My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Candy~I understand completely. I just started my #48 month. I have all those same feelings about it. Next I scan is March , it will have been a year since my last scan. I’ll be a wreck when that time comes. 🤪🤪
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My brother wrote me today and said he hopes to get the results today, as they said three to five business days. I feel for him so much. The wait is the worst part. He’s a proud man, and I want to spill my guts to him and let him know how much I understand the wait is so difficult, but I’m holding back. He’s ten years older than me, so he wouldn’t take my telling him I understand easily. Whew, this is hard.
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KBL, does you brother not know you have cancer?
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Oh, yes, he knows. I just do not want to act like I’m the expert when it comes to this. This brother is a proud man, and he’s always considered me the baby of the family. Sometimes it seems like he still thinks I’m ten. Lol.
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Oh ok, I get it. Tough spot you’re in, big hugs
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Dear Friends,
It’s been a bumpy few days. Left my husband on Monday and flew (yup...took the risk) to PA to stay with my sister. My hubby is an alcoholic who is not ready to admit it, and I’ve had all I can take. I couldn’t eat anything over the last week because my nerves were so bad. My family is super supportive, and I am SO glad I made this decision. Long overdue. Sucks because it’s Christmas time, but I guess there really is no ideal time. Anyway, it’s a bit colder here than I’m used to in FL, but my stomach has settled down because I am surrounded by my family....lots of love.
I am not flying back until after the new year, and then only staying if he gets help. I heard that, because of COVID, alcoholism is on the rise, as is suicide, and divorce. Doesn’t surprise me. This year has really sucked!
Hugs to all. Just didn’t want you all to think I was missing!
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KBL- Hugs.
Edited to say--
Booboo-- You have to do what is best for you right now. Hopefully he will get the help he needs. But you have to take care of you. Glad you are surrounded by your family.
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Thank you, Candy and Mae.
Booboo, I’m so sorry you’re put in this position at all and especially during the holidays. I am thinking of you and hope you get some peace and rest. Hugs to you.
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Candy, you are in a totally different situation than me and I can most definitely understand the concern regarding weight loss and the time frame you have been on the med. I also think stress and worry can have a effect on weight and nausea as well. Not saying nothing at all might be going on, but 10 days is a long time to wait for scans. I am crossing all fingers and toes that you do not have progression and maybe some other disease process.
I don't worry because the most likely place a treatment will have failed will be in my brain and there is nothing going on there. I also eat like a horse and have enough energy to walk long distances (albeit slower than brisk walkers) even on 4 hours of sleep. These things indicate nothing going on. My RO is not due to call until dec 17 and I had the MRI last week. If I progress or something changes, I will definitely worry as much as anybody here.
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Had a hair cut today and since it is near the office, decided to go in for a few hours this afternoon to take advantage of large screens. I was at least 30 feet away from another person and there is hand sanitizer and wipes all over the place, some spray is put on the surfaces supposedly that lasts 30 days as an anti-viral (but I still wiped it down), you have to book a desk, and there is some bizarre one way system in place. Still, it was nice to get out from the house as OH was starting to really get on my nerves, and I did a little bit of shopping. So many stores out of business, even more than the last time I was in the area a few months ago.
The change resolved the eye strain issues I had been having the last two weeks too! I made sure to bring an extra mask to switch for the way home and it was about as safe as it was going to get. May go in on Tuesday as I imagine we are about to be locked down yet again here.
Someone on my street received a letter for a vaccine appointment so hopefully will soon have first hand account of what the process is like!
Boo - I am sorry you have to go through so much extra stress, especially at this time of year, however if you feel and know deep down it was the right choice then no reason to look back and question it. I am glad you are at least near family who can help and be supportive at this time.
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Well, my day was not really exciting, woke up at 3am because my ear bud that plays sleep music kept saying low battery, once I was up from switching it, could not get back to sleep. I thought that the day would be really crappy but I did manage to walk this morning after a small breakfast for half hour. Slept a bit on the couch when I got home then had a small snack and went back out for another hour and fifteen. Unfortunately, could not get my baking soda, must be too much Christmas baking going on and stores are out. That's OK, does not really matter for me for now. Will order on Amazon if needed.
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Wow feeling really sad right now. Just found out that my city is going to full lockdown again. It was not a problem before since I would see my brother and family but this is happening over Christmas. I can't fo because they limited indoor gatherings to 5 people. Well, if you include DB, SIL and the nephews, niece and her partner, there are already too many. I offered that I would stay home because, I don't want anyone to get in trouble. I may do Christmas alone for the first time ever. Not sure I can handle that myself. Trying not to get too upset about it, but I have not even given birthday gifts due to nephew being tested for covid. Wow.
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mara, that's so tough. Hope something different can be arranged. We Have a total ban on social gatherings at home since Nov and it's extended over Xmas too . But I have dh and my adult kids here so it's ok. We will FaceTime with my parents and mil. Way harder when you live alone
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Laurie, what a tough row to hoe. Hang in there. I'm glad you're with family . Hope you can also access professional therapist.
KBL, I'm so opposite you - I told people to tell others as I wanted everyone to know but didn't want to do the telling. Hope your brother reaches out to you person to person. I'm an only child so i don't get this dynamic at all but it sounds frustrating
Someone reminded me of wig caps...forgot about those. I only have a headband to make it stay on and not hurt forehead. I will look into it.
I crashed again today and needed a nap. I'm trying to be patient with myself but I'm frustrated at lack of energy and ooomph.... I don't feel like doing anything.
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Just wanted to come back and tell you my brother’s biopsy came back positive for invasive ductal. They said there was no lymph involvement from the biopsy they took. He has an appointment with the surgeon next week. I don’t know nearly as much about IDC as ILC. It seems he may have caught it early, which I will be very grateful for. He said he felt the lump and didn’t think much of it but mentioned it to his doctor because of my situation.
My other brother is going to have a biopsy on Monday of his pleural space, so we will have an answer of what his cancer is as well. I’m thinking his will probably be lung cancer.
I feel like I’m in a Twilight zone. This is some weird shit.
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Oh KBL, I am so sorry with all that is going on at the same time for you and your family. That is awful and I am thinking of you and your family.
Enough about me and Christmas, people here are having serious issues. Whatever happens with me will happen, I will not keep complaining about being alone if it comes to that. I think I will just put a kibosh on Christmas in general and be grateful I am healthy.
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KBL, I am so sorry to hear about your brothers and what you all are going through. My thoughts are going out to you all.
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Mara, thank you so much. Please do not stop commenting on any feelings you’re having because others are going through things. That’s what we’re all here for, to listen and have a voice. Every one of us has a tough day or ten. I, for one, want to be here for anyone else having tough times, no matter what the cause.
I’m so sorry you may be alone. I wish there was something I could say. I can’t even imagine. I hope things change in the next few weeks and you’re able to go. Hugs to you. You have every right to feel sad.
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Hi, Moth. I think when I found out about my diagnosis, I had my oldest brother tell my other brothers, as one I haven’t talked to in 11 years, and the other one I don’t communicate with on a regular basis.
I think my problem came with my ex SIL plopping crap on Facebook. The whole world doesn’t need to know my brother’s business. I can’t stand her to begin with, so maybe I’m tainted. Lol. I wrote down what I would have said to her and promptly threw it away. I don’t want drama. It was.tempting, though.
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Candy, thank you for the hugs.
It seems these last few weeks have been especially tough for all of us for different reasons. I say we have a group hug. This crap sucks.
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I am hugging everyone else as well. Not going to feel down anymore, it is life and I will just have to roll with whatever happens as we all do in our individual situations. I will first find out if my nephew has covid when his test comes back and things will be more clear then.
As far as any gatherings may be concerned. The limit is 5 but I truly cannot imagine that means people who have been in the family bubble would be kept out, especially if we are alone. I am not going to make any hard and fast plans. I will plan for staying home and go from there. A pandemic trumps my wishes. I will adjust.
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Mara, fyi, bubbles are gone in Ontario. (they've been gone in BC since Nov) "Ontario is putting the concept of social circles on pause and advising people to limit close contact only to those living in their own household and maintain two metres of distance from everyone else. People who live alone may consider having close contact with another household." In BC singles too can 'make' a household with another single or couple but otherwise everyone has to be with household only - ie. whoever they actually live with in a single family home. Nobody else allowed. It's going to be a weird holiday for many of us.
(edit - deleted dates as they were wrong)
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Mara- Sorry you are feeling sad about your Christmas plans. You have every right to be upset and disappointed. I have been alone for so long-- 4th of July celebration, summer activities, my Birthday, Thanksgiving, and now Christmas. It is not fun. Our area has had limits of gatherings of 10 since October, I think. And, of course, I have isolated before that due to the fear of Covid and my low white counts. I don't really know what advise to give you for spending Christmas alone. I know I just want the day to be over already.
KBL- Wow. I am so sorry to hear about your brothers' IDC diagnosis. AND your other brothers' upcoming biopsy.
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Thank you for the info about the adding myself to a group. I am going to stop worrying about it. On the good news front, my nephew tested negative for covid, so he was just really sick with a cold.
Candy, I should have thought more about you as well before complaining. I will be here for you.
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Mara- Please do not feel bad about voicing your disappointment or your loneliness. Your feelings are important.
I called a friend tonight to check on him. I heard voices in the background. I asked where he was. He said "getting something to eat". So I guess he was in a restaurant. Our area is supposed to have no indoor dining, but some businesses are still open and not following the rules. Just made me feel more lonely. This is the friend that always went out to eat, and had Covid in October and got over it fine. He says he is immune from getting it again. So he continues on with his life. Lucky him.
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Thank you, Candy
Mara, I’m so glad for your nephew. I am ready for this whole year to be over with and hope next year is better for us all.
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booboo, wow, big step, good for you. Hopefully this is a wake up call for him and a chance to relax for you. Stay warm up there.
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Wow living room ladies a lot has transpired in one day.
KBL sometimes I cant(and don’t try to ) stop one of my big mouthed friends from telling people off when they do stupid crap like telling medical business on FB. You’re better off just being you but as much as I hate confrontation some people need to shut up and mind their business.
Mel sorry about your sleeplessness. I’m already planning for a night of anxiety. Ran out of sleep meds. Didn’t renew it.
Booboo I’m glad you’re out and around loved ones. Who cares if it’s cold we can’t go anywhere anyway. I’m happy you’re surrounded by peace and love.
Mae your haircut is cute and your food looks delicious.
After my MRI my husband had stroke like symptoms and at home is bp was 166/86 and I drove him to an urgent care where they informed us that they don’t take stroke symptom people and directed us to an urgent care ER. He has hbp and early diabetes so we were avoiding the hospital. The ER urgent care took his bp 200/100. So an ambulance took him to the hospital. My brother (jet ski 22 year old) came to the urgent ER and waited for me outside. Called me when ambulance was in parking lot then followed me home and called me and said your tire is flat. Then my daughter and son drive me to hospital ER so I could go sit in the hallway with DH. They got his bp down and so My son in law drive me home. I was so amped hyped up I barely fell asleep. In the morning my sil came and got the tire fixed. I was staggering around the house so emotionally blasted, tired. Then Dh calls and is released from hospital. No more wheelchair patient to the door.no he’s walked out and standing on the curb when I pulled up. There were no rooms available in the hospital and even though he was admitted he stayed in the emergency room hall overnight. So much for trying to avoid Covid.
Candy I have scanxiety as usual but I kinda am exasperated from life right now so I’m gonna try to do calming activities and wait patiently. I’ll be with you for your upcomingr scans. I was dumb and put the scan cd in my computer and looked at a whole bunch of gray blurry pictures of my insides. I have no idea what any of it means. Just scary to look at.
Mara please keep posting whatever you want we all need to vent no matter it’s what the living
Moth I am sorry that you’re not feeling well dear. I hope you get some comfort and healing soon.
Waving hi to Shetland SondraF 50’s girl,santanarbarian anyone and everyone I missed.
Tanya
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So sorry for all the bad news that's come for you ladies. My brother died yesterday and now I am the only one of my family left; buried 5 brothers and my only sister. I do feel so alone even though I have my DH and grown children. Of course we can't have a funeral but at least his kids were able to bring him home from the hospital so they could all be with him at the end (no one could see him in the hospital). I have my CT scan on Monday; please no more bad news for me.
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Laurie, I am glad you are surrounded by family now and feeling the stomach relax a bit. The decision to leave is so difficult but I can totally see why you needed to do this. I hope your husband will seek help and I am sorry.
Lee, I am so sorry to hear about your DB and that you are the last of your generation. It definitely is sobering when the generations start disappearing. My thoughts are with you and in your pocket for support on Monday.
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