My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Seller countered with “split the difference?” And I agreed. Signed docs online and we are off.
My ribs have been in extreme pain, I have hot water bottles front and back.
Told my son I was going to dip into his inheritance, he’s ok with that.
Going to shut my eyes for a bit and see what appears.
Other than that, woohoo.
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Magdalene, WOOHOO indeed! Congratulations for signing the papers for the house that is meant for you. May you experience peace and joy there for many years. Have a good night.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Magdalene. Congratulations. First big step DONE. I'm glad your son was fine with that plan. I guess the next big step is selling yours. 💞
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Magda~Congratulations! I had a feeling that house was meant to be yours. That's wonderful news! A super high five to your son. Precious child! Hopefully you'll calm down a little bit, you mentioned your ribs hurting. I am hoping that you can get some relief for a good nights sleep. You have found where you are meant to be. I am so happy for you. Big hugs! ~M~
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Yeah, Grannax, I fear I’m gonna take a bath on this house. I may not take an absolute loss, but depending how we do it, I could be out of pocket 30-40k in repairs/updates to just break even. Although realtor and I disagree about what updates would be necessary. I know there are things like the vanity fixtures in all bathrooms, which are corroded, bathroom light fixtures which just don’t work where they’re installed, and I’d just as soon provide a flooring allowance rather than actually doing the replacement. Same with painting throughout; I am of the opinion that people would rather make their own choices about paint and flooring. But maybe that’s just me.
About my son, I’m pretty sure he never expected any inheritance from me at all. First of all, he’s not DH’s son, and all this inheritance would come from what he provided. Second, my son was born when I was 18 and single (by the way, I’lll be 67 in April), and I placed him for adoption as an infant. I didn’t want to, but it really was the best thing, and he has had so many benefits and opportunities I couldn’t have provided.
I began searching for him in his teens, and nearly obsessing about it until I finally left it in God’s hands, made sure my information was available to him should he ever go looking, and dropped it. July 10, 2005, I received an email forwarded from one of the mutual consent adoption registries, saying, “I think I’m who you’re looking for.” And indeed he was. It took him about 15 minutes to find me, but he was 35 at the time, and both of us had pretty much worked through all our issues, and came with no unrealistic expectations, and we have had a wonderful relationship, more deeply bonded each year.
There’s lots more to the story, but my hands are tired and I’m fighting a headache. Hangover from meltdown yesterday I suppose. Still haven’t gotten that nap. It’s after 7. *sigh*
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Magda~That is one amazing story. You're one hell of a woman. I am in awe at all you have done and been through. That is a selfless act... that takes strength at a level I can't even comprehend. I hope you're resting and dreaming of that new Home. Goodnight! ~M~
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HI everyone! I’ve been reading along but not posting much. Still suffering with this throat and mouth thing. I have these huge bumps on the back of my tongue that hurt like heck. Using salt water, the other mouthwash (over the counter, can’t remember the name) burns. So that and the fatigue,,,oh my gosh...week off and I’m sleeping until 11:30 am!!! Geesh this is horrid. I hope like heck this stuff is working!!!
Micmel, so glad you got some encouraging news about reconstruction. If I had to do it all over again I would have reconstruction. I hope your oncologist doesn’t give you any heart ache over it !
Am so far behind in answering I’m sorry I’m leaving everybody out but I honestly just don’t have the energy
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Mags, woot-woot on the house, doing the happy dance for you! I absolutely agree with you that people DO want to make a house their own. I am of the opinion that if the house needs updating, you are better off to drop your asking price by a reasonable amount and avoid the initial outlay in material and labour and let new owners install the fixtures, floors and wall colours they want. It saves you the trouble and time and bringing the price down will broaden possible buyers. At least that's how I see things. Keep it easy. But still .... happy!
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Magdalena, woohoo, big cheers from Spain. Wishing you many years in your new home. Also agree with Runor on any updating. New people have different tastes. X
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Gracie~ I know what you mean about the sleeping part. Talk to your doc about the fatigue and maybe a low dose of ritilan. I don't take it everyday, but it sure helps me, I take it on the days I know, I have a ton of crap to do. Just one part of the tools I picked up from My palliative care doctor. It really does help. I know the train stopping, activity sucking, energy stealing ibrance. But that ibrance has my markers the lowest ever. They've kept getting lower and lower. The first two months were the hardest. If your body says sleep, then sleep. If your blood work tanks, they may lower the doseage, that seems to help tremendously!
Never worry about apologizing for being so tired here sweetheart. We get it. We just miss you and your shining self, when you're not here. I'm glad you're hanging in there.
Eat yogurt yogurt yogurt. Greek yogurt. That helped the worst times of my mouth. And Biotine every hour is sometimes needed. The salt water made mine worse only because it stung and was already irritated, you need soothing things. Like cold milk, even ice cream helped take the edge off. But two key things that worked for me was the daily yogurt every morning and that biotine became my best friend. That magic mouthwash was to harsh for me, just the thicker cold things. Rice pudding, jello, soft things. But just do not stop the Biotine. Even if you think it's not working. It is prevention of more and keeping that toone at bay. I had one half way down my throat once. It was bear. But I got rid of it. Ever get your paws on those patches? Seriously they work. Just keep your mouth moist and No acidic orange juices or etc... pizza sauce, ketchup. I elimated those immediately, helped so much! I believe the first three months took great adjustment. But now I don't feel as zombie as I used to, your body will slowly adjust. I started my 16# month of it. This week, and I know Bigbhome has like #22 under belt and others have more. If I was able to take this forever I would. It's been hard but kind at the same time. My hair is almost fully grown back over my shoulders now. Growing like a weed. I am beyond happy. I have to admit. I'm scared of more surgery. I won't lie. I don't like going under. It scares me Like I won't wake up. I guess we all have felt that at one time or another ! Much love to you my sweet friend. 💜 you have my phone number if you need anything!! Seriously!! ~M~
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Runor~ Hello sweetheart~I agree completely with you, I just got done telling my DH the same thing. He wants to sell his house. It's a nice house but he hates it. He grew up there and doesn't have what I call “the fondest of memories". Husband parents drank a lot and he was out and on his own at 17. Owned his first house at 19. The first year my DH and I were togther his father died all of a sudden like a snap, from a massive heart attack. Bam he was just gone. I never got to meet him, never had the chance! I hate that. His mother died not long after to a rare blood cancer, she was a nice lady, but it was clear, her new husband was keeping her close and was slowly moving her away from her kids. This brings me back to the old steam room talk about the kids getting royally screwed of their inheritance, from some person coming in late in their lives and swooping up everything. He did that to my DH and his SIL. They don't even know where her ashes are, they received none of them, and he had her change her will while almost on her death bed to make sure it was changed last minute. Granting him complete control . i thought they should have contested it because he's a jerk. Picked up with her money and moved to Florida after she died. Sold their house and was gone .
Now Lives In a community for older folks and took all her money with him. Word has it, he's quite the Don Won down there with the buckaroos that aren't even legally his! I hope they make him pay it back. That would be justice to me! It suits that loser just fine for me. Excluding his children from their inherited and ashes of his mother. They said I don't care about the money. They just want something of her ashes. He said no. The gall of some people. I told DH let me beat him up, then I'll fall over and pull my cancer card. Do you think they would arrest a stage four woman earning her first Oscar? People are just mean! Hope you're going to have a great day! It's going to rain for four days straight wow yay great yeah. 75 degrees the past two days and now it's freaking 33. Come on man. Can you weather people add?? That is over 30 degrees!!! Ugh!!! Ready to take my walks and spend time On the porchreading ! Sending hugs to you my friend. ~M~
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Minnie~ How much time difference is there between us and Spain?I'm wondering if you're sleeping while I am posting. Lol. I can't figure out hat time differences ever. I want to come visit Spain someday. I hope I would get the chance. I hope you're sleeping well. Hugs ~M~
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I really am afraid of more surgery. I really don't know what the right decision is. I want this so much. But I have been through so many.....so many.....so many......my mind cannot accept more physical pain. The surgery scheduler is going to be calling soon. If there was any issues that doctor would have called and said no go. But my major obstacle is my ONC tomorrow. He is Japanese, and the language barrier can get tricky. I mean he does well, but I don't think he hasn't the emotional aspect of things since he's a man. To him it's just a breast and it's was poisoned, so we got rid of it.
The recon doctor was amazed at the fact that I had a liver resection, mastectomy, and full auxiliary removal during One surgery. He was like 😮😮🤭🤭. To me then it didn't seem like a big deal, but apparently they consider it major major surgery. Well what is this Breast recon, considered? Moderate surgery!? Seems like it might take longer. That's what I'm Worried about....time under. I only breathe on one lung, so they will have to have the life support machine standing by at all times, just in case my oxygen levels dip. But that has happened with every surgery and I was fine, thank goodness!! Has anyone else has their own tissue used for a recon? I'd really like to pick Your brain. I need some perspective! The reality of the pain and recovery!! I'm really filled with anxiety over this and DH is trying to deal with his house so I'm kinda just taking it all inside on my own. I don't want to double his anxiety. I am trying to make it seem like I am way ok with it. Truth is. I desperately want to do it. I'm just scared of the recovery associated with more pain. I have had enough pain. Haven't we all? Am I adding more because I am vain ? Ugh!!!! 😢😞. Love you guys !
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micmel. I guess I was sort of there with you at plastic surgeons office. It's probably because between both my reconstruction and my failed reconstruction I saw PS a lot. The failed one was because I got an infection from the implant and my skin died . I can tell you that, now that I know he does not plan to use an implant. If I could get a reconstruction with tummy and my skin, I would hop on that train in a heartbeat. Even now, at age 70. For me it's about feeling lop-sided. Oh there's more, too. But, it would be so nice to put on clothes and not have to wonder if my boobs are straight. And bathing suits, it's ridiculous the amount of stuff I have to put on to keep my boob where it's supposed to be. UGH and I love to swim. But, it's hard to relax in straight jacket attire.
But, they wont/can't use your tummy more than once so I'm stuck with my flat right side since 2009. You're young! Just think about how good you'll look in your pretty dress for the wedding. And, you'll be able to pick any dress you want! You have your marijuana for pain plus other meds. You go girl.
I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you. It cannot come from me or anyone else.💞👗👛💒👠🎶🌹🌼🌷🌻
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micmel. I You can pick my brain all you want. But my reconstruction was 24 years ago. My sister had a double reconstruction in 2012. She didn't have as much time in the hospital or recovery as I did. What did PS call what he plans to do do, the surgical name? I know you will have bothersome drains but you probably had those w mastectomy, etc. Did he give you a recovery time? Have you talked to your daughter? At first you will probably need someone with you when you get home. I know your DH would want to know everything about it so he can help you. You have priority in his mind, way more than a house.💞
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It’s just called a tissue reconstruction and transfer. I feel this desire to have something. I am not trying to sound like a complainer but I hate the gel cutlet! It moves around in naturally and is very heavy and warm. I feel like I’m wearing a back pack in the front. I just want to put the pieces back slowly one by one. I am of course scared. One to three days overnight in the hospital which is ok. Give me a break from the damn dogs. I am not sure how this is going to work with timing and all. I’ll just need someone to drive me home. I don’t like many visitors in the hospital anyway. All I want to do I sleep. I’m not looking forward to the IV. I am going to beg for the port to be used but I am guessing they’ll say no, because that breast will have been reduced. Which also scares me. So three incisions! I realized. The pain will fade and I will heal. He said my skin was good because I haven’t had radiation. So i has some great things on my side. It seems like it’s coming together. March 29 looks like the day! Soon soon I think I am in shock! 🙁🤭😧😳🤪 Much love ~M~0 -
micmel. You have a date!!! Yay. I do remember when I had mine, it got rid of my old, botched c section scars. Maybe he'll be able to throw away your ugly liver scar. Don't buy your MOB dress yet. You'll not only have a new boob but a flat tummy for the wedding. You will hardly have any pain from the reduction of the other breast. It's just skin and hardly hurt at all.
Your PS might have some other patients of his that could tell you their experience. I used to do that a lot. It really helped them.
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I already purchased it. Lol but I can send it back for sure. I already picked it out and you’re correct I am going to look different. The surgery just really came out of no where. I went for a consult, not getting my hopes up! He said yes immediately and said I was a perfect candidate for the tissue transfer. I don’t like surgeries. But I want something given back to me. I need to do it for myself and my self esteem. I don’t like going under though. That I can tell you! Thanks Grannax for your advice and thoughts, it helps to hear others who have some knowledge of it all! Hugs! And thanks! ~M~
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micmel back in my day it took 12 hours to do the surgery. It's nothing close to that now. It seems that it's only about three hours now. Ill ask my son, the anesthesiologist, about the time frame on that surgery. I have good connections. LOL
I also remember something else from way back then. One of my customers, I was a hairdresser, said Why would you even want to do that? (Reconstruction) I was astounded but bit my tongue and said " For the same reasons you would want to replace your hand or arm or any amputation." Enough said.
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I know I am split two ways.....part of me is scared to go under again. , I don't like anesthesia if I don't have too. But who does. I am scared of any complication actually, god knows I've had enough. I am just plain scared I guess if im honest. 😨 much love ~M~
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congratulations happy dance for you mag.
Mic you sound like you want this surgery this change. You will look amazing not just at the wedding but every day afterward. Good for you taking that physical and emotional part of yourself back. Proud of you girl.
Scan results show no cancer anywhere just the left hip which has shrunk from initially 20cm to 5 in October and now 3 in February. I’m grateful. Thank you everyone for all the love and support. Thank you immensely for all of your time reading and writing.
Tanya
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Mag-Congrats on getting the home you wanted! Very happy for you!
Micmel-Good luck with the surgery! I'm sure everything will turn out great! We really enjoy the mini convertible (it's a 2010). My DH got it for me when I was first rediagnosed, almost 6 years ago. We go out from spring until fall (we did have the top down a month ago, for a short ride), every weekend. We do one day in the mini, and the other day on our Harley trike. We also go out on all day rides, with a bunch of other mini owners, about once a month (except from Jan to March). We love it!
Tanya-Great news on your scans!
Gracie-Have you tried a baking soda rinse? It helps with my sore mouth. Better than the magic mouthwash for me.
76 degrees yesterday, and now it's snowing today. We have about an inch so far. Crazy New England weather!
I hope everyone is having a good day! Hugs!
Lynne
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I’m sorry but I only skimmed through the posts, I’ve missed too much to catch up on.
Micmel, yeah, I was rooting for Shannon too, now it’s Ross, Melissa or Ariandna (she’s smarter than they’re giving her credit for, observing others behaviors).
Grannax, I don’t know what a tram flap (I think that’s what is read) but 1993 caught my eye, it was the year I graduated HS, seems like yesterday.
Magda, congrats on the house 🏠 🎉
Just dropped my BFF off at the airport, she’s on her way back to Wisconsin. It’s been a fun few days and great birthday but Monday was a bit sad. BFF, DH and I arrived at MDA for my every 3 weeks Herceptin and Perjeta treatment, I stepped away to check in and when I returned she was crying in the waiting room. She stepped away for a moment when I returned and DH told me it just hit her suddenly, I guess seeing everyone with cancer and some looking unwell, was too much.
DH has a umbilical cord hernia surgery on Tuesday, so I’m prepping for nursing duty
Hope everyone is well
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Mae. A TRAM flap is a type of breast reconstruction. It is transverse rectus abdominus micocutanius flap. They use the muscle to supply the blood flow to a skin flap and tissue from the abdomen, to form the breast mound.
So you were 18 when I was 45. Quite a difference in our ages.
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Tanya, great news. Happy for you x. Can you still walk around without pain. Mine is right hip and pelvis. Leg is,shorter now on right side, so hobbling.
Micmel, go for it, you will feel so much better, sounds like you are the perfect candidate. Cheering you along from here. What time zone are you. I'm CET, Central European time. My daughter in BC is 9 hours behind me, so she goes to bed as I get up! You will be less I think.
Best wishes to your DH illimae. Can understand your friends feeling. When I popped into Oncology yesterday for denosumab shot, it occurred to me how well I must appear to other people. So many who can't get around or rely on family and friends for everything. Humbling.
Night all, 11pm here Micmel, ready to sleep x
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I have been missing in action.....been out straight with school vacation. First a visit with friends in Connecticut for a long weekend. Grandson enjoyed rambling around our friends' farm and playing with his friend Chloe, also 8 yrs. old. I had planned Tuesday as a down day, but ended up all morning at PCP's office and all afternoon picking up a new car we had ordered. We were to be on a train to Boston at 7:30 the following morning for a family trip to the aquarium. It was 70 degrees and a super fun day! This morning I had a coffee date with my friend who had been away visiting her elderly mother in England. Grandson went to this awesome camp at a local college for the day.
Soooo, I had requested to have blood drawn for a fasting blood sugar the first week of February. I had noticed it rising a bit last fall before I stopped having the Ibrance related blood work.(no mention of this from any MD) I had been feeling fatigued, tired, and thirsty. Duh! Yeah, blood sugar off the wall and now I am diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. To say that it has been a complete calamity trying to get set up with insulin, glucose meter, etc. is a gross understatement. I won't even bore you. Good thing I am a medical person and know the system somewhat.
Now, as far as cancer care goes......well, guess what? PET scans use a labelled glucose tracer and if your blood sugar is too high (>200), PET will probably be rescheduled. I was due to have PET scan tomorrow to determine after 4 MONTHS if this flipping Falsodex is working. I am working with PCP to bring sugar down quickly and have rescheduled PET for next Friday. When I first got the diagnosis on Valentine's Day, I was completely flipping out about the PET scan thing. I'm better now.
And.....another piece of charming information is that the experimental drug that is in trials for the particular mutation I have causes elevated blood sugar! YAY!!! So that will probably require strict monitoring. Hopefully Falsodex is working and trial drug won't happen for a while.
Also, I dropped sugar and white flour like a hot potato. I have been feeling really well. I did great walking around Boston! For this I am so grateful.
Bighome- I am searching the depths of my consciousness to figure out why in hell you would be exposed to that horrendous accident that claimed two lives after all that you are going through. No words.
Micmel- I see you are in the throws of a huge scary decision, and I'm sending you strength for clarity and anxiety control.
Tanya-excellent news!
Mag-Hello! Don't think we've met!
Grannax, the Lynnes, Leapfrog,Minnie, Mae, Lynnwood, Runor, Blueshine, and all of you other dear souls- I hope you are comfy and peaceful. May the force be with you.
Love, MJH
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Micmel, I think you know what you want to do. Surgery is always scary, but you will come through it with flying colors, and I think your self-image will improve. I am sure you are beautiful just as you are, but you need to feel that way, too. Make sure you let people help you as you recover from surgery. Trying to rush things will set you back.
Tanya, WOOHOO, WOOHOO, WOOHOO! What great news! I am doing the happy dance for you. Your response is amazing. I hope your current treatment works for many more years.
Lynne, I hope you are still feeling okay and haven't started your hell week yet. Your trip to Disney sounds like quite an undertaking. How many people are going with you? I can't wait to hear all about it and see some pictures. April will be here before you know it. Btw, haveyou used the new patient portal? I noticed that six months of my CBC results are missing. I think it will take a little while to get the bugs out.
Mags, I look forward to hearing about your plans for closing on your new home, selling your existing house, and overseeing all the packing and moving. It sounds like a wonderful new adventure to me. I know it will be stressful and exhausting for you at times, but once you move, it will all be worth it.
Mae, I can understand why the waiting room of a cancer center can be upsetting to an observer. Reality can hit hard and fast. It is easy to live in denial sometimes.
Minnie, I sometimes think that I don't belong in my MO's office. I look quite normal, even after almost 3 years of being stage IV. I realize this will not always be the case.
I remember my thoughts as I was told I had MBC. To be honest, I never imagined that I would still be alive after three years, let alone feeling good. I know that I have been blessed and lucky, and I try to appreciate every moment of this "bonus time." Still, deep down I know things could change in an instant. I try not to second-guess myself when I make decisions about treatment, and I try to avoid the "what if" and "if only." Hey, I live life the only way I can, so I am going to enjoy it. Enough sharing my random thoughts.
Hugs and prayers to all from, Lynne
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Tanya~Congratulations on your results. Atta Girl! I am so happy for you. I know how hard that wait is. Sounds like lady ibrance is working hard for you too! Today I think when you got those results. You can exhale for a while. That is amazing. I am beyond thrilled that you know already! Sending you thoughts of joy and smiles!
I do want to at least try. Somedays I feel so strong, the past two have been amazing, today I crashed and took a longer nap than I would have wanted, I can't even believe that it's already 6:00 pm. I believe I could have been sleeping for two hours at least. I guess all this hoopla over the past two days, with all my doctor visiting and discussing this surgery. Plus the DH house issue, I guess I just worry if I am strong enough going into this. Last thing I want IS a set back, to where all the progress I have made in getting back at least some a strength would be lost. I see my oncologist, Tomorrow, he is the last hurdle. Still anxious about being in the hospital for three possible days! Earlier if I do better of course! Thanks you ladies for being here!!💜
Much love ~M~
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Lynne(Manchester)~ I love that you and your precious DH have so much you love doing togther. That is so important! I had remembered you enjoyed some time riding with other Mini Cooper owners. I love the steering wheel for some reason! Of course red would Also be my choice. Sporty with a little Pep! So nice looking! Glad you got outside like you said you wanted during this little heat spell. It sure does change the air we breathe when it's like that outside. Almost as if your lungs can't get enough it's so fresh! Sorry the snow came back. Maybe it will take the hint!! Lol. Hugs my sweet friend ~M~
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MJH. I have type 'll Diabetes too. I was DX many years ago and was easily controlled with Metformin. Then, about two years before MBC DX my BS went nuts. I'm still not on insulin but it's been very stubborn to control. In November we added Trulicity. It seemed to be working. Then the price for trulicity went off the charts. I'm getting samples until I finish trying to qualify for assistance from Lilly.
All this to say, I know what your facing in regard to PET scans. It's made me a nervous wreck the last few scans. As if I needed any more stress! Then the scheduler said don't take your diabetes meds the day of the PET. I came unglued. She had no idea why she was supposed to tell me that.. it also didn't help that I had to take steroids on several occasions, they make BS skyrocket. And, as you know, some TX has SE of elevated BS.
Feels like we are caught in a vice. I hope you don't have to stay on insulin for very long and that Fas is working.💞
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