My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Mae~Thank you! It really felt good to see that smile on her face. She was a lot of fun. She sent me a pic of her in her outfit, on her wrist was her bracelet, she hasn’t taken it off. My sister said she wanted to change into it on the way home. Warms my heart. You’re flying out today. Safe flight. Looks stormy where I am! Hugs and have a great time. I know you will!
Grannax~Thank you for taking the time to tell me that she will remember that day. I would hope that she would feel in her heart her great aunt loved her. My sisters kids were always over my house. It was their safe place. They always slept like little angels and always loved our special outings together. I always felt the kids were so important. The way I was raised wasn’t a story to be told in any children’s book, but I want to love the kids , especially when they really need to have some extra loving.
Hugs to you and hope your family are doing well.... thank you for the kind words. Love to all my sisters.....
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Micmel, what a sad story. I'm sure you made her day, and I am sure she enriches your sisters life.
Mae, have a great holiday.
I'm off to Scotland in 2 weeks. Don't know what to pack. Could be winter clothes lol
Love to all x
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Minnie and Mae, hope you both have wonderful trips! Scotland is pretty high on my list Minnie. Mae, I forgot where you’re going, sorry. Pics please.
Lynwood, I appreciate you opening up about your funk. I imagine everyone experiences that feeling of letdown when progression comes, but with so many mental fights we go through to try to stay sane at some point we are going to just get tired and down. I hope you get a balance with Xeloda soon. And I hope the funk lets you go soon.
Micmel, lovely day you must have had with your grand niece! It was so heartwarming how good you made her feel. And I’m sure you felt her love for you.
I had my first scans a couple weeks ago and got some pretty good news with the liver mets having shrunk some. I had to have a mammo to see what was happening with the breast mass and just got a report that it was markedly improved and just about gone. Axillary nodes were now normal appearance except for one. You all know the aggravation ahead though—how long will it last. I’m going to enjoy it and hope it lasts but I have a new appreciation for good news.
Hello to everyone. Nice to see your gardens and flowers. I have a few planters with flowers and luckily they haven’t floated away with the tons of rain we’ve had recently.
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Rosie~I have always loved the kids in my family. I was always the youngest so I was the one they all climbed over and I was the one who did airplane and took them on special days out. We would plan two weeks ahead and then they would grit their teeth wondering what we would do. I always took them to build a bear or shopping someplace they love. I allowed her to pick out everything she wanted, with some guidance and suggestions. She got what she wanted and really likes it. I got a pic from her this morning with her dressed In the outfit and there was her little heart bracelet on her arm. Those are the moments I care about knowing that when she puts those shoes on and when she looks at her arm, she'll think of me. That bracelet she will have when I'm gone.
Her dress matches her sandals perfectly. I'm so happy I saved that dress. My sister was so shocked. It was funny. She was counting every single penny to pay for this rehearsal dinner and I know she was sweating getting all of this done. I felt useful and I felt like I could help this beautiful little precious angel. Who, I truly care for. Not to mention save my sister hundreds of dollars! This dress was a Jessica Maclintock original.It gave me a moment to give back or sort of pay it forward. I have had many people be very generous to me and my family through this. IFelt this child needed to know she has an aunt who cares. 🥰♾
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Muddling~Feel better... and thank you! ♥️♥️ Kick that bronchitis rear end!
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omgosh insomnia sucks. I don't know when or where it snuck up on me but it sure does suck royally. I could read and get tired. The second my book gets put down and I get my pillows adjusted, get to the potty. Lay down and then by then I'm awake again. Is there anyone out there that Also drinks entirely too much water at nighttime???? Ugh. Up Twice for that alone!! Goodness me. Almost midnight again and here I am counting limping sheep! Goodnight peeps!
Daniel and Leslie. Thinking of your little family ! Gracie... on my mind as well. Sending thoughts your way. Hugs.
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Micmel, what a sad story about your family and a lovely, heartwarming story about your great niece! I agree with a Grannax, your your dad left you with with another big gift, you are able to reconnect with and help your family. Your little great niece is old enough that she will remember your kindness and your love. More importantly, when her life gets messy with her mom or your sister, she has someone else to turn to or to escape to for special moments, sanity, and warm hugs. It sounds like you had huge fun shopping with her too!
I know insomnia well, some nights I just can’t settle....legs hurt, brain racing, aches...then I have to pee, again. I wear a Fitbit and some nights I get less than 5.5 hours sleep, and thrash around for 3 hours. Sigh
I’m still in a holding pattern waiting to hear about my CT scan results. In the meantime, my NP thinks I have an ulcer but the blood tests aren’t clear....if it’s not one thing, something else seems to pop up. I’m seeing a psychologist tomorrow for the first time. Lynwood, I appreciate hearing about your funk, I was a mess in May with anxiety about progression so I figure having a chat and getting something in place now for when I get bad news is a good plan. It feels like time is more and more precious as the days and months go on.
Mae, love your adventures, Minnie, please post photos of Scotland and report back on whether Scottish men are as hunky as I imagine!
Be well friends, we are a courageous sisterhood!
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Micmel, you are definitely leaving an impression on your niece's life. It must have meant so much to her to receive that dress. Jessica McClintock - not sure if the brand is still around, but I remember that brand was very, very nice when I was growing up! My older sister had a Jessica McClintock dress for one of her dances and I recall it being a huge deal (at least to me)! You are having good luck with putting old dresses to amazing use - your dress which turned into daughter's wedding dress and now this!
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Pots~Hello lovely lady. Where is stillivin been? Miss you guys when you are gone. I’m sorry you’re in this holding pattern. If I sit and think about it. All of our lives, are holding patterns. I am thinking of you and appreciate your kind sweet words about my niece. She’s such a good kid. Does well in school.
JFL~I hope that she will allow me to take her under my wing... she is the sweetest young girl. My sister doesn’t have the energy, and when my time was done. I was exhausted. I slept three hours right after. I’m trying to make the best use of my energy and time.
I love you guys !!😃♥️
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I hate to use the word hate but I really do hate the waiting we all have to do. Sometimes, that alone gets me in a funk. Waiting for the first scan to let me know if X is working. Waiting= worrying. Worrying is wasted energy. Wondering if it's working takes away my sleep. I wish I could just snap my fingers and know the answer. This is our life. Big sigh.
Thank goodness we have other things to do that are fun and meaningful. I'm looking forward to this weekend with my grandchildren. On Sunday, if it doesn't rain again, the shed is going to be demolished. I like to see things get accomplished. Yesterday I didn't accomplish one thing, except I finished reading a book. And I ate a whole bag of cheetos. Today I need to check a few things off my to-do 💞list. That usually makes me feel better.
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It's honestly a wonder we are all Not wandering The streets snapping at flies with our mouth out of the air>>>>crazy!!! With all that we endure. The waiting yep for sure. Torture, terror, twisted,terrible,the changes in the way people either look at us, or treat us differently like we've done something. The limits we have, just because we have to accept new normals. Well screw that!! Demolish that she shed!! Makes me want to grab a hammer with you and beat-the heck out of it with you. Release some frustration. I hope you have a great visit with your grands! That alone brings me back to reality ! Hugs to all!
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I was just watching television and the Cancer Centers Of America Commercial came on, they showed this strong man with muscles sitting in an office with a powerful looking team at his side full of smiles. Then they show him finished at the hospital walking home and lifting his children in the air. Big smile. Happy family. Right? Under the actual commercial it said in small print (do not expect to obtain these showed results). Really? Seriously? So you're blowing smoke up our asses? That commercial is a lie? What results should we expect? Oh wait.... you mean horrible joint pain and fatigue, sore mouths, endless injections and bloodwork....loosing the feeling in your feet and hands that come and go with pain? Drinking ct solution and being subjected to contrast dye so you can lay there like a helpless lab mouse hoping you get the good cage/results. Confusion, headaches, stomach issues, the runs, or constipation. Dizziness, jaw/bone gum issues. I was kinda mad when I saw that disclosure. At least this brand had the decency to make it readable.
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Micmel, I had been lamenting about those commercials to my chemo group a few months ago and I too noticed that disclaimer. My group and I concluded that we are living at this point to be advertised to and feel like walking piggy banks. Nothing like sitting in the infusion room getting chemo and seeing one of those commercials for one of those centers or the neulasta patch after seeing an ad in magazine while waiting to go into the infusion room after listening to an ad on the radio driving TO the infusion room. I feel such guilt/shame for also hating seeing those Ibrance/Verzenio commercials knowing where I am now and seeing those drugs are extending the lives of many women here. I just feel the whole picture is never shown and misses exactly what we go through to live like you described.
We also get to deal with torturous waiting. That’s all I feel like I’ve been doing between scans and biopsies this past month. I have alittle over a week to wait now again and I’m afraid between crying fits etc I’ve given myself a headache two days straight. I feel like a blubbering mess with a crew cut.
Micmel, that day you described with that little girl sounded absolutely wonderful, I know if I was her I’d have thought I’d had the best day ever!
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Dh and I are HUGE fans of the tv remote mute button. We usually mute the tv when commercials come on, especially the drug ones and I’m not talking just for mbc. Who wants or needs to listen to the neverending possible side effects of any particular drug: “Symptoms may include uncontrollable seizures, rectal bleeding and brain aneurisms. In some cases, death has occured.” Oh boy, where can I get a prescription?
The mute button makes it much, much easier to ignore the ridiculousness of these ads.
One reason Netflix, Hulu and other tv subscription channels like them are such a big hit is they air few commercials, if any, and no drug commercials that I can tell. I’ve hated all commercials for so long, the amount of time they take up and how choppy it is to watch a show and sit through four more minutes of advertising to find out who one more suspect is on a Dateline murder, then more commercials, there’s a trial, more ads, there’s a surprise in the trial, more ads, then a verdict. A lot of times I exasperately will say out loud “TOO MANY COMMERCIALS”. With Netflix, its smoooth sailin’. I love Girlfriend’s Guide To Divorce and dh and I are watching a very funny sitcom called Corner Gas. The shows would lose so much if I had to suffer through commercials.
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Pots, will certainly look for the hunky ones!
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I agree Divine!! My DH has been pushing me lately about getting Hulu and cutting the chord with cable. He has done it. Saved $100 a month doing it! Amazing They infuriate me sitting there, once in a good mood (for that moment anyway) and I'm eating dinner to keep up my strength-so I can take my conglomeration of pills every evening like a robot. Look up and loose that damn appetite because I was just again reminded that I have cancer.(commercials)
Rosie~Enough waiting for Christmas sakes. It makes me want to get to a cliff and scream into the depth and vast space. I saw a neulasta commercial just now and I utilized the mute button. Thank you Divine... being in an infusion center to me is enough. Less tv more books and non medical things to jam down our throats. Hope you will get your information. Like yesterday!!!
Minnie~ Hello lovely friend. Hope You're sleeping like the angel you are .
Goodnight dear ladies. Sweet dreams.
Much love ~M~
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Micmel sounds like you had an amazing time with your niece.
Mae have a wonderful vacay.
Minnie enjoy your travels.
Divine we joined the TV revolution a month or so ago dumping cable and watching Netflix Hulu you tube and amazon. I think we watch less tv now. I like it and don’t miss the commercials. I also hate the political commercials which should be starting soon. I actually may order a newspaper again.
Pots I have lived through your nights peeing and staying awake for hours full of anxiety and waiting for sleep to come. It seems like the bathroom walks reawaken me ugh.
Rabbit we need a commercial about the waiting for results and the REAL side effects. I know some days walking when I first get up with my numb feet and legs full of fatigue I feel like I’m 💯.
Grannax I planted some squash and beans cucumbers etc started from seeds etc just after replanting it rained for almost 2 weeks. I lost quite a few plants. Sigh. I also think it has to do with critters. I’m looking forward to seeing the she shed.
JFL thanks for pointing out that Micmel has transformed two young woman with her saved dresses. It’s amazing what TLC can do. Children are resilient. Beautiful job Micmel and a sad story for sure.
Rosie congratulations on your good news and fervor to push forward.
Muddling I hope your cold/flu thing is getting better now.
Lynnwood the funk cloud visits us all 🌧 maybe we can include that in the commercial too. Something about our emotional and psychological needs while fighting a deadly disease that we can’t see unless we have scans that we wait far longer than anyone for the results kinda thing.
Skitz blitz you should be back from your vacation I hope you had a great time. The sun is finally back in Tampa after what seemed like 2 weeks of rain. I even had a swim yesterday
Boo I hope you didn’t float away.
Today we’re driving to Jacksonville for a wedding. It’s a 4 hour drive and the bridal shower is today wedding tomorrow so we’re spending the weekend there. I heard someone say they were there. If you know any good restaurants let me know.
Sunny good morning to Runor, Daniel, Gracie, 50s girl and anyone else that drops by sometimes.
Tanya
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Tanya~ she loves the dress. I haven't seen her this calm and happy since Ive known her. It does make me happy. I am amazed myself that the dresses have worked out the way I had planned when I actually saved them. I guess it works out sometimes. She was holding the dress like she felt like a princess. I was touched. Always good to see you tanya. I had to giggle when you said you hoped BooBoo hasn't floated away. Hope she checks In soon. Mae~ hope you're arrived safely and having a blast. Hugs. To you !
Waving to Rosie. Gracie,,,,,, I am with you holding your hand. I Care deeply. Love and gentle hugs and support for you my sweet friend.. ♥️🥴😘 I know the stress isn't ok. But loving you is!
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What a beautiful little girl!
How great you could make such a meaningful contribution!
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you mods work fast! Wow! 🥰🥰😘
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Micmel, the picture of this sweetheart brings tears to my eyes! You can just tell by the way she is slightly holding the skirt with her fingertips that she feels rather regal! And it’s not just how she feels in the dress. The look on her face tells me she loves that someone (that’s you!) sees the “princess” in her and helped her see it in herself. ♥️⭐️♥️
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Santa~Thank you my friend. She was twirling around like a princess. It was quite the day. One I won’t ever forget. These are the things we love and live for. Hugs to you. Hope all is well in your world . 🥰
Gracie~My sweet long time friend here. I miss you. I know you’re going through a hard time. But we love you here and always have. You’re in my mind and in my thoughts minute by minute. Holding your hand from across the miles. Waiting to hear from you. 💜
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Divine~You are one of the sweetest people! I saw exactly the same thing when I looked at her. But I never really gave it much thought that it would have anything to do with me , other than saving the dress and being able to see that content happy smile. That's what makes me tick really, seeing others and how they respond to things that may not be millions of dollars worth of anything, but the love that lays beneath it, is why the word family exists. If I can make her feel that way for one day. Then she will never forget that day. Maybe one day when she has a daughter of her own, she can pull out that dress again, or tell her the story and share her feelings from that day. I'll be living on somehow. Make sense ?
Thank you for being you Divine. Your name truly suits you. ♥️ ~M~
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Micmel, that's what I think -- we live on in the impact of our kind deeds and our shared love, and that is beautiful.
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So, yesterday was hanging out, dinner and a movie at our nieces house. Today was fly fishing 🎣 and more family time. Vermont is so beautiful this time of year.
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Santa~I am in full agreement, I just wish more people in the world would take a step Back before they said things and or acted. It may be a nicer place to live..
Mae~ I've never been there, so again I am living through you. Great pics! Catch and release ? Loving the family time together. Always love your collaboration of pictures and Correspondent checking in.
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Hi, lovely photo Micmel, a happy little girl. Such a perfect fit!
Mae, that scenery looks like Ireland. Hope you catch a few trout or salmon on the fly!
Agree totally on the tv adds. In Europe we don't get so many adds for drugs, but we have moved to more add free tv. Watch tv series, box sets really. No annoying interruptions.
Sending a photo on the longest day of the year of sunset taken from our roof Solarium.
Can hear sleep calling me. Good night, and sending love to one and all xx
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Gracie~I know it's been a while since you have been here. I know you came out to offer your best when I lost my father. I want you to know you're loved here. I don't want you or your onc to give up. I just read the liver thread. I thought of calling but understand you may need your own time to process whatever you need to. I am not sure what to do. So if you're scanning threads like I would be. Please know we love you. I am holding your hand. ♥️
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Minnie~What-a sight. I would love to see that. I have never been out of the us. Although, sometimes I am not sure that is a bad thing. I'm not a good traveler. I never was. I need three pillows a fan and my own blankets. Am seriously considering cutting the chord with cable. I could use an extra $100 a month. But who wouldn't.... my grandmother was born in Spain. Would love for a chance to-see her roots. Sweet dreams darling. ~M~
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Okay I'm going to have a venting spell!!!! It just never ends. My close friend is very sick and talking about hospice??? Seriously? About 20 minutes ago I was getting ready to feed the dogs. I was three steps down and my Deeohgee came up from behind me. Knocked both of my legs out from under me and I fell down 8 long stairs. No one else was home and I laid there for over five mins trying to cAtch my breath( wind knocked out of me because I only breathe on one lung) after I could finally breathe I called my son. He came home quickly and had to literally pick me up, I was bent in so many directions . I honestly thought my legs were broken. He picked me up and checked my limbs. My spine, neck and back are killing me and my arms also hurt a lot. Ankles are all bruised and never mindthe sight of my Knees. I sure do bounce! I was like a rag doll going down. I made sure I didn't brace myself. I made sure I was flexible!! But wow I'm hurting now. It's always something for us all. It makes me so angry! Enough already!!
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