
Bliss~ 🌸🌸🌸🌸 hope your doing good also
Chicago~Hoping things are settling down. Think of you often
Bigbhome~ made me hungrier that I was lol thanks. Looks yummy can I move in? Lol
Blueshine~ Haven't seen you at all!
I heard from TarheelMichelle she's mainly on Facebook now trying to get over Kandys death. She is feeling a heavy sad void, and she needs time away from here. She does check occasionally, but she's still grieving for her dear friend. It makes me so sad. Immsendijg good thoughts to her. Along with Kandys family hubby Hal and daughter 😞, also still reeling from the loss of wife and mother. Life is so unfair sometimes....
have a painfree day. Love to everyone. If I missed anyone. I'll be back lol ~M~
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micmel. I have lots more pics I can share. Fortunately, these pictures do bring warm, happy feelings. Great memories and moments in time that I treasure. That's what healing does. Our family was all about adventures. I love those memories. We were exposed to so many and it gave us confidence to try new things and not say the word "can't". My dad's constant mantra was " Can't never did anything". We were not allowed to say can't.
I wonder if that's one of the reasons I've been able to endure and live through all these 25 years of Four DX and treatment. I wonder if that is why I don't take NO for an answer. I wonder if that's why I want outside the box TX. I wonder if that's why I'm upset with my MO right now.
A lot of things go back to childhood experiences.💞
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Grannax~I agree completely. Maybe that would explain the constant insecurities every single day of my life. Only to be compounded Times 100 getting new this horrible disease. That eats us from-the inside out, how can we possibly control little tiny cells that have gone bad. It just sucks. Stage four is just a challenge everyday. You're obviously very strong! I am so glad I am surrounded by such amazing women, I can learn from. Thank you ! Much love ~M~
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This is my father and I. Things were good then... not so much now though. I talked to him around when it became known I was stage four. He didn't know what to say. Not just because no one really does, expect I am sorry. He was emotional I could tell but, then he just went back into his walled environment and we haven't spoken since, that was over two years ago. And so we go on..... ~M~0 -
Gracie~. Worried about you too. I know you haven’t been feeling well. Hoping you’re ok! I know this has been a. Rough start for you with lady ibrance. I’m just concerned my girl! 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌹❤️Much love ~M~
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Micmel thanks for the advice. Will talk to my Doc next week. Having 10 more sessions of radiotherapy from next week too. Will post my view in the morning. Staying in a hotel overlooking the Mediterranean. Amazing view but too dark now. Midnight. Night night x
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Can I say ladies, that you are the friends that get me. I have my precious friends, but they don't get me, if you know what I mean. Only one friend, who is 15 years older than me and has a lot of pain from other health problems, gets it. People who do no understand MBC don't see us as ill, if you look ok (even with the wig), wear some pretty clothes, and some make up , you must be ok!! What do I do about my DH who won't read about statistics, life expectancy etc? Is it better to live in ignorance? Maybe so :
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Micmel, That is a lovely picture with you Dad. I am sorry that you experienced so much conflict and sadness in your family. It just isn't fair. I wish our bad memories could be replaced with good ones. I am glad you have created good memories with your DH and children. Concentrate on those. My DH and I are on vacation. I was reluctant to be away for an entire month. My MO agreed to let me take a longer-than usual break from Ibrance and a longer than normal interval between Faslodex injections, so I had no excuse for avoiding this long time away from home. Of course, I have missed three miserable storms in the first 13 days, so I won't complain, but I do miss my children and grandchildren. Thank goodness for texting. One of my sons will be coming down late next week and staying for six days. My dil and two of my grandchildren will be coming with him. Yay! My dil's parents are in Naples for the winter, so we will all go out to dinner one night and to a Red Sox game one day. My DH and I spent most of the day at the beach today. The weather was perfect. We did lots of walking there. I will try to remember to post a picture.
Lynne and MJH, All I can say is I am so sorry for all that snow again today. I tuned into WMUR and heard that Manchester had 17.5 inches so far today with several more expected. Then they added salt to the wound by saying that another nor'easter could be coming early next week. Seriously? Quick, hop on a plane and join me here.
Here is a picture of Bonita Beach where we went today.
Here is the picture of my mom, my dad, my sister (sitting looking like she was about 21 but was only 15) and me (age 11). I am the only one of the four who is still alive. It is part of a family picture at my aunt's wedding. The big photo also includes my grandparents, two aunts, three uncles, and two cousins. My sister was a junior bridesmaid, and I was in charge of the guest book. I felt so grown up wearing that corsage. I remember shopping for my dress with my mom. The color was lilac, and I loved it. Isn't it funny what we remember? I am laughing at that picture of me. Why in heaven's name were my bangs so short? Did I cut them myself? Very possible. The rest of my hair was in a ponytail, very fashionable for a young girl, but in the photo I look like a boy with short hair instead of a girl with a ponytail. Lol.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Minnie~I know darling. I have often said and thought when my good friends that don't have cancer ask me out to dinner or lunch. I am a little hesitant. It's because of myself and my non ability to think about how they both have great careers and lives , that involve travel and healthy activities. You all do understand what just getting through a day may be like for each and every one of us. I wish I had you all like really close to a local pub/place where we could really see in each other's eyes the understanding looking back at you, because we are also living it right alongside. Night night friend, I cannot wait for bedtime!! My only special peace and quiet. Much love friend ~M~
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Lynne(50's)~ That is so beautiful, I can hear the outdoor seagulls and the sounds around water. So jealous of you. But you deserve the break. I'm so glad the weather is cooperating. Thank you for the comment of my Dad pic. It is a shame, but it made me double down on being the best loving, unconditional parent you can ever be. I know they aren't perfect and aren't going to be perfect ever. But I will always love them and support them no matter what!! There is no on or off button on this parent although somedays I do use the mute button lol. I think the pic of your family is gorgeous, your sister looks gorgeous and yes way older ina good way than. 21. I think your hair looks adorable. And I think your dress looks sweet and lady like. Everyone had their hair in pointy tails then, it was the look! You're beautiful!
I went through pics today, some of my school pic are so bad!! I wonder why on earth my Mother would dress me like that. One year I remember I decided to see would happen if I cut my eye brow half off, and another time my brother and I had a Vaseline fight, It was in our hair for almost a month before it washed out. I looked like I belonged on happy Days with the Fonz my hair was so slicked back. Eewwwwe. Bad. Memories there. Lol. But you gotta laugh! I'll post my sons prom pic next. With his girly friend. Much love ~M~
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Here they are together. They were cute together!!! Then college got in the way. Then these girls want to drink and get um busy let's say. And my son wasn't like that. So they broke up. I loved her. Very much. She was a part of our family. And was close to me when I was diagnosed! She used to make me laugh. I truly loved her. ~M~. My son was heartbroken 😞 His first heart break. It wasterrible for me time watch that happen. ~M~0 -
Then the next month was the big day! My youngest did it! It was a great day and we had a huge party for him. It was a great summer before I was diagnosed. So sad how fast things change! ~M~0 -
My DD and soon bride to be with our oldest dog Tag. He’s becoming wobbly and deaf. I’m having a hard time with his back legs these days! But he’s a loving lil guy.
...... we love him so much !0 -
.....this picture was taken literally one week before I was diagnosed, I am holding my DH’s cousins baby for the first time. He was born in December of 2015. I had finally gotten to see him in January, before all the awful things started to happen.! She’s who I really miss. That person holding that baby! That’s who I miss. Everyday.0 -
Micmel, That woman you see in that picture is still part of you, but now you are more, not less. I want you to look at your face in the mirror because I am going to tell you what you will see. You will see what I have come to know. You are strong, caring, loving, supportive, friendly, funny, complex, organized, giving, and so much more. That is what I want you to see in that mirror. That is you.
Here are some facts that support that sentence.
1. Strong - you experienced a terrible diagnosis, came through painful treatments, decided to have reconstructive surgery, survived difficulties in your childhood, manage a home and family, take care of your dogs and grand puppy, and more. You are strength.
2. Caring - You care for your family and many people on these discussion boards. You feel the pain of progression of people here as well as the grief of the losses. You worry about your DH and your children. You are caring person.
3. Supportive - You do not hesitate to step in to support your DH when he is worried or feeling down or trying to sell his house, etc. You support you children in every possible way, going to your stepsons Eagle Scout ceremony, helping your DD with wedding plans, helping your son when he needs you. You also support people here when they need a few kind words or a joke or good thoughts. You support everyone. It's time to support yourself, too.
4. Friendly - You reach out to people here, extending your virtual hand in friendship. You want everyone to feel comfortable. You are a friend to many.
5. Funny - You know how to laugh and how to make others laugh. You know when it is appropriate to make jokes and when it is necessary to be serious. You make people laugh.
6. Complex - You have many sides to you. Your life experiences include some painful times as well as some good times. Both helped shape your character and made you the person you are today. You are filled with delicious complexity.
7. Organized - You keep things moving forward even when your DH is not at home. Just look at how quickly you organized everything for your dh's wedding. It made my head spin. You are super organized.
8. Giving - You give of yourself every day - your heart, your hand, your thoughts. You have a giving spirit.
I hope you see all that when you look in the mirror. If not, don't be so hard on yourself. Stand up tall, take a deep breath, put on your glasses, and look again.
Have a good night.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynne(50's)~ Thank you very much for saying those things. That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever written to me. I am so appreciative of you all also. You have no idea. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of myself. I am hoping it will start with this recon surgery, that is coming two weeks Friday. Wow that's coming fast. I have told you before also how I feel about you too my friend. You're a wonderful part of this circle here. You already know I worry about everyone. I've learned in my life you make your circle and protect who you let in. I have such a wonderful bond with many of you and It makes me so happy. Thank you again you sweet person and friend. ~M~. 🌹
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I have come across some funny things I had saved over the years. I tend to have a weird sense of humor and i would never ever want to offend anyone! But I just think some stuff is just plain funny! I always really do enjoy laughing. It always makes me feel better. That's why my DH and I are a perfect match! I'll share them soon! Have a great night ! I've also found some pics. That baby was two in December. Time flys. ~M~
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........My daughter decided one day that she was going to take our dog with her to work, so she put her Giant Grocery Store shirt on and took this pic of him. He does look good in green ! Dogs they crack me up. You can really play anything with them. They are so loving and kind. Lol ~M~0 -
Almost sunrise from our bedroom this morning. Benidorm Spain. Many high buildings here. They call it the Manhatten of Spain.
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