My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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JFL~Hello stranger. I hope all is well with you! Haven’t seen you around too much. I hope your summer has been a good one. I can’t be in the sun anymore. Hugs to you!
Waving hello to Philly!! JKL..... Pots... Minnie.....Rosie...Rosabella...skitzbitz....stillivin....Joe........jo Mae~Hello darling. Pocket duty early correct ? Gum doctor, sending shoulders! Grannax~On your team! Candy~ hugs from the miles....Gracie~~~ will hold out hope until I hear different🌹❤️... Pip....Hope...Elleonwheels...Blueshine...iwrite...Yndorian...Jensgotthis...Tanya of course...Lynne 50’s...Divine...chelle....NaN....BooBoo....🌹.... Kendra. Hello and welcome again 💞! If I have missed anyone I’ll be back. Muddling.... looking over at you 😃. Lynnwood you too sweetheart! Chicagoan.. Edwards....cureious ...my mind Is always thinking. Here it is after midnight, not even close to being tired yet.
My DH set up and awesome television set in our master suite. I’ve been spending more time in there. It’s 45 inches and he put in separate surround sound. Sounds like a jet is taking off. THe dogs Started looking around he first time, they didn’t know what it was. The tv is amazing. I could watch it all night. But I don’t. I switch to my day room, as a change of scenery. My mother has been going through her precious things and has been sending them to me. She doesn’t want anything to Happen to them so she’s been sharing them with me. I got another shipment today. I have always adored this ring also. Think I like big stones maybe ? Lol
Sleep well!
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I absolutely love it. It has some competition with my deep blue quartz and a few other rings as well. I am touched she would allow me to enjoy them now. I have always wanted the tennis bracelets as well.she included them as well I'm so touched. I tearup Every time. So special. Some of it isn't very antique. It's special throughout time !0 -
Now if I only had some place to go. But I love love them. 0 -
Waiting for the first test (Echocardiogram), which I usually do well with. Not looking forward to the IV placement later or not eating until 2pm or so. Fortunately, results are Monday and I have friends coming from out of town this weekend, so no dwelling on what if’s for me.
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Mae~I am sorry about the not eating thing. I would become pretty wicked with nothing to eat. We’d slide you snacks. But I’m afraid we’d get kicked out. Just plow through it an get it done. You’re amazing and strong. And we adore you! I know this shit sucks. But youre not alone. I hope the IV goes smoothly. Sooo much do I. I know how distressing that is. Hugs my friend.0 -
I hate having to do medical procedures/tests and not eating. Hate it....(sneaking Mae a snack from the pocket)
Micmel the green ring is GORGEOUS! I have short fingers and not very attractive hands, and a ring like that doesn't really look very awesome on me. I wear no rings really, not even wedding rings. oh my that looks gorgeous on you!
I have my twin granddaughters here with me for a few days while their mom is on a trip to Wisconsin for a job interview. Luckily the job is remote so they wouldn't be moving. My heart would be so sad. The girls are 9 and you'd hardly know they are sisters much less twins - they look different and are just really different personalities. This is the first time I've had them over on my own since I was diagnosed. My back was in such bad shape I just didn't have the stamina to make sure they were taken care of. But this couple days here is going pretty well. End of the day my back is really tightened up and I walk like Frankenstein, but the girls are being super helpful to me. I have managed to get them a good breakfast, pack their lunches, get their hair done, clean clothing, sunscreened and off to their day camp. Wheeeeee go me!
I just finished my third round of Ibrance. Scans coming up August 2 but then I have that STUPID stupid week's wait to see the oncologist for results.
Stay cool everyone! It's a real heatwave in the northeast!
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Moomala~Hello gorgeous.... you’re so kind to say that the ring looked good on my hands. I always think I have man hands. Some of these treasures I am getting from my mother are things that I will cherish forever. If something happens to me. My daughter and son will get the jewelry. I get hangry when I don’t eat. It’s not pretty. Not in the least. I’m getting hangry now... so Mae I’m with you sweet friend.
I am thrilled for you and getting that strength going. I find if I keep going , I feel better. But that wall is not far behind!!! Hug those little cuties. Have a blast. You’re such a wonderful woman. Hugs from the miles. You mentioned NE heat wave. I am also, in this heat wave. Ughhhh. Which part ? Always good to see you!!
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Still no word from my MO about my next treatment plan. I'm trying not to get antsy. Trying to do normal things that need to be done. I'm hoping I won't have to wait until through the weekend.
I do have a busy weekend planned. I'm going to my DS home to help with the kids while DIL is out of town. Looking forward to spending one on one time with my DGD. We were going to see the play "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. It's an old Musical. They have made it into a movie several times but I found the oldest one on DVD. It was made in 1952. It turned out that her schedule for Summer Camp didn't give us enough time to go to the play. So, next best thing, curl up together in her play room upstairs and watch the movie. Girl time!!!!💕
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Hey all checking in on this HORRIBLY hot day. I did my errand running early so I can stay in the A/C the rest of the day.
Micmel- The rings are GEORGOUS. I also like your nails. Since I am not working now, I would love to paint my nails. But the meds make my nails brittle. I tried polishing them, but when I use the remover to change polish colors that really messes them up. They peel and break. So I keep them short and unpolished. Sigh....
Illimae-- Hoping your weekend goes fast so you can get results on Monday. Let us know ASAP.
Moomala- Have fun with the kiddos and then a soothing bath for the back pain at the end of the day. Praying for Aug 2 scans.
Grannax--- Grrrrr to them for having you wait for results. The onc staff should place themselves in our shoes and get those callbacks done timely.
So I had my CT done on Wed morning. Last evening a little before 5pm I received a call from the onc office. My heart dropped to my shoes. Usually they are not that quick with giving me the results. Usually I see them from Medical Records BEFORE I hear from the office. The nurse relayed the message from the MO---- scans "stable"- their words. They did mention that my monthly TM's were still elevated this month. Last month highest they have ever been and this month the same as last. I see the onc next Wed for my appt. I know TM's are notoriously inaccurate. But I wonder if something is amiss since they are rising. Like activity, just not where CT can see it. I don't want to put a damper on good news, just wonder. Don't want to let my guard down. I AM thankful for the 'stable' scans. I am going to ask onc her take on the TM's next week.
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Grannax, enjoy that granddaughter time!
Candy-678 oh my that is lucky they called you right away about the scans. I have already been told I have to wait an entire week to see the oncologist in person for the results. The CT place holds the results for ten days so I won't see them ahead of time. Good thing - I don't like looking at them since learning of my biopsy results over MyChart. Still have a little PTSD over that one.
Micmel I live in western New York. I took my grands to camp this morning and I keep thinking of them at camp all day in this heat while I sit cool as a cucumber in the AC. But they're young and it doesn't bother them as much. Tonight we will have a little pizza party together and swim at my neighbor's pool. Thank goodness for neighbors with pools!
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Hey Micmel!! WAVING BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Life has been difficult as of late....but I am doing well. I'll try to post an update this weekend. One thing is for sure...I will never ever catch up...so I will start anew!
Think of you often, sending much love to all you wonderful people.
E
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Elle~Yay I’ve missed you. I am so glad to see your name here!!!
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Micmel, the jewelry is stunning! What a special gift to have for its beauty and its sentimental value.
I was away in Dubai for 10 days. It was fabulous. Back to reality now. Had chemo this afternoon/evening. I had to take my last chemo two days early before the trip but felt really well the whole trip, fortunately. It was 110 degrees in Dubai, very humid (which surprised me - I thought it was supposed to be a desert) and with the "wind chill", would feel like 120 degrees. One has to plan beach and pool time for the early evening. We went to an indoor theme park for my son and an indoor ski park, as well as a water park. My son took his first ski lesson in Dubai of all places! We visited the tallest building in the world and the largest mall in the world. Dubai has many world "largests" in all sorts of categories.
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Ugh, what a day. It began with the alarm clock at 6 am and appointments from 8am-4pm, no food, just the drink for my CT. At one point my IV came half way out but it was repositioned, then later when it was removed, it began bleeding down my arm. Blood freaks me out, so I kinda lost my shit and started to panic cry but a couple nurses came to my rescue. I spent the next 1.5 hours in rush hour traffic before finally getting some dinner and sinking into my recliner.
Early bedtime for me but thanks for all the support 🙂
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JFL~I am honored to be wearing such a beautiful sentimental thought. I can change into a new ring each week and I wouldn't even touch them in six months. I am so thrilled she knows how much I love antique and beautiful stones such as these. Dubai.... wow. That's amazing. I can't even think about going out of state not less out of the country. I hope you had a blast, and hope you're not as exhausted as it sounds like you should be. Welcome back.....
Mae~Sounds like one heck of a day for you. Sometimes during those days. You just would rather be anywhere else. But where you have no choice but to be. I am sending you hugs over the miles. I hope you had a delicious dinner and treated yourself good. Tonight! Hugs my Friend. Goodnight ladies. I'm beat. And I also suffer from insomnia half the time. Not a big blood fan myself either.
Thinking of Gum Doctor and Grannax.....candy! Marianelizabeth hello!!! Shetland pony.... hugs sweetheart!! 💙
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Mae I’m happy that recliner was waiting for you. Sounds like a trying day and long one. Take care
Tanya
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Hello All...
Have been skimming...and resting...in between waiting for new tx plan on Monday...not on any tx right now...scared...heartbroken...waiting...
After more than 4 weeks, the pool crew has finally gotten my pool completely ready for use. It was closed for 2 years and it took them that long to make it usable again.
While resting...and waiting...I am enjoying just as much of this as I can possibly stand...
Sharing it with all of you...just in case it can help you...
Gumdoctor
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Gumdoctor--- Water looks nice. I cannot swim, never learned. But water always is calming-- the sight and sound of it. Praying for your appt Monday. I too would want a treatment plan asap. Hugs from here.
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Tanya~ Hello lovely. I hope you're having a good Saturday. I seem to be having spits of crying spells. One thing I know for sure it's not PMS. It's MBC. Ugh! Hugging you friend.
GumDoctor~ perfect timing with the pool picture. I was shutting the front door watching my DD and her BGF go to a pool party. All prettied up sun screen ready and it hit me right there. I won't ever be doing that ever again. I had a pool in my backyard growing up and looking at the water and the blue alluring way it moves. I want to splash and play again. Cool touches and falling into a place for where once second you're alone in another place. Eyes closed sounds limited. But the feeling of freedoms. And comfortable coolness.
I sat there and thought. I am a ship without a port, with no dock that's open and my ships running out of gas. I think about you friends who are scared and dealing with all of the this difficult soul bearing terror we have absolutely no control over. We are forced to move our feet, when others who aren't sick can say. Yeah I don't feel like doing that today. We are made to do things we fear. Walk without directions as to where we are really going in our own minds. Our bodies are justthis vessel that has turned on us. We're stuck alive but there is no way this is Called living. Grannax. Thinking of you too beautiful friend.
Hello candy gorgeous!
Hugs to Shetland.
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Micmel- Friend. You posted that you would not go to a pool party again. Why not?? I cannot swim, never learned. And I am a germaphobe so I fear public areas - i.e.pools- with my white count and I have a Port in place. But if you miss the water, why not go? I know things are different now and we can never go back to the way it was before the cancer. But if you miss the water and can get some of that "freedom" feeling back, go for it girl. Hugs. Wish the miles didn't separate us and we could spend this Saturday afternoon visiting.
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Glad that day is over Mae. Rest and relaxation now I hope.
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Candy~A lot of my medication says no sun exposure. Which I realize I could get an umbrella. My heat flashes are demons. I could self combust. I can't handle the heat anymore and I also have a port as well. I worry about sickness and catching things that could make me sick. If I am also honest I don't see how anyone in their right minds could create a bathing suit that could handle this cross stitched up Body. With limbs that used to match before lymphadeama occurred and the loss of my breast. It would be nice to swim...again. But it seems like more work than to just put it out of my mind. We have been seriously talking about the RV option. Going to take a gander at some of them soon. Expensive for gas. And rental for a week is a big buckaroonies for sure.
Minnie~. hello lovely.
Grannax~ 🌸🌹🍭🥰
Gumdoctor~with you!!
Elle~ good to see you back.
Still worried about Parry, I haven't heard one word from her 🥺
Tanya~ Hello... hello hello!
BooBoo~. Hi honey Hope your day was a good one.
Mae~ hope you're rested.
Shetland~ hope you're doing ok today my friend.
Much love ~M~
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Hi All,
Just catching up on the posts. We are visiting friends in the Midwest this week. It has been so humid and hot. I have to say I prefer the dry heat of the Southwest.
Michel, I love your rings. Grannex and Gumdoc, I hope your docs figure out what your next steps are next week. Thinking of you both and all the other ladies here.
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I'm going to write about something that's been on my mind. It is about swimming pools, bathing suits and women's bodies. And how society's view of what a woman's body should look like versus what our bodies really do look like can shame us from participating in the more fun sides of life.
My husband and I go to the local pool every summer. It's three minutes away. There's an adult swim time for a couple hours in the morning and we also go during regular hours, too.
When I run into women my age—50's—60's—around town and suggest they come to the pool in the summer, almost every single one of them mentions that they would not stick their body in a swimsuit. They are so derogatory about what they might look like. It truly makes me very, very sad. Because that means they've digested and absorbed and bought in to all the messages that a woman is only worthy of sticking her body in a swimsuit if she has a rockin' , youthful body. Society has ingrained in them that a woman's only value is in her appearance, and that appearance must be top notch or stay home. To them, it's not about being active or cooling off or even the social aspect of getting together with others. It's about how they “look" and they deprive themselves of a good time because they are so negative about their bodies.
I go to the pool and see people, men and women, whose bodies are all shapes and sizes. When I see extremely overweight people at the pool, it makes me happy that they haven't allowed their weight to get in the way of coming out to enjoy the water on a hot day. Trust me, almost no one at the pool, of any age, has any kind of rockin' body whatsoever. And all us 55+ women at the pool have sags, bags, wrinkles, weight and could not give one flip about how ourselves or others look. More importantly, not one of us judges anyone for what their body does or does not look like. We are simply happy to be there.
My own body, sure, I would like to be 20 lbs lighter but it will not keep me out of the public pool. I spend time in the spring shopping for a bathing suit and try on many to get one I like that's comfortable. They make a gazillion different kinds.
Leaving one's comfort zone by pushing back on the suffocating, extremely limiting box that society wants to keep women in can be a satisfying, freeing experience.
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Hear, hear Divine! I totally agree with you. I feel sad that so many women deny themselves the pleasure of swimming because their body doesn't look like it did at age 18 or 25. I go to both the pool and the beach because it is life giving for me. I feel so free in the water. I have been taking water aerobics in the winter too. There is a very overweight woman in my class who wears a 2 piece bathing suit and looks cute. She inspired me. I've been wearing tankinis and one piece suits for the past twenty years but a few weeks ago I bought a bikini top and bottom. I felt a little too self conscious to wear that anywhere except my backyard but on Friday I teamed up the top with one of my swimming skirts and went to the beach. I love feeling the sun on my stomach again! As you say, there are people of all shapes and sizes at the beach. I just feel happy to be alive and to be able to feel the sun and water on my skin. When I was 30 I went to Brazil and saw an overweight woman in her sixties on the beach in a thong. She just seemed happy and unselfconscious. I hoped I would be like her some day-well I don't want to wear a thong but I guess I have become that woman! (Swimming is especially meaningful for me because I had to use a Pleurex catheter for 6 months at the beginning of my treatment which meant no swimming, no baths since there was literally a open hole in my torso. I thank God I was able to get back into the water).
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I too enjoy the water and water exercise. I like this suit because it eliminates falling straps for me and my friend likes it because it covers her port (from two bouts of ovarian cancer) which she says she plans to keep as long as she can. Another friend likes it because they make a mastectomy version with pockets for her foobs. It's also chlorine resistant and a sturdy Krinkle material that feels great to wear. Sorry, not meant to be a company spokesperson, but it's the only type I wear now. Divine and Chicagoan, I admit to some self-consciousness in a swimsuit due to weight gain, but agree that being in the water is so good for my mood and the exercise keeps me somewhat active. Mel, there are lots of styles that will cover your port, and it sounds like you'd enjoy some pool time again. Btw, that’s a catalog model, not me!
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Divine, you are my hero. I struggle with body image issues ever since I dropped 60 pounds in a few months time when I was first diagnosed metastatic. Lots of saggy, wiggly skin going on. Of course before that I struggled with how heavy I had become. It's ridiculous. I will say, however, that I am learning to say the hell with it...and not wear short sleeves.
I lost my hair this past week and had 2 lovely wigs at the ready...haven't put one on my head yet. I am TOTALLY embracing my bald head badness. Even went to the theater (my job) and didn't think a thing of it.So...a brief update on my current sitch. Ibrance/Faslodex failed me. Not sure it EVER worked that well, to be honest. Then I switched to Verzenio and it seemed to be helping as my very reliable tumor markers started declining. And then kaboom! My liver numbers shot way up in a month's time and I became quite jaundiced. After all the fun tests/scans, we found I had had some significant progression in my liver and abdomen...all new areas. My bile duct was being blocked by a tumor so into the hospital I went. I was in for 4 days and had a metal biliary stent placed. Happy to report it immediately worked like a charm and I've had no issues since. All testing/numbers normal. Needless to say treatment plans changed. I started Abraxane a month ago (allergic to Taxol) and will get a CT this Thu to see how it's working. I also pushed for a liver biopsy to see if my status has changed and Foundation One testing for best treatment options. The CT will be sent to the interventional radiologist to map the biopsy.
While all this was happening we were dealing with the rapidly declining health of my 88 year old mother. Since my Dad's passing many years ago I had done a lot for my Mom. Then in 2010 she broke her ankle due to severe osteopitorosis and I became a steady caretaker. I did her laundry, grocery shopping, any and all money matters, some cleaning....you get the idea. She had many, many bone breaks, stays in the hospital and nursing homes, but REFUSED to leave her home. It was difficult with a full time job and my own home, but you just deal and move forward. My biggest fear and worst nightmare came true when I was diagnosed 2 years ago, I have always worried that I would get sick again and pass before she did. I couldn't completely hide it because of treatment side effects, but never really discussed the gory details because it upset her so much. She began dealing with many other health issues and this past year was in care facilities most of the time. She passed on May 15 exactly two weeks after my hospital stay (which she never knew about), in the room beside what had been my room. In many, many ways it has been a blessing as she was so sick and tired, but it's been so difficult to deal with. I talked to her AT LEAST twice a day, was at her house 2-3 times a week and when she was in a care facility I was there just about every day. I miss her so much I can't even put it into words.
If you made it this far in my "brief" update I appreciate it. This has really helped me as I feel like I have been on autopilot since May. Love to all of you...all with your own struggles. Stay strong ladies....because we are a STRONG group for sure!!!
xoxo
E
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Micmel- I totally get it now. Yes our meds say to limit sun exposure. And the hot flashes I understand. Boy those flashes are a booger. I am a Christian and as such I know I have a home in Heaven when this life is over. So I laughingly say to myself that since I am not going to Hell God is showing me a small example of it here on Earth with the hot flashes. Some times I feel I will self combust !!!!!
Divine-- Good topic to bring up. I don't swim and didn't even have a bathing suit before the cancer. But now with the mastectomy on one side, and the port in place, and the scars it makes it even harder to think about putting on a bathing suit. And the breast prosthesis sometimes doesn't look symmetrical with my clothes on--too high or low, not the same size as my regular breast, etc. Wish I could be one that feels confident enough to just be one sided in a bathing suit !!!! Now that would be daring !!!! Like the ladies that go bald, with earrings and makeup. I admire them. Our scars should be worn with pride that we have went through the battle that is called life.
Rosie-- Before reading your post I saw the pic and thought "Dang Rosie has nothing to complain about". Hahahaha.
Ellie---You have had it rough. Visit with us again as often as you can. And let us know how the scan turns out.
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candy, I love how you say “Our scars should be worn with pride that we have went through the battle that is called life." So true!
Chicagoan, what a fabulous story about how being inspired by someone else gave you the freedom to wear what you want where you want! Proud of you!
Rosie, I love that suit and bought one very similar last week at Penney's; the print is blue daisies on a black background. You're right, soooo comfortable!
Elle, my deepest condolences on the loss of your mom. That is a very significant loss, so allow yourself the space and time to grieve. It is a lot to process while you are going through all your own health issues. Many hugs for you.
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hello ladies. I actually agree with the body image issues. But I see people out all of the time in anything they feel like they can wear. I just don’t have one in my back yard and I honestly can’t hack the sun. I too admit to gaining some weight I’d slowly watch clump here and there. When before I did have that shapely body. One that id rather remember in a good manner. If I came across a suit I felt good in. Maybe I would go. I have some hips! Runs in my family. That Is very pretty Rosie. I love black as well for sure.
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