My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Candy~I agree completely, restlessness! I experience it everyday. Please just know you’re not alone. I struggle with trying to make sure I don’t nap too long as to mess up my naps. I wish we lived closer. I am In need of a MBC buddy.. no one else understands and no matter how much you try to explain. It just sounds like after a while, I feel like they get sick of hearing it. But we live it daily. Every single day. Sensf you guys all hugs.0 -
Oh Mel---- I do wish we lived closer. I too need an MBC buddy. The rest of the world just doesn't understand. I mentioned to my sister about attending the MBC conference online this weekend. No comment. No "Oh did you have a good time" or "Did you learn a lot" or " What was it like" NOTHING. And my friends just seem tired of me talking about my health, my unable to do things like they can. Don't misunderstand, I don't hog the conversations with family or friends with MBC stuff. But they don't want to hear about it AT ALL. I cannot vent. I cannot cry on their shoulder. I cannot talk about my latest scans or side effects. They don't want to hear any of it.
Thank God you, and everyone else, is here.
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I spoke too soon about clearing the air. Sitting here crying after a good morning. I did my usual morning call with her and things were going fine. Started talking about my new spinner and being happy and then what I was watching on TV. I don't do much else so this is all I really have to talk about. This time I cannot say I misunderstood her intentions. She barked at me that she was tired of hearing about the spinner and barked that people really are not interested in hearing what TV shows a person watches if they themselves are not watching the same show. I was shocked at the tone of her voice. I have not had people in my life talk to me like that since my younger brother. I was going to have a better day today and be happier after being so sad yesterday. Now I am angry and sad and have no where to put these emotions. So upset with her. My younger brother made me feel the same way, dismissing everything I said as not interesting too. Not sure what I want to do about the program or whether I want to keep talking to her. I now have nothing to say to her. I think I will stop calling her in the morning. The funny thing was, she was the one who wanted to talk to me extra outside of the wellness check. Not sure what to do.
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Mara ~I don’t think overall speaking with her is helping you one bit. She seems to have no patience. I don’t see anything wrong with discussing what’s going on in your day. I just don’t think you need the stress of worrying about what. Mood she’s going to be in. I would cease the calling. Even if it meant trying to look for someone else. As far as your brother, I think family is just that. You love them no matter what. They don’t understand that is what is important to you at the moment. People are just plain rude. I’m Sorry that happened again, someone clearly peed in her wheaties.
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Mara, Sorry for this lousy phone call, especially when you thought things were better. It seems she has stopped being a good listener and friend. I wouldn't call her for the next check in either. Why put yourself in that position to receive more unkindness. I would be willing to listen to her apology (if there was one) but would also state how this made you feel. You have a good handle on what's good for you, and she isn't. You have a very clear head, by the way. Maybe some good paced walking will help?
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I did delete the facebook post as that really is not productive either. it just kept me from shouting at her. I did not name her either because other people would be unkind to her. Just needed to get stuff out.
I did talk to my sister in law. She did her best to be kind, but seemed to indicate maybe I was talking too much. I know she was trying to be helpful but that really did not help. I will keep that to myself. Think for now, I will simply listen more than talk and just abbreviate what I do in a day. Might be the best way to get along.
I have walked an hour, may just eat and doze or watch something. I love you guys and how you listen to my problems but I should not take over the thread either. I need to be satisfied with being on my own and not expect everyone to care about everything. I just really don't want to talk politics and other problems in the world like covid. Leaves me with very little to say in conversation. I'll read my books (mostly listen) and do the other stuff that makes me happy.
I do want to thank you all for being so kind to me.
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Mara----- I just logged back on. Sorry I was not there for you a couple of hours ago when you first posted.
I would cut all ties with the woman. Clearly she has a bug up her butt. She is not your friend acting that way. I would like to give her what for for treating you that way. You don't need her in your life.
You are not taking over the Thread either. This is a safe place for you to talk about whatever you want.
Hugs.
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well said Candy. Agree completely!
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So I put an end to the whole debacle that was going on. The friend who began as my wellness checker was obviously angry that I posted anything and posted something about me. I did not respond but called the coordinator of the service and requested someone else. I also suggested that the volunteers should be trained in just keeping the service professional to avoid stuff like this. I blocked the friend from facebook and my phone and will pretend this did not happen. I will also keep things professional going forward. I would prefer to be alone doing what I like without issues. Not interested in critical people in my life anymore and not interested in facebook fighting either. It was my fault that I vented on facebook, did not name the person however. She should not have posted back since I was also her client though so blocking was the best for both of us. Wish her nothing but the best in the future.
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Mara,
I think what this person did was very unprofessional and just plain mean. She's also in the wrong line of work/volunteering if she doesn't have the patience to listen to people. And you should not feel bad about anything.
Good that you called the program coordinator -- I think that was the right thing to do. I hope your next experience is much, much better.
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BevJen, I am relieved I cancelled the service but today opened my eyes to what people in my life are thinking.
Even my SIL mentioned that I talk about a lot of things they are not interested in as well. This makes me feel worse that my FAMILY feels that way. I know my life is not busy, but could a person take at least one minute and listen without judgment or boredom. I certainly do the same for them, do more listening then talking anyway.
This whole day has me questioning why I am fighting this disease. I really don't know at this point. I feel like I am simply a burden to the few people that help now. You guys don't deserve all these posts either when you have problems. I don't want a therapist and don't want to talk if people are really not interested. I am better than that and deserve to be heard a little bit. Not like a motormouth or anything by any stretch and just know if I sit quietly when visiting, they will think that is wrong too. So annoyed and sad to know how the people in real life really feel about my value when people seem to feel the need to critique what few things I say. Just tired of having to bend over backwards for everyone.
I will walk again tomorrow, already done an hour today, going to nap and just remind myself not to talk too much. Try not to feel resentful that I listen to others, others want me to stop talking about my little life. I am just tired of struggling with myself and my emotions.
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Micmel: Hello to you too. It was nice to see you mention me. I am sorry about your beloved dog Tag . Knowing the time has come to say goodbye is so painful. I love my current kitty but I still so miss my last three that all died within a year or so of each other, about ten years ago. When I post,I am posting all over the place on different threads but I do try to pop into your living room. Booboo, when do you get the results? FL is not doing all that well, Covid-wise. I hope it is just a common bug, even if you are not feeling all that great. Not being Positive will make you feel better.
We are in Phase II of re-opening and things are still going okay. But I am in no rush to go out and mix too much. I wear my masks, and so do most people. Shops are only letting in so many people at a time but other than my attraction to thrift stores, I am not a major shopper. Fortunately my hair is only a few inches long since I went boiled egg bald last summer. Right now, it looks pretty good so I don't feel the need to rush into a hairdresser's salon. I am absolutely NOT into tattoos, so no problem there either.
We are into our regular gloomy June. A lot of rain. It means I don't have to water my veggie patch but my tomatoes, beans and peppers could do with a good run of sun. Even though the lock-downs and restrictions haven't altered my life by much, being introverted and retired, I am starting to find the whole thing a tad wearing. My PET scan isn't until late August but I am already trying to tamp down the anxiety. I get a weird pain somewhere, or am more tired than usual for a few days and I think "Is this it?" "Do I have progression" "How bad will it be": It will be a long summer......but not my last! I hope!
candy-678: I totally get the restlessness. I likely would not be doing the things that I think I should miss doing. Does that make any sense?
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Mara---- So sorry. I understand. I wish I could come hug you right now. Just know I care.
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Thanks Candy, I figured you would understand and I would hug you back when you are struggling too.
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I'm here! I'm here! Doing ok - eating is goin ok but omg it's hard to gain weight. I don't think I've gained a thing but I am eating again. I wouldn't say I have an appetite or feel hungry but the food's going in. I guess it'll just take time.
My back has had me feeling down in the dumps. Back pain really sucks. MRI this Friday. Getting injection in my back next week and oh man I hope it works at least for a little while. I'm doing everything I can to avoid surgery! The pain is exhausting and upsetting and keeping me from doing LIFE! I hate it.
BooBoo stomach bug was exactly why I had Covid test done the first time. It was negative so you prob just really do have a stomach bug. I've got my fingers crossed for a negative result.
The weather is hot and sunny this week! DH bought me a recliner for the porch and it's soooo nice sitting out there even though it hurts my back a little.
I miss my grandkids!
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Mara,
If I had her number, I would call that lady and give her a piece of my mind! You are the sweetest, kindest, most loving person in the world, and how dare she treat you that way. You are one of ours, and I feel like your big sister who wants to punch her in the nose. I am furious that someone who calls herself a counselor would treat anyone so rudely, let alone a MBC patient.
You are not boring either. I’ll bet if I asked you about some of the books you read or shows you watch, we’d have a lot in common. But most of all, the support you have given to me and others here is beyond priceless. You are a prized possession, and never forget it. Crazy big HUGS for you!
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Moomala,
So glad to hear from you. I wish these doctors could do something to really help you. I know your back has been giving you a lot of pain, and trust me, I understand. Mine is not constant pain like yours is, so I hope the shot will help. I also hope you are correct that I have a stomach bug vs. COVID. I’m still glad I got the test for peace of mind. I will get the results on Friday. Fingers crossed.
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Laurie, thank you so much for saying that. It really does help more than you can imagine to hear you say that. I do enjoy books and shows besides walking, laundry and food. You guys really do make me feel valued and I will never forget all you have done for me, everyone.
Moomala, so glad you are eating and working to get your strength back. I hope they can address your pain soon so you can enjoy that wonderful chair on your porch. I am hoping it all improves soon. Sending my very best wishes your way.
Laurie, also wanted to say that I did block facebook and block her from being able to call. I was really angry and was going to yell at her on the phone but realized that is pointless. Cutting it off is better and I will have a new person to perform a wellness check in a few days. I did suggest as I may have said above that the relationship could be friendly but should stay professional as well. As far as I am concerned, I plan to live and be interested in what I enjoy and know my audience. In other words, SIL has let me know I can talk to much about things that are irrelevant to them. Fair enough, I will be content to listen more to them. Keep my doings here if there is anything going on good or bad. I do actually quite enjoy listening to them and asking about their lives. I also did not feel as hurt when SIL pointed it out because I felt she was honestly just trying to help.
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Mara,
Maybe you could have a nice talk with her (SIL) and try to see if she has any suggestions for other things you can do. Sometimes we just need help getting the door to open, but once it does, it changes everything. But if you are like me (and I suspect a lot of us), this COVID craziness has compounded that issue. It’s not that we don’t want to try new things, but we are very limited in what we can do given our poor (or no) immune systems.
I had just started a woman’s bible study (I went once) when COVID hit. There we’re a whole bunch of interesting women who I was excited about meeting and getting to know. I also want to join a painting class in town, and also have lunch with Tanya again....but all of these things are too risky. So it’s not easy trying to find things to keep us busy right now. So feel for you. But know that we are all in this together, and you have all of us on your side!
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Thanks again Laurie!
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Booboo--- I know what you mean. Before COVID, I was working as my church's secretary and volunteering at a food pantry, going to a ladies group at church, etc. Now, I feel it is all too risky. The thing is my circle (church members, family, etc) think I am being paranoid and need to get back to my activities. I try to explain my low counts and the fact that cancer patients fare worse if catching the virus. But they think I am being paranoid. They are back to doing things and think I should too.
Moomala---Good to hear from you. Hope the injection helps you. Back pain is crappy. Before COVID, I saw a doc about my disc issues and they recommended an epidural but said they would not do it due to my low white counts (Ibrance). My PCP said it should be ok with prophylactic antibiotics, but the doc that would do the procedure said NO, so end of that
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Hi Micmel,
Thank you for the words of welcome. All things considered, I am doing. Hope you are doing well!
Stacey
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Hi Moomala,
Glad to hear you are eating, the weight will come back, give it some time.
Back pain is no fun, I hope the injection helps and the MRI gives you some answers.
Take care!
Stacey
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I am feeling much better this evening. I cleared up a massive misunderstanding with my friend. I took things horribly personally and she had no idea what was going on. She was told not to call as per my instruction to the coordinator when I thought she was unkind. Meanwhile, she had no idea I was so upset. She called tonight, I called her back and told her what happened in my mind. I apologized for totally blowing things out of proportion. She forgave and told me she cares about me. Not used to hearing that in my personal life so it made me feel better. You guys are totally different on that front, I know and feel your caring.
I really just need to take steps not to allow myself to feel upset so quickly. I have always over reacted about things and made them seem worse. I also think the lack of human interaction thanks to the pandemic does not help in this matter. Going to have to try to find better ways to cope. The walking is good but obviously need to balance my feelings in a healthier way. I will look up more meditations and make sure to keep busy to avoid destructive thoughts.
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Hello lovelies ~ I'm getting ready for bed and I wanted to stop in to say hello!
BooBoo~Hi sweetheart! Sending some love at you! Hope your feeling better with this not covid thing. Thinking of you !
Sbaaronson~Glad to hear you are doing ok. Sometimes it's all we can do these days. It's nice to see you back again. I hope
You had a good day. In your neck of the map!
Candy~thank you for setting Mara at ease when I was napping. You all are like family and I'm so glad we all think alike about this place here for us. I don't want anyone worried about honest feelings!!
Dodgersgirl~Howdy do you also. Hope you had a good day.
Elderberry ~ I don't forget my peeps!! I think of you often and hope you find somethings to smile about during your days. I hope you've had good nights sleep. SeemS to be some
Insomnia going on around here. Tag is still holding his own! Precious!
Sondra~Hi darling. You're also on my
Mind. Thinking of you.
Simone< haven't seen you too much hope you're also ok
Moomala~ relived to see your name sweet woman. Glad to hear your feeling a little better. I still Have the offer up For fixing you up With some Extra pounds. I don't eat much. But I gain. Who knows. I do have a little sweet tooth, but it's in moderation, I wish I had an elyptical. (Sp?) I would try so hard on that. I sometimes wonder how I would do little by little, better than nothing. Continue to feel Better!
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Mara~As they say “shit happens “ you move on and change your pants!!!!!
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Hi everyone. This thread is so active, it's sometimes hard to keep up. I've been doing well Mel, I'm on my 3rd week in my cycle so I'm dragging this week, Thanks for asking. We're not doing a whole lot, we were planning on taking a trip to go see the kiddos in a few weeks but covid 19 is surging in AZ again. I hope it slows down otherwise we'll be staying home.
I also met with my new MO last week. I really like her, she seems much more proactive. She ordered a couple of tests to see if I have the pk13 mutation and also ordered a foundation one test. So just waiting on those results to come back.
Sorry to hear about your dog Tag Mel.
Moomala, I would be happy to give you a few pounds also. I think I've put on five pounds the last couple of months. Glad to hear you are eating again.
Anyone heard from Karen? Last I heard she was worried about her Rising TMs.
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Good afternoon all
Mel sorry about Tag. Our pets are so loved and we know their life span is shorter than ours, yet we still grieve their loss intensely. They’re such a comfort too.
Mara I hope you’re doing better today. I tend to talk a lot too. I apologized to the store cashier for talking so much. We’ve been in isolation before the isolation so we need to talk. She was laughing at me and said keep talking. I mean it only lasts like 5 minutes or less. I don’t work anymore. So I call friends and family and walk around the back yard. When My eldest sister calls me we talk for an hour or more. She tells me about her plants, flowers, grandkids, bird feeder, neighbors pets, etc. I listen and if I have anything I share too. It’s not the most exciting conversations but I love her and want to know what she’s doing. We’ve had lots of serious conversations when our children or grandkids have issues so lighter talks are great.
Candy I hope you find a hobby soon. I’m sure you will. They have some online book reading clubs etc.
My friend called me yesterday using WhatsApp she said her phone wouldn’t let her call out. Anyway she said she’s sick and it feels like she has The flu. I automatically thought covid19 but I didn’t suggest that. She also said she had felt sick the day before and went food shopping with a mask to try to stock up but now she’s too sick to cook. I’m relaying this just to remind us to be vigilant with washing hands, and anything we can do preventively.
Unfortunately Covid is rising in FL.
Booboo you’re so smart to get tested right away! I pray for the best results. we’ll get to do our lunch one day. I appreciate so much that we were able to meet. Thanks so much for that day. It still makes me smile when I think about it. I hope you’re feeling better.
My grandkids have been stopping by and social distancing outside. I love the visit but am a little leery.Moomala good to see you. I hope the back injections are helpful. I had them once. I think they worked but then I fell and boom pain again. I had to be put to sleep to do the injections like it was a regular surgery. It’s worth it if it works.
Take care all!
Tanya
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Mara - thought of you this evening when I was pulling together a quick tuna salad dinner. Other Half had his on a roll but I put mine on a giant spinach salad (and then put a quarter of the roll on top as 'croutons') and added a few more vegetables and some tomatoes. Its certainly a good way of getting that spinach in, and with less intestinal distress from the bread later!
Not feeling so great here today, I haven't been sleeping very well and we are having Weather with lots of rain and even thunderstorms. My whole life I've had sinus headaches and while most of the time I dont get them living here as the weather is so even, this must be upsetting the barometric pressure enough to bother me. So I woke up with a sinusy head that was tough to get rid of all day, feeling exhausted, and kinda barfy if I am honest. My line manager commented about feeling the same (and was off yesterday) so perhaps its something light going around, or we are all just burned out from Covid restrictions making it tough to recharge.
On the plus side, my new sit-stand desk converter arrived first thing this morning and being able to stand/move around/light bands work during some really tedious calls made a massive difference to how my back felt by the end of the day.
Hello to all and I hope everyone has/had a nice summer day today!
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Tanya, I am sorry to hear cases of covid are rising where you are. Stay safe. Thank you for checking on me.
Sondra, thank you too for checking. I hope that you get to feeling better soon. The tuna salad dinner sounds really good. Great idea using the roll as croutons and the spinach is really good for digestion. I still like enzymes with every meal. No distress for me.
My meals today have all had beans. Breakfast was beans with cereal blended finely and sprinkled on top along with a bit of cheese, bran that looks like twigs but are good with a little cheese. Put some queso and taco seasoning as I do with pretty much every meal. Lunch was beans, cheese queso etc and supper is spinach, more beans and cheese, queso but I will top with tortilla chips as well. I put bran in everything because it really tastes good.
I did have a better day. I am back on the phone with my phone friend, yesterday did not happen. One difference I made was to ask her more about her day first instead of launching into my day. Seemed to make conversation go better. She also asked more about what I was up to. Told her but shortened my end. To be truthful, I was on a rest day so nothing physical really done other than laundry, did some surveys watched TV etc. Enjoyed my day none the less. I was exhausted after talking to my friend twice after eight and then SIL called after that. Went to bed and slept until this morning.
Hope everyone has a good night without insomnia.
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