My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Micmel, I am so very sorry for the loss of that beautiful young woman! I can understand that your son is just devastated. Always makes me wonder what our world is coming to when I see things like that on the news. Very Very sad! Will be saying prayers for her and her family and of course you and your family also.
It sounds like your kids found a place to live and I'm hoping and praying that it relieves some of the stress from your life, so you can carry on with the job of healing! Gosh you need some peace and quiet to heal!
Keetmom, am glad you are feeling better and on some meds to help with that seizure. My RO mentioned that this week when i saw him and it does scare the heck out of me! Will talk with my MO next week about the odds of that happening.
Grannax, it is so awesome that your granchildren have access to the arts!!! Congratulations to the part in the musical, the costume was darling! And your pirate kids were so cute! Such a fun thing for the family to do together!
Micmel and Katy, I can tell you that I lost Tom going on six years now. I've never been on a date since he died, nor do I have any iinclination to do so. He was the greatest love of my life and there will never be another. I"m sure your husbands are going to feel likewise should they be in that situation. I think your hsbands both love you very very much and they will greive greatly when you are gone someday.
Claudia, I hope that Xeloda does a great job for you, I've heard of women on it for years! Here's hoping that's you!
MJH, I love your flowers! Mine are suffering a bit right now, I've neglected them this last week and a half, just too much going on right now. And the BIKE!!!! I want that bike, lol!
Tanya, it sounds like you are having wonderful travels this summer. Morrocco!!!! Have always wanted to go there, the history is just awe inspiring!!!! My progression is in my brain and liver. Sucks, but it is what it is!
Minnie, glad to hear your hip is stable! I hope it holds for you for a long time!
Lynne (Man), your mini- car trip looks and sounds like so much fun! My cousin has one and I love to see her whizzing around town, lol! I would love to have a little Fiat!
Mae, I am totally feeling that "this is the last one" thing too. Last baseball game...last visit from the granddaughters, last chance to pay off all bills and be completely debt free...time is slipping away from me quickly and I hate it!
Thanks, Lynne, for posting about my progression over here, I really do appreciate you doing so.
And thank you so much for everyone who replied to my post about leaving. I wasn't in a good place at all, I knew there was something going on in my head and in my liver, just wasnt' sure what it was. So I was already emotional. As I said, I knew none of it was done on purpose, it was just that evleryone had so much going on all at once, my stuff was kind of back burner. I know I've done that with posts too at times. So didn't really want alot of drama, but just wanted you all to know where I was coming from.
So progression. I have a lesion in my brain. It's right frontal about 2.5 x 1.2 cm. They are doing cyber knife on it, and I'm already getting everything set up for that. Not at all happy about it, but I know I can't change it. RO said aout 80% chance they can zap it, but there's liquid under it, so it may have seeded already. Liver is very small, so I'll start Abraxane weekly to tlry to zap that one too. Femera and Faslodex completely failed me, so they did a big biopsy of a new lesion on my right hip to get more information, and I hope to check for anything it may have morphed into.
Hope you all have a great weekend. God Bless you all!
Gracie
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Gracie~ that is certainly understandable why you would be worrying. I completely understand how you must have felt. I never ever want to hear the word progression again. I am glad they have a quick plan in place for you, but I understand the exhaustion and hesitation to even take a step towards dealing with it. Just plain exhausting and mentally draining, like literal torture. I wish so much they would just figure out cancer already. Enough is enough for goodness sakes. I'll be thinking of you as well as I always do! Much love my sweet friend. So happy to see you here. 🧡
that young woman was precious, our poor little town is just still in such shock. We just don't know where To turn for any answers. I even considered going in to a church today. Just because everything is so difficult anymore. There is no More innocence. Or that safety feeling in places anymore. It's Going to be a long time before we can recover from this. Her poor family. I'm just sickened! Why would a god allow something like this.? I just don’t know.
Much love dear friends. ~M~
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Gracie sorry about progression, it sucks and entering the brain sucks even more.
Ive been feeling pretty good, had chemo today, port decided half way through that It wasnt going to work had to wait for 1.5 hours with tpa for it to give blood again so much for a quick day.
Back on steroids and no headaches have been doing good on the seizure meds too. Hating I cant drive, cant take a bath cant kayak just so much I cant do... but I am not having seizures
The good thing is Emmas port is out she has had one 8 or 9 of the last 11 years,
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Keetmom ~ so glad to see you. I know you must be exhausted dealing with chemo and everything you're going through. I keep you close in my thoughts daily with strength and love. Emma's port being out is a very big deal wow. That's amazing for her. Hug her for me please. Sending big hugs to you. ~M~
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Keetmom, you have a lot on your plate and I don’t think I could handle it nearly as well as you do! Prayers!!
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Ok, I had to read 3 pages on here, so yes, I took notes!
Micmel-That girl was beautiful. So sorry for her family and friends, and especially your DS. So senseless! I hope they find who did this to her.
Tanya-Great pics of your family! Beautiful outfits! I've had 4 kyphoplasties (and one fracture too high to repair). Once your body heals from the surgery, your back will feel so much better. So sorry you have to to go through this. Hugs!
Holmes-Yes it was a good exhaustion on Father's Day. I just think I did too much after having chemo on Thursday. I love everyday I see my kids and grandkids. Tomorrow, our youngest (almost 23) is moving to Rochester NY (6 hours away), and we will be empty nesters for the first time since our eldest was born 32 years ago. It will be different.
Grannax-Sorry to hear about your DD. Hope the figure something out. Glad you are doing well on your treatment. When you are done your remodel, don't forget to post pics.
Muddling-Wonderful news on your tumor markers!
Gracie-So sorry about your progression and having to have surgeries. Glad you are back on here though. Hugs!
keetmom-Good to hear no more seizures, sad to here you can't do everything you want. Hugs!
Bigbhome-Good to see you on here. Glad you got to spend time with your friend. It's great to reminisce. It sounds like my neighborhood, except we were all girls (only 2 boys) and no horses. We played outside all the time. There are woods, and we played in there and road our bikes in there all the time. I still live in the same neighborhood (as does my Mom and youngest sister), and luckily our kids had the same experience as I did. The grandkids, I think will not have the same. Very sad. Hope you and your hubby are doing well. I hope you will be able to do your horse rides again soon. I love our motorcycle and mini rides.
Yesterday, one of my cousins sent me a message on FB. He asked if I wanted to go to the U2 concert in Boston tonight. Floor seats. I told him I'd be in a wheelchair because I can't walk to far or stand too long. He called the Garden to see if I could bring it and they said yes. I said ok, and asked him how much I owed him for the 2 tickets. He said just have a good time. So we are leaving shortly for the 2 hour drive (because of rush hour) to Boston for an 8pm show. We are meeting him and his wife there. Should be fun! "I still haven't found what I'm looking for"!
Hugs to all!
Lynne
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wow lynne(Man)!!! That’s awesome and sounds to me like a bucket list item I may have on my list wow. That’s going to be amazing. I hope you enjoy every second of the show. What a wonderful thing to do. I am so thrilled for you!! Please be safe and drinks lots of water. I am so happy for you. Hugs of happiness ~M~. Have a blast
I also hope they find who did this to her soon. It’s just not fair. It makes me sick. Everyone is on pins and needles with wonder of what happened ? How ?? Ugh! 💔💔
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Lynne I hope you have a blast!!!
Gracie we will pray that they're able to zap the one in your brain. Welcome back 😊
keetmom I'm glad you are feeling good. What great news about Emma. She's beaut
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Have fun at the concert, Lynne!
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Keetmom~I cant believe that is what she is holding. Wow. She’s getting so big. And her hair is growing so long andpretty. She’s lovely. Honey! I’m so glad for you all !
~M~
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M- she was SO excited about keeping her port, not sure what we are going to do with it, it is in a specimen cup on the counter right now.
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Lynne NH enjoy the concer and evening out. I love nice people!
Gracie sorry to hear about your progression. There are a few ladies who’ve had the brain progression and they’ve had several different types of treatments. I’m sure they’ll share their experiences. Progression does suck - we’re always having 50/50 odds for that with each test.
Keetmom gals the seizures are under control. I’m trying to do everything I’m able to do.
Take care
Tanya
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Tanya~ I had to smile at you saying you liked nice people. I agree. But sometimes they are hard to find. I believe you're a nice person and I know you have a very special bond with your beautiful family. It shows through in every picture youhave shared. They are VERY lucky to have you. Much love ~M~
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Hi everyone! Sorry for disappearing last week! Now I am reading the last 4 pages. A lot of things happen. We put the house for sale and have already accepted offer, but we are going to start thinking about actual moving after the inspection. Moving is stressful and I am exosted. On the top of everything. I don't have internet in the house. After we have the siding changed somehow they cut the wires and cover the whole box. I wish everyone a peaceful night , I am falling already asleepLove and hugs. Elen
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Yay keetmom! Glad to hear your feeling better 😀
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Mae~ how are things wrapping up with work?. I bet they are sorry you're leaving. I hope You enjoy every second of your retirement. Hugs to you ! ~M~
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Helloooooooooo!!!
I'm still here, just super busy work time on top of all the medical silliness. I have pages and pages to catch up on.
I think of you friends all the time... hopefully I'll be able to catch up soon!
xo
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Elle~so glad to see your doing good. Thank you for checking in so we weren’t worried. I have that habit of worrying. I guess I was always like that, now that I look back worry =stress=ptsd. Sorry your so busy, but damn you work? That’s impressive!
I believe we all have that too some extent. Cancer does that huh ?
Hope everyone has a good Friday!! ~M~
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Tanya, thank you for the encouragement👍 Your family is just beautiful!!!
Blue shine, I can’t even imagine moving! Hope you got some rest last night and have some extra energy for everything!
Hi Elle! Hope you’re doing well!
Happy Friday back Micmel!!!!!
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Hi my dear ladies! I decided to check in again while I have internet. I can't answer to all the posts, but I am reading them. I moved my MO to Columbus to avoid driving for two hours for app. She switched me back to 100 mg Ibrance. I hope I'll be ok with my energy level, because I really need it now.. Se was not impressed with the moving, so I have to try.
Hello to MicMel, Tanya, Mae, Gracie M, Elle, MuddingThr., Minne, Keetmom and everybody that I didn't mentioned! Love and prayers, my friends. Elena
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Hi Gracie~I have slept all day. Allllll day. It's days like these i lose the will to fight anymore. Exhaustion has staked a claim over my life. I absolutely hate it. I hope you're doing good my sweet friend !
Blueshine ~ Hello darling soooo good to see you. I knew I remembered that someone wouldn't have internet And wouldn't be around. Thank goodness you checked in. I Am glad you're doing well. Where do you ladies get your energy from? I am in desperate need of feeling alive again. All these days spent in bed.... do me no good. I am in awe of you all out there living!
How I miss who I used to be so very much. I have been blown up as if I walked over a land mine and it took my life apart, pieces of me falling all over, jagged and raw. This young woman being murdered has really made me wonder why are we even here. If something like that can happen, why am I even bothering ?
My love to all~M~
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Hugs Micmel! I can’t begin to imagine how horrible it would be to have someone I knew well be murdered. I think it would blow me over too.
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Blueshine-Good luck with the move! Just don't overdue it!
Last night was fun. The U2 concert was at the TD Garden in Boston. It took us an hour and a half to get there. Luckily we were heading south, northbound traffice was back up for about 10 miles due to an accident. We took the mini down, and had the top down all the way there. Beautiful night. My husband insisted we leave at 4:30 (for an 8pm show!). He wanted a spot in the parking garage, under the the garden. We got one, then had to wait for my cousin and his wife for a couple of hours (they had the tickets). She works for a radio station, and got the tickets for free. We grabbed a piece of pizza for dinner. When they got there, we headed up in the elevator (I brought my wheelchair). The guy in the wheelchair told us how to get to the floor "seats" (no seats, just standing, well, except for me!). He told us one way, 5 other people told us 5 other ways. We were in one elevator 4 times! "Luckily" to concert was delayed, and didn't start until 8:45. They had a stage in the middle of the stadium, with a large screen in the middle, and stages at both ends. Well on of those ends was right in front of us (no I didn't go to the front of the stage, we stayed against the wall). I could see them pretty good, even though there were 6 people deep in front of us. I knew about half the songs. We got home at 12:15am (poor hubby had to work today, he got up at his usual 4am, early to bed tonight!). We had a good time. Here are a few pics my husband and my cousin took.
The place was totally full. My friends told me Tom Brady was there last night too. We didn't see him though. LOL
Bono's butt.
Bono.Oh, and today, our youngest moved out. He is moving in with his girlfriend who lives and is going to school in Rochester NY (7 hours away). I am sad, he's the one that never caused me grief and is a wonderful kid. He'll be 23 on the 5th and she's 22. She has one more semester for her bachelor's (her grades have been all As except for 3 Bs!) in the fall. We are officially now EMPTY NESTERS! His sister (our number 2) moved out a couple of weeks ago. I informed him he is allowed to come back home (the other 3 have used their one comeback, some many) if he wants. Hopefully, we'll be able to enjoy the quiet. Of course tonight, our first night, we have our granddaughter. Our son has to work tomorrow. Oh well, maybe tomorrow night we can enjoy! LOL
Hope everyone has a nice weekend!
Lynne
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Micmel, you asked, what's the point? When such misery and badness exist, what's the point of being here. This is what came into my mind and heart.
Picture yourself on the prairie. It is night. And it is dark. No moon, no stars, no city lights, nothing. It is so dark you cannot see your hand in front of your face. You feel alone because you cannot see if you are the only one on that vast, flat, plain alone in the complete and absolute darkness. When someone a half mile away takes their lighter out of their pocket, holds it above their head and lights it.
You will see that light. No matter how deep the dark, no matter how big, one little flame will draw the eye. Light wins.
You are here to be a light. No, not as a mission, not as a duty, not as a quest. Not as something you owe anybody. You are here because to someone, without you knowing it, you are that flame in the dark. You draw the eye. For your kids, your husband, your friends, you are the flickering light in their dark world that tells them, I'm not alone out here, there is someone else, I can see their light!
I believe each of us is a light, in some way that we cannot know, to someone else. And that is the point. To provide a brief flicker so someone surrounded by their own darkness can see the light and breathe a sigh, I am not alone out here.
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Lynne, enjoy U2. I am a recent convert to their music. Summer of love being one song I really like!
Gracie, sending you strength and love. Thinking about you.
Keetmom, strength and love for you too. You are coping with what we all feel is our next step.
Micmel, Runor, bigbhome, Grannax, 50s girl, Elle, Tanya, Mae and everyone else, have a great weekend, we will be watching more World Cup football or soccer to You American ladies!!
Love to all, xxx
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runor Beautifully said.💞
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My DD is having a procedure today to monitor the CSF in her brain. She saw her neurosurgeon yesterday and he suggested it and admitted her to the hospital to ICU. They do it at the bedside. They insert a wire into her head. I don't know the name of it, she said it's a bolt ICP monitor. Even that sounds terrible. I hope they sedate her enough that she won't hear the drilling. Most of all I hope it will give her doc good info to be better able to treat her. I don't know how many days they will keep her in the hospital. It does not drain any fluid off so I'm sure she'll need pain management, too.
Meanwhile, my workers decided to work today and tomorrow. So I'm kinda stuck here to let them in. Then my DS is coming to pick up their dog. I'm not sure when ill be able to go see her.But her DH will be there. I appreciate your prayers for her.
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Prayers for your daughter Grannax!!!
Runor, I agree with Grannax...beautifully said
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thank you Runor~~~ that was very well written as usual. You really have a talent! I enjoy your words always....
All of you!
Grannax~ i am sending droves and droves of strength and thoughts of it being a quick thing and that she didn't even realize what was going on. I know It's so hard not to be with her, imagine us all around you and her. Holding the tight circle of safety of love.
Sending you strong but loving hugs. We are with you!
Gracie ~ hi there honey, think of you everyday!
Minnie~ 😃 loving that new avitar of that cutie pie!!!
Love you ladies. More than just words here can express honestly. Much love ~M~
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