My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
Comments
-
Hi all! Mae checking in from Boca Raton. The weather is great but the ocean was a bit too cold for a late afternoon dip, so just the toes.
Big giant waves from Florida!
0 -
Mae~ I think I would have to agree with the toes if it was that cold. The water is magnificent! I'm officially jealous. But you so deserve it. Please be safe. I enjoy your reporting skills. Not just your packing skills. Lol send us some pics of those umbrella drinks. The last ones you posted were as big as my arm. Lol. Have a blast. 😀 
0 -
omg it’s cold again. Up and down like a freaking yo yo. My dad wasn’t chipper too much yesterday. My sister and I visited him yesterday but not for long. He wasn’t a happy camper. Dying is hard work and living Is hard work for sure. To everyone out there dealing one who has dealt with a dying family member. I honestly feel everyday I’m loosing another battle!
0 -
I was present for my mother's transition and it was haunting. I was lucky to get across the country on time to be there. My Dad and three of my four siblings as well. I feel that she knew we were there for her, and I try to remember that. Otherwise, it was tough on all of us. Waiting for that next breath that didn't come. The finality. What works for some doesn't work for all. I'm hoping that my children won't be with me at that point and have to carry that memory. But maybe it will be important for them, and I would never take that from them if they need it.
So I still do not have the results of my scan from 2/4. My MO was sick and the appointment has shifted to next Tuesday. Also, did not get the scheduled chemo on 2/7 because platelets were too low. That is also rescheduled to next Tuesday. However, the blood work did show some good things. My Alk phos dropped and is back near the normal range, just a few points high, and my tumor markers dropped 50 points, so I am hoping.......
Parry, you are in San Diego? I am in east county. Been here for 35+ years. I hope you are feeling better! Grannax, I hope you are starting to feel better, too, since stopping AA, and good luck with your busy schedule! Micmel, hang in there girl, and be kind to yourself. Mae, loved the FL pictures. Enjoy the weather and the tropical drinks! Lynnwood, thanks for sharing your experiences with patients. I think we all want to be the one exclaiming "it is so beautiful!"
Thinking of everyone and hoping we can all find a little piece of joy today.
Donna
0 -
Micmel I often think my family has it harder than me since they have to watch my decline and struggle and can’t do much to help. Then they will be here when I’m gone. The end of someone’s life is sad, but I think the fact that it ends makes the living part more meaningful. I wish I could take away all the pain and suffering. At least you get this time instead of a sudden death. I know these thoughts don’t make it better, but they’ve helped me cope. Sending some big warm hugs and some hot chocolate with mini marshmallows your way.
Mae it looks like you are having a great time
woo hoo! Donna I’m also in east county! Small world
Where to do you go for treatment, if you don’t mind me asking? I’m up at UCSD. I always stress when I don’t hear back about scans within a day or so. My MO is great about getting the results to me and if it’s delayed it’s usually bad need meaning she is consulting others or the tumor board about it. I hope that’s not your case. Everyone has had a cold that I know and it’s been a rough one. I’m still on cough drops from this cold mid Jan! Oncologists might have stricter regulations when they get sick. Hope you numbers do well for your next infusion.Hi to everyone hope you are all hanging in ther
0 -
My grandparents both wanted their kids at their side at the end. The kids wanted it too. My mom flew from Seattle to CA. They both waited for her, the other kids were here then passed. Imo it should be what the kids want because they will be left with it. Some want to be there, some don't. I think it's an individual decision and either way should be accepted.
0 -
Donna~I am giving that some serious thought. I went to see hi again today and got another laundry bundle to wash from a soiled blanket. And pants. He says to me “why didn't you become a nurse? You're really good at it" that was his way of acknowledging that I was taking care of him and he knew it. I was his only visitor today. Everyone is sick. My dd is sick. I'm going to try to bring my DS to visit him tomorrow. I'm hanging out with my sweet second daughter. Watching the handsome Colton. The bachelor!!He's a good guy. Hope he gets a good woman! Love to all. Donna.... here's to good results ! 🍾
0 -
micmel The last part of my father's life was not pretty, either, My reaction to the process I saw unfold, especially to his wife, was not pretty. The memories I have of his life after my mother died are not pretty. In fact there was nothing pretty about those hurtful, painful years, life altering years. I lived through it, that's all I got. But, I think you will have a few good memories and live through it.
0 -
Grannax ~ I read your post and then re read it again. It sounds like another difficult time that you went through. You're something else. I have strong emotions that come and go with this entire thing. If I hadn't been there to take care of the things around him. He would not have had what he needed. When I went the first time, he had one blanket. Then the very next day I go he has the lightest hospital crap sheet/ blankets, because his only quilt there was soiled and lost. I immediately went home And I brought over three of mine for him. To have. He soils an average of a blanket every two days. He was so cold. I wrapped him up in the blankets and he was so warm and smiled so big at me. He was comfortable and warm. She then said. “ oh I would have brought other blankets". I just let it go. I knew he was warm and he was snuggled up comfortable and warm. I labeled the blankets for him so they won't be lost. Everyday except one I have had laundry from him. The next day i bring it back. I just throw it in with my sons and my clothing. Unless it's really bad of course. Then I soak it and wash it a few times. Just plain clothing is fine. Blankets. Not so much.
I sometimes sit and think how and why did this happen to me now? I knew what was going on and I wanted to stay far far out of it all. But hearing of his suffering just gutted me. I had to do something, this is my town and my hospital. They extended my life. It's a good hospital. I know the people who need to be talked to. To make things happen. I don't understand why when I am ill, that this is placed into my zone after 16 years. That's a long time and now. If I hadn't gone over every single day, he would have no clean blankets. (None at all) no clean pants or undershirts or sweatshirts. I check the basket everyday I go in there... I don't know how long I have with him, so whatever time I have with him, needs to be about allowing him to feel taken care of before he passes away. Everyone deserves that. He's grumpy for sure but under there, his under the cuff comments allow me to Know he gets it. I just hope I am able To keep up this pace.
I'm sorry Grannax that you would ever have to experience anything close to what I did with my step monster. Just awful. Now she wants me at meetings and running his care all week basically. She drops in twice a week, and I do understand, she works and she doesn't ever let you forget she works. But I'm kinda working on staying alive. And stress isn't something I really need.
I'm so tired so I hope everyone is doing well.A Quiet. Few days. Hugs to you ladies.
Tanya you ok darling ? Divine?
Much love ~M~
0 -
Parry~I agree with you. I am always worried about the sadness he will feel. My Dh and I , We are best friends and he is my “hoake" from driving miss daisy. I trust him with my life. I adore him completely. The thought of leaving him and my kids brings me to my Knees. I am trying to learn to forgive I am doing my best with it. It's a hard thing to have forced upon you. Most times forgiveness is an elective choice, this for me wasn't. It was Bam. In my lap. I am starting to notice a different type of strength than. I Had before. Less spinal pain after this full week. Today it has been a week since he was in my Town. The more active i am becoming because of this the Better I have been feeling. Less naps and more energy with less pain in my back. I am hoping against hope that my muscles are improving around the area that the cancer had effected and made weaker. I would love love nothing more than to travel again with my sweet DH. He's the reason to fight. I know you know this completely, Mrs newlywed!!! Sleep well tonight beautiful!
0 -
Rosabella~I honestly believe that I should be there when it happens. I need that for my own understanding of what will actually happen. I must see it first hand so I can tuck inside my mind how it really was. Maybe it will help my fears, maybe it won't. But I can promise you my father is a very private person, and if he has his choice, no one would be around. He has always preferred being alone. Even now. My visits are spent making sure he's ok. Making sure he has his drinks. His blankets are clean.. he's clean. Talk to him about certain things he needs and then he's done. He likes being alone. But now I am laying in bed thinking he's four miles down the road. Right. Now. So sad. I don't know how much more my body and mind can take. Sigh 😔 and on we go......💜 to all
0 -
sun is shining... and I still have cancer. I am up and moving! Hope today is a good day for us all.
Off to see my father soon...
love to all
0 -
Grannax, your post so reminds me of the feelings my husband has regarding his toxic childhood and the damage done to him. It has haunted him his whole life
0 -
Good morning! DH and I visited an old friend of his yesterday and had a great lunch with a Pina Colada and slice of key lime pie. Then, we went to Manatee Lagoon but none were there, so we looked around the gift shop (the friend who’s like a second mom to DH surprised me with a pair of manatee socks!). Before leaving we checked one more time and saw one swimming away (the dark spot circled in red), it was fun.
Disclaimer: the wind blew up in my face while the picture was taken, I don’t usually look like Larry from the three stooges, lol
0 -
lol at you!! Mae!!! Good reporting. I love the water. It looks beyond peaceful. It’s amazing to see that. I am jealous of you and wish. I could travel like you do. I will like vicariously through you. I’m loving your collage of pictures. Can’t wait for more ! 💙 be safe on you’re travels. Lol @ three stooges. I always got stuck watching them with my parents. Step father actually.
Love to all!
0 -
Mae pina colada is my fav! Yum yum. Great pictures & reporting so we can live vicariously through your adventures:) I know it’s not customary but you may feel you’re pocket a little heavy from my rock hitching a ride lo
0 -
So, I was saving this info until I got permission to share but DH and I are on this cruise as guests of Alan Parsons (Alan Parsons Project, producer of albums by The Beatles and Pink Floyd and more).
Note the “Artist” on my badge. This is going to be amazing 😀
0 -
micmel-u know how hard it is to watch your father pass. i had to give permission for them to take my father off the ventilator because i knew he didn’t want to be on it. it took 4 hours and then his vitals started going down and at that moment i wanted to yell “put him back on!” it felt like i lost my best friend but i knew what he wanted. your father is lucky to have you.
grannax i’m glad you’re feeling better. can’t wait to see the pictures!
mae have a pina coloda for me. i am hoping to go to florida next year for my birthday
0 -
Mae~ I knew you were awesome but that is kick ass, I am so excited for you as if this wasn't some kind of bucket list item? Please have a blast. And drink a fruity with an umbrella in it. And some pineapple. I'll be trying to manage my constant. BAck issues. That hit me this morning yet again. Ugh and ugh. I am struggling here and I am wondering how the hell I am going to get through.... it's been one week and already I feel exhausted. The back thing is an issue for sure. I'm hating it! Like I said I am vicariously living through you .have a blast be safe. Enjoy. You so deserve it. Cheers to DH 🥂.. golden globe reporting......nomination for you my dear!!
0 -
Oh my gosh Mae!!! Not only are the pics wonderful, but I raised my kids listening to Alan Parsons “Tales of Mystery and Imagination”! My son writes music today and credits Alan Parsons for the kind of music he writes! How cool for you not only to be there, but also why!!!
0 -
Holmes~I am reading your post and thinking. Damn I don't know how I could ever be the one doing that.talk about strong ? My head is spinning around from all of this. I am hugging you just because. It takes a strong woman to do what someone wants and honored their requests. 🙇♀️ Please give me strength that you had....
This week is going to be extremely difficult. As if any of our weeks are smooth sailing (unless you're Mae lol). Monday 930 hair appointment that I honestly can't wait for.. then to my fathers to visit with him ....then to dispensary then I'm going to go home for a nap...Tuesday may be the only day I'll have to clean the house and do laundry. Of course visit my dad. Wednesday, 930 am meeting with facility team, with step monster... which happens once a week for the staff to hear concerns and problems and the Doctor updates us on. His condition. Then i am going to bed. I have to nap And I am realizing this. Thursday. XGeva shot and bloodwork. Visit dad Then sleep. Friday visit dad and my sweet DH comes home. Ahhh just get me to Friday and into His arms. Please give me the sgreto make it through another week.
Hope everyone is doing well.
I have noticed that Sheila Marie hasn't been around. Very concerned there. Thinking of you ! Sheila Marie! Much love to all ~M~
0 -
Micmel, I gotta tell you, I am worried about you taking all this on. The stress is overwhelming, and I know because I took care of my mom the last year or her life, my husband the last year of his life and my brother for two years after his stage four diagnosis. Please make sure you are getting enough rest, and take time once a week to do something really nice for yourself! Sending you big hugs!!
0 -
Gracie~ ty honey. To be honest, I am also really scared too. I don’t have a choice, I’m going to have to pace myself for sure!!!! Ty for even caring. You ladies are so special to me. Hugs and love. !
0 -
Big hugs!!!!
0 -
Hi all
Mae you are a rock star!!
Micmel you always have some reserves and come out strong.
I fell Wednesday. Some kind man lifted me up and a young lady thanks. While I figure in this new pain to my days and silently reading from my new perch. Have a good one all
0 -
Mae that’s super cool!
Micmel what a busy week...I was tired just reading about it. Sending good vibes and energy your way to make it through.
Tanya ouch. Hope it wasn’t too bad and will heal quick.
First round of Gemzar tomorrow. Skin mets pain has been unmanageable with pain meds and lidocaine patches so that will be a talk with my MO tomorrow. I’m scared. I don’t want to be addicted to prescription drugs. I already feel like a druggie with the 3 different ones now. Plus I hate how they knock me out except at night. Does anyone else wake up or start to feel the pain surge an hour to half hour before next dose? Depending on the med it’s like clockwork exactly 1 hour or 30 minutes. This is life now. I did get to see a good friend today. Got some great local honey and rosemary olive oil bread from a farmers market. She is the only friend I have in my city who is a true friend and has such a big sweet heart. It’s always nice to see her and get out of the house, but I couldn’t take my pain meds and drive so that sucked. So worth it though.
0 -
parry I pray your gemzar is easy on you and busts your cancer to smithereens!
Tanya
0 -
Yeah! Me too
thanks0 -
Parry, I will be in your pocket today as you see your MO and have your Gemzar treatment. I will be the one with cold hands and feet since I am starting taxol today and will be icing my hands and feet during infusion. I hope they find a way to control your pain.
Tanya, That must have been a nasty fall. I am glad someone was there to help you up. Be careful so you don’t get hurt again.
Mae,I love the pictures. I want to be there in the warm blue water. It sounds like you are hobnobbing with the rich and famous. That his great. It seemslike you are having a really good trip.
Micmel, You have a busy week,but it sounds like you will pace yourself.
I have to head off for my MO appointment and chemo. Have a good day, everyone.
Hugs and prayers from,Lynne
0 -
50’s girl Lynn I am thinking of you today as you embark on this new path of treatment. I truly empathize with all the feelings and pray for best outcomes.
Tanya
0
