My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Donna~Of course we would welcome you to our family here. I am welcoming you with a hug and a high five for the champagne! Yum yum! I hope for nothing but the best results. My pocket is a pocket for all. Unconditionally always. I believe we can offer so much support it becomes a real need to have. Because , like you said. No one always wants to be the wet blanket... I just miss my physical strength! Hugs and welcome again!! ~M~ 🌹 🍾 🥂
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JoE, no problem on the misspelled name, happens all the time, lol. Also, I don’t recall anyone reaching out to me yet but then again, I don’t remember lots of things 😀
This is how I picture radiation treatment, hope it helps.
Strawberries and champagne, yes please!
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Micmel-Sooooo glad you got your Dad moved to the place near you! Meant to be! You go, girl!
Donna-this is such a nice thread with the greatest folks. Has your MO mentioned Doxil as a possible treatment? It is an engineered version of Adriamycin that is less of a risk for cardiac problems. Once a month infusion and hair-sparing as well. Fingers crossed on the PET.
Best, MJH
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Illimae, Ditto
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Hi Mae!!!! Saw your steps on the other thread! Wow!!!!!!!!!! I feel good getting to 5000 lolol!!!!
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Welcome Donna!! You’ll have a lot of us in your pocket from now on! I’ll even overlook that your a Patriots fan... I’m from Eagles country!! Lol!!
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Welcome Donna, another one to fit in your pocket. Seems like we have a few pockets to jump into this week. More champagne and strawberries needed to, better make it a Magnum, or do,we need a Methuselah?
Micmel, you are a truly good person. I'm glad your Dad is going to be close to you. Proud of you girl!
Great to hear from everyone. I was really behind, had to read through 3 pages. I had my usual treatment this week, (cycle 35, long may it continue) and have been sleeping at the drop of a hat. Feeling more normal tonight. Life is good at the moment, making the most of it. My eldest grandson goes on his first away from home trip this week. My daughter will probably not sleep all week!
My love to everyone. Hope you all enjoy the Super Bowl. I will be going to sleep around kick off. What time zone is it being played in. I'm at least 6 hours ahead!! X
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Micmel, I am so glad your dad is closer. It’ll mean a lot to you to see each other more often. I agree it will make it harder cuz you are the closest to him in proximity but it’ll be worth it. My husband’s dad was in a long term care home close to us and we were able to visit daily and participate in the events , special dinners, piano night etc. with him and I think he appreciated that.
You are a super woman!
❤️ Suzy
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Thanks Gracie! I enjoy the activities and am thankful to be able to do them. We just do what we can 🙂
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hi StillLiving! Hello lovely. I have to tell you today was hard. At first he was happier in the new place. But then it hit him he wasn't at home again and he was told he would go home when the. Step monster was healed with her arm. He would return home with a full time nurse. I think he felt like he was lied to, so he was not happy. He wanted a cigarette like pronto. Since he was being transferred to another place, his meds didn't occur exactly when they should have. So he became anxious. Which scares him. So we had to calm him down, my sister and I. He was sometimes mean. I have to say. They just get nasty. When they feel that loss of control it can be quite upsetting. He needs the patch back on him immmediately. Of course some things are covered, somethings aren't. It's a real shit stew. I have to say ladies. I don't want to die a slow death. If it's going to happen. Please allow it to be quickly. He is truly suffering. It's sad. Soo stressful, not to mention dealing with people I chose to remove from my life. Not my sister. She's been so supportive.... thank goodness. I'm so exhausted. Time for bed.
Hope everyone is well.
Minnie. Hello darling. Always good to see you! Hugs my friend!!
hello Mae! When does Sunday movies start again ?
I'm off to bed. Hugs to all. ~M~
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You are so strong Micmel. Hang in there. Even if he isn’t being easy remember you are doing this for your heart too. To know and feel like you did the right thing and the best you could with what’s been put on your plate. When my grandma was dying of cancer my family barely put in effort for her. They tried to put it all on my shoulders when I was barely 20 living in another state (when her 2 sons lived hours from her). I wish I could have done more, but I did my best and that’s all any of us can do. I like to think she knows everything now and understands. The other people involved, like your step-monster, have to live with their choices. I don’t think there’s any hard feelings...just the important ones like how much I love her. I can’t say much for my uncles though. I hope he settles in to this new place and does well there. Maybe you can take a spa day or girls day soon! Something just for you to be pampered and relaxed.0 -
sometimes I just want to be like my oldest brother and move away to the other side of the country and just not have anything to do with the entire thing. Now... he's right down the street, when my sister and I left my the facility, step monster called on my sisters car. I believe she is going to be nominated for an Oscar at this point .....she was in full actress mode. Crying and her weak stance of half bending back with her hand laid upon her forehead as if she may faint things have been so hard.
Meanwhile, I've been gutted like an animal autopsy.... cut in every direction and could ACTUALLY pass out if I don't sit when I need to or lay down that second. It's actually so offensive...but I soldier on. I realize he isn't with it. Yeah. He says. “You have just been lowered on my favorites list.” I said dad. I could not possibly be any lower on your list, so it's okay I am kinda used to being out in the cold. Would you rather I leave ? He changed his tune real quick. I honestly don't need someone to “forget" the hurt they caused me and then again play favorites game. ? When you've thrown my family and I away for 16 years and now you’re in my town? My insides are churning. I removed these people for a reason! And now look. 💔😞.
Thanks Parry. You're a killer strong woman as well. We all are when we have no other choice
~M~
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Micmel, Sorry about your dad. Some people are just toxic and we wouldn’t give them our time and energy but we feel obligated because they’re related. If this gives you peace or joy in return, great. Otherwise, feel no guilt for limiting or ending interactions with shitty people, no matter who they are.
We got your back girl
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Thank you. I honestly don’t know what I want to do. Sometimes I am regretful for getting him into this facility with pulling the strings needed to get him in that bed. I’ve lived here for 20 years and I know everyone. So I made sure a bed “opened up” within twelve hours. My palliative care nurse sprang into action and made it happen. Should I have done that? The other place he was in. He was crying and wouldn’t let anyone touch him. So I helped.
Then I get treated poorly again. 🥺. Limits and boundaries were set a long time ago. For a reason. Now look! 🤯😑💔= 🍾🥂 🍷 🍸!
Thanks Mae. 😍. ~M~
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Micmel, I am very sorry to see you have to go through everything you did to help your father ( and even your step monster) and to be treated so poorly. My motto is , when people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Unfortunately , our good deeds often go unappreciated. Do what is best for YOU! Your health must come first.. and have NO guilt about it!
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Lynnwood~ I honestly feel like a ball of stress. I am just in shock I think because someone could be so mean. He's dying yeah. But is that an excuse to be an asshole to someone you have thrown away three times in his life? Really? I don't feel like going back. He peed his pants and announced it to us. There on the cabinet was a sign that read.... “family will do laundry". I looked at my. Sister, took the pants from him and brought them home and washed them. I'm also bringing a sound machine for him because it's killer loud in this place as you could imagine.. moaning people, confused hall walkers. People literally shriveling up in front of your eyes.
For once I can honestly say. I don't want to grow old to the point of. That. No I really do not. I want to go fast. Mister cancer. Pay attention. Fast. So when it's time for me. Mow me over like a high ass unmanicured lawn, that has been unattended for months. Snap gone! It's the least it could do, after all the suffering to get to this point in life. Like tired doesn't even begin to cut it. Flash forward another month or so... my mom enters the picture as well? God no!! I'll just faint and die that moment. I have had enough and so has my dear sweet beautiful husband. God if you're real. People some people are alone suffering. Not my dad. But others. Please please help them. People Are mean!!!! I'm sick of mean. Truly I am. ~M~
Hugs to you ladies Leslie and Daniel.
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MicMel, old age is not an excuse for being mean. I know he is miserable but so are you. It sounds like you are the only one doing anything for him. Set your boundaries...when he is mean just stand up and leave. Since you are physically the closest to him now he will target you as the punching bag. Let step monster be the punching bag. Tell him you will visit again when he can be kind. No drama...keep it simple. He will get it🤗.
Hugs
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Micmel, if he is receiving better care, you did the right thing, no question. Bella is right. When he acts mean, just get up, say "bye" and walk out. Right then. No discussion. Of course, keep track that he is getting fed, kept clean and safe. It will be up to him to act politely enough to have visitors.
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sorry to hear micmel. My bff is dealing with a mean mom all her life. She's 92 in assisted living and trashes her despite all she does for her. I mean she calls her a whore, says she hopes she dies, I mean nasty. She has dementia but has been nasty all her life. When she gets that way she says gotta go and just leaves. What helps with these outburts is ativan and morphine, especially morphine. It's used for more than pain. It's a sedative too that even gets nasty mother smiling and nice some days. Maybe they can give him something to sedate him some.
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Micmel, You did the right thing by moving him to a better place, but that does not mean that you are the whipping post. YOU set the rules. If he is mean, pick up your bag and go home. You can choose to tell him that if he gets mean, you are leaving or just do it! I put up with my Mil being mean to me for 30 years, were it not for me, she would be in the states care. I knew that Sil and Dh could not get it done so I stepped up for them, never for her. Last year, she said some things that seriously messed with my peace of mind, I saw her for the first time since last week. We took her to lunch for her birthday, but I refused to go in with her when we dropped her off and it will be months before I see her again, in fact I made Dh do a conference call with Sil and asked why they were allowing a mentally impaired person make her life decisions. I took all of their arguments away and set up a plan to get her moved out to CA as soon as a place opened up. I will have a big party when she is gone! My concern is my Dh and my mental health and having her gone will be good for us. You do what is good for you and your Dh's mental health!
Yes, Divine, you and I still have Mil issues!
Parry, I just loved your wedding photos! You look so happy! I have been praying for you since you're new news.
Gracie, I sure hope that you start feeling better! You have had a rough time. I pray for you too. Actually, I pray for all of you everyday! I may not post as much but I am lurking.
Hugs and prayers,
Claudia
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Oh, I forgot to tell you all that we are getting Skittles a little sister at the end of the week! She is coming from the same breeder in Texas! She is snow white and I can't wait to see her! I will send pictures when she gets here. Also, I get to meet my new MO tomorrow and I'm excited to hear new ideas!
Claudia
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Micmel my heart hurts for you and what you are going through. Is there something that you can do for yourself to relieve stress. You need to take care of your own precious health and not sacrifice at this point when it is so important. Get some rest, get a massage, go out to lunch with supportive people, take a long bath, go on a date with dh, whatever works to take your mind off of the troubles. Or my go to....retail therapy! You have gone above and beyond to help and do not deserve bad treatment from anyone. I hope you can feel peace within yourself knowing that you have done so much for others. Now, please do something for yourself!
Donna
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Mel, It is good that you moved your dad to a better facility. He will adjust to it with time. Now that he is being taken care of, you need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself so you don't become ill. It is not your responsibility to be all things to or be all things for your father. Do what you can do without a problem, and know that even the little things are a gift for him. You have received sage advice about what to do if your father says mean things. Remove yourself from the situation and don't take any of the toxic words to heart. I have found that people who are very ill and facing death sometimes say hurtful things. That doesn't mean that they truly feel nasty thoughts (although in some sort cases they do.) I think they are scared, tired, angry, sad, under the influence of medication, and feel helpless and/or hopeless at times. They lash out at people because they have no other outlet. Who are the people they lash out at? The people closest to them, the people who love them, the people they love most. Why? Who knows. Maybe it is because they feel that the people who love them will forgive them. The monster-in-law? Try to ignore her rants and shenanigans. She has a problem, and you owe her nothing. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I will try to post more later, but for now, as a change of pace, here are a couple of pictures from Disneyworld. My DH and I had breakfast with Mickey and his friends the other day. As a side note, I have seen lots of Patriots shirts here this week.)
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne.
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Micmel, I echo what everyone else here has said. You did right by your dad. You acted on your ethics. Action is love. Doing is love. You stood and were counted in both cases. No shame. None at all. Have absolute peace with what you did to get care for someone who needed it. And he clearly does.
His bad behaviour? It could be all sorts of causes, as everyone else has pointed out. When he quits being your dad and turns into Mr. Ugly Pants, you get to quit being daughter and turn into Mrs. Going Home To Eat Cupcakes, and leave. It is SO HARD not to take the words of loved ones to heart. But he is altered by age, health, stress and probably medication. If you can let it roll off, breathe a deep breath in and let it all blow away. Then eat a cupcake. Cause you deserve it, girlfriend!
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Bella~I totally agree and needed to see that in writing. I went back today with his clean pants and the sound machine l, when we got there he was asleep. We tried not to wake him up, but he woke up and smiled when he saw who it was. My DH made a point to come to announce there will be no whipping post occurrences. I truly think he was just freaked out after being shifted too three places in one week. He is back on his medication. I made sure of that today, discussed the alcohol issue. Which I have to purchase. But first I have to get the order from the doctor. Which I will do tomorrow. I have an appointment Tommorow myself with the wonderful people that got my dad in that place. So I am so thankful for them. I had him changed to the place 4 miles away from my house within 12 hours of my first call. I had a room number within 6. I am thankful. For knowing people. My step monster is claiming all the credit saying she demanded he be moved. She was told their was no beds. Started freaking out. But I am a behind the scenes worker. Just makes me sick ! thanks for the words of advice and kindness. Hugs my friend 🌹~M~
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Muddling~He truly is being taken care of. It's awonderf place. Their are some asses in this place that aren't too nice. But I'll just kill them with kindness. They will bend to me after a while. I have a way like that. Be around me long enough and you'll either love me or hate me. He was telling us about a blow out he had in his pants last night. It was everywhere he said. He said he felt bad for the person. I noticed his bed was clean, and he smelled fresh. They cleaned him well. Today he seems to like it there more today. like someone said. He will get used to it. Because if I'm honest , I don't think she has any plans to bring him home again. It's just-a feeling I have. The plan is she will bring him home when her arm heals. 6-8 weeks. I am not sure that Is going To be the case. Thank you as well for even caring. ~M ~
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Rosabella~ Hi there cutie!! The medicine I had him put back on is the Ativan. He needs it. It helps his anxiety. The nurse gave it to him when I was there. I know it helped him. What I don't understand is why the step monster didn't make sure he was getting it when she was there this morning. She sent a “group text" to my sister and I saying. “The other crappy place didn't return his charger and his phone Is going to die." So when we got there. He was so upset and worried about his phone dying. His only line to thee outside. His line to family. He was getting upset watching the charge slowly shrink. Again, she did nothing !!
My DH looked at the phone and walked out to his car and got his “box o shit" which has everything you could imagine in it. He's a computer engineer and has every chord known to man. Comes back in with the charger that my dad needed. My dad smiled so bright. He was relieved so much. He thanked him several times. Another problem solved. My sister texted my step monster to ask about his blanket.... and we were informed she was at Disney on ice! He's laying in a. New strange place... alone. And his wife. Is out spending money and not there with him solving his care issues and getting him settled. 😞like wow!
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Bigbhome~Hello sweet woman, how I miss your sweet smile here with us. I agree with you, it's really rough how this is all shaking down. He knows now, I am 4 miles away. He said put your number in my favorites please ? I was looking for your number and couldn't find it. Which means I'm going to call you constantly. But at least I know he's safe. Hes not alone, I am going to check on him everyday I am able. He's tucked in a lovely place with a pastor in the bed next to him. Who is never even in the room. So he has a quiet room. It is like something fell Into place strangely. My step monster was told there was a waiting list for a bed anywhere. No openings. I called my hospice group.. they did their magic and pulled strings and made sure he not only had the best facility nearest me, but the newly renovated part, And he came from an awful room with four people total in his room to now only one roommate. It's a huge difference. Huge. I hope he knows that although I am sick. I still have his back no matter how mean he was or how many times he left me. Love you friend. Thank you for the advice 💙
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Donna~Hello lovely lady! It sure has been a trying month. I'm trying each day to find some strength to solve one issue. If I can do that. I am making progress. I can't just leave him in a place that I wouldn't stay in myself. I just love unconditional to a fault sometimes. But today I saw he knew, who really is showing up and being there for him. He really is starting to get it. I am finding it interesting that whenever we are visiting and it's my sister that is with me, he always asks me to do this, cover me please , do me a favor, can you please help with this. I'm always the one running to ask the doctors and make shit happen. I am wondering why he isn't asking my sister to do things for him. Yesterday he asked my sister, “oh is she the boss now?" It's crazy. I need a course in understanding dying dialogue and thinking. Confusion becomes a big part. But I'm just wondering. You would think he would lean to her more considering she was never beenestranged from him. But I have been for 16 years. So why is he wanting me to do it all? You would think he wouldn't want me even there. If I was so disposable. Ugh mind f**k. Hugs new friend and welcome back 🥂🧁😃 ~M~
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Bigbhome ~Yay for skittles. Can’t wait for pics. I still remember the beautiful dog you had brought home last year. I forget the name you gave her. I think it began with an a. But you had to get rid of her. So I hope your choice this time is a better fit for what you want. I love doggies !! 😃💕
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