My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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thank you ladies. I am definitely in shock and definitely having. A hard time. Grief is extremely heavy. Even heavier than my own diagnosis was. I feel like a different feeling has occurred for me in this world again. First it was my diagnosis and then loosing my father. I am beyond exhausted. Drained beaten down. Robbed. And the kicker is. I got to sit and hear howmy step mother met my father, and took him away from 4 young kids ages 14-4. She knew wrong From right. I was one of those kids left behind, sitting in my Dads chair hearing her laugh it off as if it was the funniest story ever. While I sat there again as that 4 year old child. Who lost her father all over again at age 48. It was difficult to see through the tears no less be expected to speak right after that delivery of unwanted knowledge. I'm struggling with my emotions, I'll admit I'm a big huge hot mess! Ugh. Thank you Mae. You're a wonderful friend and woman. ❤️🌹~M~
Ps thank you for even caring and remembering... means so much to me.
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Micmel
That’s some really emotional sharing at a funeral in mixed company of the family you disrupted. Compassion?
I’m glad that part is over. I hope one day you’ll remind her of the train wreck she left behind. Maybe when she wants to know why can’t we be friends.
I’m off to graveyard to pay my respects to my marine dad.
Semper fi
Tanya
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No thanks necessary, it’s what we do. 💚💖💙
I have been busy with online retail therapy, so many deals this Memorial Day weekend from super cute clothes to quirky jewelry and household items. I think I bought everything I liked, now it’s time to relax before my credit card company suspects fraud or a stolen card, lol
I hope everyone is having a good day, whether is peaceful, fun or just getting through 🙂
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Micmel, I've been thinking about you and hoping you had found some peace since your dad's memorial service. I am so sorry that your stepmother has again disappointed you. Some people find it impossible to see the world in any other way than with themselves at its center. She is clearly one of those unfortunate individuals and maybe this is your answer to the question of whether you want to retain her in your life.
I apologize for not reaching out sooner ... I have been in Japan with my DD, D(S)D and DGD(21) for the last 10 days and have hardly had a moment's free time. But being with some of the women I love most in this world makes me think about how important it is to be careful with the feelings of those we love most. When you care about someone, it can be so easy to hurt and to be hurt by them and we all have a responsibility to understand that. Your stepmom does not seem capable of understanding that and I fear that she is just going to continue hurting you.
You have a big heart. You also have family and friends that love and support you. Put yourself - and those closest to you - first. The love you share with your DH (and those friends and family members who truly appreciate you) is all you need now. Turn to them, lean on them, grieve with them. They will pick you up and help you heal. And, if you need more, turn to us.
In the meantime, I'm sending you healing hugs and much love. Focus on the fact that you and your dad were able to find each other again and rediscover the closeness you once had. You gave him so much and made his last days so sweet. Hold onto that and remember the love you shared with him, both as a child and as an adult. You are strong and you will get through the pain. The memories will become brighter than the sadness and you will smile again. Hold onto that, Boo.
(Edited because my Japanese wi-fi keeps cutting in and out on me!
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Tanya I hope you find peace honoring your marine father. My heart bleeds with new understanding of the losses of parents. I'm a twisted pile of rubble in an aftermath, although be it, years and years later. Learning things I would have rather not be known. Now, I have this knowledge that none of my other siblings know. Heavy heavy load.
Mae~ 🥺🥰🌈 thank you
JKL~Thank you. It's really something else and I honestly not shocked because, I knew going into this that a leopard cannot change his spots, she needed help, no one else stepped up. But me. She used me and now is still continuing to act in an abusive way. My DH and I talked long about it this morning and it was hard. I'm so disappointed in the disgusting disfunction of this family. When all I ever wanted was to love my father.
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Micmel, i’ve Been thinking about you all weekend...from birthday celebrations to speaking at your dad’s funeral. Lot’s of highs and lows for you crammed in one weekend, a lot to process. I think a bunch of us were in your pocket yesterday....snotty Kleenex and all. Out of all of this, I can feel that you are loved intensely by the family that matters to you and that you also love them intensely. When it counted, I think your dad left you a tremendous gift, his love for you. It feels like your SM is jealous and acting out by being so mean...I think your answer on what to do with her is getting clearer and clearer.
When my mom died, I couldn’t give a speech if my life depended. I was numb with shock...looking back. When my dad died, I was just so sad that he was gone and mad at part of the family who wanted to hijack his funeral to make it about them, that I couldn’t talk. I wrote the speeches and family friends delivered them. So good on you, you did it....how did it go? Did you do it in bare feet?
Be gentle with yourself, grieving is slow hard work. I felt like I was in a long tunnel for several weeks so don’t surprised if you can’t think, can’t remember things, cry suddenly, food doesn’t taste very good, you feel exhausted....the list goes on.
Be well,
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Pots~It was a rocky road. Saturday my DH threw a huge surprise party for me. (I knew). Then switch off to Sunday and the memorial service. I did speak. Through. Heavy tears. But I sat in his favorite chair in his house when I spoke. I felt him with me. My SM is grasping firm to me and my family now. Especially my DD. She is so sweet and kind. ( Even though ) she’s can really be a mamas cub! I had a feeling this would happen. My DD and I were the only ones present with her minutes after he passed. We didn’t leave her alone. We showed up, and she knows it. She’s trying to keep her strength and mind straight and they only people that stepped up, was the family that she made sure went away years ago. Now she saw some others true colors. I went my DD went. My DS went. Even My DH went even though she is disrespectful to Him. I think it’s just way that she is. She will choose me to glom onto because she knows no one else showed up when it was most important. Her family has always loved me. I know them all. I had a nice talk with one of her sisters. She told me that my dad did nothing but talk about how I was taking care of him. Doing his laundry and how he waited for me to show up, I agree about the gift he gave to me. I love it and I love him. Thank you all for being so supportive and kind. Much love to all
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I have them alllllllll!
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Hi Mel,
Just checking in to see how things are going. Good week so far? Or you've had better? I understand no matter how you answer.
When I lost my Dad, I was in a rehab within 1 week of his passing. My Dad was my hero. He was an awesome person and a terrific Dad. You may just need some down time to maybe, process everything.
I just want you to know I'm here if you need me.
Love you girl,
Laurie
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JKL,
I don't know you, and you certainly don't know me, but your post to Micmel was so awesome, and perfectly honest. I wish I could write the way I feel, but I have ADHD, so it's hard for me to express my thoughts. Your post was so warm and perfectly written, and I just wanted you to know I'm so glad we have people like you who post from the heart. I am so in awe of many of the women on this site. We are blessed to have each other.
Laurie
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BooBoo~I love you my friend. I’m having a hard time for sure. I have no energy or desire to even move. I cry in fits and can’t stop seeing his face, smile and eyes. I know I have to take one day at a time. It sucks because I scan tomorrow. Just way to much to process. I appreciate you all more than words. It really sucks to be a broken person. Knowing now, right alongside with cancer. I’ll never be the same.
I hope you’re all doing good. This thread isn’t just about me. I care for you al so much!
And wow at Japan. I’m afraid to go down the street no less out of the country.!! You go girl
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Micmel, the grieving process really is a “process". I once read a very insightful book called something like “Life After Loss" and it said grief is love expressing itself in a different way. I was almost 40 when my mom passed and I felt the most painful emotions I'd ever experienced. Heartbreaking, It helped knowing the pain was a measure of my love for my mom. Something else I read was allow yourself three years to process the loss. Of course, it will always affect you, but don't feel in a few weeks or months its time to “get over it". This is a lot of emotional upheaval, and it takes time to come to terms with it all.
It's been almost a year since my mother in law went to live with her daughter and after 30 years, dh and I were finally free from being responsible for MIL. The MIL issue did some damage to our marriage and its taken all these months to repair and move forward. I told dh, “don't think I'm going to quickly get over" what I went through. Somwe’ve worked through it. Well, now his two most mental siblings are starting crap and trying to drag dh into it. The sibs are in their mid 60s. They need to grow up! Honestly, I think they drum up the drama for kicks. Its extremely dysfunctional. I told dh he had better not even get involved or there will be holy hell to pay.
My own siblings know how to push my buttons but I have learned how to handle them over the years. We had a wonderful weekend at the beginning of May going to my sister's son's graduation from medical school. Why would we clash and make it about us. It was his accomplishment and we were so proud and all on good behaviour. Too bad dh's siblings can't find it in themselve to be cordial with one another.
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This time they gave me Berry. Ladies if you can get this flavor. It’s way better.. it doesn’t taste like chalk. Or hand lotion. It’s smoother and tastes way better. I just put ice in mine to make it extra cold. Luckily I didn’t gag this time. I forget if we are allowed to have any water after we drink this. Tomorrow I wake to drink another half. Then the rest at the scan. I can’t drink it unless it’s cold. I hope I sleep! 8:00 am yuck!0 -
Divine~Hello beautiful, Ive missed you. I was wondering how you were doing. I didn't want to do the role call because I honestly didn't want to bring anyone down. Dealing with cancer is a lot, I don't want to make it harder for anyone reading about my loss. But thank you for reminding me it is a process. I go up and down about it and it has rocked my world for sure. Although I knew it was coming at some point I honestly thought we'd have him into the summer. I'm so sad we aren't.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with issues with his siblings. I realize dealing with wicked problem people instantly brings me down. It's like cement shoes. My stepmother is one of those people. Dragging dragging dragging me down. It's upsetting. She keeps texting me and I have some of my most treasured pictures there that I must get back. I guess I could ask her to mail them to me, but knowing her, she would want to bring them to -my house, which I am not going To even have occur. My Dad i would have had him here with me, if it wasn't for her being around. She's annoying loud, obnoxious and rude. To basically everyone. It's hard relationship to even pretend to entertain. So I can fully understand why you would want to put the hammer down.
Love seeing you here. Hope ibrance has been kind to you. I am starting my #32 month on it. Scan Tomorrow, so the chicken 🐔 in me is checking in. Bock bock !
Much love beautiful lady! Don't be a stranger please you make me smile ! I miss Lynne (50's) Ive even begged🥺. Good friends are hard to find. ❤️
Blueshine. Hope you're well. Donnabella... marianeElizabeth.... hope all is well! Minnie 🌈.... philly... any Italy pics to share I've been dying to see them!!!!
Anyone seen Miss. Bianca around either ? Or any news on schwilly?
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Good luck tomorrow, Mel! It’s early for pocket duty but I’ll set my alarm
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thank you Rosie!! I’ll wear big pockets. I hope I don’t sleep through the scan. I didn’t realize it was so early. But I did it that way, so I could sprint for my coffee afterwards. I don’t like not having my morning java. I’m going to get an extra large. Goodnight lovely lady!!
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Officially jumping in for pocket duty, I’ll bring the coffee.
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Micmel, happy belated birthday! Sorry to hear about step mother at the funeral. Some people are just so self-absorbed they are tone deaf and clueless to the things they say and how they impact others. Who in their right mind would think it was a good idea to recant how one met a man that resulted in separating a family??!! In front of man's family?! Not funny, not charming, not touching, not cute. Perhaps a part of it is insecurity and could be her trying to justify or stake claim to her importance in his life given that she was not one of the original members of his family and likely feels threatened by those who are. If nothing else, be thankful you are not that person who is so out of touch with reality and people. Good luck with your scan!
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JFL~Thank you. It was truly stunning for me to hear that while losing my father 16 days before and her just coming back into our lives. Not a good choice. The one thing i did forget to mention, was it was not her that mentioned any of that. It was her older sister. I don’t know if she knew the toast and or speech she was about to give. But she laughed along like it was the funniest thing ever. Maybe she felt awkward I’m not sure. But whatever. People have no clue anymore about respect for people. Like come on. My kids were with me. They are older yeah. But they know what I’ve gone through and they know what she’s like. I thank you so much for your support. It means everything to me. I hope things are going well for you. Please let me know. I drank the berry stuff and I’m sitting in the office now waiting to be called back. The berry was better but man I gotta tell you, that stuff ran directly through me. Like water. It wasn’t pretty. Never happened to me before like that. Wow. Not attractive at all! The things we go through. Yuck!
Mae ~ I have big pockets thank you darling.
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good morning Muddling and Micmel - I’m off to get my scans today too! Nuclear bone scan and CT scans from lungs down to bladder. Hope my shake is a good flavor
We are all in one another’s pockets! I will be happily taking a Valium today to ease my scanxiety!
Love to all,
Philly
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Muddling~I am glad to see you. I know everyone has been so busy this month. I know personally I can't put this May behind me fast enough. Been a really bad month. I hope you're doing ok beautiful!
Philly~Good luck darling. I'm done my scan so Mae and I and rosie and the others are hopping into your pocket!! We are right with you darling. I hope you can feel our love and not just the crunching. I brought Jell-O shots. Hope that's ok lol. Hugs and love ~M~
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thanks Mel! That made me tear up! Jello shots are totally welcome 😂 so glad you’re done already!!
I’ll report back as soon as I hear anything! I am feeling optimistic 🤞🏽
Love
Philly
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Thinking of all having scans and said a prayer for strength and positive results for all!!!0
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Lynnwood~Hello lovely woman. Thank you for the wishes!! It's a scary cancer world, out there. Ugh the waiting is enough to collapse a horse. I hope you're well my friend. I know your starting a new tx. How is it going? How are you feeling? I hope you're feeling well. This weather has been stormy, humid all of a sudden and filled with pollen! Ick !! Hugs and love ~M
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Sexy outfit! 😂😂😂😂😂
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I think you’re gorgeous. Looks at your gorgeous head of hair. What a pose. Runway ready baby!! ❤️
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I know that some of you have had loss, I realize and I am not doing too well with mine. I am not wanting to do anything I don’t enjoy anything anymore. Except sleep where I wait for my dad to visit me. I want to see him again. I miss him. It’s only been 25 days since he passed and I am just still In Such shock. Even though I knew it was coming. I know my scan today may be a trigger for me. I am just always exhausted from living in this grieving pace that already existed with my diagnosis. Now with this added on. I’m even more aware of how precious life really is. I am not sure how to even move somedays. I am sluggish, tired, uninterested in anything. I keep looking at pictures and it’s killing inside. My heart bleeds for one more hug or one more I love you. I found a picture today that my real mother sent me. Of my sister and I. The teardrops welled and they haven't stopped. I don’t know how anyone could leave these faces? 💔😭😶🤢😧🥺😩😢. Sadness is rough!
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Oh Mel,
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. Death is very difficult for all of us, but for some it is completely overwhelming and paralyzing. Do you have someone close who you can talk to? I’m worried about you, girl. Sometimes we need help getting through these tough times, and I think this qualifies as a very tough time. I wish so bad that I had not moved when I did. I would be there to give you lots of hugs and hold your hand.
Please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do to lessen your pain. I’m praying that you will feel the love of all of us around you.
Lauri
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Oh, forgot to say I had a PET scan last week myself....waiting to hear from my new onc at Moffitt. Hoping we all get good results.
Lauri
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Micmel..stopping in to say hello. I wish I could heal your broken heart. You have been thru so much these past 2 1/2 years..but you keep going. Grieve..that is the natural course of this sad loss.
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