My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Grannax.....wow how could they have made such a huge mistake in sizing!!!! I'm the other hand, so incredibly awesome you get to show off your Mom's mink!!! You are going to look incredible!!!!
Micmel, praying that the strength comes to you when you need it most! Hoping things get easier as he starts to get more settled in his new room! Please take good care of yourself as well, being a caretaker can be very hard! Hugs!!!
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Thanks Gracie
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Mae you made my day. I knew it! You’re amazing and really in one backpack
Jfl enjoy your cruise Sunday. You’ll start packing soon. Mae is so organized. Puts me to shame.
Grannax Feb 16 will be here soon. Sorry about the dress mixup. You’ll be stunning in black with diamonds dripping off of you and a mink coat. I hope you don’t need the coat and it’s just for show. Get a new ONC. You sounded so miserable on that AA hopefully the Xloda will be much better. And now you have 10 days to get your strength back. It’s amazing how our bodies heal when we stop these meds.
I’ll be going to NY to visit mom and then we’ll be off to Hawaii by months end. I haven’t packed anything but I did buy a blouse today.
Micmel when my dad was alive I had an incident like that at the hospital. Peeing and it was bloody and we were in the ER I grabbed the red garbage pail. I really cannot explain how weird that was.
Tanya
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exhausted, Um tired, keep loosing posts. I need sleep. Lol I’ll catch up in the morning sweet ladies ! Hope all is well and much love. ( and Daniel and Leslie!) too!
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Please forgive me if I am intruding on this thread. I wanted to share that Dianarose passed away yesterday morning. I know she knew several of you on this thread and you would want to know. I’m so sad and miss her so much already! She was such a kind, compassionate woman that would do anything for her DH, family, and friends. I feel so very fortunate that I got to be her friend. 💗💗💗
Hugs to each of you!
Southern
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Grannax~Grrrrr at that huge mess up. Like NO they should be fed exing your correct sized dress to you like now...people suck. No one really does a good job anymore at anything. This country is in trouble if people start loosing pride in working hard and making sure people take care of their own stuff like you should. And mind your business. Ugh! What a crock that is. Although, I know you'd rock any dress you choose too. But damn girl you wanted that dress or you would not have picked it out even. Please post pics of your beautiful event. Have a blast beautiful!
Gracie~ Hello there darling. I hope you're feeling good. Thinking of you.
Tanya~ hi there sweetheart I was thinking of you last night when I was reviewing in my head how disfunctional my family really is. I mean it was surreal sitting there watching him Breathe, I just couldn't believe it was him and this was happening. It's sad. I've come to terms with dying. I don't think I'm as afraid as I was. I think it's because usually when you go, from cancer it's kinda quick. That's what I honestly want. He's so thin. Accidents constantly... I would just want to go. Not linger not even able to roll myself over. No thanks. Hope all is well for you today. 🌹
Parry~ you ok there ?
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Southern~Yes...💔 I myself just found out minutes ago. I am speechless honestly. Just speechless. Broken and speechless. She was my first person here that I spoke with and we spoke everyday. I will never be the same. My sympathies for her DH and children and family. Shattered.
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Unspeakably sad to lose another sister. I remember Dianarose from the Xeloda thread. She was so willing to share and to offer help. My heart goes out to her family and friends.
I am still waiting to hear about rescheduling my MO appt to get the results of my Monday scan. She got sick with the stomach flu 🤢 poor thing. Chemo tomorrow, so if she's back I hope she can squeeze me in.
In the meantime, I am going to take advantage of the nice weather here and go walk around our great San Diego Zoo today. Animals always make me smile.
Hope everyone has an awesome day
Donna
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Thank you southernsurvivor for sharing the news about Dianarose. Condolences to her family and friends.
Tanya
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Sorry to hear about Dianarose. Only hope she is in peace now.
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Donnabella I didn’t realize we are in the same city! Today looks beautiful as it stopped raining so I think the zoo will be so much fun
We go walk around Balboa for a few hours at least once a month and always talk about maybe getting a year pass to the zoo.
Grannax I was mad to hear they messed up your dress. Good news is it can be tailored smaller so if they had made it a size 3 I’m not sure it would be fixable. I hope it all goes smooth sailing from here on. I can’t wait to see pictures I know you will look radiant regardless of the clothes. I’m glad you get to do such a fun event!
Mae I do the same thing when I pack! I hope you and DH have the best time!!!
JFL you too! Never been on a cruise myself, but DH gets seasick. I’ve heard it’s not bad on a cruise since the boat is so big and steady. It always looks like cruises are a lot of fun though with so many things to do if you want to. Hope you guys have an amazing time.
Tanya Hawaii is one of the places I really want to go back to. What island are you going to? There was that big eruption on the big island (I think) last year and people were saying there was these little green stones you could find everywhere. What a cool souvenir that would be! We went to the chicken island Kauai. Very beautiful and we got to see where they filmed Jurassic Park. I’m glad you get to go I know you’ll have an amazing time!!
Micmel I’ve been around just laying lowish and reading all the fun & not so fun everyone here is dealing with. Saw a neuro onc yesterday who wants to add a Gemzar to my infusions to hopefully help treat the brain mets. Back on Avastin as well. This guy literally has scientist in his name on top of all his doctors stuff. I’m glad I see all these great doctors but they seem to like to pass me around like an oddity. My MO said it’s good they all have this interest as it makes it easier to get scheduled for things. I agree but I’d like to be cancer normal for a change and then maybe just normal normal. I’ve been thinking a lot about the 16 months prognosis. Been upset my treatments aren’t working, but then I realized I had the wrong expectations. If I’m supposed to survive for the median time then thinking all the others who came before me making these numbers...well isn’t imagine they wouldn’t have lived long if their treatments worked for a little while. This NO said it has to do with the 3 gene mutations I have all involving, broadly, cell repair. He said my cells are learning, evolving and repairing damage in front of their eyes basically so treatments are failing. Good news, and I’m not sure how this is possible, is he said as long as my body can hold up there will be a line of treatment to try. I was worried I was running out so his answer was comforting for that specific stressor. We want to plan a honeymoon, but it’s this constant changing that makes it very hard. I turn 31 this month. I don’t like odd numbers and hope I make it to be 32. 31 in 2019...ugh, 32 in 2020 sounds better and makes my neuroses a little happier.
Hugs to everyone
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So sad to hear about Dianarose. Thank you for posting, Southernsurvivor.
Parry, I don't like odd years either. I thought I was the only one, lol. I associate bad things with odd numbered years, until last year. 2018 was bad, damn bad.
Thanks for riding in my pocket yesterday friends. It was a long day. We left home at 7am and got home at 5:15 pm. I was beat. Still tired today and probably glowing from radiation, heh. Also, I got to have the delicious BANANA drink. Not. Anyway, my onc called me today and said scans showed everything stable, no progression, and blood work showed tumor markers down a bit. He said he wasn't going to change anything and keep on keeping on. See ya' next month.
I am glad. Trying to put it out of my mind until next month. I've gained more weight, darn letrozole. I've already cut back to only two meals a day, a small brunch and a modest supper. I *have* to eat so I can take meds in the morning and I'm still supposed to be eating a LOT of protein. I know exercise would help but I am physically not able to do much more than I do. I was shaky-weak by the time we finally got home. I know he won't take me off the letrozole because I've asked him to change. I suppose I should shut up about it, in the big scheme of things, but it is distressing and uncomfortable.
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Shout out to my SoCal peeps! I grew up in Huntington Beach (lived there from 5-25 yrs old).
Sad to hear of another loss ☹️
Big hugs and virtual cocktails to all that need them!
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Srry to hear about Dianarose. My condolences to her family.
Grannax, you will look gorgeous in black, with diamonds and mink!
Mae, brilliant packing, lots,of mix and match, perfect for cruising. I'm planning my packing for Canada, and reckoning on 4 pants, 4 tops, light to warm plus bits. We can launder wile there, and,it's casual thankfully. Have a cooked a weekend break,while there in Parksville, for anyone who knows Vancouver island.
Gracie, hope things prove fr you.
Love to Tanya, Muddling, Parry, the Lynns, bigbhome, and everyone else, most of,all Melissa, take care, don't overdo things, rest is essential.
xxx
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Minnie~ Hello sweet friend. You're so thoughtful and kind. I adore you. I'm hurting deeply tonight and I am breaking out in tears in random bursts. I am happy she isn't in any pain anymore, but I am so sad not to get those texts. I knew that day would come when I would find out she was gone after her hospice mention. I wasn't ready to admit what I had read. Thank goodness southern was the one to finally do it. I just could not. I have been so focused on my dad. I wasn't glued to my phone like I usually am. Then it was there. And I read it. My heart dropped. THings will never be the same. I have her cards out on my shelf with her writing and her words. Her loving supportive words. Christmas cards. Just dropping into say hello cards. Pictures. 💔💔 it's all I have left. But it will have to be enough. For my heart to know I loved her so much. She was my friend. Even when she was so sick everyday I texted. A heart or flowers. Sometimes she would respond. Her final words to me was she loved me and thanked me for being her friend. She’s thanking me ? I was the one who was gifted for knowing her. That's all I want to remember. Her beautiful smile while dancing with her perfect DH for her.I hope someday to hold her hand and walk with her like we always wanted to do. 🥺😢
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I hate cancer. I came across this and I had watched this before. It is so true and real. What a brave beautiful woman. She passed in January of 16. But she is gorgeous and she doesn't even lend her voice. But it's so powerful. Everyone should see this. If you've seen it before. I apologize. But I needed to post something to show the fight we go through and how it feels.
Holley - 1/12/16 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDQ0FjP7J-c
With all my love and friendship to Dianarose! I will always love you beautiful sweet woman. I was gifted to call you friend. I’m so sorry. I already missed you even before I officially knew.
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Thanks for the video Micmel. Big ((((HUGS))))
#lifer
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yes we are Parry. 💙you.
#lifer
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Another loss......and I am at a loss. Stunned and sad. Dianarose was a strong, strong woman with an indomitable spirit. She struggled with kidney issues along with the damn MBC. This loss and all the others leave big holes- exceptional people struck down. Their beautiful, infinite souls will be woven into the content of the universe for all time.....
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Still reeling. I have visited my dad everyday since Saturday, in the new facility. He likes it a lot better there. It is a relief to know that he's being taken care of. Those people are amazing. I don't mind taking care of my dad... but there is no way I could help a strange man use the pee pod. No way! It takes an amazing kind of person to do what they do. I am so happy the needed strings were pulled to get him into this place four miles from my house. Weird weird weird how things. Work.
I'm reminded of of course Dianarose my sweet beautiful friend. Magda... Patty Peppermint....Khandy....my beautiful friend Robin.... Ebru.... to name some special ladies. I know there are so many I want to scream from the roof top. I will never forget. Ever. Especially now since im seeing a dying man in front of my eyes slip away each day. Knowing I could be stepping into his place very soon. So scary. Terrible and terrifying at the same time. Off to a nap! Cleaned a bathroom ran over to see my dad and satwith him for two hours and now I'm crashing. My back is cursing at me as I type. Wtf are you doing to me lady? What the heck is all this activity??
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This is my beautiful friend DianaRose. Absolutely gorgeous inside and outside. She never complained. Always pleasant and someone I honestly spoke to daily. My heart is so hurt. It seems surreal. When she said goodbye to me. I felt my life would never be the same. She touched me, although we never met, we would write occasionally, send funny cards. And speak on the phone when she was up to it. She had a great sense of humor as well. What brought us together was the deep love we each have for our husbands. She saw my post and that was it. Instant friends. I am just numb. I hope you're looking down knowing how loved you truly were. 💔💜🌹💐 ~M~
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Micmel, take a day off from seeing your dad. This schedule is exhausting and you need some time at home, in your own space, to rest and mourn. You will not be labeled a Bad Daughter if you can't make it every day. Getting him better care wa your goal and you did that. Mission accomplished. But it is not reasonable to expect you can be there every single day. If you take some time off no one will think less of you and I sure hope you wouldn't think less of yourself!
All these fallen women. It scares me awake at night and fills me with sorrow thinking of all those they left behind, husbands and children and parents who have to go forward without them, much sooner than anyone planned. I don't have the right words to express the grief and powerless horror.
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Runor~Hi there lovely. I am beat. Tired for sure. I just feel bad if he doesn’t see someone he recognizes everyday. Tomorrow I have to get a butterscotch krimpet and coffee cakes. So ill grab a few. I need a few things anyway. But yuck I have the grocery store. I came right home today at noon and slept until 5:00 ish. So I am taking ever chance I can go sleep. I can’t get sick. I have my bloodwork and XGeva shot one week today. Tumor markers drawn as well. I’ve been kicking ass so they should follow Suit. I hope. Thanks for letting me know I am not super woman. No I’m not. My spine feels like glass. Goodnight ladies0 -
Micmel, you misunderstand me. I think you ARE a Superwoman! Super-duper fantabulous awesome woman! But ...even Superwoman is entitled to a day off. I think it's written into the labour laws somewhere under sub-heading "when superheroes have to take a day off to launder cape and tights.." I think allowing yourself a day off is a constitutional right. Have no guilt!
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Runor~I appreciate you so much. All of you are so important to me. My head is literally spinning. And I'm just this piece of drift wood..floating in the useless waves that don't move you anywhere they just tumble you ever so slightly that you are reminded you're still a float. Even though it's 4 miles away it gets to you. Serious. Like wow. I so enjoy seeing him to where I am not breaking my back anymore lifting him. Now to the laundry. I have new respect for all things hospice and palliative. Even more than I did before. These are seriously angels. So thank you if any of you are nurses. (Sweet lynnwood) the nurses with my father are amazing. I can see his liver is shutting down. He's becoming jaundice. I also know that is why I'm not saying oh I'll go tomorrow or the next day because when he passes. I need to be there. I need to witness something I have never witnessed before and I need this for my own sense of peace and comfort knowing my cancer can open up at any moment and let a can of whoop ass on me again. Watching the death up close this way is allowing me to see it first hand. It isn't pretty. Not in the least!
Love you guys ! ~M~
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Micmel. I'm taking two weeks off from thinking about my combative MO. I'm only thinking about first things first. Today my car needs to be inspected, I also need to talk to the jewelry lady about necklace and bracelet and earrings for NYC, I need to try on my black gown so I can alter it, I need to go see my granddaughter in her first Discovery I. Competition tomorrow, I need to be back in time for my fabricator to measure my bathroom for my new quartz countertop. And on and on. I am so blessed, yet you know all I went through with my Wicked Witch of the North who married my father and ruined my relationship with him. I had my own step monster. Good news is I got through it and she died. Things change. You will get to move forward someday.
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well said Grannax well said. You’re on my mind. I know you have had a rough time of it all. Lately. Hugging you gently.
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Micmel, as a nurse I have seen many people die. I tell you this in advance because I have seen it SO many times. The loved one sits at the bedside of the patient who is actively dying. They literally sit there for hours upon hours. They get up to go to the bathroom or get a cup of coffee, the patient dies in the 5 minutes that they are gone. If this happens to you, know this... I firmly believe that the patient is trying to spare their loved one the sight of their death. They love you so much that they do not want them to witness something painful. This may not happen to you but I have comforted many family members who say, “ but I only went to the bathroom, I was gone less then 5 minutes “. It is the final act of love from the patient. On the other end of the spectrum, one of my patients reached her hands in the air as she was dying and said “ Oh my God, it is so beautiful!” I always remembered that. Some patients need to know that it’s ok to go. Some had no family and we would gently tell them that their work on Earth was done, it was ok to go and that we would see them again at the pearly gates. It was honor for me to witness this sacred event as they transitioned from one world to the next.
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Grannax, looking forward to seeing pictures of you in your beautiful dress! Have a blast!!! Hi to everyone!!!
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Lynnwood~ very well said and very touching. I don’t know which will happen. But I know it’s coming. I can see it before my eyes everyday. The decline. The struggle is real my friends as you all know.
Boo boo. ?? Florida. ? Yay or nay? Miss you!
Grannax. You’ll be beautiful no matter what. I wish these treatments weren’t so awful on us. Geeze. All of us are having such a hard time. Lynne man🥺. Diana dying... Parry struggling and trying treatments left and right. I mean. 🥴🤯🤬
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