My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Mel (or any of us) I bet you’ve had people say to you, “I don’t know how you do it?” I’ve heard that a lot and I know the intention is good,but I find it a little frustrating. None of us asks to have cancer, or asks to have our family to have cancer. Or other problems. We get handed these things and have no choice but to deal with them. So Mel, keep on supporting your family, and know we understand your pain in doing it.
Nicole, I was on GemCarbo for about 4 cycles last spring. The side effects were minimal (fatigue and some low blood countsis all I remember). I did have a dose reduction early on due to kidney function so that may have helped with side effects. It helped my liver lesions slightly but not my spine lesions, so it was a short stay.
Mae, sounds like a very good report. Yay!
I had my first acupuncture session yesterday. It was a little strange feeling the tiny (very tiny) pinch of some of the needles but it wasn’t real pain. My hope is that helps my neuropathy in one foot and low back pain that been there for years. Today my foot feels about the same but my back is looser feeling. I know it might not last. I think I’ll try again but next week is packed for me so it’ll have to wait a bit. I also have physical therapy which is trying to get some muscle strength back. I’m not very active and I know my strength is not good. My therapist mentions repeatedly how weak I am. Not crazy about hearing that all the time.
Saying hi to everyone!
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nicolerod: I know you from the Liver Mets thread. I was saddened to read your post here. Find peace and comfort in your faith. And may the next round of treatment bring relief.
We are all here for each other
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Nicole-I just came across this poem from Nightbirde-another MBC sister gone too soon. I hope it comforts you in your grief.
"When Grief comes knocking, answer the door. Let her in. Let her tell you all that was lost. Let her remind you how marvelous it was. Let her paint your memories in slow motion, let her sing your story with a cello. Let her teach you gratefulness and how to pay attention. Do not turn her away at the door. If you do, she will come back again knocking. Let her speak her piece. Let her do her work, cleansing you of your tears. Then send her on her way. Then you can sleep through the night without waking from her tapping."
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Nicolerod I have seen you on other threads and my heart is broken for you. I am also MTNBC as of this June but I sometimes wonder if I am kidding myself. As of now I only have a couple lung mets so I keep thinking well maybe I will be the outlier in the MTNBC world. But then other days I feel like I can't outrun it. I am also faithful and believe in the power of prayer and positivity. I tell myself it's not my plan it's God's plan. Somedays I'm able to accept it and somedays I can't .. You deserve to be by your husband's side to grow old together. Like most of us on here I can't accept someone else stepping into MY LIFE with my DH ,although I want him to be happy. It's just all stinks! I Wrapping you in a big hug and sending up prayers of strength,faith and hope for you and your family.
Oh also I was on Gem/Carbo wasn't too bad. Had a dose reduction of Gem due to elevated liver counts. I did ice feet /hands to minimize possible neuropathy. Sending good thoughts of mjuch success with treatment.
Mel I'm sorry that you and your family are dealing with so much illness. Gosh sometimes I just don't understand life . Wrapping you in a big hug too and praying for strength for you and your loved ones.
Mae Great news on the scan!
Hi to all of you fabulous ladies in the room.
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Mae~ so glad to hear a good report. I need good news. I hope you're doing good with those adorable Little puppers.
Hope everyone else is hanging in there I k ow we all have alot going on I'm trying to keep positive. But sometimes it gets away from me. I think any year that cancer would take my life I feel cheated like I could have lived longer. It stole my future physical health from me. I have to prod along joints hurting neuropathy among fatigue. It's hard to stay positive when everything you're dealing with isn't. Love to all.
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Mel, I don't think you need to think positive per se. You are going through day by day and you have a lot going on at the same time. Be angry at life here and there, go in the bathroom and have a good scream and swear at the cancer, life in general, not all the time but release it. Warn DH but do it. You already know we all support you, we are sure your family is doing a lot too. Crying of course is a good outlet but I love anger because it can make your mind feel stronger and more able to handle the stress. Let go of the thinking positive until some of this stuff resolves. In between, if painting is still any help, please continue with that. Positive thinking only gets us so far, relieving some pressure gets us the rest of the way. That's what I did for myself at different points though I muffled with a pillow. I don't pray but I will send my love your way for you and your family. You are always on my mind.
Well goodness, I know I have complained about the drywall dust in the hallway plenty. I sent an email to the property managers again requesting them to ask the workers to vacuum it up and attached pictures of the hallway. I just heard a worker who got a call from the property manager asking them to vacuum up the dust. They say they don't have one, but wondering if they will bring one. I am always afraid to email too much but have to balance safety. I also said, I do understand during the day there could be dust but just want it cleaned up at the end of their workday. Hopefully it becomes more of a permanent thing that they clean up, reputable places would do it.
Other than the email, just taking a quiet day off, may hang one of the larger pictures as well, already vacuumed as well, doing laundry and eating which I love to do. Had plain old black beans and a few noodles, fried up in pan until well done. Forgot to add spinach so I need to keep it in mind when making stuff. It is a cheat day so probably will take some peanut butter and ground oatmeal for a quick little snack later, we will see.
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Mara~I guess it’s a good point to feel what you need to feel. I just care deeply and want what’s best it’s a scary thing when both sisters are stage four. Doesn’t help my mom knowing this either. But she knew before going into the home. She is restless in the place she wants to go home. Can’t say I blame her. Thanks for caring Mara. . Your DB is lucky to have you!
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I had planned on going into Charlottetown today to take special son out but not today. Not feeling well both physically and mentally. Now comes the guilt that I won't be able to see him today. Sometimes it's the guilt that envelops me but why should I feel guilty? I do though.
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Oh, Deb, I'm sorry you're feeling guilty. I wish we knew why we felt that way when circumstances are out of our control. I hope you can get the physical and mental rest you need today. I would tell you not to feel guilty, but I probably would, too, if I were in your place. Logical or not, it's how we're wired.
(((hugs)))
Carol
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I confuse guilt with disappointment all the time. Maybe that's what's happening to you'. Sending you a hug. Sorry you're not feeling well. Gotta take those down times as well. Just feel it and get it out. I've been known to feel guilt for no reason. They should tell you cancer coMes with a side of guilt. Sending hugs. Feel better sunshine.
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Hello everyone, Deb, I'm sorry you're not feing well, try not to feel guilty when it's really out of your control I know it's easier said than done. I just can't stay away from this hospital, I'm back here again for try number 7 at getting this abcess sorted, apparently the hone nurses weren't packing the wound properly and it's filled up again. I'll post properly later, I'm sitting in the ER waiting for a bed on the surgical ward. In pockets for whoever needs me and big hugs for everyone doing it tough right now.
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Deb, I hope you are feeling better today.
Kitty, I am in your pocket for the abcess getting sorted out as well.
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Kitty~. Oh no! Not again. Tell them you don’t really like visiting that much. I am sending good thoughts for you while you wait this out. Hugs to you sweet eoman
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After a lazy weekend, planning an outdoor walk today after breakfast, may pick up some more mr noodles, those last for a few meals and I like the texture. Using my cane of course.
My stretching talents extend to my cats, I do get them a good dental brand of dry food but supplementing meals with canned turkey or chicken and have some whiskas as well. Their food is expensive so giving snacks in between as they eat throughout the day in small amounts.
I actually don't have any laundry
this morning so will just make breakfast. I am having a sausage which will be ground up post cooking and some beans with a bit of the noodles topped with corn and spinach that was chopped up in smaller blender, steak, italian and a bit of taco seasoning, wheat bran and sour cream to bind it together. It's amazing how you have to preplan each ingredient in a tiny kitchen and clean as I go with almost 0 counter space but I make it work. Sounds like a huge meal but it is not really. Should give enough energy to go somewhere. I am itching to buy more liquid hand soap to convert to foaming dish or hand soap. Also breaking down more recycling boxes as well. Won't have any garbage for this week. Exciting stuff but other than watching movies, did not get much done over the weekend.0 -
Kitty - wow! I hope your medical team gets a handle on your abscess. No fun being a frequent flyer to the hospital.
Have a good week friends0 -
pocket duty checking. In. For anyone who needs it!!
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Mel and everyone, pocket duty for everyone including myself.
I am battling a deeply depressive state, no real reason for it, set a step goal of 10000 for in the house, mostly the marching like steps I take even when walking outdoors. Hoping to get that done before 2 pm, already at 2000. Between the music and walking, it is helping. Ruled out going to the dollar store as I would rather save money toward groceries when I need them. I also feel good just with the indoor stuff as well. I did not particularly enjoy the sausage with breakfast this morning, I may be turning into a meatless person, not vegan as I drink milk and have regular cheese but beefless ground is more appealing and cheaper than meat options. I may decide to pre cook and grind up the sausage and add a bit at a time, we will see. Keep in a container in the fridge.
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Kittykat- that's awful 😖 you sound so calm while I would be down somebody's throat by now. Fingers crossed this is the last time. Hugs to you.
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I agree, Living. They need to give our Kitty back, and stop kidnapping her to fill hospital beds. We need her lovely, cheerful self to spread her positivity and warmth in other places (any other place), especially here in Mel’s living room!
Let the humming begin!0 -
Kitty: Deleted expletive. You may as well get a backpack with books, a tablet, headphones and jammies and just move in!!! Why can't they get this thing right and spare you?
mara: I can totally live , mostly, without meat as long as I have cheese and other dairy products. Oh, and fish. But sometimes I crave what I call "recognizable connective tissue" . I want MEAT. Not a sausage or a hamburger which could be plant based but a slab of rare beef with the juices dripped over my buttered baked potato.
Hi to all. I think I will just watch bad Sci-Fi and British murder mysteries for the next week and try to avoid news from any sources. Not possible but I will try.
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KittyKat and Mara, in your pockets. I hope things turn around soon for you both.
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My brain mri results are in and yay! Of the 6 spots visible (treated and not treated previously with radiation, 3 have continued shrinking and the other 3 are gone now. There’s also nothing new, so I’ll shift focus to getting the vomiting under control and hopefully have more good days than bad.
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Yay! Good news is always welcome.
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Great news Mae!
Kitty-Hope they finally get things right this time and you have competent in-home care.
Mara-Hope you are feeling better and that the exercise lifted your spirits. I just saw a study recently reporting that exercise is a very effective treatment for depression. Wish I could remember where I saw it.
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Chicagoan, I am feeling better, did not get 10000 steps but 6500 which is more than I usually get, feel better already. I will continue with this going forward. The music in combo with the walking was excellent and I just need to do it more.
Mae, I am happy to hear the brain is improved and shrinking, great news. In your pocket to see you healed from the vomiting.
Elderberry, roast beef and potatoes sounds so good to me, have not had roast beef for many years, that used be a staple in our household. I would totally eat that now. I also will have to get the recipe for hashbrown casserole, I LOVED that when Mom made it when we would have Sunday supper with the family. I would have to get a proper baking dish to do it but will in the future.
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Mae- great news! Congrats 👏
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clapping hands for Mae. Very good report. Now on to getting vomiting under control. I hope it’s easy for you. Thank goodness some good news. Hugs.
Kitty~ thinking of you. Hoping you’re doing better.
Love to all.
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mae: Yay on such good news about the scan. Shrinking is good. Gone is even better
kitty: have you been sprung yet?
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I'm still here, they are debating whether to operate today or tomorrow, in the meantime I get to watch everyone else eat. Mae, yay on great results , and Mara I'm glad you're feeling better. Ive decided that getting upset over stuff isn't good for me and really doesn't change anything, so I just go with the flow, although when I do get home the home care nurses will be watched like a hawk to make sure they are doing their job correctly.
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Kitty, I hope you get home soon and yes those nurses need to be watched to avoid this in future. I am working toward getting to your way of thinking. I am getting there but would like to be further along to where I can say, oh well stuff happens and I just have to deal. I am up far too late but will be going to bed after submitting this. My fault as I was playing a mobile game and lost track of time.
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