My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Micmel All I can say is that my DD and I have had a similar relationship forever but not always. I never know when I will tip the balance and get an ear full of hate. Actually, I am not the one who is responsible for the words that come out of her mouth but she turns it around to make it be my fault. She has a way of forgetting good things and focusing on all the perceived bad things. Out of the blue resentments come out of her mouth that I thought had been dealt with years ago. I walk on eggshells wondering when and how her rage will come out of nowhere.
Do I know how to deal with it? NO. But, I can tell you it would be worse if she was living in my home. After September she wont be living with you, correct? So, here's to September, it cant come fast enough.💞
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Such a common mother/daughter issue and she is certainly in store for some tough life lessons with the transition from kid to wife/partner, so much responsibility and compromising to meet the needs and goals of this new team instead of just oneself.
I wasn’t close with my parents, so we just call on birthdays mostly and that works well for me since we don’t have much in common and I don’t really enjoy my families company.
I’m glad you got that off your (new boobed) chest, lol but please know that your view of things especially recovering from surgery with pain and those darn drains is on the pessimistic side but hopefully temporary. I’m sure your DH is happy and grateful for every day he has with you, even on the days when you’re not feeling happy yourself.
Tomorrow I go swimming and snorkeling at my favorite state park. Sometimes the lemonade I make out of all these lemons is extra sweet! 🧜♀️😎
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Micmel, I am sorry you are going through a tough emotional time. Its good you are honest about how you’re feeling. Honestly, sometimes it doesn’t pay to concern ourselves so much about how others are coping. We must live our lives for ourselves. We really do matter. You really do matter, and not only when you are being there for someone else. You matter simply because you do. It is enough. Many hugs being sent your way.
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it's just almost like you would run out of caring things to say. If you walked out into the desert and said something like. Oh you'll be fine here without water. I have nothing to say. Like you said. You don't know what will tilt the scales of rage, I am always the one who gets the delivery. I've stopped taking an active planning role in the wedding. For three reasons. One was obvious. My surgery. Slowing me down so much. The other was and is cost. I have spent close to $3k with something's paid from her and him here and there, but over all it's been me. The third was, just sheer curiosity. How long will it take for her to notice mama isn't herself with this. Hmmmm. Today she and her fiancé met her father and his mother for lunch. Now his mother is wonderful. DD is very close to her. She's a good woman. But her 48 year old Son is living in her basement still. What a strange way to be invited to your own daughters wedding!. You should be helping her pay for it jack of an ass. He is another one that just never gets anything. Ever. I don't have time for those people anymore. Since cancer came along.
Mae~ you have an excellent point when you say that my surgery has my physicality depressed and pained. So true. I agree with it. And perhaps it is part of it. But if it is shaped like a dick and bounces like one. It just might be one. Or a really gross old banana either way a tiger has spots. she just treats people who shit on her better than those who would give their lives for her not deserther and leave like he did. ! So aggravating and upsetting.
Grannax. It's five months that is how long I have to wait. I'm already counting. I had thought once she left now it may change. But now I'm in just left wondering. Will she always be so mean to everyone! On another subject, my right arm is bothering me. It is hurting. I have officially had enough. The only Place i enjoy anymore is sleeping on my Pillows. Maybe it's the only place I even belong. No one really gives a shit to help me.
My son had this friend growing up. She was sick a lot. Got better.... got sick again .....got better and then got sick someplace else...she never lived anything short of a nightmare even when she wasnt sick. But when it became obvious this time around she wasn't going to be getting better. She sent her son to away to live in Maine with her older son. She didn't want him to be held back being here taking care of her. She knew she was dying and she made that decision to die alone. I used to say to her who helps you? At the time I didn't know what to say when she said. Oh no one. Some days when I feel good I go out and get food in. Other days I crawl to the bathroom and crawl back. I shiver alone.... no one ever comes. I thought she just meant her family. I thought she had a nurse that came to help. She didn't. She died alone. She was one of the most unselfish women I have ever met. She gave her son life, when she accepted her death. I came to realize after many summers of hanging out at the local pool together. She was funny, had a giggle that would make you giggle right back. Always in a good mood. No matter what. She Had nothing. But she still fought like a beautiful sleek panther . one day at the pool the boys were across the street playing basketball and my DS came over and asked if that friend could sleep over. I said yes. So we drove his mother home and he came with us. After about an hour of him being with us my DS came downstairs again with his friends sneakers in his hand. He said Mom. They have tape on them, like I can't do this. Can I please give him my extra pair? I said of course and then they were out front like two buddies just playing ball in pretty cool sneakers that every young boy should have. It hit me so hard.before he left that weekend, he hugged me and said, to my DS, dood you're so lucky, you have a great house and your mother loves you and takes care of you. I love staying over at your house, can i please come soon again?!! It wasn't long after I was standing with my DS and DD and that young boy at his own mothers funeral. My son was younger so he was very upset and clinging to me. When we got home, he said Mom please don't ever die and leave me. 6 years later here we are. It Just attacks anything and anyone. This poor lady didn't have anything. Nothing !!!! Not even. Partner, or a close enough friend to help at all. She was very private. But I remembered how truly scared I felt. I was terrified. That someday that would be me..... guess what. It is. ~M~. What breaks my heart now thinking back is hearing him say how lucky my son was, because I can take care of him. His mother was suffering and he didn't realize the depth of how sick she was. Instead he thought at the time she wasn't being a good mom. While the entire time she had been planning and shielding him for when the time came, he would someday know, how much she really sacrificed giving him his life without knowing and seeing his mothers tortured death and trying to live as sick as she was. She allowed him to be a young teenager in a great school. She was selfless. I hope to someday, when it's my turn, I need to tell her how amazing she's truly is. Life is so difficult. To everyone and for everyone at One time or another.
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Micmel,
I don't know where to begin. I think that I do not have the words you need to hear to feel better. I do think that the stress of recovering from surgery along with the pain and your medications are making it more difficult for you to deal with an already difficult situation with your DD. There is nothing you can do to make your daughter change. There is nothing you can say that will make her realize that she is taking advantage of you. There is no way that you can open her eyes or mind to let her know that she is turning her back on you during a time of need. She needs to do all that for herself, and that won't happen until she is ready. Sometimes all we can do is accept people the way they are. It is not your responsibility to make her into something that she is not. She is an adult.
I know you are going through a lot right now. I hope that you will find it easier to deal with everything when you have recovered from surgery. Recovery is exhausting. Healing takes all your body's resources. Ride it out. Don't rush it or push yourself. Take time to truly heal.
What I am going to say next might not be what you want to hear. I am trying to help, so please take these words in the way they are intended. I hope I don't offend you or anyone else here, and I apologize now if I am out of line, but here goes. I know that you are afraid of MBC. We all are! I have listened to your description of your history, and of course it sucks. No one should have to go through all you have experienced. Let's
face it, MBC sucks. I am seeing your experience from a different perspective, and I want to tell you about that. . When I first read that you had a mastectomy, surgery to remove your liver tumor, radiation for your bone met, and chemo, I had two thoughts. 1 - Wow, that is a lot for someone to go through, and 2 - Wow (again), that MO is going for a cure as some MOs are brave enough to aim for with their oligometastic patients. I wished I had had the opportunity to be offered such an aggressive approach. (I had mets throughout my body, so that approach wouldn't work for me, and I have accepted that.) You have been given a gift. You are in remission, and that could very well last for many, many years. Of course there is no way of knowing how long it will last, but for now it is good. Very few of us are in the position. I know from where you sit, I am talking nonsense. You know what they say, "The grass is always greener..." I am not implying that you are lucky or anything. NOT AT ALL! No one with MBC or any type of cancer is lucky, far from it. I pray for everyone here every day. I pray for many things. I pray that you will some day accept what has happened because it can't be changed, then look around you and see that you still have a life to worth living, warts and all. You have a husband who loves you more than anything else in the world. You have children, however imperfect, who love you even if they don't act that way. You have friends, including those of us right here, who have come to know you and love you and enjoy having "conversations" with you. You are still you in spite of everything. I pray that you will someday embrace all that you have and find happiness again so you can find a little joy in each day. MBC will still suck big time. Your kids will still drive you crazy. You will still have challenges, just like everyone else, maybe bigger challenges than most, but I pray that you can sometimes look past that and find joy waiting there.I will stop now. I hope I have not added more stress. I wish I knew how to help you, Micmel. I don't like to see you so sad and upset. I am, however, glad that you can vent here. We all need to do that.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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I never find your postings anything but honest and comforting. I appreciate the honesty and that's why I am so honest here. Because I need the feedback and or someone to say hey snap out of it, if that's what I need. I am always open to hear anything. I value you ladies and what you say. So I would never really take offense to very much. I appreciate you taking the time to. Show me the side sometimes I cannot see around Much love~M~
I'll be glad when my clearer thinking returns. Dark clouds even need a break
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Micmel, I have been gone and feel like a bad friend for not checking in sooner. Reading about your pain brings back very bad memories of how incredibly painful my lumpectomy was and how suddenly the simplest things were impossible. I was practically crippled and I reacted very badly to being incapacitated. When the pain continued after I had decided it should be gone, I remember the day I broke down and cried, outside, in the horse pen, wearing my gumboots and holding a muddy stick. Ripping pain that was unrelenting just got the better of me and I bawled like a baby. Micmel, exhaustion and pain kick the legs out from under us and make us less able to withstand the regular adult daughter bullshit. On a good day her crap would likely roll right off you. But you are not having a good day and her usual behaviour goes right to your heart. Like a dart into a marshmallow. No one judges you harshly, you are messed up right now! As my friend M often says to me, you are not in your right mind. You will be. Eventually. And it can't bloody well come soon enough.
My adult daughter is also armed with spears and thorns, sharp words dipped in hate, disdain and malicious, deliberate cruelty.The biggest gift that I can give as a mother is let my daughter carry the weight of her own shitty actions, decisions and beliefs. I love her, but I do not love everything about her. I love her and think we would benefit from space between us. I love her and admire her and know that there are certain things I will never do for her again. And that means that BOTH of us are getting smarter! Moms and daughters grow together if moms know when to step back, hands off and say kid, this is on you. I tell mine that I trained her once not to shit in her pants. Now any shit she finds herself in, she cleans it up herself. I am going to love her and let her figure it out herself. She can call me when she's not a moron anymore. Maybe you need to be interested in the wedding, willing to help with what she asks, but unless she asks, don't volunteer. Think of her as the tax man, doing an audit. Give what you are asked to give and don't volunteer a damn thing more, because it will be used against you!!
Illimae ( every time I read your name I think of Ellie-mae from the Hillbilly's, always so happy and helping a critter!) that is good health news for you!
50s Girls, I want to sit at your kitchen table with you, have coffee and soak up some of the love and wisdom that seems to flow out of you in all directions. I want to be thoughtful and helpful and maybe I would get that having coffee and cookies with you.
All you ladies, and especially poor, hurting Micmel, you are gold.
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Gold, indeed. Lovely ladies, I’ve not been jumping in, but been following daily and keeping Mic in my thoughts as you’ve been going through this difficult time, with the surgery and DD’s antics. I was in the hospital for 6 days due to a rare and nasty side effect of Gemzar, which my sweet sister from insomniacs, Loveroflife, turned up in her research (thus saving my life!). BCO is truly a lifesaver, literally for me. I’m now in my new home, and though much remains to be done, put away, hung on walls, and so forth, I feel at home as I never have. And my son, my wonderful miracle, is here to spend a whole week. Since I placed him for adoption as an infant, and we didn’t meet until he was 35, we’ve never had a week together, nor my birthday, which is Wednesday. I am as content as the cat who found the bucket of cream.
But i am still here with you all, and Mic, I totally understand about a toxic adult daughter, as my sister is dealing with one now. The toxicity infects the whole family. She will outgrow it, or she won’t, but she will eventually come face to face with the consequences of her behavior. Our sins will always find us out.
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Micmel. I too, don't have the magic words to make you feel better. I think others have said it very well..you have just had a MAJOR surgery and that in itself is traumatic. Add some pain, fatigue, loss of independence, interrupted sleep , drains and an unsupportive daughter to the mix and it's not good. I feel bad because you have done SO much for her for the wedding! You are wise to close your pocketbook. As mothers, we tend to put everyone first then ourselves. Now is the time to put yourself first. Focus on the people who make your heart happy and do not engage with those who give you stress. " Do not engage" has become a life changing mantra for me. Another good one is " just because someone throws you the ball, doesn't mean you have to catch it". Let her figure things out on her own, but mark my words, she will regret her behavior one day. Sending love and happy thoughts your way.0
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Lynnwood, I, too, try to adhere to the mantra “do not engage”. One of dh’s sisters is a sh*t-stirrer, loves to try to fan the flames of discord in all manner of differnet ways. I feel it is her attempt at getting attention. She will claim whacked out things and make bizarre statements. And now, with her mother’s health rapidly failing, she has not come around or helped, only making phone calls to her. She wants us to confront her about her lack of support. I tell dh: do not engage! The only time to have a conversation with her is when she does and says the right things. Which has been once in many years. We don’t have time, nor do we care to expend the energy, on her dysfunctional approach to life.
I also like the idea of not catching the ball someone throws at you!
50sgirl & runor, great advice in your posts!
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Divine, disengaging from toxic people has truly changed my life! We now have peace in our home and only engage with people that we have mutual unconditional love with. We disengaged with my in laws MANY years ago, after a lifetime of drama. My sister stopped speaking to her entire family after our father died, said she needed to grieve in private. When my cancer metastasized she left me a tearful voicemail professing her love for me. Sorry, you didn’t want a living sister but you want a dying one??? When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Your sil sounds exactly like my mil!0
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Good morning! Oh boy, do I love reading the collective wisdom here! What an amazing group of exceptional women!
Oh Micmel, it feels crappy when things are rough with one's kids. It's time for you and DD to live apart, which will be here before you know it. These millennials are different animals; very very self centered and unable to delay gratification. I do have faith, however, that they will somehow contribute to bettering the world eventually. Mother/daughter stuff is notoriously difficult, and can be exquisitely painful. I love my daughter so much, but I don't always feel a great rapport with her. Glad you are feeling well enough to vent, and we all know we can do that here anytime. Rest! Heal! Know that we are in your corner!
Magda-good to hear you are feeling better, and settled in to your new digs!
Love to each, may the force be with you....MJH
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I have a check up today on these damn drains. Ugh! So annoying.. one of them keeps opening and dumping all the nasty ness on my shirt... so then i am freezing. I know they will most likely take out two of the three. The third I am not really sure because it keeps popping open and I am losing fluid. No way to keep accurate readings if the darn thing pops open three times a day and once at night. I was sitting here waking up. My DS is at work already. Today is DD later start day. I was trying to play opossum because I didn't want any interaction. But she Came down when I was trying to milk my drains. It's almost like she feels like I am thee honored one that she would use her Time to do anything for me.
My DH and I have just gotten exhausted. We even both said. Elope. I want happiness in my life for sure. But I know deep inside I was fooling myself that I could break the pattern of children in my family. My siblings define the word dis functional hands down. I wasn't able to live peacefully fully even before cancer invaded my life. But I realize the relationships that we're already having issues. Just got worse. Not better. You would think, the thought of losing your one parent that gave a damn. Would really change somethings upstairs In your mind! Not think hey. My closest relative and family member is really sick, she could die. Let's treat her like an asshole. No worries. I have been left with my jaw agape so many times now... maybe I should just start that way. I guess in some ways no matter what it is, no matter who I'm dealing with. I'll never be happy again. I'll always have this voice saying to me. Yeah they don't get it. They don't have cancer. Pay no mind to what that person says. They are clueless to our suffering. That never makes me happy either. Nothing does anymore. Just plain nothing. I'm just so lost in this life. My world has imploded two years ago. And even thought this was a good surgery and it helped my lymphatic system on that side a lot. It just reminded me of all the loss I have been through. The word happy content safe and peaceful have all been ripped from my world and vocabulary! I'll never get myself back. No matter how many surgeries I try. My happy life ended mid life. I'll never grown old with the Golden years of happiness. I'm already so mad at the world. And everything in it. You ladies seem to be the Velcro strips sticking out of the muck, and as I travel through you reach out and grab me with it. Because you really do understand the sense of loss and the sense of someone stealing whomever we're or wanted to be. We don't have that anymore. Instead I have endless tears that never stop. Endless fears that make me shake. But you do realize who you can and cannot count on! Yes you certainly do.
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Dearest micmel, why allow your daughter to continue to abuse you? She is sucking the life out of you. Next rage remind her she can move out at any time...let her move in fiancée. ...anywhere where you don’t have to bear the brunt of her anger.
She must have a mental illness to act so horrible. I hate to think you have to put up with that until SEPTEMBER. You can pm me anytime if you need to chat. I hardly sleep at night so feel free.
MY 28 year old daughter acted out Saturday night at my hubs 70 th birthday party. I have no idea what happened. She quit talking to our guests and pouted. She has diagnosed depression and is in counseling. But can’t she just once not draw attention to herself and let everyone enjoy themselves? Lots of planning and $$ went into planning this special event and our friends were texting asking what was wrong.
I hope everyday you regain strength
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MBC ladies have been through hell and back and now this. Some fantastic advice here Micmel take what fits and then do something nice for yourself. 3k and the darling is talking junk?
You’re at the timeE in your life where you need to find your favorite place and go there with your DH snorkeling camping sitting in the woods your peaceful place and just enjoy it for the time that you have with the health that you have with the heart that you have.
We all have figured out how to deal with the toxic people in our lives, reminds me of the song 50 ways to leave your lover.
So far we have:
1. Don’t engage 2. Taught you how to not shi@t your pants, now deal with your own shi@tty messes 3. Leave 4. Kick out 5. Move out with fiancée 6. Psychiatric evaluation 7. Medicate 8. Self centered millennial animals Unable to delay gratification difficult to find rapport with 9. Disengaging from toxic people - I think of the rocket ship launch dropping the extra compartment and shooting into outer space 10. Stop speaking to them 11. Don’t catch the ball that’s thrown 12. Don’t volunteer 13. Put yourself first 14. Only bother with those who make you happy 15. Close your pocketbook 16. Fanning the flames sh@t stirrer only conversate with when she says the right things 17. Don’t expend energy on dysfunctional ways of life 18. Be as content as the cat who found the bucket of cream 19. You matter simply because you do 20. Have fun on the new team husband wife responsibility compromise disappointment etc - have fun spending his 3k and then talking smack to him, have fun while he’s talking junk to you after spending your 3k
Did I miss anything?
You’ll look stunning at the wedding and it will be an exclamation point. I truly hope that some time in the future you two can get counseling and work through these issues.
Wishing you all the best.
Tanya
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I realize that no one by far is perfect. I do tend to adopt my spiral patterns and have been trying very hard to let stuff fly that isn't important! one of my triggers seems to be surgeries or any additional added pain and or medicines. And I loose it. I can't Function, think clearly. and I have to go above here and admit that sometimes I am very negative. I feel angry a lot.... I feel let down a lot....I feel forgotten A lot....I feel extreme guilt that I had to be the one who went and get sick. How do I change the fact that I seem negative. I ammmm negative. Life effing sucks and hurts way to many people alone leaving them in the wake. On the side like thrown debris from a viscous hurricane and we are the aftermath that we see and have to clean up. I realize I like I said will never be happy with anything inside myself again, inside my deepest emotions and heart. I am destroyed, Their father doesn't care. About anything dealing with helping raise them. Another level of dis function thrown like shit on the wall. I know the kids are hurting And scared as well. I have been reminded of that a lot lately. I am the one person they always came too. That person is gone now. I am still here but weak and fragile at times emotionally and physically, checked out... I just hope it's a Phase and she wakes up to realize no day is ever guaranteed! Love those who matter Now. Not later. When all the ugly cannot be taken. Back nor erased. I know she is a good girl usually. The wrath of a young 20 something isn't fun at all. I'll just continue to love unconditionally as I've always done. I love my kids more than anything. And it just penetrates my soul that they would not want to protect me as I have them. Much love ~M~
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Micmel, I don't have a daughter, but my own relationship with my mom was complicated. She suffered mental illness, and of course, I look back and wish I would have had much more compassion for all she went though, and I regret every moment I was unkind to her. We eventually found ourselves in a good place with each other but it took time. My 20s were a very difficult time in my life, making that transition into adulthood.
Your daughter is wrestling with wanting to be her own person separate from you and also finds that on some levels she still needs you. She is not sure how to live with those two conflicting sides of herself.I know my son went through the same thing. They don't want to still need us, but they do and they are mad at themselves because they aren't more independent. I have found in all my relationships, spouse, son, siblings, ect., that the more I respected myself and created boundaries, the more respect I received from them.
I am going to find a copy of the personal bill of rights. I post it on FB every January. It is good to read and remind ourselves that we matter and we can give ourselves permission to live our lives on our own terms.
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Personal Bill of Rights
The idea is that we all have rights as human beings. Sometimes, we either forget or we don't realize that we have them because we weren't taught them as children growing up.
If we can realize these rights plus also learn to exercise them, then we can build a more assertive attitude. The result is we respect ourselves enough to be conscious of our basic human rights. Here is the list:
- I have the right to ask for what I want.
- I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.
- I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
- I have the right to change my mind.
- I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
- I have the right to follow my own standards and standards.
- I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
- I have the right to determine my own priorities.
- I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.
- I have the right to expect honesty from others.
- I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
- I have the right to be uniquely myself.
- I have the right to feel scared and say "I'm scared."
- I have the right to say "I don't know."
- I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
- I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
- I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
- I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
- I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
- I have the right to be in a non abusive environment.
- I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
- I have the right to change and grow.
- I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
- I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
- I have the right to be happy.
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Micmel-I am so sorry you are going through all this. I have 2 daughters, now 30 and 28. I didn't like either of them from the time they were 10 until 25! We were always butting heads, and with all the hormones flying, it was awful! My 2 sons just stayed away from them most of the time, and my husband as well. Major arguments. I never thought I would like them again (I always loved them though). It took my younger daughter having a baby at 21 (she is married and has 2 boys now), before she wasn't in such a rage most of the time. I think her hormones finally settled down! My older daughter still has her moments (she is currently living at home, and I told her next time she moves out , she has many times, she doesn't come back), and we argue (she's Daddy's girl) almost daily. I understand the need for peace. I've have it, most of the time. Hopefully, your daughter will see all you have done for her (I think my 2 finally realized it, after they moved out). I agree, have her move in with her fiance. You need your peace. You need to heal after this long surgery. You need your rest. You have lots of people who love you, including all of us on here. I'm not happy everyday. MBC really has sucked the life out of me too. I will never be the way I was 13 years ago, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. My life is forever changed as is all of our lives. It's just a different life. I too feel bad for the people around me, and am told I am negative sometimes, I just tell them I'm being realistic. My husband told me the other night that I need to see a therapist once or twice a week. I laughed at him and told him he should see someone instead of having a couple of drinks every night. This place is my therapy place. A place to vent for everyone! Everyone offers good advice. Please take it! We all love you! Hugs!
Magda-I'm glad you are in your new home, feeling better, and that your son is visiting you! How wonderful! Take your time unpacking, there is no rush!
Bighome-I love your new truck! Sorry all you and your husband are going through!
MJH-I'm glad you got to get away! Sounds like you had a good time.
Hugs to all, and hope today is a good day!
Lynne
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Micmel, You have gotten so much wonderful advice and sympathy here , I hope that you will be able to use some of it to help you deal with your daughter. I want to address another issue.... You. I understand the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. I understand what you are saying about your life being forever changed, it is never going to be what it was, but there is nothing saying that it can't be as good as or better than it used to be. I know that this sounds somewhat simplistic but you need to figure out what you can do in your new normal that would make you happy. I think you would benefit from some counseling. Part of the problem is that you are dealing with more than just Mbc, you are also dealing with the issue of your children no longer needing you like they used to. You lived your life taking care of your children and your Dh and now the whole dynamic had shifted, rightly so. Your kids need to stand on their own and learn to depend on themselves. At this point, you can be there for them to talk to but you are no longer the "fixer". You will always be available for a shoulder to cry on, or a sounding board for them, but they must stand on their own. It is a difficult time for all mothers. Time to let the babies fly. You have done all that you can do at this point. You are also dealing with a big change in your and Dh relationship. You have lived apart for all these years, but now you will be together everyday. This will be a huge adjustment for both of you! Before you can find happiness with him, you need to figure out how to be happy with you! I strongly recommend counseling! There is a lot going on here that a professional could help you deal with and help you find your new normal. Reach out and give yourself the gift of taking care of you!
We are always here to support you, but I think you have reached what I call "critical mass" and it's time for a pro! After reading what I wrote too you, I'm thinking that's what I am going to do also. We did not get good news today about Dh, his life is forever changed from this accident and I think that we are both going to need a little help adjusting.
Love you al ways!
Claudia
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Micmel, I know exactly how you feel! You and I have talked about how alone I feel and sometimes it seems our kids are so wrapped up in their lives it seems they have no time or even consideration for us and what we have gone through for them! I know how alone this can all feel. I know that feeling of “why am I even bothering to fight” feeling. I know it’s a horrible, scary place to be. But I also know that you and others here have pulled me back from that chasm on more than one occasion. It sounds like your daughter is being horrid. But to be truthful,many kids her age are horrible. I know you love her to a fault, and sometimes that gets you hurt. I’m sorry you are going through all of this heartache and sorrow. Wish i were there to help. But im sending you cyber hugs and prayers that are winging their way to heaven for you!!!
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Divine, LOVE the personal bill of rights! Truly words to live by!!0
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micmel. When I'm feeling my worst i dont like any attention. I want to wallow in it until I decide its enough. So, i go in my turtle shell and dont come out until I feel better. Good advice? NO. Self protective? Yes.
When I had my colonoscopy they told me not to make any important decisions for 24 hours because of anesthesia. I was only out for 30 minutes. If you take that rule and apply it to your 13 hours of anesthesia you should not make any important decisions for 26 DAYS! Let's just say one month. Don't make any decisions for a whole month!!! Doesn't that take away some pressure? You are still under the influence! Now, am I educated enough to know if this info is fact? Absolutely not. Have I even asked my anesthesiologist son his opinion? NO. But, I think you should take this advice and run with it. If anyone asks tell them it came straight from an anesthesiologis's mother! I dont see what it could hurt. And it might help take you off the hook for a month.😊
I have another excuse I use. " I 've made the decision NOT to decide. Deciding not to decide IS a decision." Seriously, it has helped me in the past.💞
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Swimming and snorkeling at my happy place!
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I definitely agree that another set of ears is going to be very helpful and see things in ways I may never introduce either at all, or incorrectly. It's definitly a real need to figure out, why all of a sudden, she's a huge rear end. Trust me both my son and daughter can hold their own. I know they are a bunch of jumbled upset, worried, learning young people, I just have this feeling inside of shock, like I would never have imagined they wouldn't want to protect me. I do agree that for anything with family and are worth saving. Therapy has always always helped me! I am positive that being here also helps me! I don't shy away from open thinking and advice. Calgon take me away! ~M~
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that looks awesome! I am so jealous. I love the water. I also love being near the water. The sound of rain. I grew up with an in ground pool in my back yard and I was really in heaven. I loved it there, such freedom. I loved my childhood home, If only the people who lived with me weren't such jerks. I did have room to roam and ride my horses, play with my dogs. Late afternoon thunderstorms ⛈.....if only to be young again!! ~M~
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Runor~ has just naturally become part of the family. She has her own stool at the bar. We love her and her humor and the enigmatic way she writes. She is no way Jose stage four. But her fears are real as rain. She shares a special relationship with us. She is a sister, a friend, without boundaries. She has brought me such joy and laughter and I truly believe she is a gift.
Sunflower ~You totally know that we would never want anyone part of the club that no one wants to belong to. My brother lives in AZ. He brags about it all that time. What part are you from ? He says it's always perfect weather. I have trouble with the intense heat! I feel like this cancer has aged me ten years. Can I get a Refund ?
Much love~M~
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I'll I are, your happy place looks very relaxing! I'm also a water lover. Love to float in the pool with a good book.0
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Mae~ what kind of body of water is that called? I love the access and it looks like there is no one around. It looks like a dam.. Or aqueduct of some sort. Pretty darn cool! Hope you enjoyed your snorkel happy place time ! Much love ~M~
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