My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Lee~I am so very sorry for your losses. It's just not fair sometimes. I will be in spirit when you scan. Try to remember we can't change things. I'm trying to force that into my mind, because life is so challenging right now. I am again so sorry.
Tanya ~my friend what the heck. Kinda day did you have? Oh my word. You poor sweet thing. My goodness, I can imagine you felt like you were hit over by a bus. I am worried about your DH, I hope he can remain calm and take care of himself too. Our caretakers go through a lot as well for sure. I'm just glad he's ok and home. No covid please. Pa is third highest now for covid. How the hell that happened I have no clue. Just great. More worrying.
BooBoo~ proud doesn't begin to express how I feel. I know it may have been hard, but you have to take care of you. Thank goodness yourewith your family and ok'd stomping grounds. (Sorry for the cold). I'm sending you many hugs as you go through this. By your side in spirit.
Mara ~I'm always looking for your posts to see what you conquer each day. Always let your feelings out here. It's what it's here for. No matter what it is.
Candy~Hello my dear friend. Can you believe the covid in our states What the hell?? Be careful.
Moth~Sounds like no gatherings for Christmas. I knew it was going to effect Christmas. This really sucks. We don't have those type of restrictions yet.... no more than 10 people in one home. Limited time together, I want to see my daughter. No way I can't. It would be the first year ever. That just can't happen. I'll mask up first. Ridiculous this shit. I really want to know more about the side effects from this vaccine
Hello KBL! And Mae
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Tanya, what an ordeal, glad things are better now.
Lee, I’m sorry about your family losses, hugs.
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Leee, in your pocket for your Monday scan and hoping the report is good. Sorry about your loss of your brother. I can understand your feeling alone as the only serving sibling.
Booboo, You deserve a peaceful and secure life, and if it’s without your husband then so be it. You were strong to do what you needed to do. As others have said, we’re all happy you have support where you are now with your family.
KBL, Sending you my some strength for all you’re dealing with. 🌺
Tanya, Wow, that was a complicated day and night for you with your mri then your DH’s hospital stay. I hope his bp will stay stabilized.
Thinking and supporting everyone else going through difficulties. Hopefully the sun comes up tomorrow and things are a little more doable with the light of a new day.
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Lee sorry for your loss. I’ll be with you for pocket duty.Monday.
Rosie thanks for sunny reminders.
Tanya
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KBL you may be surprised how much he would appreciate your empathy right now. I say this with the best of intentions and don’t want to interfere. He may be feeling like the 10 year old just now.
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molliefish, you’re probably right. I definitely feel empathy for him. We lost our dad at the exact age he is, so I feel he kind of took over as the man of the family.Even though we are going through breast cancer, I find it hard to equalize whether to try to tell him what I know and not trying to be a know-it-all. I have a blog on Caring Bridge where he reads it when I post, so I’m hoping he goes back through it. I will be there to answer any questions he has.
Lee, I’m so sorry about your losses. I can’t imagine.
Tanya, I hope your husband is feeling better. When it rains, it pours. Goodness.
Hi back, Mel.
Thank you so much, Rosie.
It’s amazing how fast moving this thread is. Please forgive me if I’ve forgotten someone.
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Tanya, I am hoping your husband is doing better today as well. That is a lot to deal with.
Everyone, thank you for the kind words, they helped a lot.
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Mara, I’m so glad. All of us have our struggles and no one’s struggles are more important than another person’s struggles. I think that’s what this group is about, somewhere to come to lean on each other when we are sad, hurting, or even when we have good news so we can cheer each other on.
I, for one, am so grateful to Mel for starting this thread. I was reluctant to join in in the beginning, as I’m a pretty private person, but I can feel the love from everyone, no judgment.
Hugs to you all.
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Why does all the shit come in waves???? I pray for peace and comfort for us all.
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Thinking of everyone who has been posted. Wow, a lot of things going on, folks. I hope for some peace and comfort for each of you as you go through everything.
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I prayed for you all this morning. A lot going on with all of you.
Wow Tanya. I hope your DH is better today. He needs to take care of himself. So much more stress for you, my friend.
Lee- I am sorry for your brother. All my family is still around except my Mom. Lost her 7 years ago. But my Dad is 94 and all his siblings are gone. As most of his friends. I will be doing pocket duty on Monday for your scans.
So much in the world right now. Hard to deal with it all.
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Thank you, sisters, for your kind words. I’m a pretty strong woman emotionally, but the last month has brought me to my knees. My dear sister opened her home (which is beautifully decorated for Christmas), and I feel like I can think clearly for the first time in a long time. I feel like I have support and options, and that kind of relief is immeasurable.
There are so many of us hurting, but I just know that relief is coming. The Pfizer vaccine is beginning to be rolled out, and it’s a matter of time before we will see an end to this pandemic. Hang in all. Better days are ahead.
May God bless us all in this Christmas season.
Love,
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BooBoo~ Keep strong. It's nice knowing you're close again. One day at a time. Clapping for awesome sister! Hugging for you..
Hello Rosie and Candy~. Hope Saturday treats you well. I think we're getting our Christmas tree today. I love the pine smell. Hope my dog doesn't think I brought him inside his own personal toilet. Every year he tries. Wish us luck lol.
Keep pushing ladies. It's all we can do. Each and everyone of us does have that power. Keep pushing. We're worth it. (Sounds like a commercial)
Hello to Bev Jen~ nice to see you here always.
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Laurie, KBL and everyone struggling, I am hoping for better days for as well for everyone.
I am having a better day today. It is terrible outside and rainy so I will stay home, don't honestly need to go to the grocery store. Decided to wash all of my bedding which takes forever since only one fits in my portable washer at a time. I am almost tempted to get another one just to speed things up, I do think two would fit in the tub, would just have to be able to fit in my bedroom closet. We will see. I am also watching TV for money and listening to christmas music for money. Just for fun and savings as well. Those things, the laundry and the money making from home are what make me really happy so focusing my energy on those. Not going to pay attention to anything else, including covid save for following rules for my region.
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Mara..because of you, I am walking daily again.
Thank you.
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Mara~I like down days. Makes me feel like I'm resting my vehicle and charging my batteries. It's super foggy here this morning. So weird. We got a new roof yesterday and I love it. I never dreamed a roof would be so expensive. But luckily from the last storm we had some damage that allowed it to be wayyyyyyy better. I'm thrilled because the last roof lasted 20 plus years. I had this house built. I've been the only owner. I like that about this home. It's too big for me now. But we still find ourselves using all four bedrooms , so I guess people are just messy lol. My ds has one room. I have my Own room, because DH snores like a freight train. He made me a special room with my vanity and a beautiful chair . The third bedroom is dss when he visits Which is more than I thought (university of Alabama) and the master suite is DH's room So I guess it's like the three little bears it's just right Part of me wants to downsize Get my son on his own. I do love it here. Every thing takes work! Doesn't it seem like no matter there is always something needing to be done No matter where you live.. I know how active you are, a rest day for you is well deserved. Have a good Saturday!
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Glad to hear it Sandibeach, I enjoy walking most days myself. Never the fastest but steady and competent walking. I decided that if need be and the weather is terrible, I will start walking up and down the hallway of my apartment building when I want to use my arms. I will just go from the back door to my apartment door. Now that we are in the stage just before total lockdown, I am unsure if there is still mall walking to be had. I will call around and find out. I am also looking forward to some winter walking as well. I really like it when it has snowed and it is really cold making the snow crunchy under my feet.
Mel, yes, I am only on blanket three due to length of time to dry the blankets. Busted out my heating rack that has a tent. Can put clean blankets in there while the other is drying. Should make the process of drying faster as well. If I cannot get them all done, that is OK too. Your place sounds like you use alll the space. I used to have two bedrooms at the condo, one for my bedroom and sleeping and my computer room. That room was packed full of technology. It's funny how much less space I use now. Gradually learning to deal with less space. Thinking about getting rid of a chair in the living room and getting a small desk and moving the laptops I have over to that side of the room. I rarely have company and it would be nice to sit at a desk to fill out my surveys and be able to pedal my elliptical underneath at the same time. That is my next plan I think, Or else get a folding desk of some sort and put it in different places in the room, will have to see.
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Mel,
Thank you sweet girl. I think this is exactly what I needed. My sister and her husband are so much fun to be with, and they make everything better. I am resting and sleeping like a log. I just can’t tell you how good it feels being here. I’ll head South again after the new year and see if DH is willing to go into rehab. He says he will. I told him he has to do it for himself and not just me, but he seems willing. If not, I am going to put the house on the market (I pay the mortgage) and move back to PA near my sister. I refuse to live like that anymore. Thank you (all) for your support. It means everything.
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Booboo- I am glad you are resting and feeling better emotionally. You needed that. And deserve it. You are still on my "sticky notes" that you have PET this month and MO appt in Jan. Keep us informed of your decision concerning continuing treatment or not. I will back your decision, whatever it is. Hugs from here.
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Booboo, I’m so glad you’re having fun. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is just the right thing to do. It takes a lot to have to let a person go and let them sink or swim. You deserve peace. Hugs to you.
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Thank all you dear ladies for being on this thread and all the compassion and caring you give. There are so many troubles and hard times people are having to struggle through. It helps remind me that I am not alone and that my troubles are no worse than anyone else. I heard once that if a group of people were together in a room and everyone threw their troubles in a circle, everyone would rush to get their own trouble back instead of swapping with someone else. I try to remind myself of that.
Thanks for all the pocket duty offered; I'll be thinking of you being with me. Means so much. May the days ahead be easier for all having problems and difficult decisions to make.
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Hello Ladies ~ I'm hoping to get to sleep early. BooBoo, you're on my mind. I am. Hoping you're doing good and peaceful feelings surround you.
Lee~What a nice thing to say, we love our peeps , we're a team together. Everyone has a place. Including you. 😃.
Hello Rosie, Sondra,Mae,Dodgersgirl,Runor,Goldens, Tanya,Minnie, pots, stillivin, Hope, gailmary,Moomala, Mara,Candy, Santa,sandibeaches, seeq KBL. Hello to you all!
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Candy,
I moved my PET scan to the week I get back to FL, and then see my onc the week after. I will definitely keep you posted regarding treatment. I may opt to have treatment when I move back to PA. Seems like I’d have a darn good reason to fight if it’s for my family!
I must confess that it was pride that kept me from leaving my husband before now. I don’t know what I thought my siblings would say, but they have been nothing but supportive. I am very blessed to have them.
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yay for darn good reasons !
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This has been a rough few days on this thread
Booboo - you sound so much better. I'm so glad your family is supporting you and your decision.
Tanya - that was a crazy, scary day for you and your husband. I hope he's is doing better and taking care of himself.
Mara - your feelings matter and the prospect of spending Christmas alone is beyond disappointing. After reading moth's post, do I understand you can add on as part of your brother's family?
Lee - thinking of you for your scan tomorrow. As the youngest in my family, I had sometimes wondered if I would be the last survivor, as you are. Since there's a big spread of years between, I felt confident I wouldn't be the first. I might have to rethink that.
A friend of mine is suspected of having esophageal cancer with possible brain/lung mets (waiting biopsy results). Along with my worry for him, and his wife and sister, it brought me back six months to when I got my initial diagnosis and the resulting feeling.
Another friend passed from lung cancer on Monday. All in all, it hasn't been a great week.
I'm sure I missed people, but I've been thinking of you all.
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Thank you all for the warm welcome. This is a great group of people! I am doing a bit better the last few days. You're right, this year has been a transition. Chemo put me through what I call "chemopause" and that was a wild ride. Then I got the metastatic diagnoses and I kind of feel like it's taken me a good year to adjust and get used to this new body. I'm still working on it. I got good news on my labs. My white cell count is up and my ANC is up and my tumor markers were down. My MO started me on a 7 day regimen of Dexamethasone and while I'm not a fan of steroids I have to admit it has done wonders for my pain. I can stand up again without the pain in my legs and am walking without the cane this week. This is day three on the steroids and I am moving better than I have in weeks. I hadn't realized what a drag that was on me until the pain was better and I don't feel as locked up. I am doing some yoga videos and walking this week which feels great.
Thank you for the dog pictures! I love dogs ( and cats and most animals too). Pet pictures and videos just make the internet a little happier I think. You guys have some adorable ones! It's late so I'm going to try and sleep. Hoping you all have good days coming up and may we all find that perfect pair of comfortable pants!
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Booboo- I have to say I am glad to hear you say that. Everyone has to make their own decision when it is the time to let nature take its course. But I am glad you have found something to continue to fight for. And I am glad your family is there for you, whatever/ whenever you decide. You have to think of you and what is best for you. I hope your DH gets help, but you cannot let him drag you down with him.
SeeQ- Sorry for the losses you experienced this week. Life is so hard.
I just want to get next week over-- my scans and MO appt on the 21st. I just hate the waiting and not knowing. Will the scans be stable? Will there be progression? And how bad? What will be the next step? How about this weight loss and nausea? Is it nerves? Or something else....?
I am trying not to think about it-- church service online here in a bit, call a friend this afternoon, read, watched a good TV movie last night. But, then the thoughts come.
Hope all have a restful Sunday.
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Emac, good news and glad you’re feeling better
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SeeQ, I’m also very sorry for what you’re going through. Hugs!!
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Emac, glad you are feeling better as well and welcome.
SeeQ, I am also very sorry to hear about what is going for you. That is tough..
Candy, don't blame you for just wanting to have the test and have the inforomation in your hands so you know where you are at.
I am not doing much. Doing short treadmill walks today, done an hour so far. 15 to 20 mins. Not feeling super great, bit dizzy but I do blame my sinuses for this. Probably the dust allergies. No matter how much I dust or wash bedsheets, I still am almost always stuffed up. That is why I feel safer on the treadmill. Other than that, playing games and watching an app on TV for cash today and listening to christmas music as well. Overall, not too bad a day. Going to DB for dinner so that should be nice. I suppose I could try claritin but since I am not a hundred percent it is not SE from herceptin which it could be or a minor sniffle, I don't want to medicate except for the symptom. Will put vicks vaporub in my ear tonight and just take advil and tylenol through the day.
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