My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Lynne(Man)~It amazes me that everyone travels like you all do. I just don't want to be away from my bed and my area and surroundings. Plus the dogs make it a huge thing with new carpets. It's a fulltime job just watching them. Your DH is living life and it's obvious he wants to do it with you. Just be open and honest with him about how you feel and I am sure he will listen. He most likely just wants you to be happy and he is scared as well. The phone call is for him, needing to hear your voice. My DH calls me even if he's about to walk into a store. Just calls to say I love you. It makes me feel loved and important. My DH is also always asking me if I am ok. I guess he really knows when I am not ok. He sees the dark places too, I look over sometimes when I am in the dark place, and his face Is the only thing I can see. He is my anchor, my heart. I believe you are those things for your DH. Sometimes we have so much going on, we just don't have anything else to give. Hugs to you sweet friend. One day at a time. Much love ~M~
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Keetmom~Just checking into see how Emma is today? I hope you're ok. I know you said you hurt. You need to rest also. I am thinking about you guys. I hope today she gets to go home. Much love my friend ~M~
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Amie, How is Emma today? How are YOU? Please take care of you! Your family needs you, but they need you as healthy as possible. Take care. We are thinking of you.
Lynne(man), Sigh... I feel your frustration. My Dh has finally realized that I don't like to be asked if I'm ok. He now calls and says that he needed to hear my voice! I love that! I feel you on vacations too, my Dh wants to sell everything and load up the dogs and horses and travel the country! I tell him that while I love the sound of that, we need to be getting ready for retirement. We are compromising by going on little inexpensive trips and trying to take one or two nice ones. I remind him that while I love traveling, I also love our home and I need both. There is no place like home when you are not feeling well. It has taken a long time to get my Dh to stop hovering. Good luck!
Minnie - 😃Waving hi! I hope everyone has a passion free and peaceful weekend.
Claudia
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We are home! I'm tired but doing pretty good, wish we knew what originally caused the headache., we know she ends up dehydrated and sick from not eating, which exasberates the headache. Starting a diary... Now have a week until I have chemo...
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one of our sisters, LindaE54, passed away today in the hospital peacefully. She had been noticing declining in her health, and was seeking guidance on hospice. But this happened within like two days. I saw her posting on Jan 9. That is 3 days ago, how on earth is this evenpossible. I feel sad and confused and hurt for her family and wish there were answers to all of these questions we all have when something-like this happens! The only thing I can say is I am glad she's no Longer suffering. Enough of cancer taking good people! It makes not one bit of sense! ~M~
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Keetmom~ glad you're home. Please get some rest and give Emma some hugs for me please! I want nothing more than for her to feel better. Much love ~M~
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Lynne, please don't throw a tomato at me, but I think it's kind of romantic and sweet that Hub checks in with you. Yes, I know it can reach that stage where you roll your eyes and sigh. But still, you are on his mind and in his heart and ... it's kind of cute. Sorry!
Micmel, I'm like you. I am an introvert who likes her home, familiar surroundings. I like my own bed with my handmade quilts and handmade pillowcases and yes, even the mattress was custom made to my specifications. So when we slip in to bed each night it is a full on sensory deep body pleasure experience. Hub and I often say, gleefully, "We have the best bed!" For the three weeks I was away from home doing radiation, staying at the cancer lodge, I missed my bed. The comfort and visual appeal of it.
Our home is quite plain and humble, won't win any prizes for keeping up with the Jonses. But my own chickens, my own dog, my own bathtub, my own garden and good neighbours.... for me, this is it. This is where I feel most whole and rested. Now if the actual job of being a housewife could be downloaded onto someone else it would be damn near perfect!
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Runor~ I thoroughly enjoy your humor. You're really very entertaining to read and I enjoy every post that honestly makes me laugh out loud. That is such a wonderful trait to have. I am very happy that you have found our little second home. I agree with the Home body feeling . Honestly if I am gone too long, all I can think think about is when I'll Be back in my living room near my dogs and my surroundings! I do miss Home when I am gone. I am not a traveler by any means. Have a Great night darling ! ~M~
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Mel, love the pics of the granddog 😁 he’s getting so big! I’m there with you in the se’s startvweek three on Sunday and they are starting to hit. Driving home from the doctors today I thought I was probably unsafe because the fatigue has hit! And I got a prescription for Zofran today because I’m severely nauseated! Will see how long that lasts. My counts are still within normal ranges except for my rbc . I am officially anemic! What joy...not!
Keetmom, glad you are hone and praying for your daughter.
Lynne, oh my gosh I love the sound of a bagpipe!! Have told my children that’s one request when I die, they have to find a bagpiper and have him play Amazing Grace at my funeral!
Am blown away by the loss of LindaE54! It happened soooo fast! I friggin hate this disease
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Gracie~I also can't believe it either about LindaE54, breaks my heart to think the poor woman in her heart kind of knew. It's just such a shitty disease. There really are no words that I can even bring to my lips other than shitty! its So upsetting.
My grandpuppy thinks he's a lap dog. He is taller than I am when he stands up. Good thing he doesn't really like to jump anymore. But nothing is safe on the surface of any table or anything! But he is a big lover. I am hooked! I love Saint Bernards! They are big people really. I enjoy being with him. He makes me happy. I need everything around me to make me happy these days.! I am sorry about your fatigue. I know what it's like. But I also know how effective it also has been for me. I want that for you all as well who are on it! Drink a lot of water, that helps. And walking helps me too. Also not sleeping, more than like ten hours. Anymore than that makes you a zombie. The first few months were the hardest. I start round #16 Sunday!! Much love ~M~
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Lol just because I feel sad today I had to try to get a smile out. Cats are funny creatures. I’m allergic, but they are are funny! Good night ladies rest well ~M~0 -
Ok it's morning and I have coffee!!! Which means I'm ready to type lol I slept ok. It used to be 58 degrees yesterday.....this morning I let the dogs outside after feeding them. I opened the door... (well tried to lol) the wind had frozen the water in the track of the door! Me and my he woman skills took five mins to open the door! I was finallytriumphant, ever see a dog dance? Hold the door for a while when they really have to go. LOL not on purpose of course, but it was humorous. I am not going back to bed. I find I feel worse when I do. The reassuring part is, I was always like that, even before cancer. So sometimes old habits don't change with this assHOL* cancer we battle. Love you ladies.
Thinking of Minnie safely arrived in Ireland. Have fun sweetness!
Mae~ you ok ? Worry when I don't see you. Sorry I'm like a mom. Lol
Keetmom~ how is Emma today and how is Mama? Hugs you wonderful parent! And friend!
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So much to catch up on.....
NO1, I find calm and accomplishment in gardening. I had a pretty good one several years ago but when DH’s brother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer I let it all go to focus on his treatment and appointments. This time everything will be raised, pulling weeds from the ground kills my back.
Runor, welcome. I enjoyed your post and your writing style
Gracie, happy birthday to your daughter.
Micmel, Chief is huge! Love the cat memes too!
I’m well, had my coffee, gonna make some breakfast and visit some friends later. I love 3 day weekends!
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Mae~ 🤗 Glad to see you're doing well! Not to mention a three day weekend. That's very good for you, but brings me back to....I don't know how you can continue to work. I would literally just cry and melt away! It's again freezing here, my mom lives in Mississippi and it's snowing there. They really don't even own heavy coats, or gloves, because it's just so mild there. They are all like the yellow jackets when they know their ecosystem is dying for the season. They have no idea what to do! I was coloring earlier, that helps me, like the puzzles, which I don't want to finish too quickly! Chief is a big boy for sure! I think he may only be like 22 weeks old. He is going to be a monster, but he loves to be a lap dog. It's precious! I can't believe the difference from when he was 7 weeks old the first day, I saw him! My heart melted ever since! Enjoy the time withyour friends! Stay safe! Much love~M~
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I spent some good time with my best friend from childhood and into adult hood yesterday. She is one of those sisters/best friend feelings that have always been unconditional. When I was first diagnosed, I knew she was upset, she would cry when we were together and was in shock for a little while rightt alongside my family. I have known her since I was 13, she moved in next door back then and it was wonderful friends ever since. She was meant to be in my life. She looked at me and my hair and said oh my gosh you look like yourself!! I was so excited to have someone say that to me! She isn't the type to blow smoke up your ass and is the kind of person to ask how I am ? We cried some, her sharing her fear of losing her oldest friend, and sister, and my fear of losing my beautiful family and my longest friend ever. It wrecks my soul, emotions are like running into a bee hive, and running away trying not to be stung. I don't like to use foul language but I have a few choice words for hoe cancer has effected my life and those i have grown to love here!! I refuse to give up the thought that they may still find the damn cure. Treatments are one thing. Brutal. Is one word I think of. But it’s just time for a cure. It’s been too long of waiting for it. Not that I am smart enough to figure it out. Not by any means. And I am not criticizing those who dedicate their lives to researching for it. It’s just so damn wrong that it still takes lives. Children’s lives, Young teenage lives. Middle aged lives, any age it feels like. The problem I wrestle with is. Why is their more and more Young people being diagnosed.??? I’ve been noticing it more and more! Stay warm ladies. ~M
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Micmel, I think the secret to how I do any of this, work, travel, exercise, etc all comes down to being lucky enough to avoid fatigue, in general and as an SE. I pulled the long straw and run with it, I am truly grateful for how well my body has adapted to everything thrown at it this last year.
I believe in being prepared for anything so I have light, medium and heavy coats, hats, gloves, etc but I just don’t like it this cold (44 degrees currently), sending warm vibes to those dealing with much lower temps
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Lynne I love that your DH is planning trips and looking up deals. I want to see my uncle and cousins who live in Morocco. My husband and I went 25 years ago and my uncle is now 83. My DH keeps telling me we don't have enough money for both of us to go. I'll be buying our tickets soon. Nothing like cancer to motivate me.
Claudia, Lynne and Micmel the Ibrance fatigue is unpredictable and overwhelming. When I push past the tired feeling I do better. some days I just give in and sleep like a log. Yesterday I cleaned the entire house and was in the bed by 6:30.
Have a good weekend. I'm going to try to see a movie and pray no germs come our way.
Tanya
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Tanya, you are absolutely right about the fatigue being unpredictable and overwhelming! I am REALLY struggling! I don't know if it's a cumulative effect..I have been on for almost 3 years. Thank goodness I stopped working! I might have a few bursts of energy and they are quickly gone. No pattern that I can link it to. My onc just kinds of nods her head when I mention it. If I sweep the kitchen floor, I have to rest before I mop it kind of fatigue. My counts aren't bad either. Any suggestions welcome! Also, love all of the pet pictures..they truly give us unconditional love
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Tanya & Lynnwood~I am feeling the same way about the ibrance fatigue. I woke up today feeling pretty good, took a shower, (what a marathon and a scary halloween costume I can't get out of!) after my shower boom. On my back napping for maybe an hour. I am with you on the sweeping on the floor and the resting in between! Are you sure there isn't cameras in my house ? Lol my palliative care gave ime ritilan, it does help. I can't say it doesn't. But I save it for days I have to do things. It's like keeping an engine running on fumes for days, and barely adding enough fuel to get it home. It works but it's an artificial work. It has helped me many days. I don't mind taking a break in between, it's just like I stepped out of the shower look that comes along with trying to be Active in anyway. She says (palliative care doc) activity stimulates hormones. I asked her. If I should even attempt to move at all? That just plain sucks. You mop, you sweat, you sweep, there is the drip down the far head, you get out of the shower, and when you're all fresh and clean....you sweat because you exerted yourself in the shower. Heatflashes are seriously wrong. They shouldn't happen. I don't like self combusting, because I walked a little. Summer is worse wow. I could build my own bon fire on the beach. Oh but wait. Why would I want to go to the beach!? My Foob would look dashing. I am sure. Ugh! Cancer. So many horrible things to be said. Just isn't enough time or space. Stay warm Lynnwood again! Ugh! So cold. Tanya! Big hugs to you my friend! ~M~
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Mae~ with your job, I knew you would be prepared for anything. You're used to making sure things are taken care of in any weather. Ibrance really is an issue with fatigue. It is working so I won't dare say I wish I didn't have to take it. But what I will dare say is, I wish none of iwould have any cancer in the first place. Enjoy your weekend. Sunday dinner with friends ? This week? ~M~
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Micmel, are you sure you don't have cameras in my house..when you talked about the sweating I just about died laughing cause that is SO me!!!! Lol! Last week when it was 12 outside, I was vacuuming and the sweat was running down my face, neck and chest. I literally went outside and stood in the 12 degrees to cool off, I dread the thought of the summer humidity!
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Lynnwood ~I have been useless today! Like seriously. I napped on and off all day long. What a slug. I am having a little back pain right at the base of my spine! I was man handling my two rather on the big side dogs, from getting to my best friends dog yesterday and hurting her. They aren't used to being around dogs at all only each other so... I had the 72 lb dog in one hand and the other 61 lb dog in the other battling with them. I had to drag each other then up thr stairs with them not wanting to go and I am pretty sure I aggravated my spine! Hooray more pain.... ugh! I can't wait (I can't believe I am actually going to say this. ) for bed 🤭! I said it! I've done nothing but rest today and have been out of bed a total of two hours including a shower. Omg. I feel like ninety!
Sometimes, I feel so strong and so myself. Then one morning I wake up, I have a headache, my bones hurt , my back hurts, my body knows it is time to start another month of ibrance. Tomorrow night I begin #16. Every ache and pain sends me into the shadows to cry, get a hold of myself and come back out and smile to allow my kids to not worry about me so much. Sometimes hearing “you're the strongest person I know mom" is a very hard thing to live up too. I wonder can I really be strong for them , for DH, Because lately I have been feeling very weak. In 8 Days I will have been two years metastatic. If it wasn't for the chronic pain in my spine, I could honestly be ok, the gnawing pain that comes and goes on and off. There will be three weeks no pain. The week off of ibrance and I really think i start to feel some pain. Stay warm ladies in the northeast and some southern states also. You others. 😜pass some sunshine!! Much love ~M~
Oh and by the way, I have also been standing outside in the 22 degree weather for instant cooling!! You’re not alone there either... see we do truly live the same lives.
Also sending out a thought for LindaE54’s beautiful family who are dealing with this difficult time. I hope for peace and understanding
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.....I am convinced this is me today. Crabbie and didn't want to do a darn thing. I really am a dog lover... but only because I am allergic to cats. Look at this face!! Adorable !! ~M~0 -
Sorry you’re in pain micmel, I’m gonna be hurting a little tomorrow. The sun was in my eyes and I was trying to avoid a mud puddle and I smacked my shoulder into the side mirror of a friends truck
Dinner and TV is on for tomorrow, no show at the moment but DH is doing a roast, while I make the cauliflower Mac n cheese and steamed broccoli.
This is me before and after the holidays, lol
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Oh my gosh I love that cartoon!!!
Hope you get a good night’s rest Micmel, and that tomorrow you aren’t hurting! That’s one of the reasons I gave Al up. It was hurting my arms to handle him. You take it easy
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Mae ~LOL! I am sorry that you busted your arm into a truck window. Ouch! That had to have hurt. I hope the bruise won't be that bad. I was laughing at that photo!! That about explains it! , you have been non stop since that hurricane if you really think abut it!! I am thinking this nagging pain has to be something with almost picking up both dogs at the same time. Sometimes I forget, that I can't do the same things I used to do. I was so strong!! Never needed anyone to lift things for me, the dogs always knew they were no match for me! Now I think Deeohgee has a clue that Mama, can be taken a little more advantage of. Dinner sounds lovely, you're right though there isn't an awesome show to hunker down and watch! Have you watched big little lies? Fabulous! If you have HBO! Great series! I would love to try your Mac and cheese and cauliflower. I've noticed a lot of recipes being substituted with cauliflower, what a good idea! Keep care of that shoulder!!!! Gentle hugs! ~M~ Shameless season 8 has already started on showtime. Have you watched the other seasons on net flix. Another great show. William Macy. Great actor!
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Gracie~ Good morning darling! I have given so much thought into these dogs. I won't be getting anymore after god forbid these go. Tag is the older one. He is getting older everyday. He's had one stroke we know of, and can't hear or see very well! It's makes me sad, he's our good rescue! Deeohgee is a little prince who is spoiled and bellows with his hound dog songs daily. He never stops! But his face is precious! I'm so hooked !! I hope you're doing ok on ibrance honey. Think of you all everyday! Much love ~M~
I wanted to say to everyone. I have been getting so much feedback from people I don't even know about our thread and how people follow everyday and enjoy what we are doing here together. You're all the reason this thread is helping people. Our sisterhood here together! I want everyone to feel that they can post here! We are not really to strict and don't mind if people who aren't stage four post here also! A sisterhood is a sisterhood. Stages means nothing to me. I mean look at our Florida and Texas correspondents reporting all over the place. We have a strong group. Stages or not! Each and everyone of you are strong beautiful woman!And I love you all. Much love to all of you ~M~
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I just wanted to mention that three sisters/ladies on our boards aren't doing very well. They are suffering and trying everything that can be done to help them. I just wanted to take a moment to send out some cyber thoughts and strength to these ladies. You're not alone, you're special and strong. You're beautiful women.
Patty Peppemint~your sons are beautiful, you have raised them wonderfully, you're an amazing single mom who has faced so very much and always kept smiling for them. I am hoping against hope taxol does the trick to kick it back. I won't comment on hair, because hair to me, was and is extremely important to. I also said I would never do harsh chemo again, so I understand why you're so torn! Doc is right one treatment and you're hair will go. But it honestly doesn't change your beauty inside and out. You're so loved.
Kandy~what can I say other than so kind and sweet, always full of joy and encouragement for everyone else, while she quietly suffers! If the keytruda can kick in, I am just hoping it will. You have been though so much. I remember this summer you were swimming and posting pics at your pool with another BCO woman! How special is that? You're also loved. Hang in there!!
Lita~Oh Lita. You have been through so much, you're always a light that people lean to. You have such grace and character, that you pull humor into and make it ok for those around you who aren't sure what they want to say. You make it ok. I find your humor contagious and I think your family is very lucky to have you to love and, tohave you loving them!
You're all in our thoughts! Somethings gotta give!!
Much love ~M~
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Micmel, I’m familiar with them from other threads, especially when diagnosed a little over a year ago. This crap cancer can change things so quickly, then again so can new treatments. Doing my best to remain optimistic for improvements for all
DH and I watch Shameless but not the other couple and yes, big little lies was great. DH has an old friend passing through town tonight, so we’ll be cleaning and cooking today.
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Micmel, I too follow the stories of Lita, Patty and Kandy. I pray for them every day. They have been through so much! Yet they still post their support for others and share their stories with us..now that's strong!!! I do enjoy our place here, it's really the one I post most on but read every day. I credit you and the others here for the welcoming nature of the thread.
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