My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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I all, went to a friends pool party today, totally wasted now on a sampler 12 pack of beers., ugh. So hard to type. Had a good steak and DH’s potato salad thought. Goodnight all!
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lol Mae, I am very happy you had a good Time. Pool parties were always my favorite too. Nothing quite like some Hot dogs and hamburgers and homemade potato salad. I'm so jealous. You're always doing something fun! All of you ladies put me to shame. It has to be the ibrance. It just has to be. Hope everyone's else is safely enjoying your weekend.
Much love ~M~
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I had a really fun visit with my little family today. As well as Father's Day, it's also my DS birthday today. He got double the gifts, cards and hugs. They were on their way out of town for another vacation. This one is family camp at Pine Cove for a week. It's in east Texas and it's just beautiful there. I know they will have a great week. I'm keeping their dog, a Chihuahua Mix. No problem except I have to keep her separated from my cat.
The remodel starts tomorrow. Yay!
,
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Grannax~I am happy to hear you had a great time with your family today. I did as well.. ever notice that father's day gift isn't really a gift at all?But something to put them to work, or to make dinner, or to build things for others and generally always thinking of others! Sounds like you're going To have your hands very busy this week with the added puppy. I remember before they didn't get along too well. Hope it is better this Time. Yay for remodel Time tomorrow! Hugs to you ~M~
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I have to go to a baptism next week and needed a new outfit due to my weight gain ( thanks Letrazole). I tried on a couple of dresses and a pants outfit, nothing that would be considered strenuous activity. Between the chronic tendinitis in my right foot and the arthritis in my left knee, and the constant sweat running down my neck, ( thanks again Letrazole) I ended up having to sit in the furniture department for about 45 minutes before I could get up. My head was so sweaty it looked like I just got out of the shower and my face was beet red. Several people stopped to ask if I was ok and a lot of people stared. My husband was with me and is SO supportive, but he didn't seem to get why I was so embarrassed. I had a meltdown and cried because I couldn't even last for an hour in the store. The old me could shop for hours. Just another reminder of what cancer has stolen from me.0
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Lynnwood, What a terrible experience. After all that suffering, I hope you found an outfit. It is bad enough to have MBC and the SEs from treatment, but you have arthritis and tendinitis, too. Ugh! I used to tell my kids that life isn't fair, but this goes way beyond that. If your weather was anything like ours, it was probably really hot out. That doesn't help any because the stores usually have trouble keeping their buildings cool when high temps begin to hit. I tend to get "hangry" at times, and that condition rears its ugly head when I go shopping. My DH is convinced that the Snickers commercial was wriiten by someone who had accompanied me on a shopping trip. Now when he sees it starting he suggests a snack break. I always take a bottle of water with me when I go shopping. It helps to keep me hydrated. I have gained weight since my diagnosis, too, and it is so frustrating. So, when I go shopping, I don't feel the effects of arthritis or tendonitis. Instead, I am an overheated, hangry, thirsty woman whose spine mets hurt after standing too long and who is convinced that the people in the stores have changed the sizes on the tags of all the clothes because I can't possibly really need a bigger size now. As you can imagine, I am a joy to shop with. I know the shopping trip was miserable for you, but you should realize that none of it was within your control. You shouldn't be embarrassed since you did nothing wrong. Think of it this way. If anyone noticed, and it probably wasn't noticed by nearly as many people as you imagine, you will probably never see them again anyway, so who cares. People did ask if you were okay, and that is because they were concerned about you. That was not negative attention at all. It was genuine concern. Your husband didn't understand why you were embarrassed because he understands that you did nothing wrong. You did nothing to cause the situation, so he sees no reason for the embarrassment. I am glad he was there and was supportive. I have had my share of meltdowns and crying episodes. We all have. You need to just put it aside and move on. You are normal. You are still here, cancer and all,. You will have more bad moments ahead of you, but you will also have many good ones.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynnwood ~ oh honey. I am hugging you very bear like! I know exactly exactly exactly what this is like. It literally happens to me Every single time I shop anywhere for anything. I know exactly how that felt. I always end up sitting and needing to gather myself and wipe my entire red Face down, until it only looks like I didn't blow dry my hair after I stepped out of the shower. It's so very very embarrassing and upsetting. I think I feel embarrassed also,because I don't want any unneeded attention and I don't want people giving me. Me that weird “what's wrong with her? “Face! I am with you my spine mets are the same way. I understand each and every emotion you mentioned. Like 50's always eloquently puts, we all go through it at one point or another. The heat only makes it worse. Cancer is definitely a thief in the night! Love you beautiful special ladies. ~M~
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Lynne and Micmel, thanks so much for your kind words! That’s why I love our space here so much... you guys get it! And yes, it was very hot that day. The heat really bothers me. I did finally find an outfit. I went with black pants and a dressy black and white top. Not sure about footwear. I have a custom brace that I wear for my tendinitis,
It fits into my sneaker and dress shoes are impossible. Another loss... I lived in flip flops in the summer but that is no more because I need the brace to walk. I hate to go to the church and party all dressed up and wearing sneakers. I have a pair of flat sandals that I might try to wear for a while. I’ll take my brace and sneakers and leave them in the car if the pain gets too bad. It really helps me to see that I am not the only one having issues with things as simple as shopping. Sometimes it all just gets to you, Saturday was my day. Love you ladies!!0 -
I left this thread because on the 31st I posted I had a bone scan the next day and was nervous and the response was...total cricket sounds. Not one single person said “be thinking of you” or “good luck” or even “get lost”! So I figured I wasn’t going to find any support for anything else I had going on, and everybody else had so much going on I thought the best thing to do was just to leave. I have since gotten some support from some of you on other threads, but I gotta tell ya, that hurts! Especially when you really thinking there’s is something going on (there was, my cancer has moved into the the brain abd liver). I really could have used some support
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Lynnwood~ I try everything possible to avoid going to any store. I always send people. Because I hate feeling like I have no control over the heat flashes. As long as I am still I can keep them under control. But the second any activity or movement happens. It's like a trigger to start sweating. I also hate. Any clothin because nothing looks good at all ever!! I am so glad you found something! I am sure you're going to look beautiful!😊
Gracie~ oh my sweet friend. I am going to say how sorry I am that I even missed your postings. I do not usually ever allow that because I try to answer everyone individually. Because I genuinely care about how you're feeling. You're feelings are very valid, and I just want you to know how very sorry I am, you ever felt that way here, also thank you for being honest. I am sending loving hugs and support. I know it's overwhelming and scary. I am with you, and I think of you everyday. I'm going to take ownership for my part because I was devastated about my daughter and honestly at the time didn't see the relationship recovering. I was beyond broken hearted and scared. I am truly sorry if you felt you didn't matter, or wasn't noticed. Because you were. I adore you my friend. I welcome you back any second any time, any minute, and would feel in myHeart as you had never missed a beat. Hugs and love my precious friend. ~M~
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Gracie, I am very sorry that this happened to you. Speaking only for myself, it is very hard for me to keep track of everyone and all that is going on. This is one of the reasons that I don’t post very often. I have trouble scrolling back to make sure I address everyone . I have often worried that people will think I don’t care because I don’t mention their posts, pictures, concerns and celebrations. I hope all of you forgive me. I truly do enjoy everyone’s posts and care about you all. I have considered taking notes but honestly that seems like a lot of work. I’m sorry to hear of your progression and that you had to go through this feeling like you did not have our support. I truly understand and deeply apologize to you and anyone that feels I have slighted them. I hope you give our group here another chance, this is where I “ hang out” the most because I have felt like you do now in some other threads. Hugs!0
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Gracie, I too am sorry that I did not address your scans. It has happened to me, too, so I know how it feels. That should have made me even more diligent about supporting you. I wish I could go back in time and change my actions, but that isn't possible. I have no excuses. Thank you for letting us know what drove you away.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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I don’t for a minute think anyone did it on purpose, so please don’t think that. But it isn’t the first time on this site (other threads) that I’ve been completely (and I do mean completely ) ignored. Not necessarily by all of you but after it happens a couple of times I just say ok that’s it. Done. Got enough on my plate to deal with
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Gracie, I'm still kind of new here and not yet finding the rhythm of posting, replying, etc. Please know that I read all posts and send up prayers for you and for all who report new bc trouble when I read the post. I value your posts here and on other topics.
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Gracie, I’m sorry the silence was hurtful but I’m happy to hear that you know it wasn’t intentional, this thread just moves fast and sometimes a post gets buried. It’s nice that you’ve found additional support though and I know I’ll see you in some of the slower moving threads 🙂 I think everyone would agree that we understand taking a break but welcome you to jump back in anytime.
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Gracie I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you but you were talking about stopping treatment if it progressed and I didn't know what to say. The reason I didn't put a call out from you is because you said you were taking a break from the thread and I was giving you that space. You were in my prayers and I knew you had scan coming in June. I am very glad you decided to stick with treatment. You will always be in my pr
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Lynnwood~I always try to make sure, I welcome and mention everyone, in my opinion it was just crappie timing. Everyone who knows anything about me, knows I am all about family and this being our family. Our second family. I never really thought that this thread moved fast at all, ibrance, bone mets and etc. move at lightening pace. It's no ones fault, we all need to feel Supported and loved. Which both you and Gracie are for sure !
Mae~ Hi there darling. I hope you're doing well! Did you have your Sunday night dinner? What was on the menu. I realized I haven't eaten today. It's 5:00 wow. Loser I am ? Just so tired. DH and DSS arrived Friday night and left this morning.... I always stay up Really late when he is here. Try to get ever second I can! Much love ~M~
Muddling~ Welcome to the thread! Thank you for your thoughtful comments for Gracie.... she is an amazing person. It's obvious, you're pretty ok too, you were so kind to post support for her. Thank you. My pleasure to have met you here!
50's~ you sweet woman always include everyone. You're wonderful in all that you do. You're part of the family for sure. Thisstool is your stool only! I'm holding it! Love you!
Holmes~ sweetheart, after what your family went through, seriously. We are even lucky that you can think straight. You suffered greatly, but still offered support as much as you could. Youre just simply precious.
I adore you all! Oh yes I do. Bigbhome missing you. Haven't seen Divine either. WTH Is going on!!
😞 much love to all ~M~
Grannax~ Hello Darling. Smiling at thinking of the good day you had Sunday. How is the dog/cat thing going ?
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Gracie, I am sorry to learn of your progression. I want to say thank you for coming back to this thread rather than blow us off. I think it says a lot about you. We erred and you’ve allowed us to admit our mistake and we can discuss the matter and hopefully make amends. I’m sorry you felt ignored, sorry you were hurt by it.
It is sometimes a fast moving thread. What I wish is that more or all of us would use an avatar, a picture, above our screen name. I grasp more when there’s a visual attached to a name, and it doesn’t have to be a photo of one’s self. It could be a flower, a cartoon character, a peace symbol, you name it. Looking at a white screen with black letters can sometimes lump things together and the avatar pictures help break that up. If you can’t figure out how to add one, ask someone to help you. Of course, it’s only a suggestion, so do what you feel.
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Gracie~I went back and read your posting and you're 100%.correct. I am more than convinced that it was timing was the total Issue. It was the same Time frame around my broken heart with my daughter, and my birthday was disrespected by them. Not that is any excuse for your feelings being hurt I just needed to say how bad I felt when saw the sentence and I am very sorry that I had missed that. I would never want to hurt anyone here that I care about. I adore you and respect your need for your space and I want You to Know, I am sorry, that I didn't see catch that, it bugs me very much that I missed your need. There will always be a stool at this table with your name On it. Much love as always. ~M~
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Hi all, I have never posted on this thread, but I regularly read it, and love the way you encourage and care for each other. Even though we are loved by those around us, this particular experience is something only a person with mets can understand. For me the hardest part is the knowledge..sometimes I wish I just didn't know so much.. it is a daily struggle to balance the knowing with the living, and most of the time life is good, but when time comes for the bloodtest or the scan or some weird twitch somewhere, the thoughts tend to spiral out of control. You know the drill... But I love this site and all you brave brave women who are living with this disease xx
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Welcome Daywalker! Glad to have you here with us! The ladies here are awesome!!!0
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Daywalker~welcome to our second home. It's a place I need to have to sometimes even make it through the day. It's very difficult juggling the feelings that come along with this life sucking disease. My problem was exactly what you said, no one understands and sometimes I find that people don't even really listen to what you're saying, because they just have nothing to say, or they don't know what we need or want to hear. Personally, I just want to feel like myself again. I catch glimpses of that person here. I need the support and humor and the bonds that have been made here.....are just so precious to me. We welcome you with wide open arms, we hope youll pull up a stool and get to know us. There are real relationships. Three of our lovelies have even met and have lunch. Which I am really jealous of!!! It's been wonderful getting to know all the special ladies here !
Lynnwood~ Hi darling. Hope you're doing well. I am heading back to bed. The dogs darn tags are making noise. I love dogs. But they are like having a separate job! Ugh!
I am thinking of those who may have scans this week!! We are with you in your pocket!!!
Hugs and love ~M~
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The dog and cat thing is going well. Except the barking, Sally goes nuts every time the workers walk by her room. EVERY time. My DS says I'm supposed to spray her with the water bottle when she barks. Well, that doesn't work! Siam is happy as long as he gets to sleep with me. He sleeps all day anyway.
The progress on the remodel was slow yesterday. But, the popcorn ceiling is gone and new texture is on. Today is the dreaded Kilz, I'm leaving, allergic to those fumes. They may put down wood laminate flooring in bath today.
My kids are having a great time at camp. It's hardly camping, my DIL does not do camping. The cabins are Fixer Upper style. OMG so adorable. They had Maritime Mystery night last night. I'll post a pic of my pirate kids.
Have a great day ladies. I plan to. For some wonderful reason, ibrance is not affecting me much this cycle. I'm going shopping!
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DivineMrsM, thanks for the nudge to get an avatar photo. I found this four leaf clover this morning on my walk. Six weeks ago I never believed I'd be able to take walks outside again. I can't walk that far yet, but I'm working on it.
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we all need a little luck good choice !!! Great work on that walk. Wish I could. Join you.
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Tried to get a picture for my avatar, here’s hoping it works!0
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Lynnwood1960, I see it
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Here are my pirate kids having fun at family cam
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Hi Ladies, all good for me today. Liver is stable. Hip shows a reduction in damage, either due to the radiotherapy in April, or the use of cbd? No other points. Bloods good. Usual 3 weekly trastuzumab, herceptin, and zvgeva. Onwards! Will fit in a cruise before next scan!!
Gracie, I'm sorry I missed your post. We were in Ireland and unbelievably without internet for days! Don't want these newfangled things in some places lol
Love and best wishes to everyone. Will try to find an avatar!
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Gracie-So sorry to hear of your progression. I've been praying for you (and everyone else). As others have said, this page goes quickly. I sometimes have to read 3 pages if I stay away too long. Then I forget what I read (thanks Taxotere). I actually took notes last time I was on here. I'm not going to keep doing that. I'm so sorry if you felt nobody cared. I know I feel like that sometimes too. I'm sure nobody meant it. Glad to see you on here. Hugs!
Runor-You sound just like me. Is this my last time for ... After 13 years of this disease though, I find more and more times of not thinking of cancer at all. It usually comes to me when I'm alone, or a sappy song comes on the radio.
Grannax-Great pic of your pirates! Glad you had a great day with your family. Hope your remodel is almost done!
Muddling-Love the 4 leaf clover! We could all use some luck here!
Lynnwood-So sorry you had a rough day shopping! I hate it. I now try to do it online. I can't stand too long or walk too far because of my spine mets, so it's just easier to shop that way. I'm glad you found an outfit.
Lynne-Love your husband's "hangry" commercial comparison! I get that way too sometimes. How did your party of 18 work out on father's day? It was a hot one! Yesterday was even worse, but I'm staying inside (I did clean and fill the bird feeders yesterday though).
Tanya-Hoping you had a good weekend camping!
Our Minis On Top weekend was wonderful. We put 500 miles on the car. We did a run from home to Conway on Friday, and another run from Loon Mountain to Conway on Saturday. We decided not to go up Mt Washington this year. We went up with our daughter's automatic Mini last year. Our's is a standard with almost 90K on it (we've only put 20K on it in 6 years, it's 8 years old). I went up it in the early 80's, when I was in college, with my husband's Datsun hatchback, which was a standard. We had to keep stopping all the way down the mountain, to cool off the brakes. There are no guardrails at all (a couple spots have boulders on the sides), and we were both exhausted from all the fresh air (we had the top down all weekend, yes we got a little sunburned). The weather was beautiful! We stopped in Laconia (bike week) on the way home on Sunday, to return those scarves I hat bought the week before, that were too small. She gave us our money back (no bigger ones, they were nice too!), and we bought a few more shirts for ourselves and the kids. Being the last day, there were lots of bargains. We then drove to Northwood to see his father. They weren't there. My husband decides to power wash the carpet on his father's boat for an hour (he got half of it done, like night and day). Then his parents show up, so now we have to visit. We left at 3, and 5 minutes after getting home, our first child arrives with his daughter. Then the girls and their families came. No break for us. At least our eldest cooked. Our younger daughter helped me make the sides and bring stuff outside. The grandkids were in the pool for hours (even though it's only 70). The night ended with a fire and somores. I was so exhausted by the time they left (around 8). Here are some pics from Minis on Top.
Us looking at the other Minis at the Loon Mt parking lot.
This on Saturday's run. Our car is the red convertible in the front. This was in Stark NH. We have many covered bridges in the mountains.
There were 8 cars zooming around those windy roads.
This pic was taken by one of the other Mini people on top of Mt Washington.
Sun setting.
End of the day!Hugs and prayers for all of you!!
Love
Lynne
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