My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Micmel, here's hoping today will find you feeling a little bit better. You have just had a major surgery and that's hard enough for anyone to recover from, let alone someone with cancer. Rest as much as you need too...with the weather we have been having, sunshine and warm weather are hiding from us!0
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Good morning Ladies., I am up for my morning medicine and drain recording. I don't know where this stuff comes from all the time but ugh!! One Drain....doing. Nothing except annoy me. The other two are producing a pretty good amount. I want them drains out Monday. I'm waiting for Monday for that.... but... I dont want infection but I also hate the problem of rolling over and how vital that really is to someone's sleep quality. I purchased the noise machine that they had in the hospital. I loved it. Now I have my fan and....last night I chose rain because it was gloomy. I love the rain, thunderstorms , bubbling brook, ocean, summer nights with crickets, white noise (which I also love) I suggest this little $18 machine to anyone. Seriously. It's been so helpful. And relaxing. The rain is so relaxing. Napping is actually enjoyable. I hope everyone enjoys the weekend, I am trying to start feeling more like myself. I am very sore each day... but at least it's a week and a day out! Egads when I look back. I don't know why I wasn't more scared. Just glad I have two boobs. Even my nurse friend was like girl, he did a great job! I really cannot believe how well matched they are. The pain was and is terrible, but like the nurse said when I saw it for he first time. “ “This is why I do my job, these days right here, and she cane over and hugged me. It was specialsMore than words nor pain can describe unless youve done it of course. Much love to all ! ~M~
I have to shout out to Mae and The Lynne's and bigbhome. I think it's great, “I have the PM button and I am not afraid to use it". Bigbhome~Must have gotten a hold of Chelle! You guys are precious. Thank you so much for caring ! ❤️❤️ It means the world to me. I love how things we feel can be reversed on us at any moment and I sooo respect my friends and sisters here. Love you all!~M~
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Micmel, I am glad to hear from you. You sound like you are improving, and that is good. I will admit it. I reached out to Chelle. If that didn't work, I was going to tell EVERYONE, YES EVERYONE, to bombard you with PMs until you were forced to contact us either directly or through someone else! Take it easy
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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micmel you are almost one week out from surgery. YAY You mentioned the drains and that one isn't working. Hopefully the doc will take that one out on Monday. Then you'll only have two of your little friends. I hated them too.
Is your DH taking off work to take care of you? It's hard to do those drains by yourself.
We are all happy that you are gradually getting back to your posting self. No one here can function very well without hearing from you.💞
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Micmel, So glad to hear from you! We worry! Take care of yourself! Your boob sounds great, now you will be balanced.
Divine, Listening to you and Lynn is every. Its like you have been living in my head. These are all the thoughts and feelings and issues that I have been dealing with For years! I just got the numbers for our sale yesterday, Woohoo! I am so glad we did so well on day 1! Dh says that day 2 is going like gangbusters! Yay! I fired the Realtor this morning. She has really dropped the ball. We need someone more aggressive. We need that house sold. Now. I can't believe how badly I misjudged her. I must be losing my touch. At least I caught it early.I am staying home today. When I got home yesterday, I saw that all the hydrangeas in the front yard have buds and some that we just planted in the back have buds! I took pics of the Confederate Jasmine that is starting to bloom! It smells heavenly! I'm sorry that you are still having winter there, but when your plants are thriving this summer, mine will be struggling to survive the god awful heat. At least this April is not like last year, we got in the 90's and stayed there until October. It was awful! I am going to go take some frustrations out on some weeds in the garden! I almost pity those weeds, I have so much frustration built up! It sure would be nice if we all could meet someday, we have so much in common!
Chicagoan, It sounds like you have been dealing with some of these same issues with your mom. So glad you got the house sold!
Hugs and prayers,
Claudia
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I forgot to mention earlier that Monday, Dh is getting a 2nd opinion on his neck and then on Tuesday, he is getting a 3rd opinion, while I am having my Pet scan and meeting with MO for results. Both Dr's so busy, it was too hard to try to reschedule. I know that a 3rd opinion sounds excessive, but we are terrified at the possibility that he could be paralyzed! So next week will be rough!
Claudia
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Smells heavenly already! Also, our Ligustrums are blooming!
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Chillin’ at the cabin this weekend and enjoying the new deck (no more climbing a latter to get in!)
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that's where I need to be. Love decks and lots of that view! Yes indeed! Much love ~M~.
Thanks Bigbhome! Sorry you fell. Yikes. We. Both need that rest time. You have had so much going on. We all have really. We need peace and sunshine and a wonderful rest of our lives. With not one issue or problem no way not us. That's just the way it needs to be. Darn it. Enough for us all !
I would even still be saying that even before my surgery. I know I decided to try to put myself back together little piece by piece. I remember how weakend I had felt after the liver/mastectomy/nodes surgery. That was only 5 hours. This was 13. Big difference, I can honestly say it fogged up my thinking, everything. Ahhh yuck! So glad that's behind me. I can tell the energy it literally sucked out of me. It’s just gone. Will I ever get it back?The way I look is the way I look. I can't take anymore Evasive surgeries! Much love ~M~
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mae. Where is that cabin? Love it.
Bigbhome. Sounds like next week will be information overload for both of you. So much to process. If I had known more about neck surgery i would have gotten three opinions too. The mets were eating up my C3, all i cared about was getting it out befor it broke. Docs said its in a very critical place. I know now that means I wouldnt have even been able to breathe much less move. But I did have a good neurosurgeon because that was 18 years ago. Basically it's a fusion with lots of titanium, screws, plate from C2-5, and graft at C3.
I hope for the best for both of you. Let us know how it goes.💞
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Micmel, don’t rush things. Every day, you will recover more and more. It takes time. Practice extreme self care and give yourself the time you need to heal. The first year of my diagnosis, after chemo, lumpectomy and rads, which took me through to October, I went out and bought a big screen tv and allowed myself to lay around and be exhausted, watching tv. I read great books and rented good movies. I played a fun game on my ipad. I put no pressure on myself, listened to my body, said no to the things I didn’t want to do and didn’t worry if I was hurting someone else’s feelings by not jumping at every invitation. Gradually, my body gained strength. It takes time, amd you must give that to yourself. 13 hours of surgery is grueling. You are tough, you made it through that. Feel good about that. You will get better, a day at a time.
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Good day all,I read through two days of threads. You guys write a lot. This is a novel here.
Mae in your gorgeous cabin rejoice i am rejoicing with you and your great news. That feeling when you prepare for the worst and get the best!
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Micmel it was great hearing from you.
Relax and heal we’re all here rooting for you. Monday is coming!
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big B be careful I’m happy to hear about the estate sale. So much going on in everyone’s lives.
I read a good book today. When breath becomes air, it’s probably not for everyone but it really makes you think and get your priorities straight.
50s girl grannax, divine, Lynn wood thanks for sharing. I keep looking at leaves and weeds and saying tomorrow tomorrow. Well maybe today we’ll see.
Love you all
Tanya
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Hey Mae! Tanya is joining us with the bimojis! Welcome to the world of fun Tanya! Love your cabin Mae! Can I come lay in the hammock? I just love a good hammock! When we had our farm, I would lay in mine and watch the corn grow. Yes, you can see corn grow! When we first bought it our land was leased by other farmers, so we did not work so hard that year. I took a pic of our replacement truck! I love a big badass looking truck! I know, I know that I'm weird! This past couple of months without a truck have been awful. It is rough owning acreage and horses and not having a truck! Tomorrow I am going to pick up a few more bags of black cow and garden soil. Yes, I will probably get more plants too! I love this time of year! Plus I need to keep my mind off of Monday and Tuesday.
Grannax, That is the same one Dh has injured. Probably The Worst Place to injure! So tricky! Lots of valuable real estate in there! One doctor suggested an artificial disk, another recommends fusion. Dh is afraid that with fusion, he will lose motion. But most of all, he is terrified of something going wrong and being paralyzed! Its strange, because I usually have good instincts and know which way to go, however, this time I am stymied. With his shoulders, elbow and wrist, it is a no brainer! Loss of use of his hand and unending pain vs the possibility of loss of range of motion! Easy decision, neck not so much. Hopefully we will come away with a clearer plan from one of these other surgeons. Hopefully my new hip met and islands in my bone marrow won't rear their ugly heads on this Pet scan. They need to stay tiny for awhile so that I can take care of Dh.
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Tanya, “When Breath Becomes Air" is one of the best books I ever read, and I read a lot!
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Mae, glad your news was good. Micmel, just keep thinking it will get better. Hoping your pain eases.
I finished radiotherapy on Thursday but for last week have been suffering diarrhoea. Has anyone experienced this with radiotherapy. Or other cause could be cannabis oil I have been taking for last 3 weeks? I read the oil affects some people that way. Can't say radiotherapy has helped as yet. I have been feeling worse if anything, and so tired. Need a boost!
Sorry for the mil problems. I was the only one to take care of mine before she died. Her other sons and daughter were too busy, so I sympathise with you, especially with your own problems too.
Night all, take care x
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bigbhome. What a coincidence. Yes, i hope for clear info therefore clear decision. I have a little less range of motion when turning my head but not too much. Is DH disc or vertebra? I think my doc replaced the disc above and below C3 with cadaver bone, sorry if thats TMI. They thought using my own bone would not be wise because we knew i would be have to have taxotere as soon as neck was healed.
Yes I sure hope nothing shows up on your scan. Your DH will need you. I'm sure you'll be glad when next week is over.💞
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Hello all- I have been MIA again. So much happening here, hard to know where to begin.
Bighome/Divine-the MIL thing can be so testing. So many women of that generation were completely dependent on their husbands for everything; they are devoid of life skills. It is sad. My second MIL was the one of the most trying individuals I have ever met. It took the patience of Jobe to deal with her. Most of her issues were not entirely her fault, but still..... So, applauding you for having the balls to step up and help them.
Mae-delighted to hear your good news. Your cabin looks perfect! Do not like that the spinal tap made you cry.
Dear, dear Micmel- Sounds like you are in hell. I am feeling concerned for you. I am praying that you turn the corner soon-get rid of the drains and severe pain. Lay low now, and rest, rest, rest.
Tanya-enjoy your sweet posts and bimojis!
Hi to the Lynnes and Grannax, Gracie, Lynnwood, Runor, Leapfrog, Magda, Robin, and each and every one of you dear MBC sisters.
Presently I am at Sugarloaf Mountain in Maine. DH, Grandson, and I are staying with one of my best gal pals and her DH at her condo. It is 30 degrees and snowing! This morning we drove to Quebec and went to a "Caban de Sucre"(Maple Sugar House) for a traditional French Canadian meal. It was a lot of fun and Grandson's 1st trip tp another country. Tomorrow, my friend is taking my grandson skiing. So a nice little getaway. Mr. Cancer was not invited! I'm doing well on the Xeloda; finished my first two weeks with minimal side effects. Starting Y90 prep with MRI of liver on 4/21.
Best to each, MJH
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cute lil things you're all using. I'm jealous and clearly lacking skills. I do however have two breasts again. Ok medicine potty. Drains. Sleep yet again!I already cannot wait for bedtime. I'm so pathetic. One day at a time I know. But argggggghh soo drained. Much love ~M~
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MJH, you are quite right about women of that so-called “greatest generation”. I have said the same thing, that society did those women absolutely no favors by insisting that they be dependent on men and dumb to the ways of the world.
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got the steak. Just needed some big food! Which is good because it means what little appetite I had is returning. I enjoy a steak now and then so much. Baked potato and broccoli! Delicious. My son. Brought me home some of his leftovers. Omg I need to go out to eat at my favorite place. carabas or red lobster. Hope all is well for everyone this Saturday evening. Good night !!! Medicine time again. One week, one day down! Much love ~M~
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illimae, Cool place, that scenery is beautiful! Where is this?
Robin
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Bigbhome, you’re welcome to come hang at the cabin but once you get to Houston you’ll need to drive another 9 hours!
Tanya, love the Bitmoji 😀
Sorry about all the stress of MIL’s, greedy extended families and surgery concerns both present and future. My mil was a tough lady but I was lucky that she really liked me, was very independent and lived out of state, lol. My husbands mil, though, she’s something else.
I had steak too, with a baked potato and steamed Brussels sprouts.
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Hi all, at the emergency room with mil and sfil, they are getting ready to admit sfil he has pneumonia in both lungs and a mass was found in his right love. My Mo would have a fit! I am taking her to our house tonight. We will have a sleepover. Check in tomorrow.
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Micmel, sending you loadsif healing thoughts after your surgery. Imagine how good you will feel one month, two months, 6 months from now.
Bigbhome, sorry to hear about your sfil. Thank goodness he’s getting medical attentionnow.
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Glad to hear you are doing ok, Micmel! We were worried about you! Sorry about the pain! Gentle hugs!
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Claudia my god. I am thinking about you lovelyWoman. You have certainly have had enough going on. I am hoping all is ok. I’ll be checking in for you.
Thanks Lynne (Man)~. It is a tough month only to think I have to heal from this and then scan in May. So sick of that word also. Why couldn’t they just scan while I was in the marathon surgery!?? 😡 makes no sense. To have to go back again. Stupid blood work. Stupid scan drink. Just ughhhhhh! Enough for us all already!!!🤕😫💔😡!!
Jen~ Hello gorgeous lady~So Iovely to see you here. I am honestly happy to see such a supportive smiling face. Great group of loving supportive family here. You’re so very welcome!!!! So very welcome.
Mae~ I want more steak and to be able to hang with you on that porch!
All strength to Claudia!!! ~M~
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sometimes family is just a bunch of people you point at and say, this is my family. But that doesn't mean like they actually act like one. It's like they tag team being rude and hurtful. I find myself looking at them and not having a clue at all, at who they are becoming?....how they are acting and how they could have come out of me.
My DD has just been so nasty, it's to the point to where I've stopped asking to her to do anything at all to help me. I don't even really want to be around her. She is clueless. Seriously and meanly clueless. Sometimes at the end of our dialogue, my jaw is just left hanging down and a little more of my heart is chipped away. Just blatant bitchy. It's been this way on and off for years really. Some months are better than others. But I don't know anymore. Her behavior and arrogance about basically everything she knows nothing about. At age 22.. so little living. Such a big mouth for talking, insulting, bitching and always blaming everyone else. I have to admit, I have up and down moments about this wedding coming up. I am happy because this family needs something happy. Not to mention I worry she's too young and immmature.
But I am realizing, for myself I am never going to be happy again. Ever. I am so mad and feel so blown apart I hate everything. My body, my life, every single relationship I had in my life has been altered or snuffed out .i try to think of every possible way I can find, to feel happy... I'm not mean. I'm sad ... I really got gut punched yesterday, when I realized that my body was a week out of healing and I am recovering slowly from this awful surgery.... then the tears started to fall knowing. Even once my new scars settle in. And Heal. I will still have stage four cancer. And I am soon going to be back on that medicine again and having the back breaking fatigue with yet another depth of exhaustion and despair. I just realized that with this surgery. I was just grasping at trying to feel anything like i used to. Then when it hit me again as it always does hit me. I am never going to be safe or happy ever again. Cancer has ruined my life and the lives of other people as well. My sweet DH doesn't deserve any of this. How do I fix this for him? How does he ever get to be happy and not fighting something?. I am having such trouble being everyone's hole in the bucket. Especially when you have five closest people to me. And one of them treats you like you're a huge pain in their ass, never smiles at all about anything dealing with you. Holds grudges u didn't even know were a thing. Why do I try so hard. To even stay alive??. The bottom line is, they would grieve for a little or however long. But wouldn't it actually be better that everyone who clearly couldn't give a shit, could just have that go away?, that way the bucket can be thrown away, and everyone else can find their own Fu**ing buckets. And you better hope little princess, that no one in your world. Ever gets another hole in any bucket you deal with. You only get one mother. And you're mean. Buckets are funny things. Protect yours. Carefully. God forbid you should not feel wanted or loved.
Sorry ladies. Just had to get it out. Was building for a while now. It's good to just let it out.
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