My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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I'd like a lot Of people to shut up ! Just saying People in life just like to hear themselves talk. Mind your business unless asked and keep your life in order. And take care of your shit. Pick good people to love. Stay away from toxic relationships. It is better for our health. Stress kills.
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I should not have posted that. Just feeling crabby today. And want others to feel bad too. I am sorry. I will delete post.
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I had my own bout of insomnia last night, I am sure because I was upset about my spin dryer. Decided not to replace it. Woke at 4am. I can still wash clothes in my portable washer which has a wee little spin dryer. Just cannot wash all blankets. Those blankets will be steamed and thrown in the dryer to remove cat fur. I fully resolved NOT to just charge the new spin dryer. I just cannot take the chance it would screw up again. If I desperately need to wash bedding, I will go to my brother's home. The only thing I worry about is if I had my fecal incontinence again. I decided not to worry about it, I would have to wash at my brothers or at the little washer and dryer here.
I am also surviving on disability as well. I am lucky I sold my own home and was able to pay off debt and still have some left so am able to stay debt free. I cannot buy tons of stuff and am glad that beans, queso, cheese, beans and spinach are my main staples. Fairly inexpensive. My grocery bill has come down a lot. I also cancelled a couple of the streaming channels I had for local stations because there is nothing on. No point paying for it. I get plenty to watch between youtube, my own movies. amazon prime and disney plus. I am still tolerating the reese peanut butter cups with enzymes which is great. I love them a lot.
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don’t delete it let your feelings out That is what we are here for. Don’t feel bad We all already feel that way! Hugging you friend!
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Mara- Sorry your dryer quit and you are not replacing it. You deserve to have a dryer that works for your bedding.
Mel- We are good. I should not have posted what I did. And I thought I had upset you by what you posted. I don't want to do that.
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Today sucked, my sister found our childhood home for sale and its entirely re done. We are broken hearted because none of us wanted to ever have it sold. We didn’t have a. Say. It’s so out of our price range none of us could get it back now. My parents got it for a steal. I remember the last day I was there, it felt wrong. Like it wasn’t right to leave there. My stomach has been In knots all day and I’ve not really been hungry. I feel devastated to relive looking at it all over again. I can’t Ride past it. I don’t want to see it. It’s killing my heart. My sisters really upset as well. My brother had his stroke so we didn’t really mention To much to him. But he knows we are bothered! Why does everything have to cause sadness or pain? Where have all the good times gone?0
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Mel, I am very sorry to hear about the house you grew up in. That would hold a lot of memories and I can understand wanting to keep it in the family. I can imagine that your brother would pick up on the upset you both feel. I don't blame you for not wanting to burden him with this too. I am so sorry.
Candy, I agree with you but I do still have a wee portable washer that clean my clothes and some of my lighter blankets. I also still have the proper dryer. I may invest in a spinner but I need to get more money back in the bank before I do so. I can live without it for now. If it was an emergency, I would use the washer and dryer we have for the 12 unit apt building I am in. Otherwise, running my steamer over the bedding and giving it a 10 minute toss in the dryer will remove the dust mites and most cat hair and may wind up being easier than spending 8 hours having to wash one layer at a time. (Washer is tiny) Clothes and rags and such can still be cleaned luckily.
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Mara~Thanks. I kinda feel like everyday I loose more emotion towards things. Everything keep getting shittier and I think I'm Just losing Steam on that hamster wheel. Everyday I have cancer. Bam. Sentence ended.
Somehow we manage to do it. Somehow we manage to get up. Losing people we love along the way. Also really shitty. Just basically knowing without a shadow of a doubt, my best lived life has gone passed me and I didn't even stop to take it all in enough. I want to go back to My yard and my pool in my favorite bikini with both beautiful breasts and my youth. Feeling how life is supposed to feel. Joyful. I haven't felt joy since the day I knew my breast was going. I don't know if I ever will again. Too much has happened. To me. And mine.
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omg Candy ~ we are more than ok sweetheart! I am not a police woman. I want you to say how you feel. Look to my ramblings Never ever worry about saying what you feel. I don't offend easily at all (with friends like my Runor, who lets it rip from time to time) so please don't worry about that. This is like a home. Where it's safe to be you ! Everyday! And I would still like alot of People to shut up. Lol. I was being honest. I just want happiness and sisterhood. Which I find here. Amongst you all!
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Mel, there ARE bears running all over the place, well, lumbering. Bears don't really think they have to worry too much about you so often they just blunder through. Hub and I were walking past my truck recently when a bear walked out from behind it and literally in a few more steps we would have toppled over the stupid thing, like walking into a coffee table. I saw it, as Hub was looking down at his phone. I didn't even have time to formulate the word "bear!" I just grabbed his arm in a death grip and yanked him backwards, away from the bear. He was annoyed because I kind of grabbed him hard and he said "Hey!" in that annoyed voice and scowled at me and all I could do was point emphatically in the direction of the local, very CLOSE wildlife and Hub mutters "oh shit" under his breath. No kidding, oh shit. Bears have very poor eyesight and I'm sure he didn't see or hear us. Which is risky. Surprised bears can be hard to deal with.
Mae, I'm glad you sound okay about the trial. Hope Hub has a nice time off with friends and hope you have some peaceful time chilling at home.
Booboo, my memory is shot. I blame it on tamoxifen. If you ask me what I did this morning I literally don't know. But part of that is that my life is pretty...routine. Some people have found the social lockdown very isolating but it occurs to me that this is the life I live, up here in the bush, pretty much all the time. And we're close to town! In 10 minutes I'm in my little town. So it's not like social interaction is far away. But my life is so the same thing all the time that I often forget what day it is because frankly, it doesn't matter. I do what I do every damn day. Feed animals, tend garden, clean house, wash dishes, fold laundry, blah, blah, blah. Which leads me to Candy...Candy, feeling purposeful, that's a huge thing. People need it. I was sitting on the couch yesterday. It was raining. There were dirty dishes on the counter, grit on the floor, the dog and chickens needed feeding, I had nothing planned for dinner and a load of laundry that had been in the dryer for at least 4 days. I was looking at my toes, which were grubby because I wear bare feet in my gumboots and the sweat and dust make one hell of a mess of my feet. So there I was, surrounded by undone tasks, examining my muddy toes when I asked that eternal burning question, what is the point of this stupid fucking life of mine anyways? I do stuff everyday where no one sees me. I can mow, weedwhack, haul wood, wash windows, shovel chicken houses, throw hay to horses, shovel horse shit, build a fire, split wood for fire, wash dishes, make bed, cook a meal and........no one sees it. No one sees what I do. No one knows I do a damn thing. My labour floats up into the atmosphere like a burnt offering that missed the god it was meant for, because he was distracted and not paying attention. I CRAVE appreciation. I am sure Hub would appreciate me if he had a clue what I do. But he's gone 12 or 13 hours a day. He walks in here so dog tired he can hardly speak. And hour later he's a sleep on the sofa having barely stayed awake through a meal. Then he goes to bed and I spend all evening and night alone too. Sometimes it feels like I have been buried alive in this house. This is my coffin. I am here all the time, doing stuff, and none of it is known, seen, or acknowledged by anyone. I am a solo act. I never wanted to be a solo act. I am good with being alone quite a lot. But I am no good at all with being invisible. I think maybe that's a little how you're feeling. Like the parameters of life that used to define you have floated away and now part of you threatens to float away into the murky distance too. An un-being of the self. If that is how you are feeling a bit, I get it. And I hate it. I have no idea what to do about it.
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Candy, I can empathize with not feeling purposeful. Before mom died and after I had to leave my call center job, I had purpose. I looked after the needs of the house once I could between brain surgery and brain radiation. I was the one to walk to the grocery store and get things, paid bills and did some housework. Was a three storey condo back then which was a lot more work. Cooked meals etc since she was having what we thought was heart failure. That was lung cancer but we did not know. At that time, I was contributing to her care on the day to day. She was still able to drive at that time. Once she was dx with cancer, my older DB and SIL also jumped in for a lot of the care as well.
Once she died and I started moving past the super intense grief and had time to settle into my new little apartment, I started having feelings similar to yours. Just no purpose, what am I going to do. I don't want to go out just for the hell of it and some days are so hot. For myself, doing surveys and other things to earn a little money to boost my disability and put into savings is something I did for years before cancer. It gave me something to do between calls when I worked from home and some extra money back then. It took a while for me to get back to that when I first got here but now I would not be without it. Is it practical or a lot of money, no but it is the thing that makes me feel like the days are not blending all together. I should do more outdoor exercise in the morning,, have not hit that yet since summer is coming. I don't try to walk in the heat and humidity. Holding an umbrella will not stop the sweat and I don't enjoy being hot. Can go to stores. Also cannot just going out because I do need to be careful about spending money. I do want to save money and get an upgraded portable washer that would spin my blankets so I don't have to lift blankets.
All in all, this is my rambling way of saying, something will spark you that works for you. While it sucks to be in a miasma of lack of purpose it is hard and I definitely can understand the feelings that go along with. Although I have an older DB and SIL to help me, I still prefer to look after things myself and they are not a source of going out or purpose either.
We are in Phase 2 of opening after covid since our numbers have decreased. Malls will be open again. Not sure how I feel about going. I may check out walmart for some groceries, but would get up to go for the 700 am opening. I have no desire to see what the crowds will be like on Friday otherwise.
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Thank you guys.
Runor- You write so beautifully.
Mel- sorry about your childhood home. "My best life has gone passed me and I didn't even stop to take it all in enough"---Yep. I too feel that way. When I was working full time, managing my house, being on committees, etc I didn't know how good I had it. Now I know that those times were the best times and it is downhill from here.
Today I pick up my Walmart grocery order--curbside. Do a load of laundry. Walk on treadmill. Another long and uneventful day ahead.
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Good morning all
We’re having some big trees pruned bc hurricane season and these branches took out a fence last year so trying to do preventive stuff.
Moon kitten is fine. Fills up a litter box daily so I guess he’s healthy.
Booboo it’s good to see you. Some days I have to right everything down. I go to the store for two things and can barely recall the second thing.
Candy the ibrance these past 3 months have been taking a toll. I think I had rash (minor) side effect once in 39 cycles but this cycle backs of my arms stomach legs itchy little bumps. Mouth sore, nausea and of course fatigue. I’m on day ten of this cycle. I’ll probably push to 14 and then take a break. Mel is on one week on one week off I think for a few months now. I saw that some ladies on ibrance thread have done similar with doctors approval. I’ll mention it to him when I see him in a few weeks. QOL is important and I still want efficacious treatment. I also get zometa once every 3 months for bones and faslodex shots 1 a month. I use ROS MM and try to only take at night.
I started reading with my mom and 4 of my kids in Messenger group where we can see and talk to each other. Everyone takes a turn. Oftentimes my mom and I read and the others listen bc they’re at work. I look forward to this. We’ve been doing it since April.
I do gardening sometimes joyfully and other times mindlessly. Then the negative thoughts who cares if you pull that weed or plant that and I don’t go outside for a day or two. That’s life and the human psyche can’t be positive all the time. Sometimes I just gotta be.
The local college USF contacted me to supervise an internship. I’ll meet her (zoom) Friday. I will have to see her once a week Once school resumes in August. It’s great for me bc it’s interesting and doesn’t require much energy. Makes me feel like I’m serving a purpose. It also lets me interact with other professionals from my former career.
Mara sorry about your washer. That sucks. Why don’t they make these appliances sturdier. Well, it beats my nanas washer it had a wringer outside the tub and you had to manually put everything through the ringer. I think it was still working when she died in her 90’s.
Philly you look beautiful in your photo. Nice article. You’re brave to share so much of yourself with everyone. Is the sharing program you were referring to secure?
Mel wear your nice things. I do once in awhile and my DH is always surprised and says where are you going? Lol. Surprise surprise going nowhere.
Take care all
Tanya
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Tanya, stuff isn't built to last anymore. My washer thankfully is Ok, The spinner died. I can still wash and dry small items thankfully. I will steam bedding and toss in tumble dryer to remove any cat fur. Will probably be cleaner with the steam.
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So I was really lucky twice today. The first time was catching the bus to go to chemo. I waved the driver down and usually they do not stop, but he did stop for me. Thanked him many times for that.
I walked home in the heat and humidity with some ice water the nurse from chemo gave me. I would have had to hang around for another hour for the bus which I intended. The real feel temperature with the humidity was 99 F or 37 Celsius. I was very happy because drinking the ice water and not really telling myself how hot it was helped me get home much sooner. Was not longer than a half hour walk. I also talked on the phone with a friend which passed some of the time. I am proud I accomplished that after a chemo appt and hating the heat and humidity. However, the heat is nothing compared to the aversion to riding in a cab.
The other lucky thing is I saw a postal truck on my street, had a feeling the delivery was for me. He was just about to pull off when I asked if he had a package for my apt. He did and I got it delivered rather than having to pick it up. It is a couple of new wigs and I was looking for. Nice to have a bright spot in my day and also to know, even if it is hot, I can walk. I would not purposely choose to walk in the heat BUT when necessary, it is doable. I do think my gigantic breakfast helped. I made a heaping bunch of black beans, little bit of shredded cheese. That goes in the microwave for 3 mins. Love the beans exploded. I then ground some of my regular cereal to a fine grind and sprinkled that plus added bran for crunch. I put queso and tortilla seasoning on top with a small crumble of chips. I knew that I needed to eat big as I get REALLY hungry at the cancer clinic and it would not burn off quickly. This is most of the reason I am not a little person but the nutrition of all of it comes together and I feel more energetic for this reason. I need to keep pushing myself to keep doing things. I may eat a lunch and go to the grocery store today before the stormy weather comes. We'll see.
Update, my new wigs came and the new colour is really nice. Off to the store to get some dry shampoo spray to remove the shine a bit. Also have to get a couple of groceries.
Edited to add, got home from the store. It was harder coming home due having a few groceries weighing me down, but I made. Lots of exertion and sweat but home now and cooling off in my apartment. Very proud of myself for being able to go out twice and not dying of the heat in my mask while at the store. If I can walk in this, I can walk in anything. I would have gone to the grocery store tomorrow but I have my MRI in the morning. Figured I should get stuff while I still felt like it. Also was sipping ice water in my water bottle too. Feels good.
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Tanya,
Hi there, my friend. I really can’t wait to get together with you again for lunch. Since we can now meet outside, I’ll send you a private message to see how you feel about having lunch again soon. I miss you, lady!
Candy and Mel,
No, no, no. I refuse to believe that our best days are behind us. We just need to redefine “best” a little differently. I am an eternal optimist, so I’m fighting that feeling like crazy. Please fight with me. We all need something to find joy in....and believe it or not, I have been able to find it when I’m doing something for others.
I started baking...something I love to do. Then DH takes some to all of our immediate neighbors. That sparked a wave of neighbors bringing us pulled pork (and the worlds BEST homemade barbecue sauce!), cookies, muffins, etc. It was really fun (okay, not so good on the waistline). We also have gotten to know our neighbors really well....a bonus.
You know I love you guys, but we have got to turn that frown upside down!! Or you will spend the rest of your days in a funk....which is also ok if that’s what you want. But me? Time to rock and roll!
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Laurie, glad that you are able to get to know the neighbours and bake. That is not a skill I personally have so I always admire bakers. Nice of you to share with the neighbours as well. I do agree, at some point we need to find something we do that makes us feel good. I am feeling good, but that is because I had to walk outside in the heat and humidity (your weather a lot of the time) 3 separate times, once carrying groceries. It was 104. Made it home and the only thing that really happened was I sweat like mad. I find different things that make me feel more positive, doing surveys for cash, walking, talking to facebook friends as my own friends are still not to the point of being able to go out. I don't have any particular talent so I draw on what I know.
Long story short, good for you and enjoy the baking. Say hi to Tanya when you do see her in person.
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Boo is right - its summer and sure there is a pandemic but its better to slog it out in the sun than in the snow right? (well... maybe not the humidity)
Mara got hair in the mail while I got some new cloth face masks. I got one in Lucky Cat print from a gal on Etsy (will wash obviously before wearing) that is really cool and I am going to wear to Hospital next Monday for my scans. And another cloth one came in an order of clothes, in a fish and sharks print that I like a lot.
Been pretty achy the last few days and cancer side is being extra for whatever reason. Two days ago I walked (across two different sessions) over 7 miles and carried a bunch of groceries home so I guess I am still paying the price for all that exercise. The weather turned here and its now gone from July heat to April cold and wet. May be time to try out the tub in this new place - it is MUCH lower than the old house, but its also in the cat's bathroom with their box soooo.... gotta weigh up the pros and cons there or bust out a bunch of baking soda.
Glad to see Philly pop through, but hello to all the other lovely ladies on and off the thread!
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Folks,
I, too, struggle with feeling down both from the pandemic and from having this stinking disease. However, about a month ago, I read something (cannot remember where) that suggested starting the day with gratitude. Now, I'm not preaching woo-woo stuff here -- simply, before getting out of bed, I repeat to myself that I'm grateful for another day. Then, I ask myself how I am going to use that day. With the pandemic, it's hard to do this, so I set simple goals. So -- it might be> calling or emailing a friend who I know is in a tough spot and chatting for a bit; doing something special for a member of my family (even something VERY small); taking a walk (long or short) and finding something beautiful to look at (flowers, plants, etc.) or wonder about (different things in nature -- birds, butterflies, etc.) Any of this gets me through the day, at least a little bit. And it's a mood lifter, which is what we all seek.
Generally, I can be very much a glass half empty type of a person. I've found that this is helping me, at least some of the time, be a glass half full type of a person. Life is not perfect, but at least we're still here.
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Sondra, I love the mask prints you are talking about. I also sympathize being near a cat litterbox. My apt only allowed me to place it next to the couch, bathroom not big enough for it. Good for you on that walk you did. You have come so far on that front. I still am feeling pretty good about all the hot and humid walking I accomplished without any problem, aside from a lot of sweating. Changed clothes and will wash them through the evening I think. Put new underthings and sleep pants on and am nice and comfortable. Watching youtube now. Channel called Kitten Academy, they foster kittens and get them ready from birth to adoption. The cat has had 6 kittens so far and there should be one more coming.
You are also right on the money about finding something in the day to perk you up when you may not be feeling it. I am also normally a glass half empty, but I am trying to find positives as well. Like one of my laundry tools broke and I can't wash blankets anymore. Positive I came up with, now I can disinfect them with steam and toss them in the dryer. Won't take 8 hours to get done, should be much easier. That was what I told myself and it has largely worked.
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Evening ladies. I read all your posts.
Tanya- Sounds like you are staying busy with gardening/yard work, reading with your family, and the internship gig with the college. That is great.
Mara- How do you do it girl? Chemo and then walking in the heat and humidity. You are one tough lady.
Booboo and BevJen- Keep being my cheerleaders. I need that. As a Christian, I do praise my Lord for what I have. I will stand in my kitchen and thank God for the sun streaming in the window, the food in the cabinets, the peacefulness of the quietness of my house. And I try to keep hold of that thankfulness. Then.... I get bored, I think of the cancer, of my old life …. and I fail again. Boo- I hate cooking/baking, but if you lived closer I would love to be your taste taster. Haha.
Today I picked up my Walmart order I placed yesterday. For the first time since I have started my grocery shopping this way- online with curbside pickup- my whole order was filled. Now, keep in mind, that still means limits of 1 pack TP, 1 pack paper towels, 4 cans of canned goods, and no disinfecting wipes still. But, hey, I got what I ordered. Then a friend called and we talked 30 minutes. She has been in the hospital with blood pressure issues. I did a load of laundry--- not like Mara, I put it in the washer and press Start then the dryer and press Start. I sat down to read this afternoon and fell asleep. I wanted to finish this book, but my cat on my lap and BAM I was out.
I just need to find that "something" that interests me and I can do with the COVID concerns, my fatigue, etc. I just haven't found it yet. So you guys are going to have to hear my gripes, my boredom, etc and still be my cheerleaders.
Hugs.
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BevJen I really appreciate your post. I am a serious glass half-empty person. It's good to remember what to be thankful for too. I'm having mega anxiety this week over doctor appointments this week. Just trying to avoid back surgery but I have some pretty significant back pain that travels all the way to my foot. I really don't want to be in the hospital right now, I really don't want to have back surgery, I really just want to be left alone for awhile, do my faslodex shots and have a nice summer. But it's hard with the quarantine. I live in New York and we stage 4 people are recommended to go nowhere but doctor appointments. I've been feeling depressed especially since my piano studio year is ending this week. I'm not sure what to do with myself now. I can't really sit at the piano for very long but I am going to choose to be grateful for the time I CAN spend there even if only ten minutes. I can't really garden with this back so I've ordered artificial flowers for my flower boxes and I'll enjoy those. DH is in charge of the vegetable garden. I like all these choices - thank you again. Hug!
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Moomala- I am sorry for your anxiety and pain. I hope you find something you feel well enough to do to occupy your summer. And that you can avoid surgery. In my area, things are reopening and people are out moving again. I am fearful of getting out still and so I am in the minority. Come here and we can help lift eachother up.
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Candy, I have to credit the beans I eat all the time. They are one of my staples along with spinach. I credit these more than the cheese and limited meat. Ice water helped as well for walking, credit initially going to the chemo nurse who sent me home with ice water. I made the next batch. Helped a lot. I did sweat like a pig though but was worth it.
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Candy,, you guys put up with my seemingly unending posts about laundry, what I am eating etc. You are all very kind about it as well. You are more than welcome to gripe or complain as needed. We all need a release for stress. As someone said above, something will strike you and you will be fulfilled and in the meantime, you are plugging away at life anyway. Glad you got to talk to a friend and get your complete order from Walmart. I was still feeling happy about being able to order purell hand sanitizer from my dollarama website. They have bulk sales only so wound up with 72 of them at 1.25 each. Was grateful for that.
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I know what you mean, my sanitizing wipes came today and you would think it was jewelry! I fawned all over them and told how we’ve missed having them around. I bought 10 personal packs. I wasn’t going to hoard. They would last us for a little and then I’ll order more. That’s one thing I still haven’t seen in the stores. None nada. So I feel happy having my hand wipes and my spray sanitizer in my purse with me. Along with gloves and my mask. Stage four peeps here have been also told to be very careful because people have become lax about restricted living. Protesting will sky rocket contamination and it’s going to get bad again. 2 million cases. Why just the us? Such high cases? No other country? Seems peculiar to me.
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Moomala~I am sorry you’re having such back pain. I know it doesn’t take it away. But I really wish there was a way to take pain and get rid of it. I’m sorry about the piano sadness. Maybe you could choose a certain time of day to just play until you don’t want to anymore. Don’t over do it. I know it gets so boring and the days are long. They are for me also. I rest a lot. I have no choice. Ibrance Dancers know that fatigue.
Tanya~ yea I am on one week on and one week off and it’s much better than the other way. Never enough time for side effects to take full hold, my mouth does get sore. At times but other months it doesn’t Weird each month is still different. I am starting 45 round. I talked to a pfIzer representative today and he said the statistics out about ibrance aren’t current. He said the medicine is helping a tremendous amount of women. He was thrilled with me and said the medicine is making big strides. The capsules are almost phased out. Tablets are on deck in blister packs. With or without food. So they. Called. tou have a good memory!
Mara~You're adorable, of course we’re going to listen to your posts about laundry and cooking and waking to the store because it’s important!!! It’s your day and you’re family here! Anyone let out. Or discuss anything you’d like. I’ll not big on politics though that I’ll admit. No good can ever come from that. I find your resourcefulness pretty awesome. You’re a strong woman!
Candy~same goes for you. Good days and bad. We have to support each other. This is why I’m here. My online family. We’re you all understand this shit stew..
BevJen~ Good to see you, thanks for the encouragement on putting our energies in a good place and trying small things to be grateful for everyday!
Dodgers~ you ok ? Hello to Sondra!
ahhh BooBoo the half glass full darlin. Which I like. But after the past four years it’s hard to still do. Everything is a challenge! Just getting through each day is really a process. You’re so sweet, always try to stay positive for your sisters. Good person for sure! 🌹
Anyone heard from Lynnewood?? I’m concerned. It’s been a while.
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Mel, I am more than happy not to discuss politics and thanks for what you said. Politics is a definite minefield and I have never discussed with anyone other than family and even then, only really DB and SIL and other like minded people. I stay away from social media commenting on politics too. Mostly scroll on by.
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Mara I’ll be in your pocket tomorrow. The scans are the anxiety producers. Im grateful to hear the rants and all.
Thanks for pulling us up too. Booboo I like the baking and giving it to neighbors. When I do stuff like that I always include that my Granddaughter naked with me so in case it doesn’t come out good. I’ve made a few lopsided cakes in my day.Mel I’m gonna officially change the scheduling of ibrance. Today was awful GI stuff. I’m in the middle of the 21 days. I’m not gonna continue if this keeps up. Chicken broth for dinner
Tanya
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Thanks everyone for the pocket duty. I appreciate it.
Tanya, I am sorry the ibrance is causing GI issues, that is a difficult thing to go through at anytime. Hopefully you find a solution that is gentle on your system.
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