My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Runor - positive vibes and virtual hugs for you.
Same for you candy as you have confirmed progression. That could be any of us on our next scan. Gives me an adrenaline surge just thinking about it.
Wishing all a peaceful Sunday.
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This has been a horrible night. The bleeding is unrelenting. The pain. The panic. Oh god, it has been a few yeas since this gut clenching dread has set its claws into me. I read here and wonder how so many of you face progression and seem to function. I fall apart. I go to bed and quit moving. I'm doing that now.
No scans or x-rays were done. A lady doc (I was relieved about that!) did an internal and confirmed I was bleeding. The evidence was everywhere! She tried removing a clot that was still in my cervix. I told her if she wanted it all I had to do was stand up and it would exit, which it did. Into my hand (and all over the floor) when I later waddled to the bathroom. Ugh. She poked at my uterus and said it feels normal size and hard, like it was trying to quit bleeding. It has not yet managed to do that.
An intravaginal ultrasound and uterine biopsy are lined up for the coming week. They did pretty much nothing for me at the hospital. I got there at 10 and didn't see a doctor until 1 a.m. But at least this doc said she would rattle some chains and get this process moving, no fooling around. So that was a plus I guess. She also said, "Until proven otherwise we assume all postmenopausal bleeding is cancer."
I am not holding it together. I am so tired and everything is hurting so bad I can't sleep. It has been years since I took a sedative but I'm thinking of taking one now. Thank you everyone for your words and to all who are in this same boat of shit going wrong and you wondering what the hell is happening, I am so very sorry. Hub is scared. I am scared. Prayers for all of us.
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Runor,
Yes, prayers are forthcoming. Hang in there. So glad you let us know what happened. The eternal optimist in mesays that this is going to turn out to be related to menopause. Nothing more. You should absolutely take a sedative and sleep. That’s the very best thing you can do. I am so very sorry this is happening to you. Please know that you are loved and that nothing is too big for God. Rest well.
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Runor, hoping that it is a fibroid and nothing more. That is bad and scary to see that blood and I will be thinking of and in your pocket until you find out for sure, hope it won't be too long.
Well, my second twin tub portable washer broke on the washer side, still spins, I will no longer buy these. May look into a repair. I was in the middle of blankets so am soaking them on the washer side and using my clean and disinfected plunger to agitate them. I use very hot water to kill any dust mites and then any lint or fur comes out in my regular dryer. I have clip on bucket washers so I can do clothes and cloths that way no problem. No need for a laundry yet. Surprisingly, I was not upset about that happening. Just shrugged my shoulders and said "Oh Shit". That is progress for my mental health as well.
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Runor, Sorry you’ve had this awful night with no real help or info. I sure hope this gets figured out ASAP for you. I’m no doctor, but yours saying it’s assumed to be cancer seems to be extreme.
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Rosie, I agree with that. Until all info is known, it should not be said it is probably cancer. I missed that part of her post. Nice doctor to scare the bejesus out of her. Until they have the info, it may be listed as a possibility among other things that may cause bleeding that are not cancer related. Assuming makes an ass out of you and me.
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Runor,
As BooBoo said, you should get some sleep. That will help you the most. Unfortunately, this seems to be one of those times (and Lord knows, we all face many of them), when you simply can't do anything until the medical tests come in. I hope that you can hold onto that thought -- yes, it's something, yes, it may not be what you think it is, but no, you can't control it so now you just have to have the tests and see what they say. It's good that that process will be sped up. Waiting for testing and results is the worst.
I am in a sort of similar situation. My back has been bothering me since mid February, as I have posted before. I've mentioned it to both my MO and her NP, and to my internist. No one seemed alarmed. However, the other night I was in excruciating pain (after a PT visit where the therapist did a lot of "body work" on my back) so I wrote to my MO, her NP, and a rheumatologist at my center. (I am on keytruda which can cause inflammatory arthritis and related stuff). Scored an appointment with the rheumatologist (not until April 7) and then the MO decided maybe we should scan my back. I have known degenerative disease in my back, as well as mets at various points in my spine and my ribs.
I am having an MRI of both my lumbar spine and my thoracic spine this evening. It's a 90 minute test, so pretty intensive. I know it will be read tomorrow, but sometimes my docs don't release the reports very quickly. So I am extremely nervous as to what is causing this. But I know that I need an answer, no matter what it is. I can't really do anything right now -- have been walking for the last week or more using an old walker from my husband's foot surgery.
Prayers for you, Runor, and please, folks, prayers for me. Thanks.
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Prayers and pocket duty for Runor and BevJen.
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I am thinking positive thoughts for both Runor and Bevjen. Hoping for benign explanations for both situations.
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I am adding my prayers for Runor and BevJen. I hope you both have answers, relief, and solutions soon.
hugs and prayers from, Lynne0 -
Bev Jen~I hope you find the answers you need and soon. I hate waiting for anything really. I am not a patient person at all. I am thinking of you for sure.
Runor~ I agree it is a little too fast to suggest that so quickly. Tests haven’t been done completely. Fibroids do bleed a lot. I’m thinking about you too.
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BevJen, 90 min seems like a very long MRI. I hope it’s not too hard on you and your already painful back. Prayers for quick results that guide a treatment to manage your pain. Will be in your pocket for the mri and as you wait for results
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It's funny. I have been on BCO less lately. I still check my favorites, still swing by Mel's living room to see what's going on, it's always a busy place! I was tentatively celebrating not having cancer as the number one thing on my mind every day. That took a few years. It took a few years for that initial shock and terror to fade. But they have. Not completely. But WOW did it all come rushing back in an horrific wave of gut wrenching dread and despair as I bled all over the bathroom and the seat of Hub's truck on the way to hospital. I have never bled like this. (it is mercifully slowing down now and the pain has eased off slightly). But the funny thing is that this, HERE is where I know I can get my support from people who GET IT. This morning someone told me i was a warrior, a fighter, you got this and inside I was crumpling thinking I don't want to be a warrior or fighter. I want this to go away. I want to live my life and die of old age, in my bed, after a grand day. Ah, that we could all be so lucky !!
Bev-Jen - I like your attitude of get to the bottom of things and find out what's going on. I have to adopt a bit of that in the coming weeks and months. You set a good example and of course I am with you in these tests, hoping with all my energy for the best outcome.
Rosie - while what the doc said was shocking (that all postmenopausal bleeding is considered cancer until proven otherwise) I was not shocked to hear it. That medical view is one that I am aware of. I knew that I would be put on trial to prove I DON'T have uterine cancer.
Despite back ache I cleaned the biggest windows in the house yesterday, inside and out. Got all that greasy wood smoke grime off. What a mess! And then god smites me with the vaginal bleeding that ended the world. Lesson : Never clean windows again!
Ladies, thank god for each and every one of you. Together you form the net that catches the falling. Love, hugs and many thanks, I will keep you posted.
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runor: I was mortified reading your post. I would have been a mess. The hospital would have had to tranquilize me! There is a thread for those of us who are sick and tired of being told how brave we are, how we are fighters and "got this" . The doc was completely insensitive. He could have phrased it better. Yes - we GET IT.
bevjen and runor: keep us posted. We are all here for you.
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Prayers for peace, strength, and good results(!) for runor and BevJen
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It is truly a difficult path to follow. When I start to go down that deep dark way, i think of the destiny that all of us bear. As soon as we're born we start dying. As morbid as that is, it's the truth. We have to make the most of everyday. Enjoy looking back on what you've accomplished, not what you'll miss. Our future is known by only one being and it's not usually a path we would've willingly chosen. Everyday is a gift, that's why it's called the present. Don't worry about tomorrow because it to has it's own set of issues. As for the meds, they're helping you live, if you want to live, to experience one more day. I pray everyday that the science and technology will continue to progress to give breast cancer warriors another weapon in our arsenal. It's all about what you want to do. If you want to live, then LIVE!!
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I stopped by to say hello and give you all a virtual hug.
BevJen, I have you in my prayers. I wish your MRI comes back like mine, normal with no explanation of terrible back pain. Similar to you, the worst pain that convinced my MO to order MRI was after a deep tissue massage. I couldn't sleep all night from the terrible pain.
Runor, I hope good results for you. A similar situation a few years ago before BC and surgical menopause when I was bleeding so much I developed anemia. I got tested and everything was normal. I was told that high levels of estrogen can create these conditions. You do take tamoxifen, can it be one of the SE?
A special hug for Mel who keeps the door open and welcomes us all.
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Hugs and prayers for Runor and BevJen. This crap just comes flying out of no where and turns our world upside down!
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Runor~Good to hear it has slowed down for you. That's good. I'm sure you must be exhausted with all the energy and adrenaline. I hope you're able to rest. I am sending you hugs.
Hello to Elderberry, welcome back again. Nice to see you.
SeeQ hello again to you as well.
Kids~welcome to the living room and we hope you will find it welcoming and maybe even helpful at times. Pull up a chair.
Lilly~hi Lilly, welcome to the thread. It's so nice to see you I believe it's been a good while since I've seen you around here. Giving you a hello hug. Hope all is well.
Hope we're all getting ready for bed. I know I'm going to attempt a good nights sleep joke almost.
I've been thinking about not hearing from Minnie either. I hope she is ok. There are a few I have questions about some sister as well stillivin ?? Parry ?? Now we know marianelizibeth. Scwilly. ? I know I have more. Just sucks how we may never know again. My DH has his orders to Inform.
W/bLee
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BevJen Runor and Candy firm hugs all around. Wow glad we’re here for each other.
Tany
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Geez, I miss a day and come to find all hell breaking lose. Candy, Runor, Bevjen-sending you all my super best good vibes for non-cancery or easily solved problems. Big hugs
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Runor - that is appalling treatment in an ER. Having lived with hubs, an Ob-Gyn, for almost 43 years (got married a week b4 he started Med school), I can tell you what you experienced was not normal. You should have gone straight to ultrasound and MRI or CT scan. Unless you went to a rural hospital that does not staff ultrasound over weekends. Then there should have been immediate referral to a larger hospital.
BevJen - I sympathize with your back pain. I have been treated for almost 5 years to get no relief. I can hardly walk to our mail box some days😥. Hope you get some answers.
Will be praying for Runor, BevJen and Candyduring this most Holy Week for Christians.
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Goldens - thanks for your words and yes, I went to a rural hospital where they do not staff anything on wknds. This is why I questioned the 811 nurse advisor when she told me to go to the hospital. I told her, what do you think they'll do there? Oh, they'll call someone if you need some tests or procedures done. Uh...no they won't! This is rural BC, are you out of your mind?! It's like people in large city centers have no friggin clue how it is for anyone else in the province. It was pretty much a wasted trip only to have some doc scare the shit out of me, not that I wasn't scared shitless already. But it did impress upon me that I need to look into this and not ignore it, as is my first choice because I frankly do not want to deal with anymore cancer or other stupid problems. So while she was tactless, maybe it served some jolting purpose? Today I make appointments....
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Just checking in with you all.Wanted to thank you for your prayers and good thoughts.
Had my MRI of thoracic and lumbar spine last evening. Suffice it to say that it was the (double) test from hell. To top it off, when I got there and was already seated, they told me they were a half hour to an hour behind. So, arrived at 5:40 as instructed, didn't leave until 8:30. Loads of fun. There were a lot of other things, beside time, that were aggravating -- just saying, I've NEVER cried at a medical procedure, but this time I did.
The good and bad news: got my reports already. After prefacing the report by saying that I have mets on almost every vertebral surface (wow), the report says that this is a structural problem. On many of my scans, it's said things like "degenerative disease" but my MO never even acknowledged it or talked about it. I understand being in your own lane, but this is ridiculous. Long story short, I have some sort of stenosis in my back and also a noncancerous osteophyte that is pushing against my spine and probably cutting off some of the blood to the lower part of my spine. Woo-hoo that it's not the cancer, but wowza that it's another major thing to deal with.
One other good thing: last scanned in early January. This report said that my bone mets haven't changed since then. Started keytruda late January -- so dare I think that maybe it's working just a little bit??? It sounds like those bone mets were pretty active before.
Thanks, you all! I'm feeling better now, even though I'm going to be facing another challenge here.
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Wow BevJen. Osteophyte? So I googled osteophyte. Bone spur-- could be from arthritis or degenerative disease. Treatment could be PT or NSAIDS, or surgery if cutting off your blood supply. Sounds like you need to see an orthopedic doc. But good that your bone mets have not changed. Keep us updated and prayers to you my friend. Always something, isn't it.
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BevJen - I encourage you to try and find a spine specialist who can also make a referral to a pain management doc. I’ve got severe degenerative disease in my lumbar area. Been treating with these type of docs for 5 yrs now. Good luck. Cancer sucks and so does unrelenting back pain
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runor: where in rural BC do you live? I once considered moving out of the hassle of metropolitan living but then decided as I got older I wanted to be closer to facilities I might need. Not staffed on weekends? That really sucks. You must follow up on it, don't ignore it and hope it will just go away. I am afraid that for many of us in the Lower Mainland/the Islands the rest of the Province is terra incognito. .
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BevJen, I totally agree with Goldens about getting a spine specialist to refer you to pain management as it sounds like you have a lot of back issues to take care of. Hopefully pain relief will come your way. I am sorry that the appointment was 3 hours and so excruciating on your back. I am so glad to hear there has not been cancer progression.
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BevJen - yay for no progression, but yikes! I hope you can find the right doc(s) to get your pain back down to a manageable level. Oh, and I would be supremely unhappy if the MO should have talked about or referred for this sooner. WTH?!
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Hello friends, I'm back from the weekend.
runor - jeeeebus, what a scary weekend. 811 will always say to go to ER for uncontrolled bleeding. That's how the flowchart works. It's not for scans or dx per se but to see if you're hemorrhaging. And the dr said the quiet part out loud but shouldn't have said it. It's drilled into med & nursing students & now into care aides in care homes as well that post menopausal bleeding is cancer until ruled otherwise. People were missing it, ignoring it in older pts in care home etc. Stupid to say it to a pt. Should just have said you need to follow up with your GP. I hope you have a responsive GP because you need an urgent gyne workup now & GPs have more power than I thought to make things happen. I hope you got some sleep
BevJen - glad you had your MRI, mets stable and now you have an idea of how to tackle it. I agree sounds like you need to talk with ortho spinal specialist to figure out treatment plan. I think Stage 4 cancer pts living longer is still new to many drs & they forget they need to refer out to other specialists and get things treated.
I had an ok weekend though was remarkably fatigued yesterday & kept having to go lie down which was so weird. I think the steroid withdrawal is still going on & my adrenals haven't kicked in. Read some studies that it can take many weeks to fully recover adrenal fnxn post 14+ days steroids.
I have a covid vaccine appt for April 1. BC is vaccinating the "clinically vulnerable" now & cancer pts qualify. We're also just starting a 3 week 'circuit breaker' with increased lockdowns & restaurant closures as covid cases are exponentially growing in the province. Meanwhile, my dd is starting work in the ICU this week so that will be interesting.
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