My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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It’s a natural spring that the state and civil conservation corps built a pool/park around in the 1930’s. The spring flows through canals around the park and through the gate into the pool which is 25ft deep with a natural bottom, turtles, catfish and schools of tiny fish that nibble you toes, lol.
I grew up at the beach (in California not Texas), love to swim and always wanted to be a mermaid, I am very at home there.
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just really looks cool. I love it. If you go back again soon. Please take more pictures. I hope you had a great day.
One drain down and two more to go. I really am hoping that I can get rid of these drains by next appointment...I forgot my recordings of drain output. So when he started asking about the out put. I knew the two drains had to stay. I don't want any kind of infection. That would be the worst. So thanks again for being our on the spot correspondence! Much love ~M
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Been MIA posting, but have been reading.
Micmel, just big gentle hugs for you for all of it.
Divine, love the personal bill of rights. Truly words to live by which I've copied down to keep.
My best to all the rest of you.
P.S. - Almost forgot to say, "Yay" for good news for you, Mae.
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Micmel, I thought I was having a hot flash but it was you making me blush. Awwww.
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Micmel I'm glad you were able to get one drain out. I remember when I had my breast done in 2013 I couldn't wait to get them out! I also wanted to let you know that I have a 16 year old daughter and she gets an attitude on her as well. It seems as though it's gotten worse since learning about my diagnosis. I try to have patience with her but I also let her know it's not ok to talk to me the way she does. I also try to take a look at myself because I know I'm not the same mom she always knew especially going through menopause. I believe you need to be there for your daughter but also let her know that you will not allow her to treat you this way. I think that we get the blunt of everything because they know we will always be there for them when they fall ( unconditional love).
Mae it looks like you had a very relaxing time. It looks like a place my dh would l
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Lynnwood good morning !!! Bliss~ good morning. Sunflower good morning.... I woke up thinking I hadn't seen Keetmom. Just starting to worry. I know she said she felt good, but you know how I worry lol It's raining yet again but. Hello to Holmes!! Stay comihy and warm today! There is always my pillow and net flix.
Gm Runor. It's ok to blush. You're a very talented writer and a wonderful friend.
Thanks beatmom.... and all the other ladies who chimes in with alien daughters that appear from time to time. I'll have to take it at a time until she moves out. It's really close 5 months. So that will fly by. I just the wedding is as lovely as it needs to be. Much love to all ~M~
Loving those bills of rights! I don't think too many people understand them they way they should!!! Thanks for sharing. ~M~
Omfg I have the hiccups with two tubes and an incsion that is from Hip bone to hip bone. And since my lungis all messed up already. Hiccups immediately turn into a sneezing fit. for every one hiccup =3 sneezes back to back. Yowl!!!!!!
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my DD just came down an announced that she is annoyed that I no longer answer her texts. Think that there might be a reason? Hmmmm ponder on that with some coffee. I had to feed the dogs today. I have a head time since my surgery, I usually do feed them when half of my body is not stapled up. I drug my ass out of my bed and away from my wonderful fan and sound machine. And I fed them. It hurt like a mother effer...but I did it. Immediately she is ready to just blame her brother. Well MISS USS princess should realize she's is sailing into a warning ⚠️ zone. My son worked a full day yesterday. And she's only Worked for four hours, he Came Home, ran back out again to go get our food for dinner and gave it to me. Measured my drains. And recorded them for me. He was tired also. More so even. She said “oh I texted him to feed the dogs. , he didn't answer me" well maybe you should have gotten up and taken a turn. I had to laugh at one of the suggestions for my DD and for her to move out and move in with him. You're all goin to either laugh out loud. Or throw things at you're screens. He lives with us!!!! They live here with me already. He has since sept of 2015. He is a great guy. And I adore him. He helps a ton around the house. A lot more than thi princess he's bending the knee to marry lol soooo he knows what he's getting into. I realize that the older my kids get the more thy want to go back to being a kid. Where all that mattered, was juicy juice boxes and a pack of snacks. Summer was wide open. And free. Who wouldn't want to feel that way again. Now they are adults, realizing that works sucks ass and never stops either. I know it is hard... it was hard for me too... but I did it!! Much love. ~M~.
Loving those bill of rights. Everyone should really read them week
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Divine-I love those bill of rights!
Mae-Beautiful pictures!! Looks very peaceful! I too am a water lover, and can't seem to be away from it for too long, even in the winter!
Micmel-I am glad you got one drain out, hope the other two will be out soon!
Crazy weather right now. It's snowing AND raining at the same time! I still have a small patch of snow in my front yard. It suppose to be in the 50s starting tomorrow, and even maybe 70 this weekend though, so I believe (and hope) this will be the last of it! I so want warmer weather!
Hoping everyone is having a great a good day!
Lynne
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I'm around just quiet. Back to chemo on Thursday, I am feeling pretty good, hope this cycle is the same as last.
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glad to see you Keetmom ❣️❣️ Gotta check on my
Peeps. Much love. ~M~. Shitty weather and snow I so have to agree with you ! Yuck! Sending wishes for a good week again with your chemo!
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Keetmom, sending hugs. X
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I don't remember how I came across the Personal Bill of Rights, but they've helped me improve even my good relationships. Dh and I have a solid marriage of almost 30 years. Most times it's terrific but by no means is it perfect. It used to be, for some reason, he would try to make me feel bad when I changed my mind about things. For example, once after a hectic Thanksgiving, I told him that was the last time I wanted to have my extended family over for dinner. Then the following year, I decided I still wanted to have them over. Dh argued, “But you said last year was the last time!" To which I replied, “Yes, and now I've changed my mind. I have the right to change my mind." (#4) Rather than feel shamed or wrong because of it, there is something very positive in knowing I have the right to change my mind and assert myself and not allow him to try and convince me that there's a flaw in my thinking.
Another ongoing issue dh and I deal with is that sometimes he'll insist we do so many things for others on top of taking care of important things for ourselves and it makes life stressful. In my younger years, I multi-tasked to the extreme but won't run myself ragged any more and I have had to tell him, “You are asking too much of me. I cannot meet all these demands." (#2) He will still try to push his agenda, but I dig my heels in. I feel as we get older, we learn to work smarter, not harder, and it is not my responsibility to take on everyone else's problems. (#9)
Standing up for my rights makes me feel better about myself which actually makes the marriage better. I don't feel guilty or that I have to cave in to others in my life either.
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good morning Mae~ hope you slept well. You and your cute emoji. So you. Another cloudy ass cold day here. Yuck! How about some 65 or 55 to start I’d like that very much!
Waving hello to Minnie ~ hi sweety. Haven’t seen you since I’ve been back. Hope you’re well. Hugs
~M~
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Divine~I agree and your example is a good one. Luckily DH has a small family. One sister and unfortunately both his parents have passed away. So he and I and our blended family of 5 is the priority in our lives. Especially he and my love. I would put Nothing above that ever I am going to try to use some of those changing my mind options. Sometimes, it's does seem like the task ahead Is blown way out of what's it has to be, because I'm constantly trying to be able to do things like I used to do things. Acceptance is another thing I'm not good at changing. Or just plain let go of. It's like a big ass circle to walk round and round... I am going to try to put some of that into use! In my daily life. Thank you again ! ~M~
Last night my DS was changing out my alcohol and swabs for my drains to be milked. So my DD came in from some church meeting, and she raised her voice and says. “Are you doing that right for Mom!?" Before my son even started to answer. I said “ of course he is who'd you think was doing this for me while you weren't home all evening ?" I then said “ a lot of people do good work if you allow them the chance." “Well you should have asked me, I'm the one they showed at the hospital". Now this is where my DS stepped in. He says. “. Did the hospital nurses yell at you too??, Mom is sick of that!!" I didn't have to say anything, he just put it to bed. Without being mean or even raising a hair on his head. I started to cry, and he said. “ I love you momma". So it's in there, they just need to find it and recognize what it is. They have never had to feel it before. These are new scary feelings. If they push us away and we die. Then they have prepared a form of self preservation, is what my therapist called it. Protection/hybernate mentality, she actually said it's their minds dealing with grief in its early introductions. And the thought of loosing that person, is just way too much for them to handle so thetalk themselves in to not needing us or even trying to blame us and get mad. Therapy seems to be helping me. Hopefully they will go too. I asked my therapist if she had a new drug. Like the Huey Lewis song
“I want a new drug, One that won't make me sick, one that won't cost to much, or make my head feel three feet thick."
Life is hard. Throw in cancer and children issues. Kaboom! Gotta give Keetmom an hell of a shout out for the woman you are EVERY day for those beautiful children. You're simply wonderful.
Much love ~M~
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Micmel, just checking in today to see how you are. Big hugs
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Good afternoon all,
I've had my share of teenage age, adult age and middle aged children and their drama. I love them all. I had three of the five of them live with us when they first married. Two of their x spouses I no longer speak to. My eldest sons x wife was married to him for 9 years and then told him two of the children he'd been supporting for the past two and a half years were sired by his best friend. Somehow I managed to wrestle a 10 inch kitchen knife out of his hands which allowed him not to be an inamate. My middle daughters x managed to dump her on our doorstep 17 years after marriage with 5 kids. We've had our share of toxic people. Somehow over the years we've gotten past these horrors and kept our marriage alive for 39 years. As the time passes I don't take their heart break to my heart. I try to be calm and give advice only when asked. My x son in law who dumped the kids and wife claimed a few of them on his income tax so yesterday my daughter found out when she got a notification from IRS so now she'll have to fight with the government to get money. My husband started to get angry but really why bother. Some people just suck and they are around to test us. I'm happy that my daughter is safe and loved and she has a job and lives across the street from us. She was a pain growing up but now that she's 34 she's lovely and a true fighter. She'll get her tax return but not right now. X son in law will eventually get whatevers coming to him. In the meantime I'm gonna do some gardening with DH.
Tomorrow I get the medi port and I will not be awake thanks to the bloody stories and creepiness of the tent over the procedure. I had one before 14 years ago. I pray it works and I won't have the nurses fishing for my veins twice a month.
Have a good day all.
Tanya
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grrrrr just lost a post
Gracie. Thanks darlingim doig the best I can, please keep me updated on the skin doctor. We all have to hold each other up!!
Tanya. I’ll be with you in your pocket. Mine helped tremendously and I never had any issues. It was a good choice to have. My veins can’t handle that anymore. Serious blow out. You’ll be on my mind.
Bigbhome ~ you’re on my mind also.
Haven’t seen MJH lately hope all is well
Boo boo. Hope you’re doing good. Much love ~M~
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Tanya-You have been through a lot with your kids. I've had 3 of mine leave (one many times) and come back. I've told them there is no more coming back, only if there is extenuating circumstances. My second child is the one who has left and come back many times. I told her when she leaves again, she is not allowed back. She's almost 31, and is SS disability because of the many health problems she has had since birth. I have her and our youngest (of 4) still at home, he's 22, and will be moving out for the first time, and will be with his girlfriend of 8 years in NY. He's nice and quiet and doesn't cause us any problems, his sister on the other hand... I will be praying for you tomorrow when you are getting your port. I hope all goes well. I'm glad you will be asleep during the surgery.
Micmel-I'm glad your son stuck up for you! What a loving son. I'm sure your daughter loves you too. Maybe the stress of the wedding is getting to her, not that that is an excuse for her behavior. Hopefully, she'll see the light. I think therapy will help them both. My husband said I should go to a therapist once or twice a week. I've never been to one. Never been on any meds either. I told him that he needs to go because he has a couple of drinks every day, and that is how he's dealing with all this. He's never been to one either. My 2 daughters went in their late teens, early twenties , for maybe a year, for anxiety, as did our youngest (it made him worse, he didn't go long). Maybe someday we'll go, who knows?
Keetmom-Good luck with your chemo tomorrow!
Hugs to all! Have a great Wednesday!
Lynne
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hi Lynne ~(Man)~ I just picked myself up off of the floor after slipping on some tissues my dearest doggie decided to chew up and leave at my feet. He does that when he isn't getting his attention. They were soaked and I slipped. Sunk like a stone. I did have the ware with all to twist. Fast enough to end up on my back. Not my tubes and chest. But the One lower drain, is hurting me, it's right on the hip and my shirts are always pulling up at it. It's raw and hurts. I am calling Tomorrow to see if I can come up for an office visit. Doc said if the drains stop producing certain recordings it's time for them to go. Today has been really low. So I'm thinking tomorrow's will be even less. But every freaking tugg or movement with pressure irritates the hole.
So I am now in a place where I am still in a good amount of pain in my tummy tuck area/ donation sight... which hurts like the dickens, I am at the point to where I need the pain meds, but I do not want to sleep all day long. But I will go extremely bonkers with another day like today, to where I didn't even bother turning on the TV I was just so fatigued and annoyed. Nothing helped. Couldn't sleep... didn't want pain meds. I've had enough of them. I hate them again. BUT then I looked down and the speciality Pharamcy is calling to refill my next month of ibrance. Which I am supposed to start next Monday.... I have enjoyed not taking so many pills. I really don't know if mentally I can do it. I immediately started to cry and didnt answer the call. I know they over night it. I just could not bring myself to have that. Any changes in medications talk. Any questions for the pharmacy. Yeah I have one why the f*c , do I have cancer? Makes me so mad. I'm weak I know from the surgery. It's like this.
March 30::: major surgery. Recovery time 4 to 6 weeks.
May 8 XGeva and blood work.
May 12 scanning starts again already. 6 months. Woooooshh!
May 16 oncology visit. Ugh! Hate that building.
In between somewhere start the train stopping, body paralyzing, not enough sleeping. 20 hours still need more fatigue will start all over again. I am worried it will mow me over like I'd never been on it. I am already tired. Just exhausted spent and beaten I looked into the mirror again today. I have that tape that sticks to your face and arms when they have the breathing tube in your body, that takes weeks of wiping and pressure to even get off. I am pale. I look old. Old and tired. Scared and worried. Sad and horrified. So getting my boob didn't change the terror I feel. Everyday. I already knew it wouldn't. I was just hoping to get something back that was taken from me. I am hoping that as I get better, I'll start to smile about it more. Right now I don't know what to wear yet. The drains in and all. But I don't know how long I have to wear this compression bra. Because as we all know they are fugly.
I am going to donate my prosthetic breast to the hospital. May as well give the bras also. It's like wearing a girdle. I just don't know what I'll be able to wear . I need to figure that all out still. It's been a long two weeks. But then as I look ahead, more like months back to back. I feel so weak and weary tonight.
Hope you're all doing better than I am.
I wish little Willy was around for a hug. He's such a. Precious little guy. Give him a little snuggle for me please Robin. ❣️
Much love to all ~M~
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I feel for ya micmel, my last drain was in so long (5 1/2 weeks) that it was sore constantly and had come out about an inch over time exposing the stitches. I went back to the surgeon every Monday only to be told sorry, not yet. I’m not kidding when I say I’d rather have chemo again, maybe not the whole 5 months but some. Arg! Drains suuuuck!
In other news, I twisted my knee, just slightly about a week ago but it is increasingly sore after 9 hours in the backseat each way to the cabin over the weekend and I have the Shipley’s Donut Dash 5k on Saturday, I hope it holds up ok.
Also, I go to Destin, FL on vacation on 5/11, so officially less than a month and boy, am I ready.
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Lovely Micmel-there you are feeling so poorly and you noticed that I had not posted for a bit. I am feeling very well and have just been a bit busy. I will try to catch up tomorrow. I have been thinking of you, and everyone else here, so much. I hate that you are suffering so much, physically and mentally. So undeserved. I think that as you heal and the weather improves, you will feel better!
May the force be with you, MJH
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oh NO! Mae i know how much you have been looking forward to and mentioning your 5k. I am so disappointed that you had that happen. I truly hope that if you stay off it, it will feel better. That Really sucks. I am so sorry. How did you twist your knee? You said it hurts riding in the back home from the cabin. How about when you walk on it ? Ouchie. Yeah I'm going crazy about the drains. I know I should just shut up, every time I move, I think about Dianarose who has them coming out of her back from her kidneys. And has since I've known her. Now she's ready to embark on another vacation.. nothing keeps her down. I need to be more like that for sure. I honestly hope your knee will be ok. Have I told you I am astonished at how much your emojis really look like you?!! They are really amazing. Keep that leg up. I am so sorry. Much love ~M~
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MJH~ I am very glad to Know you're doing very well! That exactly what I need to hear ! I may not be myself. But it's not all about me. I care very much. I hope you all realize that! Good people are hard to find. ❣️😌🦋 come on spring and no more snow, and good scans for all!! Much love ~M~
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micmel
Drains are so painful. I really think the most excruciating pain I remember was from the drain in my chest. I hope it can come out soon. Healing takes time and when you’re in the process it seems like the clock is standing still. I’m so sorry you fell on the wet tissue. Be careful.
Mae try wrapping your knee for the race you should be able to make it.
MJH good to see you.
Have a good night all
Tanya
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Tanya🌷~I will be thinking about you tomorrow, I hope it goes fast for you, and you're going to be takings few days easy yourself. There is a little chest pain. Keep ahead of the pain meds. It does help.it took me a Good longtime to be able to sleep on that side and or anywhere near it! The swelling needs to go down. Good luck and I'll be thinking of you!!! Isn't it nothing to eat or drink after midnight? Hurry!!! Drink drink! Sending hugs. ~M~ It really does make it easier. Without it, there would be no infusions or successful blood drawls.
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micmel, I think I twisted it by turning around without and equally timed pivot between my hip and ankle causing the knee to be slightly off, I can walk normally and pain free but I have heard it click a few times. I have great shoes with springs on them so it’ll be low impact but still concerning.
Tanya, how do I wrap it, like with an ace bandage?
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just take an ace bandage a knee ace bandage and give it extra support I used to wrap my knee everyday before the gym. Worked really great. Don't need anything huge. Just some. Added support for it. Good luck. Even wrap it during your 5k for sure !
Tanya~ thinking of your port today my friend. Loving across the miles.
~M~
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Hi gals!
The past couple days have been nice enough to be outside. DH and I take daily walks now. Yesterday, I did some raking in the yard and felt so happy looking at my sweet little crocuses! I'm a bad one for gardening fever! Will start a few tomatoes and zinnias soon in my little collapsable greenhouse.
Micmel- those drains sound like absolute hell. You will feel as though you've been let out of prison when they are removed. I hoping your pain level is more tolerable. Wish I could come and have a cup of tea with you...
Tanya-I enjoy your posts. I see that you have a few battle scars from dealing with your offspring as well. Life gets messy, period. There is almost no avoiding it. I pray the port insertion went easily for you today with minima discomfort. Oh, I loved your summary of all of our reactions to "dealing with daughters" !
Mae- love that you snorkel in the reservoir-it looked so enticing. One can snorkel here in Maine if you don't mind having your head implode from the cold water. As a teenager, we waterskied and could only stand it until our feet went completely numb! We do have a lot of nice lakes, though, that are warmer!
Keetmom-sounds as though treatment is tolerable. Thinking of you.
Lynne(Man)-eight more days till you head to warm weather! I hope you are feeling well with the break from chemo.
Lynne(50's) - hopefully you got through all of your various appmnts. and scans OK with the most excellent of results. Have you been out poking around in your yard yet?
Must go pick up grandson- love to each of you dear MBC sisters-MJH
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Micmel-So sorry you fell! I hope your pain is getting better everyday. I know you don't like taking the pain meds (neither do I) but I would at least take them at night, so you can get some sleep! Hugs!
Mae-Sorry you hurt your knee. I hope it feels better soon!
Tanya-I hope all goes well with your surgery!
MJH-I raked my flower garden out today. It's not very big, and I had to take a couple of breaks. The crocuses, tulips, lillies, and daffodil plants were coming through the leaves. I have a purple and a yellow crocus that have opened. I always look forward to see them. My last patch of snow, finally melted yesterday. I haven't even got my summer clothes out yet, to see what still fits (I've lost some weight). I guess that's tomorrow's job, after my oncologist/blood work appointment. Last appointment for almost a month! YIPPEE! I won't have my chemo (which was due next Fri, the day before we leave) until the Thursday after we return.
Today I got to go to lunch with Lynne (50's). We spent an hour and half at the restaurant. We both did a lot of talking. LOL We plan on doing it again, after I get home from FL. Beautiful sunny warm (50's) day today too.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Lynne
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