My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Micmel! Well girlfriend, ain't that just the best news! I'm doing a little disco dance in your honour and I'm sexy as hell! This dance is for my friend Micmel and all the ladies who post.
Tanya, I have to ask, what are we looking at on your avatar? I cannot make it out for the life of me. It look like you are dipping a graham cracker into a bowl of whipped cream, which, let's face it, is a damn good idea any time of the night or day!
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hi Tanya, have fun x
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Happy travels Tanya!
Congrats micmel, I love the words “nothing new”, great results 😀
I’m running errands today and going to a Christmas party tonight. Later ladies (and Daniel).
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Runor~ I think it’s smores!!!! On Tanya’s picture. Avatar! Makes me hungry. Ty for the dance. I had a great day yesterday I must say. We have to cling to those moments. Your a sweet sweet person. Ty for caring. Ty for being sexy. We need that too! 😃
Mae~ tyvm. Nothing new is what we all need for sure. Have a good safe time tonight ! 🤲
Minnie~Hope you slept well ! Love you ladies.
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I saw my oncologist today for the final word on the results.. I didn't read the report yet, it's still not posted. He walked in and said, your scan looks beautiful... he doesn't talk like that. Even the nurses were shocked. He said my bloodwork is perfect and that he couldn't be happier with how I'm doing. So it's official 25 month of ibrance here I come. Blood work in three months with shot XGeva. And then scan again in 6 months. As a follow up. I felt so Overwhelmed with emotion when I was coming home. Like a confused sense of security for a time period of three months. The sense of being able to breathe finally and then the exhaustion hit me as well. The emotional end of it rocked me. the good news is wonderful and im I thankful. I just know in. My heart I never wanted to step into this world. I've been given a reprieve. I need to learn a way to enjoy it. Insteadof always being scared that the shoe will drop next time or the time after that. Like a hamster on a wheel. This day I got to get off the wheel for a spell. I'll take it. Much love ~M~
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Yeah Micmel! Looks like we are similar. I will start cycle 26 I/L next week and my liver is behaving. I totally understand your emotions. We all do.
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So happy for you micmel. Unfortunately, sandi, we all don’t (truly) understand these emotions. Some of us have yet to receive any good news at even one appointment or following even one scan, but it doesn’t stop us from praying for such to happen one day...
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I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so blatant in my previous post. But it’s so hard to ALWAYS receive bad news and to just pray that my days aren’t numbered as I’m constantly fighting what feels like a losing battle. And it’s even harder to see people who are doing well with NED or who haven’t even had the misfortune to join us in the world of stage iv constantly post about their fears of it returning, etc.
I know that stage II was hard and scary. I remember well. But I had to unfollow a thread today because I’m getting ready to tell people in earlier stages who are finished with treatment to STFU and ENJOY LIFE instead of constantly looking for a negative future. Maybe I’m a bitch or maybe I’m just in a mood, but it’s overwhelming and like a big slap in the face.
No disrespect meant for any of my sisters... you know I love you all...
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Shelia~You're allowed to feel anyway you feel. There is no blue print. I have taken all the bad news up front as well. I was denovo. Spread to liver. 13/35 nodes full of cancer. I was told three years..9 surgeries later some good news finally spread its wings for me. Never give up. And never feel that here you can't be who you want to be. Angry mad. Sad enraged. Whatever. We love you no matter what! No matter what! I'm sure anyone understands those feelings as well. At least. I know I do. I am hoping your radiation has helped some. I pray it has!
Sandy ~ thank you sweetheart. Sounds like we got on the same boat. Hope it never finds holes again. Ty friend. ❤️
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Sheila, I read your post and didn’t consider you disrespectful or bitchy, youjust in need of a break from bad news, I get it, I think we all do.
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Micmel, I'm thrilled for you; now go out & celebrate your good news with your wonderful DH!
Shelia, sending warm hugs your way & prayers that you, too, will receive good news soon. I wish I could offer you more than that.
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Shelia, Don't ever feel bad about what you post. You are having a really rough time, and no one can expect you to post messages full of sunshine and laughter. No one wants to hear bad news from their medical team. I used to read messages from people who were NED and think that one day I would join that exclusive club. I am still happy ( and admittedly jealous) for those who have achieved that status, but my expectations for myself have changed. Now the word "stable" has a new and treasured meaning to me. I know from some of your past posts that you are questioning your faith in God. Of course you are. You must feel abandoned during this time of intense need. None of us can ever take God's place in your life, but we are here to help you through this in any way we can. I am lifting you up in prayer. I hope that Xeloda will bring cancer under control for you. I also hope that your oncologist will agree to a lower dose and/or change the cycle duration to 7 days on/7 days off so you find some relief from the severe SEs you are experiencing. I know that waiting to see if treatment is working really stinks. I am doing that, too, and I am not a patient person when it comes to such things. Every day I try to guess whether or not things are improving. That is impossible to do, of course.
Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Sheilamarie, don't feel guilty. I understand where you are coming from, and it could be any one of us. We all need somewhere you can say what you want.
Happy for you Micmel! Hopefully you can get on with living sweetheart x
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CONGRATULATIONS, Melissa.
So happy for you!! Happy 💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼!Suzy
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Minnie-The boys are fun, but the younger one (Aiden, the red head), had so much energy and doesn't like to listen. He is a handful (even though he looks angelic, LOL). They were here today, after their dentist appointments. We went to lunch with them, they only ate their french fries. They then came back to my house until 5. Luckily, they are only 20 min away from me, and my daughter has their drs and dentist over by me. So I get to see them at least once a week. Our granddaughter, comes here for dinner on Mon and Wed, and every other Fri, with our older son. They live in the same city as us. About 10 min away. So I'm fortunate I get to see them. I just want to bottle all of their energy!
Sheila-I'm right there with you. I was on the CMF page where people were just diagnosed with early breast cancer (I didn't see one stage 4 on there), they all said how hard it was (try Taxotere for a year!), I found this one to be the one with the least side effects. I'd love how a couple of them were telling me to do this and that, when they were only 6 months into it! I'd get mad when they said they were done their treatment, while I'm still fighting my best. My scans were not good, so after only being on this chemo since July, we are having to change again (this will be number 8, in 6 1/2 years!). I've been waiting since Wed for the breast oncologist's office at Dana Farber, to call (my local oncologist's office has called and left messages 5 times as of 9 this morning, no response). Very frustrating having to wait, knowing that my last chemo was 4 weeks ago, and the cancer is not being stopped. Big hugs to you! Don't worry what you write on this page. This IS the place to vent!
Micmel-I'm very happy for your good scans! I hope they keep on being good for a long time!
Tanya-Your pics are beautiful! Enjoy your vacation!
I went to the oncologist today. They still had me scheduled to have my bloodwork from my port, because they still had me having chemo. The receptionist said she would tell them (as did my oncologist, on Tues night). Well nobody told them, and one of the chemo nurses came to get me. I told her that my chemo got cancelled. She told the lab, and I had my blood draw, right before my dr's appointment. My white cells are back up, but I'm still anemic. She said to stay on the iron pills for a month. I guess normal low is 11, and I am at 10. I also told her how my back pain, is awful, when I lie down, to go to bed. I told her it was my left shoulder blade (which has had uptake on the bone scans) and the middle of my back. So now she's sending me to radiation on Tues, to talk to yet another different (number 4 that I've had in the past 13 years, first 2 retired) different radiation oncologist. I did it once for pain in my spine for my collapsing vertebra.It didn't help. I will again tell them no tatoos. Permanent marker me and put something on top of it for 2 weeks. Those first 3 blue dots (13 years ago), hurt like heck. Especially the one on my sternum (it shows on most of my bathing suits. I say it's my blue freckle (the other were right under my arm pits). I am waiting to hear from Boston, for an appointment. The local oncology office, has called and left messages 5 times, as of 9am. She told me last time I went in July, that she might have a clinical trial for me. I'll only do it if we don't have to drive (1 1/2 to 3 hrs, depending on the traffic) to Boston, for treatment. They have a office about 20 min from me. We'll see what I decide. From what my oncologist gave me choices of, navelbine and gemacitibine, I don't want to do the navelbine because it causes neuropathy, and I already have that from the Taxotere, which I stopped in July. So with her 2 choices it would be the gemcitibine. 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, unless my white cells drop, she said which with me they do, so then she would switch it to every other week. Just waiting to hear what Boston says. See if they have other chemo choices too. My oncologist spoke with the DF oncologist many times about the CMF, because the F chemo drug, was the same as Xeloda, which failed after 2 1/2 years. I had never had the other 2 chemos though, so they went ahead with it. I said that I'd just try all of them. What other chose do I have?
I hope everyone has a nice weekend!
Hugs!
Lynne
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Micmel, doing a happy dance for you! I’m in awe that you’re on cycle 25, holy crap that’s a good long ride!
Sheilamarie, we're in your pocket as you jump from one treatment to the next with no answer on what is driving your cancer. Please don't apologize, what you say and feel is very much part of our world...good, bad ugly, happy...it can change on a blink of an eye. I live my life in 3 month segments from ct scan to ct scan.
I love, how in the midst of the ugly messy parts of our lives, bits of light shine in. Mine is my grandson, he makes me smile and my heart sing every time I see him. Even on the days that I feel like I’m 102.
Be well,
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Pots, great news!
Micmel, so glad to read of tumor markers down and good news on scans!
Tanya, nice photos. Enjoy your trip and post more pics when you can.
Lynne(Man), I hope you will have a new plan soon and find a effective and very tolerable treatment. Love the photo of your little guys. So cute!
My father passed away on Tuesday night. Naturally, I'm very sad. I had looked after him ,taking him food and helping write his bills etc, until my health crashed late last year and then I got my de novo diagnosis and was barely alive myself for a few months. After his own hospitalization right after mine, my sister had him transferred to a nursing home near where she lives, hundreds of miles from me. I knew I'd never see him again, and I did not. She looked after him wonderfully and was with him when he died peacefully.
My internet has been out since Tuesday until this morning so I'm catching up here. Regular onc visit coming up on Thursday. I don't want to go. So tired of all of it.
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Hello Mae~hope your new class is treating you well. I do want to go the gym again. Just the location of one of my mets makes that challenging. I'll live vicariously through you.. hope you’re having a good weekend.
Lynne(50's)~ I love how kind you are to everyone. The way you speak to people is so soothing and kind. It always makes me feel calmer reading your words. Thank you for being you!
Sheila~love you friend. In your pocket being your personal cheerleader. If I get too annoying. Just throw me some candy. I'll pipe down. Thinking of you.
JKL~Thank you, very much for the kind words. My celebration has been dampened with an ear infection brewing. Ibrance for me causes so much fluid and I am so vulnerable to any little bug. I can hear the fluid moving. Ugh!
Minnie~Hope you're doing well. Cloudy and rain on top for us these next few days. Yuck again.
Stilllivin~😊🤲 thank you my sweet friend. I adore you and think of you often. Good to always see you here. Always. 🌷
Lynne(Man)~Seems like your facility has a lot of mix ups and making you work to get answers. I hope things smooth out for you and this new treatment will be the ticket. We all have to find our ticket!
Pots~Thank you so much honey. Grandchildren are a gift I have not yet experienced, for me that's ok. They are NOT ready. Not yet. I'm glad to hear the joy in your words. Thank you for the good wishes. It means a lot all the support. For everyone. For anything !
Muddling~I am so very sorry to hear that your father passed away.... I am going to be facing that very shortly. I hope your heart is ok and can be at peace knowing, that you yourself are sick. That was the hard part for me. I am also a nurturing person and I immediately felt the Need to take care of him. I just got a phone call from him saying he isn't good and I should come. I am facing the same thing. I feel sick. My ear is infected, if I don't go I may regret it. But in my heart I know there is nothing I can do. I am hugging you sweet friend. I am so sorry. You're a good woman. He knows this. Always. Hugging you with sister support. 🤲.
Much love ~M~
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Muddling, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I know this is a difficult time for you. I am sure you have some wonderful memories of time spent with him, and after a while you will be able to focus on that. He knew how much you did for him before your diagnosis, and that surely filled his heart with love and appreciation. It is good to know that your sister was able to continue to provide him with the care he needed after you got sick. Take time for yourself as you grieve your loss. I understand why you don't want to go to your appointment on Thursday. Sometimes the visits seem like a waste of time. We will never hear the news that we yearn to hear, and that is discouraging. I hope that you do receive some encouraging news on Thursday. I will be thinking about you.
Micmel, i am doing the happy dance for you. It is wonderful that all your tests were positive. It must be wonderful to go three months between visits.
Lynne, it must be really frustrating that it is taking so long for DF to get back to your oncologist. They seem to pride themselves on their prompt responses and even claim that people can get an appointment the next day. Hmmm. Hopefully, you will get an appointment early next week so you can move on with a treatment plan. My hemoglobin was only 8 last month. Unfortunately, iron won't help my type of anemia. I do feel a bit less winded the past few days, so I am hoping that Xeloda is finally starting to kick in. It would be nice if my TMs start going down. I would be happy if they went down to 2000. Who has that for a goal? Lol. I hope the radiation helps to relieve that back pain you are having. It must be difficult to sleep. Your grandsons look so handsome all dressed up. You are so lucky that all your grandchildren live close by. Five of my sons came here for Thanksgiving. My youngest, the one who bought a house here in Bedford, did not come. It would have been nice to see him and his wife and children, but it is what it is. It was great to have everyone else here. Tomorrow is Patriots game day again. I hope the "good team" shows up this week. I never know what to expect from them. Gronk seems to have turned into a fragile piece of crystal, always getting injured. My DH and I are going to our grandson's robotics competition in Pembroke tomorrow, but we will be back in time for the game.
My threat of giving my grandchildren socks and underwear for Christmas worked out well. Every one of them gave me gift suggestions by today's deadline. I guess I am a scary grandmother.Of course, some of those suggestions are outrageous, and some are as vague as "gift card", but at least I had a good laugh.
Tanya, I hope you are enjoying your trip. I look forward to seeing more pictures.
I hope everyone enjoys the weekend.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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50s girl, forgot to say it was great news hearing your dh's scans were clear. I hope the two of you enjoy every moment of that Disney vacation you have planned.
Muddling, I'm so sorry to learn of your dad's passing. May he rest in peace.
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Muddling sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. Being sick makes loss more difficult because we can’t do what we want.
Micmel I’m dancing in the airport to Dolly Parton at your good news. I think I posted a picture with my son in law or maybe husband but if I look back I’ll lose my post.
Sheila this disease is not nice so.... say whatever you need. I remember my first bout in 2003 one bad news after the next. My husband finally broke down and said he was scared to answer the phone. Dark days for sure. He rode in his car and said every curse he knew and he was in the army in Vietnam so he has an arsenal of profanity that he usually controls. I pray that you get some good news soon. I pray it’s right around the bend my dear.
Runor yes the avatar is s’mores. Made them at a park in the cold with my grandkids in Rochester. It was a fabulous day when I was babysitting them with energy a fond memory for sure.
Lynne NH I got those stupid tattoos and I will not do that again. I think it makes it easier for them at radiation but hey we’re the patient. I pray that it works to take a way the pain. I did get a steroid shot in my spine a month ago or so for pain. I’d like to leave the radiation as a last resort since I was told I can only get it one more time on my crumbling bones.
Mae and Minnie thanks girls I’m trying to enjoy the climate and energy from this glorious Canyon. I wish I had a critter cam. I’ll post some more pics later.
Hello Ms. Divine.
50’s girl and was Mae I was inspired by your traveling and living out loud while we fight this fight. I do love getting away. I have problems waiting at home but while I’m on vacation I refuse to dwell on that stuff. I can’t fix it right now and or maybe it will never get fixed.
Pots enjoy the grandkids they are truly a blessing.
We missed our plane. So the camping out has continued. No complaints.
Tanya
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Here until 9:30 PM I’ve been on the floor in the luggage. We’ve been here since 5:0 0 AMArriving in Tampa at 4:45 AM
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Tanya~ wow! You're amazing to me. The fact that you are traveling all over and you're also on ibrance. I don't know where you get your energy. Like wow. I love all like pictures and your smile always shows the beautiful woman that you are, enjoying every single second of living your life. Snuggled up with those you love.
I love the view and although you missed your plane. I hope that it was worth every ounce of your energy and time! All I can even think of when I am out anywhere. Is how I cannot wait to get back home. It has to be where my mets are located, one of the worst possible places. Right at thebase of my endplate/cervical spine area. Not even a big amount at all, but the damage makes it hard for me to be up for long periods of time. It's not so much severe pain at all. It's more like a feeling that I've already been up way too long. Like my Body never seems to rest ever. A tank without gas. I wish he would lower my doseage. But I know he won't. He is happy with how I'm doing and doesn't want to mess with anything at all. Be safe on your way home. We love you sweet sister! Good looking family for sure. Loving your trip! From a far! 😊🤲 ~M~
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Micmel, ROCKIN good news! I know what you mean about being emotionally exhausted after all this. Even good news leaves you completely wrung out. Like that movie, Waiting To Exhale only it's more like Waiting To Take My Pants Off And Get Into Bed.
Muddling, so sorry for your loss. Hard to process bad news and grief when you come from a place of not feeling great yourself.
Sheila, I am probably one of those people who drive you batty by worrying about the future. I DO worry about the future. Or rather I wonder if I have a future. Even though I have not been diagnosed with recurrent cancer, my mind wonders ALL THE TIME what might be percolating away in here. My tumour was not small. It had been 9 years since I had a mammogram. I wonder every day what sort of mayhem has been circulating around for god knows how long and that when we find it maybe it will be too late to do anything about it. I wonder how long that stupid, weird tumour was in there, making no lump, until it got big enough to cause me 6 months of pain. In that time, what the hell did it get up to sending off it's rotten little cancer cells into my body?
Like Micmel's opening post at the top of this thread says, we are all on a ride that we were forced into. Like dice, rattled up and tossed onto a table, rolling, banging, what comes up, ones or sixes? Those of us who are ones and twos stagger around wondering how the hell we got in this game. We see those who are fives and sixes and feel fear and desperation and an utter uselessness to do anything to ease the suffering or fear or anguish of our misery mates. Of COURSE you feel the injustice of it! We do too. For me, I feel it most acutely when I hear women who are raising little kids and going through this disease. That would be a unique and utter hell, thinking you were going to die and leave that job undone. Thinking maybe your babies would never remember who you were. Hell. It is so sick that you do not have to die to be in hell. So I do mutter, there but for the grace of god go I. Your feelings are understandable.0 -
Runor ~Thank you sweet friend. I just wish that none of us ever had to hear those words uttered to anyone of us. That is what we need. I slept for two days. I man deceloping an ear ache ugh ! Terrible.. love you my friends!
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Muddling, my deepest sympathy on the loss of,your Father.
Lynne, I hope they sort your treatment asap. I have had radiation 3 times now, 3 tattoos for,the first and 4 more for the second and third. I didn't feel any benefit from the last lot, in April this year, so don't think I would accept any more. I also suffer with anaemia, take iron religiously every day and rarely get above 10. Don't think my body absorbs it!!
Tanya great pictures, and hope you get home soon!
Hi to everyone else, too numerous to mention because I am heading sleepwards lol
Good night x
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Micmel I plan my excursions around ibrance dosing. I try to go on my off week. Usually I feel some sort of energy by day three so if I can travel on day two or three when I get where I’m going I’ll have 4 or 5 days until treatment resumes. I have 2-4 days after treatment before I want to curl up somewhere like a cat and sleep a long intoxicating sleep. My back is fatigued and letting me know that I did too much walking but it worked and got me where I wanted to go. I had radiation this round for a full session and it helped my hip and spine. I think the last surgical steroids to the spine got rid of enough pain to function better.
Minnie finally made it home. Long arduous journey but it was worth it.
Once I accepted that this is it. I probably won’t feel any better I decided to try to figure out how I can live through this. There have been many inspirations that I owe thanks to Micmel first the wedding planner. You did what you love for those who you love and it was magnificent.
Mae you always travel work race with a tou tou and party.
50’s girl you travel have family gatherings etc.
Grannax travels models and represents us all with strength and dignity.
Gracie Big Muddling Runor Everyone on here deals with what they have and they care for their loved ones cook dinners attend family functions etc. it shows me that we all have a reserve of grit that we pull out when we absolutely must and we get it done. I’ve seen you ladies gardening decorating shopping and loving yourselves and your families.
I have the most compassion and reverence for all of those who do cancer and raise children. I pray the best outcomes for us all.
Have a good night
Tanya
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Tanya ~ that was A very kind and sweet thing to say! I really say I was touched to think after all this time, you remembered the wedding planning. Everyone's special traits and someone's special talents and dedications. I think you're an amazing woman who I am proud to call my friend. Glad you're home safely. 🤲💙
Minnie~ Hello hope you sleep well! I'm not far behind.
I had to gasp when I finally read my report. About my scan.... I mean the cancer is still in remission and all that hasn't changed., but there was mention of a broken rib. When I met the concrete , I broke my rib!!!! It's healing. I was like no wonder I was in pain! I was fearing mets. But Itwas my rib... broken. Ouchie! Healing has been since late October. Good grief !
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